Bittersweet Love (4 page)

“What the honest to god, fuck was that?” Mimi says radiating anger. I look at her confused, what the hell is her issue.

“What happened?” I ask, obviously unaware of the reason Mount Mimi is about to erupt. She walks into the kitchen, as if she’s on the prowl.

“I am so fucking tired of that asshole. So tired of him. I’m about to go all Carrie Underwood on his fucking ass.” She sounds determined, but I’m still puzzled as to what happened.

“That dickhead thinks that he can fuck around on me? No man can resist me, let alone mess around on me. He thinks the shit I did to him in High School was bad.” She lets out a loud growl.

“Sorry if I’m not following this, but what did you say happened?” I don’t mean to sound like a shitty friend but I honestly have no idea what’s going on. I can’t tell if they’re fighting or just hating on each other. It all seems the same with the two of them.

“Dickhead aka… Corey douchecanoe… hoebag…womanizing…bastard… whatever you want to refer to him, has been approaching me for sex…well he’s with some other chick. Like officially with some other chick. Nothing pisses me off more than when one man thinks he can play two women.” She’s seething, and though I know she likes to see the best in everyone, I’d seen that a mile away. That’s how Corey is. Always has been, if it doesn’t benefit him he doesn’t care.

“Can you believe that… the fucking nerve… I swear.” She grinds out.

“Actually yeah, I can Mimi. I know you try to see the good in everyone, and that people can change and all that good shit, but people only change if they want to. Nothing in the world will make you different unless you want to be. Corey is a self-centered prick, and I’d seen his motives about a mile away.” Since the incident at the school I have been more open and opinionated. Seeing Mimi’s mouth fall open is always a sight to see.

“Bitch. That’s what you are, when did you become such a bitch?” She asks the hint of amusement in her voice.

“Hmmm, do I really have to tell you? Douchecanoe helped establish that name.”

“Great, then you can help with operation Carrie Underwood.” She says, a malicious smile forming on her face. I know that look…

“No. No and No.” I say wide eyed. I’m not going to have anything to do with her getting back at Corey. Nothing. That’s old news and drama I refuse to get caught up in.

“But Jenna, he deserves it.” Mimi pouts, practically begging. This is the thing about her. When she sets her mind on doing something she usually does it.

“Don’t you guys know how to do anything as adults? For instance talking it out would be the best way to start.” I say serious.

She gives me a look that says what the fuck? “You realize that’s like the pot calling the kettle black right? How many times did I tell you to talk to Rex like an “adult”?”

I smile over at her. “I guess we both should start following our own advice then. I’m not getting involved in that drama. Do what you have to… I’ll have your back but I’m not doing anything.”

“You're the best.” She replies walking down the hall to her room closing the door to develop one of her Carrie Underwood plans. College, I thought it would be better than High School. It just seems worse.

Operation Carrie Underwood

I had spent the past day catching up on sleep and doing mundane chores around the house to get ready for the first day of classes. So when my alarm went off at eight a
.m. I thought for sure I would be refreshed… but I was far from it.

“Get up. Get up. Are you excited for your first day of college?” Mimi asks from my door. I rolled over, burying my head deeper into the covers. To say I’m not a morning person is an understatement.

“Yup. So excited.” I say sarcastically as I roll over pushing my nice warm covers off of me. In this moment I remind myself of how thankful I am for these nice things I have. Without Mimi, I probably wouldn’t be here.

“So today is not only your first day, and mine as well, but it’s also operation Carrie Underwood aka… take Corey and bury him in the ground day.” Okay, I see sleep did her no good when it came to letting some of the anger go.

“Oh boy.” I murmur as I get out of bed. I cringe as my feet hit the cold wood floor. Must. Remember. To. Wear. Socks.

“I’m serious Jenna, you got everything with Rex back to normal and I’m going to start feeling like the third wheel soon.” I look at Mimi, her gorgeous, deep, rich brown hair, her well-manicured eyebrows, her plush lips, and deep, green eyes; she looks exotic and I don’t know why she is so concerned.

“You haven’t a damn thing to worry about Mimi. You’re gorgeous, if any man with eyes can’t see that then he’s not worth it.” It is way too early to be having this conversation. Her big, green eyes tear up slightly, and I feel like I need to ask more. However, that’s just not how Mimi works. If she wants to talk about it she will.

“Thanks girl. Now get
yo ass moving, we got t-minus one hour before we need to be hitting the boys.” I give her a deadpan expression. “Books… I mean books.” She says laughing. Only Mimi would say that.

***

College is the same as high school, but with loads more homework, and a lot more drama, and problems. I walked down
Haskey hall to Economics 101. It was the last class of the day for me. I was taking shorter classes so freshmen year would be a breeze. I walked into the auditorium-like class room. Only here could a class of three hundred be considered the norm. I found a seat towards the back, and focused on making it to my seat without making a fool of myself to take a look around the room. Whispers and gawking ensued, but mainly anyone with a brain continued on with whatever they were doing.

“
Psssss...” A male voice sounds behind me. I turn around looking around the room puzzled. Not a person is paying attention to me anymore and I feel like I’m drawing more attention to myself. I turn around dismissing the ghost of a voice and situate myself properly. Getting my color coded binder, pens and notebooks out.

A tap on my shoulder pulls me from my thoughts. I learned long ago to blend rather than stick out. I turn around slowly and meet a pair of deep forest green eyes. The eyes are attached to the last person I would ever suspect to be in a business class.

“Ryder.” I whisper, not wanting to draw mass amounts of attention to us. Last thing I need is to get in trouble on my first day of classes, but with one Winchester in this class it’s likely to happen.

“Well, you can call me God if you would like… but Ryder is okay too.” He whispers back, a cheesy smile plastered on his face. Of course he would say something like that. His ego is sky high.

“What are you doing in this class?” I squeak out. This is just too much, damn you Mimi for telling these boys where we were going to school. 

        “I’m just going to take a rough guess and say…
ehh… probably learning something that I won’t even remotely remember tomorrow.” Looking at him is like looking at Rex. I want to stare and be drawn in but at the same time… I don’t.

        “I get that. I just didn’t think you were the umm business major type.” I look down at my pen in my hand and realize I’m white knuckling it. “I can be any type dear Jenna, looks can be very deceiving.” His voice takes on that honeyed tone; the one that I’m sure has helped him work himself into a pair of panties a time or two.

        “Don’t talk to me like that, and don’t flirt with me Ryder. I’m not with your brother but I do love him, and I’m not going to fuck something up with him for one night with you. I don’t need two Winchester’s, I can only handle one. Let it be.” His eyes grow wide, and when he blinks they’re back to normal. He’s back to smiling that smile that makes me want to take a two by four to his face. Nope, make that a brick.

        “Don’t flatter yourself Jen, I don’t like you like that… I just like getting a
rise out of you. We both know if it was you I really wanted, then I could easily have you. Plus it gets Rex going and we all know how fun it is to see him squirm.”

What he has to say doesn’t matter. Things with Rex might be complicated but I don’t want him thinking that I want to be with Ryder.
Deep down I still love Rex. My heart beats just for him, and though Ryder looks just like Rex, deep down in his heart he’s not the same.

        “No way in a million years could you ever have
me. Knock off the games Ryder, I know what you’re trying to do and it’s not going to work. I’m trying to give your brother a second chance.” I shift in my seat and bring my gaze back toward the front of the room. I’m tongue tied from what Ryder has said. Does he really want me more than a friend?

“Relax. As if I could fuck up golden boy’s chances, are you kidding me? I can see that you’re both in love. It’ll work itself out.” His statement alone shows some type of jealousy, of what I don’t know. I stare back down at the minuscule amount of notes I’ve taken. Sigh, yup so much for starting out fresh.

Silence passes between us as I focus on my breathing. I wonder what causes Ryder to be the way he is. Are his feelings deeper for me than I realized? Am I really leading him astray? I think back to our past interactions and nothing comes to mind. I try my hardest to focus on what the professor is saying but my mind is elsewhere, like what Rex is doing. Am I ready to be more with him or not.

There’s a shuffle of papers, and the sound of people moving. I gaze up from my doodling to a room that is now emptying. What’s going on, why is everyone leaving?

“Well… It was nice talking to you. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you… probably tonight.” Ryder’s voice sounds behind me. I turn around and find him already standing as he stuffs his belongings in his backpack. I’m craning my neck up to meet his eyes, a confused expression marring my face. “Umm... Class is over already?” I ask, suspiciously, surprised that the hour went by so fast.

“Ha. Yeah, maybe if you weren’t thinking about me the whole time and you were paying attention you would have noticed the professor saying we could leave.” He says amusement in his eyes as he gestures to the doodling on my notebook. My face darkens, not because I’ve been caught, but because he did cross my mind. I take in a deep breath, and let it out through my nose. One class with Ryder and I’m losing my mind. Okay not really but I am losing track of time.

Standing and picking up my belongings I look up at him. Something fierce inside me is begging to come out; to be unleashed on him. “I wasn’t thinking about you. If anything I was ignoring you and your presence altogether.” I pause before finishing.

“Here’s a warning. Leave. Me. Alone.” I say gritting my teeth, turning and taking the steps two at a time. I’ve taken Mimi’s words and used them every day. It’s so important not to judge others, you never know the battle they’re fighting, but sometimes when you know someone and the type of person that they are, those words go out the window. No hand reaches out
to grab me, no footsteps echo behind me, and no one is calling my name. Looks like I won that round.

I make the long trek back to the apartments, and hope and pray that Mimi is out shopping or something. I need some ice cream therapy after the day I’ve had.

***

              The second I walk in the door, I know the apartment is anything but unoccupied. Music blares from Mimi’s room, and though I love her, I’m beginning to wonder if I should have roomed alone. Then again who would take care of me when I get sick, or need a Channing Tatum movie marathon? I put my stuff on the counter, and make my way to her room. As soon as I make it to her door I take a step back.  She’s wearing black, tight fitting clothes from head to toe.

        Apparently the look on my face gives way to my feelings on whatever she’s doing. “What, I don’t want to get caught, if he even has a chance at seeing my hair or any part of my body he’ll know it’s me.” I walk into the room, and sit on her bed.

        “Why are you doing this again?” I ask cautiously, I don’t want to get on her bad side. I know she has a reason for doing what she does. I know there’s something going on between the two of them, and even though I don’t like it I almost wish they would screw and get it done and over with.

        “Hello? Are you serious Jenna? He bullied you for like ever... And then suddenly you’re questioning my morals... Because I want to get back at him for trying to play two girls, and one of those was including me.” She says astonished.

        “No. No. No. That’s not what I mean. I mean why are you guys playing this cat and mouse game. He gives, you take, you give, and he takes? It’s just such nonsense, since when do you play with your food?” I say hinting at a joke, just to lighten the mood.

        She comes and takes a seat next to me on the bed, after giving herself a once over in the mirror. “I refuse to be with someone, let alone fuck someone who treats women that way. If he wanted a one night stand he should’ve made that clear. I don’t have a problem having random sex, but fucking someone who has a girlfriend. No-fucking-thank-you.” I let out a laugh; she sure has a way of wording things.

        “Anyway, enough about me what is your issue, you look like you could use a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and a Nicholas Sparks movie.” See best friends just know. I slide my gaze down to my hands attempting to look anywhere but at her. She knows me better than anyone else, and if I look at her, I know she’ll be able to see the hurt there.

        “Hey look at me. What’s going on with you?” She says grabbing at my cheeks. I look into her eyes. This is what true friends do. Once upon a time I
thought I was going to lose her. Lose everything and though I lost Rex, I still have her. I should be grateful for that.

        “Nothing. Just a hard first day. I ran into Ryder, and it’s hard seeing him because he looks exactly like Rex. He was flirting with me, and I jus
t
don’t know, it made me feel weird. I know I’m not with Rex, but looking at other guys, Ryder included or talking to them makes me feel as if I’m cheating. Plus, it’s strange to me that Ryder would seem so interested in me. He knows I still love Rex.” I let out a defeated sigh, feeling as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Being able to talk about this with someone has helped immensely.

        “Awe Jenna, you know damn well you can always and I mean always come to me. I get what you’re going through right now, and even though you’re not with Rex, your feelings definitely say otherwise. Maybe you should talk to him.” Her voice is overly bubbly, and happy. I know this move. It’s the lets-fix-everything-and-wrap-it-in-a-bow move. The one where she tells me to call him and we’re back to sunshine and butterfl
ies and shit.

        “No Mimi. I already told him I just want to be friends and I do but at the same time I don’t. I mean I don’t want to jump right back into things but I want it to be like it was before.” I can’t hide the pleading tone in my voice, no matter how much I want to.

        Mimi’s hand lands on my shoulder and I look up at her. “Well, it can’t be and we both know that. At least for right now it can’t be. Once something is shattered or broken it doesn’t matter what you do to it; it will never be the same as it was. But it can be just as good, you can learn to deal with the imperfections and love it for what it is.” I smile up at her, her words inspiring me in a way I never knew. Suddenly it hits me. I know what I have to do.

        “You're right, I have an idea.” I mutter to no one but myself. Her words speak to my heart. She’s right, though, what happened between us can’t be taken back. There is no reason I can’t try. However seeing him, and speaking to him without us being “us” does make my heart bleed. It makes the gaping hole bigger.

        “What’s your idea?” Mimi asked concerned I’m sure with the madness that was about to come out of my mouth.

        “Nothing. I’m just going to invite Rex over while you go out and do your “Operation Carrie Underwood” shit.” I smile softly. I wonder if he’ll say yes or not. A thought pops into my head, what if he’s already moved on and I don’t know it yet? No. No way, all you can do is try Jenna. Or at least that’s what I keep telling myself.

        Sadness overtakes me as I make the short journey from Mimi’s room to across the house where my room is located. I pick up my phone and go to Rex’s name. I hesitate over the message icon for a moment too long. I know if I wait one more second, I won’t do it. In that second it’s do or die. I jump feet first into the deep end. I send the text and sit by my phone, waiting like a child does for her parent to pick her up; waiting to see if her dad will ever come.