Bittersweet Love (7 page)

        “You own me Jenna. Just you. I love my family, but I love you more.” He whispers into my ear. Every time he says the word love I want to crawl up inside of him and stay forever. I stand on my tip toes, pushing my lips up to meet his. His grip on me relaxes, “Then that’s all I’ll ever need.” I say just as his lips come down hard on mine. I go ramrod straight for what seems to be five seconds, before his hands find their way into my hair.

        Our kiss is full of anger, built up sexual frustration, and just the need to touch one another. His hands move from my hair, sliding down my back and over the curve of my ass. With one hand under my ass and the other holding my leg he lifts me up and slams my back into the wall behind us. A surge of excitement shoots through me, as I smile against his lips. He pulls back, leaning his face into mine so our noses are still touching.

        “We... We should probably stop.” His breaths are coming in as pants, his long lashes fan against his cheeks, and his eyes are dark and full of need. I know full well that if Rex didn’t respect me he would take me right here against this wall. Where he’s experienced I’m not, and that kind of thing would just be too much for us right now.

        “You’re right.” I mumble out, though that’s the last thing I want to say, hell I would rather us not be saying anything. His hard erection is still digging into the front of my pjs and all I can think about is taking him into my mouth.  Tasting the saltiness of his skin and mine mixed together, bringing him to the edge like he does me every time we touch. Yeah we have problems to fix and our love isn’t perfect but that doesn’t mean I don’t want him. I don’t want to fight what my body craves anymore.

        Even though we both said we should stop he leans down into the curve of my neck and skims his nose against that sensitive part that has my mind melting into a puddle. I push myself up into him urging him to give me more, anything. Once again it’s short lived, though. He pulls away. All this teasing is driving me insane. I let out a growl as I arch more into him.

        “Whoa darling, slow it down.” His voice is raspy, and his eyes are dilated to such a point that I can’t tell where the black meets the blue. Displeasure sinks in because even though I want this I know it’s not right. It’s too soon, it’s too fast. The last thing I want to do is to be throwing myself on him. We’re not even together right now. Adding sex to an already complicated relationship, yeah that’s just begging to cause more difficulties.  Oh you can’t solve the first set of problems so let’s add some lust filled sex in there and it’ll make everything better. Right?

        “Put me down please.” I say, my breaths
finally starting to even out now that Rex’s body isn’t so much on mine. He releases me slowly so that all my curves glide against his; and ou
r
pieces fit together perfectly. A slow smile pulls at his lips and he knows what he’s doing to me.

        “Stop that.” I say putting distance between us the second that my feet hit the floor.

        “What ever do you mean Jenna?” He says cornering me.
What do you mean Jenna?
He knows exactly what I mean.

        “Stop.”

        “Why?” He says advancing on me even more. His dimpled smile distracts me for a moment too long and I find my knees hitting the back of the bed with nowhere else to go. Rex looks like trouble with a huge capital T. He leans down looming over me, goose bumps form on my skin and a shudder runs through me.

        “I love you Jenna. I love you in so many ways and when you’re ready I’ll show you just how deep that love runs.” His mouth is just about to descend on mine when there’s a loud knock on my bedroom door.

        “Jenna, if you're awake I need to talk to you. Like now.” Mimi’s commanding voice pulls me from my lust induced haze, and I sit up pushing Rex off of me.

        “I’m... I’m sorry but I have to figure out what the hell is going on, plus Corey is waiting for you.” My face grows red with embarrassment of how much I wanted him in that moment.

        “Don’t be sorry Love and don’t be embarrassed for wanting me. Believe me you’re not alone in that category. I want you just as bad.” He says gesturing down to his boner. I direct my vision elsewhere after his comment not wanting to stare too long. I smooth out my hair, and stand up. Rex stands with me and places a small kiss on my forehead before following me out of the bedroom.

        Mimi looks up, her eyes grow big and then before Rex can notice she blinks away the surprise. “Thanks for coming over Rex.” I say as he picks up the movie and his jacket.

        “No problem. I’ll text you later.” He says sending a panty-dropping smile to Mimi. Don’t even think about buttering up to her buddy. I take a seat on the couch across from the chair in which Mimi is sitting in. She looks lost, broken and that scares me because as long as I’ve known Mimi nothing has ever made her look this way. She’s strong; she’s the stability of our friendship, the one thing that holds us together.

        “What going on?” I ask quietly. I don’t want her to feel that she has to conceal everything to me because she’s not one to complain about her problems, but some things aren’t worth keeping in forever.

        “I don’t know Jenna. I don’t know what’s going on with me, and even if I did I wouldn’t have a fucking clue as to how to fix it.” She runs her hands through her dark locks. Her green eyes are holding in those unshed tears, and my heart starts to ache for her.

        “Hey what happened? If this has to do with Corey, he already stopped by Mimi. Came in raging about where you were and how you always cause all these problems.” I get up and sit on the floor so I can be closer to her.

        “I...I... I kissed him Jenna and really it’s not the kissing that bothers me. It’s that for the first time I thought I wanted to give myself to someone. But I can’t. I can’t trust him.  I just can’t. I can’t do this with him anymore Jenna.” Tears break free from her eyes and glide down her cheek slowly. My heart breaks for her, because I know what she’s going through. My wounds are still very fresh too. I hate seeing my friend who’s such a strong woman feeling weak because some guy has no idea what he’s missing out on.

        “Mimi, you don’t have to play this game with him. This isn’t high school anymore, you’re not forced to pick from a selected few of men. You can be with whoever you want. Corey can’t fuck shit up anymore. That is unless you allow him to. Having feelings for someone doesn’t make you weak honey, it makes you redeeming, and it makes those feelings worth saving for
someone who knows what they mean. I got caught up in everything that was Corey too and it did nothing for me. Don’t make yourself weak for someone who won’t be your equal.”

        She looks into my eyes, a tranquil look crossing her face as her tears dry. She smiles, and I see some of the pain ease from her.

        “I feel so bad Jen. I know what he did to you and how he hurt you, and yet here I am allowing him to do the same things to me. Except when I push him, he pushes back. I don’t want to break but I feel like I can’t take it anymore.” She’s devastated and I can’t blame her. Corey still has a reckless streak, breaking hearts left and right; but I can only feel so bad for her. I love her, but she knew what he was all about.

        “You knew he was like this, why would you put yourself in harm’s way? Anything that has to do with him will end in heartache.” I feel like telling her these things won’t do her any good, in the end people have to learn for themselves.

        “Oh come the fuck on Jenna.” Mimi says throwing her hands in the air, more tears trickling down her cheek. “What was I supposed to do, I wanted to get back at him for you, and eventually the hate turned to something deeper. I don’t love him, but I could and that scares me. I could love someone who could care less. Even worse, I still fucking care that he doesn’t care. How fucked up is that?” She’s grasping at straws trying to find answers to the questions that she has. However, there are no answers. You can’t make someone love you, no matter how much it rips you apart, and I hate to say it but I think Corey is unable to love someone.

I glance up at the clock above the stove. Fantastic, it’s almost four AM. “Let’s get ready for bed. We’ll talk more about this after I wake up. This is way too much drama for me tonight.”

I pick myself up off the floor at a snail’s pace. Great I feel like I’m turning fifty next month. Should a teenager feel this old?

I turn around realizing Mimi hasn’t moved. “You going to bed?” I ask fairly certain, that’s where she should be headed. She nods her head and stands. Seeing her like this, it’s just so not like her. I hate it, and though I let that anger and hate go that I had for Corey, I can feel it building again.

“Can I sleep with you tonight? I don’t want to be alone.” It doesn’t even take me five seconds to respond to her.

“Yes. Under one condition, you don’t hog all the covers.” She smiles sheepishly.

“I can’t make any promises but I’ll try not to.” I pad back to my room and wait for Mimi as she changes into something else. I fix the bed sheets and fluff my pillow, and just as I’m about to climb into the bed Mimi bumps into me.

“Get in.” She says pushing me under the covers. Talk about pushy.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t realize this was your bed.” I say harshly. Mimi knows my relationship with sleep and my bed. I would live in my bed if I could. Therefore, my bed. My rules.

“Get in my feet are cold, and my heart is broken. It should be a shame to say those two things in the same sentence.” She says sniffling.

“Are you still crying?” I ask while burrowing myself into my side of the bed. She crawls in as her cold ass feet touch my legs and I let out a loud shriek.

“See. Told you they were cold, and no. I’m done crying. I just sent Corey the meanest, nastiest text ever. Hopefully he will never show his face around here again.” She lies down and we face each other.

“Haha. Like that’s going to stop him. You watched me suffer Mimi, you knew this would happen, if he bullied me then he will bully you.”

Mimi’s eyes are wide eyed, and it sure seems like she would rather talk than sleep. “You don’t hate me for wanting to be with Corey after all of this?” She asks bleakly, as if afraid of asking at all.

I sat on it for a second. Was I really mad, no, but was I happy, not really. I didn’t want her to have to walk down the same path I did to realize the type of man he was.

“I’m not really mad Mimi, I mean at first it seemed like a stab to the heart, but really everyone needs to be loved and he’s no different. I just hope and pray you know what you’re doing. If he’s already hurting you and
you’re not even together yet what do you think is going to happen when you are together?”

I didn’t mean to be the bearer of bad news, but as a friend I didn’t want her to go through any more pain than she already was.

Her nose scrunched up, and her forehead wrinkled as she digested what I had said. I didn’t hate Mimi. Never, could I.

I knew she never had sex with Corey, and I knew what he did was a ploy to drive distance between us, and it almost worked. He was conniving like that.

“I never meant to be a bad friend. You can’t imagine what it felt like for me to realize I was slowly falling for a monster. I mean how can I want to be with someone who is so cold, angry, and sad inside? He makes me want to break down his walls, and comfort him. I want to fix him so bad. Wrap him up in one huge band-aid. Someone with that much anger and fury has to have underlying reasons as to why they do the things they do.”

A depressive look forms on her face and I know what she’s going through.

“Let’s go to bed Mimi. If you want to try and fix Corey, that’s fine. But if you keep playing with fire you will get burned.” I roll over and turn the lamp off. The room is quiet and dark, just how I like it.

“Jenna…” Mimi whispers.

“Yeah?” I ask.

“Thanks for being here for me. For understanding, and just being you.”

“Isn’t that what friends are for?” I say calmly, the sleepiness taking over.

“Yeah... and you’re a great friend.” She whispers back.

You are too Mimi. You are too.

Achy-
Breaky-Heart

Three months have passed without incident and I’m starting to get worried that the world is going to crash around us. Things with Rex are great, like more than great. No fights, no trust issues, I’m slowly finding myself falling deeper and deeper in love with him, if that’s even possible. I roll over in my bed smiling as I look at the text from Rex. I will never get tired of him saying I love you.

I slip out of bed and slide into my slippers. The house is quiet and calm as I look outside at the beating sun. I want to go to the beach today or just
do something fun. I go to the bathroom, and then make my way into the kitchen to pour myself some orange juice. Mimi’s already awake slaving over something succulent on the stove.

“Wow, you're awake early?” I’m astonished that she’s even out of bed at this hour; and by hour I mean nine
a.m.

“Yeah, well I couldn’t sleep, and you just looked like baby Jesus in a manger when I went in to wake you up so I just said fuck it and came in
here to make breakfast.” I glance over her shoulder to look at what’s in the pan as I put the orange juice back in the fridge.

“Yum scrambled eggs supreme just the way I like it, awe you shouldn’t have.” I take a seat at the island. She pulls out two plates and assembles them, handing me the plate and fork to dig in.

“This is so good Mimi.” I mumble in between bites.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t get used to it.” She says smiling as she takes her first bite.

“What do you want to do today?” I ask as I continue to stuff my face. She looks at me sideways as If I’m losing my mind. I won’t lie I’m not really the type to want to go out and do things. Most of the time you can find me on the couch watching tv, doing homework, or reading on my kindle.

“This is new, so we both wake up doing something different today. Better watch out, it’s going to start raining pigs or something.” I roll my eyes at her, she thinks too much into shit.

“I really just want to go to the beach or maybe we can go to the local coffee shop. I don’t know. Let’s just have a girl’s day.” Mimi’s face fills with excitement. I know what she’s thinking, clothes shopping, another excuse for her to use daddy’s credit card, and another excuse for me to go into debt.

“I didn’t say shopping…” Her face falls as she shoves the last of her food into her mouth and gives me a pout that would put a two year old to shame.

“Okay, maybe just a little I need a new suit.” Smiling, I get up and put my plate in the sink. I turn around and take notice of Mimi’s slumped shoulders. She’s hiding something. I approach with caution not wanting hurricane Mimi to come out.

“Okay, I know there’s something wrong. You can either tell me, or I can torture it out of you.”

She looks up at me, whatever emotion that was lying in her eyes is now gone. “I would love to see your scrawny ass try and torture me. You can’t even kill a spider when it’s across the room in a dark corner minding its own business.”

“Hey! You stop it right there, unless that spider is paying rent, he isn’t sleeping and breeding in my house.”

“Whatever, my point is…” I stop her before she can say anymore.

“Your point is nothing, explain right now, or suffer the wrath of almighty Jenna.” She raises and eyebrow up at me, and mimic her. Eventually she lets out a loud sigh signifying that I have won. Mimi zero. Me one.

“It’s about Corey. He’s been snooping around the one guy I’ve been seeing. We aren’t an item, just friends. But he’s been, I don’t know, I think spying maybe. Who knows but it’s frustrating.” Fantastic. Just what I wanted to talk about. This isn’t against Mimi, but I get tired of hearing about Corey. I bet every time his name is said his ego grows an inch.

“How about this, we go out have a nice girl
’s day and forget about anything boy related.”

        “Right. Easy for you to say, you and Rex are wrapped around each other so tight I can’t tell where one starts and the other ends.” I smile at her statement. She’s right. Things between us have never been better. Just hearing his name has me feeling butterflies in my stomach.

        “That doesn’t matter. No Rex, no Corey none of it.” I say giving her the evil eye.

        “No Ryder either?” She asks a mischievous grin playing on her lips. A shudder runs through me, last time Ryder and I were together things ended badly. I haven’t so much as spoke a word to him since, and let me tell you it makes for some seriously awkward classes.

        “No. No Ryder either, I have nothing to do with him. There wasn’t ever anything going on between us, never.” I force out. It’s hard to talk about Ryder, I thought we were friends. Hell, even after the incident I still consider him a friend, but I refuse to risk my relationship with Rex for any of that. That boy is fifty shades of bipolar, and though he probably has his reasons, I don’t intend to find out. I’m pulled from my thoughts as Mimi’s voice intrudes.

        “Kay, shopping and coffees… deal?” I roll my eyes and nod my head yes. If that’s the only way to get her out of this damn house, then yes. I will put myself through the fifth degree of shopping.

***

        A few hours of shopping and one red string bikini later, I’m finally lying on the sand covered beach. The sun beats down on us, the warmth of it reminding me of one of those heating blankets you turn on, for the cold winter nights. I dig the tips of my toes in the sand, soaking in the feeling and smell of the ocean; relishing a first that I can never get back.

        I roll over and take notice of Mimi texting. Ugh, what did I tell her, girl’s day!!

        “Who’re you texting?” I ask making a grab for her phone. She pulls it in towards her chest, sending a hiss my way. Good kitty.

        “His name is Brody, that guy I’m always talking about, that’s his name.” Oh shit, I feel like a bad friend; although she never has said his name.

        “Okay, didn’t I say no guys?” I mutter into the beach towel.

        “Not necessarily, you said no Ryder, Rex, or Corey. Brody isn’t any of those.”

        “Who is this Brody guy then?” I ask rolling over to face her.

        “Well, I kind of already told you. I met him in one of my general
ed classes. We have been talking and getting to know each other. It’s just Corey’s groupies keep getting involved in shit. He might tell you that I fuck up shit but as you can see, it’s not always me.” Not that I ever thought It was her. I know how manipulative and secretive he can be.

        “I never thought it was just you. I just don’t get why you don’t try.” She sits up, shock clearly written on her face.

        “Try. Why don’t I try? Hello, he’s with Chelsea.” She practically yells, a mother nearby giving us a dirty look.

        “Hello who the fuck is Chelsea?” I’ve never heard of this Chelsea girl before, and that has me curious as to why Rex didn’t mention it if some girl was hanging around his apartment; but then again, maybe not because it has nothing to do with him.

        “The slut of sluts. Like if I threw my shoe at her, a vortex called her vagina would suck it in. I swear that’s the only way to get men. It just sucks them in, and then they’re like what where am I? How did I get here?”

        “That’s a bit harsh don’t you think?” Once upon a time someone called me a slut, and obviously I knew it wasn’t true. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt more often than not. Most spread rumors about others, to bring themselves up. Prime example is Corey.

        “Harsh? No, harsh is me walking up to her and ripping her fake ass extensions out. Harsh is me wiping her caked on makeup off her face.” Anger, is washing over her as her voice gets louder and louder.

        “I get it I’m just trying to be the voice of reason Mimi. You know not too long ago someone said the same thing about me.” She rolls her eyes at me sneering.

        “Yeah well you didn’t have a sign written on your back that says come and get it boys. She’s practically slutting herself out.” Sometimes I think Mimi likes to bring her own drama to the table.

        “Mimi slow down and take a breath. Okay, maybes she’s a slut, I don’t know, this is the first I’ve ever heard of her.” She lets out a snort before saying “That’s surprising.”

“But… all I’m hearing from all of this is something called jealousy. It sounds a lot like someone is jealous.” I watch her expression change from shock to disgust in two seconds flat. Her mouth opens, then closes, and I’m waiting for her to say something but she doesn’t.

“You think I’m jealous. Jealous of that thing? Have you seen me…?” I shake my head at her.

“That’s not what I meant Mimi and you know it. You’re jealous that she has something you don’t, why you would want Corey I don’t know. You could do so much better, hell if he’s throwing a chance away with you to be with that, why should you even care?” A pout forms on her face, and I can’t tell if there’s tears in her eyes, or if the sun is just playing tricks on me.

        “Just so you know I’m not jealous. If Corey doesn’t know a good thing when it’s right in front of him, then… then… fuck him. He can have vortex vagina.” Seeing Mimi weak and wallowing for someone who could give two shits about her makes me furious.

        “Don’t let it get to you, like you said, he’ll get what’s coming to him.” She buries her face in the beach towel as I reach over for my bottle of water.

        “Yeah, well it better be sooner, rather than later. The asshole needs to know what it’s like to have his heart broken.

        All I can think is yeah, I know.