Bittersweet Love (3 page)

“You don’t see it, Clifford the big red dog is right the fuck there, and how could you miss that. Look Jenna. Look.” She slurs in an excited tone. She sounds like one of those kids that ask a million in one questions, the
ones that are like, why’s the sky blue mom? Or why do I have to take a bath.

“No I don’t see Clifford Mimi.” I grumble, dragging her up the front steps. She stops me dead in my tracks as she takes my face and shoves it in the direction of Clifford the Big Red Dog.

“Mimi, I don’t know what you’re talking about… are you sure you didn’t do drugs tonight?” I look at her skeptical that she maybe not telling the truth.

“Its
righhhhtttt….thhherreeee.” She says in my ear pointing at the fire hydrant. Holy hell, no way does she think that thing is the dog she’s talking about. I let out a shallow laugh, readying myself to break her heart.

“That’s not a dog Mimi.” I say, trying to hide the laughter. Her big, green eyes look into mine, they're glazed over, and her perfectly almost always straight hair is a matted mess. I wonder when was the last time I had seen her, this out of place.

“What do you mean that’s not a dog. He is cute and adorable. Can we keep him?” She begs, as she struggles to get out of my grip and run over and pet the “dog”. I let out a sigh as I hold her tighter to me, pushing further up the steps.

“Why can’t we keep him Jen
Jen… he’s so cute.” She whines, as we make it to the door. Thank the lord. Anymore about the “dog” and I was going to go insane.

“It’s not a dog Mimi. Therefore we can’t keep it.” I say fumbling with the keys in the lock as I get the door open. It’s never felt so good to be home. I dispose of Mimi on the couch as I pull my shirt and shorts off. I take a shower washing away the smoke, sweat, and scent of Rex. I cleanse myself of anything that had to do with him. I throw on some
pjs and crawl into bed, knowing very well that I can’t dispose of him from my dreams.

Hells Knocking on Your Door

I awake to a seriously loud pounding noise, but can’t tell if it’s just my head throbbing or someone pounding on the front door. I roll over looking at my phone. Two missed calls from my mom, and it’s ten AM.

The loud pounding continues and I take notice that it’s not just my head throbbing. I scuffle with the covers and let out a soft curse as my feet hit the cold hardwood floor. The pounding is more frantic and louder.

I shuffle faster towards the door. All I have to say is there better be a fire, or someone better be dying if you're pounding on my door like that, at this time.

I grab the handle, as I unlock Fort Knox. Who even has this many locks on their door? I whip the door open with more force than needed, and immediately feel the need to slam it closed. Like I said someone better be dying.

“Isn’t too early to be harassing people?” I ask my voice croaks like a frog, and I realize I just crawled out of bed to answer the door. I’m in a three times too big, old t-shirt, my undies, and my hair is sticking up in every direction.

“
Awe look at how cute she looks when she wakes up in the morning.” Ryder says his voice takes on the sound of a mother admiring her small child. I give him a death glare, it’s way too fucking early for this shit. Rex catches my eyes, and I have to hold myself back from meeting his gaze. He’s got a cool smile on, and he looks laid back and content, far from anything I am.

“Well are you going to let us in or are we going to have to stand here all day... because honestly I don’t mind… NOT.” Corey says annoyed. I take it back he definitely hasn’t changed, still an asshole. I meet his eyes, and second guess letting him in the house. Instead I take a step back holding the door open and gesture for them to come in. Really that’s the last thing I wanted.

The second the door closes, I hear Mimi’s voice echoing down the hall. “Who the fuck is responsible for letting me drink that much last night?” Her voice sounds hoarse, and she looks as if she got hit by a truck, drug through a mud pit, and then was left to fend for herself out in the wild for days. Okay, not really but her hair did look as if a family of raccoons had made a nest in it.

“That would be you.” I say in a smartass kind of way. I love Mimi, but she asks some of the dumbest questions ever. She shoots daggers at me from across the room.

The boys stand around the kitchen and living room area awkwardly. Rex looks at me and for the first time since he walked in our eyes meet head on.

“Can I um... talk to you?” He asks scratching at the back of his head like all guys do when they aren’t sure how to say something. Suddenly all the attention in the room is put on us and I don’t like it, not one bit. My stomach churns the contents of last night’s activities still floating inside of it.

I look at Rex, and I mean really look at him. He hasn’t changed much, his skin is a little tanner, he’s a little taller, he still wears his diamond earring in his ear, and his hair is still a massive dismantled mess. His eyes, they draw me in like a beacon. The storm, cloud blue reminds me so much of the sorrows of our past. How when it rains it pours.

“Well…” Rex drawls out a hint of annoyance taking place. I scowl at him. How dare he come in my house and act this way, granted I shouldn't have been staring at him but still.

“Yeah, follow me.” I lead us down the hall to my room. I hesitate only for a moment, but then stop myself from letting a thought enter my mind. We’re both adults here, and we can sit in this room and talk without it being weird or something.

“What’s so important that we couldn’t talk about it in front of everyone else?” I say calmly, but feel anything but that. I feel like bursting at the seams, screaming my feelings out to him.

“I want to try… I want to… I don’t know if we'll ever be what we use to be, and even though I’m not really okay with that, because every part me is pulling me to you... I would rather have that than not have any part of you. So what I’m saying is if we can’t be us again, then maybe we can friends.”

His feelings are completely on display, and I wonder if for the past nine months I had been overlooking everything. I wonder if he was being this way the whole time... and I just didn’t care.

“Remember what happened last time we tried being just friends Rex. I cared about you in a way that I never cared for anyone. You knew my pains, my flaws. You knew everything, and when I let you in and took that step forward, you left me standing there. The betrayal of what you have done to me makes me second guess every choice I make. At the end of the day all I ever wanted was you and it may have been true that you wanted me, but not enough to tell me the truth. You told me you would protect me, and you didn’t. In reality you should’ve been protecting me from yourself because, ultimately nothing else broke me as much as losing you.” I gasp, biting my lip at the reality that I just poured my heart out to him yet again falls on me.

His face is filled with sorrow, and remorse. He looks genuinely sorry but that’s not enough.  Not enough for me to put myself in harm’s way again. When you break something you can try to glue the pieces back together, but they will never be the same. It’s not the same as it previously was when it was whole, and when it comes to Rex, I will never be whole again.

“I’m so sorry Jenna, I never, ever wanted that to happen, never. I promised you I would protect you and I tried. I fucked up, we all do. I didn’t think I would fall for you, and I did. I didn’t realize that I loved you until it was too late. Until I risked losing you...” His hand reaches out and then drops back down to his side. His storm cloud, blue eyes are raging with a tidal wave of emotion.

I feel tears prick in my eyes, but refuse to let them spill over. I had cried enough for this man. “I knew you were sorry that day in the parking lot Rex. There’s no need to keep saying it, I see it in you every time our eyes meet.”

The options before me weigh heavily on my shoulders. I can throw everything with Rex away, and start fresh as friends or I can continue to let these feelings run rampant. The marks of betrayal are still fresh on my heart, and I’m not sure it could handle being broken again.

“We can be friends. Under one condition. Trust. You never lie to me again. Never. If you do, it’s gone. I’m gone. Forever.” As the last words slip
from my mouth, he engulfs me in a bear hug. Our scents mixing with one another as he buries his face in my hair, and breathes me in as if he’s been wanting to do it forever.

I pry him off of me before I do something crazy like kiss him. Friends don’t kiss. “You don’t know how much this means to me Jenna. Thank you, thank you for giving me this chance to prove to you that I can do this.” I can hear the despair in his voice, and suddenly I want to pull him into me. To comfort him and tell him it’ll be okay.

“We should go.” I say gesturing toward the door. Things had gone from normal to awkward in five seconds flat. I’m not sure this whole being friend’s thing is going to work. As we exit my room and go down the hall into the living room I see the boys are now sitting around as if they own the place. Well that didn’t take long.

I take notice of Mimi in the kitchen slaving over the stove and walk over to her. I’m not ready to situate myself into the middle of that
cockfest. “So what exactly was that all about? You go in there shooting daggers at each other and walk out all lustful nd shit.” I roll my eyes at her statement there was no lust showing in my eyes.

“He wants to be friends.” I whisper back to her as I get all the stuff out to make my smoothie. A look of amazement shows on her face. “He really asked you? I thought, he was just fucking around. What did you say?”

Slamming the yogurt down harder than needed on the counter I look her square in the eyes, I wonder why she always takes it upon herself to intervene in my life. If I wanted to be with Rex, I would and could easily manage to do on my own. This bullshit has got to stop. I need a friend not a parent. I already have one who fails to do their job.

“Mimi, stop pushing Rex and I together. Stay out of whatever the fuck we are. I know you’re trying to do what’s best for me, and I trust you but I told Rex no more secrets or lies. Therefore leave it and him alone.” For a moment I second guess taking back the “leave him alone” but don’t. I might sound a little territorial but I don’t care.

A sly smile pulls at her lips “Me-fucking-Ow. Retract the claws Jenna.” I flip her the bird, and go back to the task at hand. She starts giggling and everything seems normal, although it’s not.

“Does this thing even work?” Corey yells as he bangs the remote on the side of the couch.

“Not if you abuse it, electronics have feelings too.” Mimi says walking into the other room, to help the electronically disadvantaged.

Corey scuffs, “The only thing that has feelings that’s electronic is your vibrator.” Mimi stops, standing dead still. Her cheeks blush to a light red
which with her dark complexion can be hard to see, except to those that have known her, her whole life.

I take a bite of my apple, and wait for the fight to ensue. A beefy body pushes up to the other side of the counter standing directly in my line of vision.

“Can I help you?” I ask none too enthused. It’s not that I want to be a bitch to everyone; it’s that I don’t know how to feel about everyone being here and about Rex’s proposition. I’ve been fooled one too many times. I refuse to be fooled again. No more pulling the wool over my eyes.

“Well you could, but I’m not sure my brother would like it all that much.” Ryder says smiling, his dimple showing profusely. It should be a crime for a man to look this good, let alone, for God to allow there to be two made.

“Well then please be on your merry way. Don’t think that because we had some heart to heart last night that we’re best friends or something. We’re not.” All Ryder does is smile, he sees behind the words and snark. He knows what it feels like to be where I have been, I don’t know how, but he does.

“I was just grabbing something to eat, no need to be rude.” He says, grabbing for a banana out of the fruit basket. I narrow my eyes at him. “Don’t you guys have your own house? With your own food, or do you not know how to go grocery shopping?” He peels back part of the banana skin and takes a chomp out of it.

“Actually we live in the same building, and we do in fact have food. Thanks for asking Mom.” Ryder, no matter what, he oozes arrogance and sometimes, well most of the time it makes me want to throat punch him. His smile grows wider as he takes more notice of the fact that I’m annoyed. I take it back, I want to Hulk slam him through the floor, and maybe he’ll end up in his apartment. I can only hope.

“So you're like back to being
bff’s with my brother?” My gaze slides back to my apple as I take a bite out of it. Someone explain to me why I opened the front door this morning.

“Did someone say something about an awesome brother?” Rex says bellying up to the island as well. With both of them side by side I feel my ovaries ready to combust. They both have that dimpled smile. One has the storm cloud, blue eyes, and the other forest green. Ryder is arrogant and executes power. Rex is gentlemen-like, and brooding. Stack
em on top of each other and you have well over twelve feet of sexiness.

“Of course not, because if that was said, I would’ve said my own name.” Ryder says cocking his head at Rex. I can’t stop my eyes from bugging out. It’s no wonder why I had a hard time distinguishing between them. Aside from the clothes and eyes, they look identical.

Rex raises his eyebrow up at Ryder, “Cocky much.” Our eyes meet, and it’s like we’re in the library all over again. When I’m around him I lose myself. “What’s a matter Jen?” His voice is husky and deep. I shake my head to remove the fogginess from my mind.

“Oh uh… nothing.” Ha right, I practically let the cat out of the bag on that one. Mimi’s loud voice shrills out and I look past the boys shoulders and take notice of her power ranger stance. Shit, something’s about to get thrown.

“Get the fuck out of my house, and come back when your balls have dropped. Hell, I take it back never come back.” Corey backs away from her, his hands up in a don’t-look-at-me-I-didn’t-do-it manner. Way to go Mimi on saving the day.

“I guess that’s our cue to go.” Rex says reaching his hand across the island. His thumb rubs against the skin on the inside of my hand. I look down at our hands and back up to him.

“Yeah, that would probably be a good idea. Mimi is about to hit the throwing phase.” Rex smirks at me, his hand moving faster than expected. It touches my chin, gently lifting it so I can't evade his eyes.

“I promise you Jenna this time will be different. I will do anything to make this up to you.” In that moment when our eyes meet it’s as if we’re fire and gasoline. Like every touch from him burns me, and it gets hotter each time.  His fingers slip from my chin as one finger traces my bottom lip, and I can’t help the need to bite it. It’s like signifying a kiss without doing it.

“I want to, too, but it’s too soon.” He can tell that I want it, he can feel it. That’s how well he knows me, and that scares me. I vowed I would never feel weak again. Rex is no exception. Before I can step back, he does showing me a smug smile and leaving.