Bittersweet Love

Bittersweet Love

A Bittersweet Novella Book 2

J.L. Beck

Copyright 2014 by Josi Beck

Cover design by Sprinkles on Top Studio LLC

Cover photo by Shutterstock

All rights reserved.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means- except in the case of brief quotations embodied in articles or reviews- without written permission from its publisher.

The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarities to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.

Copyright 2014 by Josi Beck

All rights reserved.

Dedication

To anyone with a dream, never give up hope, for once this was only a dream of mine and now it’s a reality.

Contents

1.
College

2.
California Boys

3. Hells Knocking On My Door

4. Operation Carrie Underwood

5.
It’s Not a Date

6.
Achy-Breaky-Heart

7.
Normalized

8.
Doubts

9.
Epilogue

College

I was going to kill Mimi, and by kill I mean take every last article of her clothing and whip it from our balcony, in hopes that it would get ran over by a car and never be seen again. The girl didn’t know what packing light meant at all. Her excuse of us moving many states away was not a legit enough reason to pack boxes upon boxes of clothes.

“Mimi. Jones.” I yelled out into the hall my voice bouncing off the walls causing an echoing effect.

“I’m so mad at you, you have no idea, you better be hiding somewhere.” I was going to ream her ass to the fifth degree. Since opening all the boxes that I personally lugged up on move in day all I had discovered was clothes, upon more clothes. Did she find nothing else more important?

“Yes my dear Jenna.” She said in a sugary coated voice. She was trying to lay on the moves. She knew I would be mad. She came around the corner, looking at me as if I would throw something at her. I raised my eyebrow up at her gesturing to the three boxes of
overflowing clothes.

“Oh come the fuck on Jenna. You know my love affair with clothes.” She whined, I was really starting to wonder if she found anything else necessary when going to college.

“I totally know your love affair, but you need to break up with some of this shit. It’s ridiculous, classes start in three days Mimi, and all you have is your clothes?” I would never understand how Mimi and I clicked. We were complete opposites, where she was strong willed and opinionated, I was weak and shy.

“How dare you?” She said gasping, while picking up numerous shirts and clutching them to her chest.

“I will never, ever break up with, or throw away any of my clothing.” I roll my eyes, thinking she’s such a drama queen.

“Okay, whatever but keep them under control, if they start needing their own zip code I’m kicking you
out.” I said smiling at her. She knew the likelihood of that happening was slim to none, I needed her.

She gave me a dirty look just as I walked out of her bedroom and down the hall to mine. I had the balcony, and the awesome view that came with it. The sun was just setting, and since moving here this was my favorite spot come the end of the day.

“Why do you always sit here, and stare off into space.” Mimi asked startling me from my thoughts. She was lounging on my bed, acting as if I just hadn’t verbally abused her. That was the thing about an everlasting friendship you knew when to take things with a grain of salt.

“I am not staring off into space Mimi, I’m watching this awesome sunset. You should try it sometime; there are prettier things to look at than
every malespecime
n
t
his college has to offer.” She looked at me gravely, as if I was sick or something.

“Nothing is prettier than the men of Southern Cali you bitch. It’s like, heaven except with shirtless men everywhere; well actually I think that’s where the heaven part comes in.” She pauses as if thinking. “Anyway that’s not what matters. You’ve been here almost a week and you haven’t done anything, well except unpack.” Her eyes examined my room, down to the last nook and cranny.

“Oh stop, you’ve been here all but three days. What have you done?” I asked curiously. I really did want to know what she was doing. I hadn’t gone out or done a whole lot of anything, because I had the unrealistic fear that I would run into my ex and his bully of a cousin. Rex and I hadn’t spoken since that day in the parking lot almost nine months ago, and I wanted to keep it that way.

A sly grin appears on her face, and I can’t wait to hear all the crazy things she’s done. “Oh wouldn’t you like to know.” She knows damn well I would.

“Just tell me, or get out of my room, you're ruining my quiet time.” She lets out a short laugh before saying, “Okay, okay, no need to twist my arm. So I went to a couple bars off campus, and ran into a couple people you may know.” As the words come from her mouth her smile grows bigger and bigger; I knew it, I just knew it.

The second she told me Rex and Corey would be going to the same school as us, I knew she would be up to no good, and by no good I mean she would be trying to show me the good in Rex, and get us back together, which was never, ever, ever, ever happening again. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

“No. Oh and No.” I say turning around, and looking back at the sunset. The only problem with this was that if Mimi got focused on something she would in fact make it happen. This was about to get scary.

“But why? They're so different, people change. You forgave me.” She says her eyes twinkling. I know she wants to be the peacemaker or something, but I’ve held out nine months without speaking to him, and I’m sure I can
manage now.

“No Mimi. I forgave you because you're my best friend, and you’ve never broken my heart or used me.  As for them being differen
t
pshh… I doubt it. Corey’s probably slept through at least one sorority since being here.” I scoffed out. I didn’t even want to think about Rex having sex with someone else. Even though he wasn’t seen with anyone else after we broke up who’s to say he wasn’t meeting up with someone else, and really it didn’t matter, it’s not like I cared.

“Knock it off; I just want to be the voice of reason. I know he hurt you, and I’m not saying you have to be together or anything, but holding grudges is like letting someone live rent free in your mind.” She had a point
there, but there was no grudge. I let that anger go a long time ago, I just had the feeling Rex didn’t let me go.

“I’m not holding a grudge I just don’t want to see my ex who betray
ed me and broke my heart into a million pieces. I came here to turn over a new leaf, not pick one from the same tree. I know you're concerned Mimi, but I’m okay, really I am.”

I try to say this in the most sincere, okay, sounding way. I feel okay, but then there are those moments, the ones where I’m alone and I let the feelings of what happened between us take over. There’s times when I crave his touch and soft kisses, where I wish I could do nothing but go to him; but that’s the past, and
it was nothing but a facade. What we had wasn’t even real.

“You don’t have to pretend to be okay. You can tell me, I’m your best friend I know when you're not okay. So when you're ready to talk about it we will.” She sounds like she understands, but I’m not sure she knows heartache. More often than not she's the one doing the heart breaking.

“If things change I’ll tell you. Until then let it go, I’m fine.” I struggle with the words but get them out. Between what my mom did, what Rex did, and the torment that I endured because of Corey, I have major trust issues. Not just that but I have a fear; a huge fear of letting someone in again. I don’t want to feel pain just happiness and I’m not ready to embark down that path again.

I thought I was in love, and maybe I was but now none of that matters. I hear Mimi get off my bed and pad out into the hall. She may be my best friend, but I don’t think she would get it. I don’t talk about it with anyone because if you don’t talk about it, it’s easier to forget it ever happened.

“Oh I forgot to mention this to you, but we got invited to a party at a club tomorrow.” Mimi says popping her head into my room. I turn around to growl at her and tell her I’m not going, but she’s not there. That woman knows how I feel about parties.

“I’m not going.” I yell loud enough that I know she can hear me. She lets out a loud laugh as I hear her feet scamper across the wood floors.

“You’re going, and you will act as if you’re having fun. You will dress up, and be the nineteen year old college student that you are.” Her voice takes on a motherly tone. Ugh. Mimi. Her face peers at me from the threshold. I throw my pillow at her, but she pulls back just as it whizzes past her head.

“You missed.” She says giggling.

“You keep laughing, but I’m still not going. You’ll never make me.” I say, I know she can hear the smile in my voice. I can’t be in misery with this girl around.

“Are you smiling?” She asks as her body collides with mine. Did she really just jump on my bed like a two year
old?

“Key word being was. I’m not anymore, now that your knees are digging in my back.” I say pushing her off me. For 130 pounds, she sure is heavy.

“Oh don’t be a big baby; you were totally smiling which means you will go with me?” She asks a hint of a question at the end. She knows as well as I do that I would never make her go solo.

“Yes.” I say, pausing. She all but jumps off the bed, and does a victory dance. “But, but… Hey listen... You cannot dress me like a slut, and if I find out this is some stupid set up to get me and Rex together I will disown you, and light all of your clothes on fire.” I give her the evil eye just to make myself clear.

“Blah. Blah. Blah. What’s that you said? I can dress you like a slut, and when have I ever tried to set you up?” She says smiling, and jittery.

“I said no dressing up as a slut, and oh I don’t know a better question would be when
haven’t you?” I love our sarcastic ass banter. Only she and I can talk like this to one another and it not seem rude.

“It is my job to set you up with people, it’s in the best friend’s book of rules.” She says as if I’m going to believe her. Ha, the day Mimi actually reads a book is the day hell freezes over.

“That is inaccurate you don’t know how to read.” I reply, unable to muffle the laughter. I look up at her and she's anything but laughing.

“Don’t be a bitch, I totally read.” She tries to come off as believable but come on, I’ve known her forever. She can’t feed me that shit.

“The only time you read is when it’s a text, or you’re reading your number off to some sexy as sin guy.” She looks at me as if she's appalled, and then nails me with one of my pillows right in the face.

“Lies. All lies.” She says as she gets off my bed and walks over to the adjacent bathroom to check her hair and make-up. There’s a long moment of silence that draws me back into my own mind.

“Be ready by five pm tomorrow.” She says as she exits the room with a smile. All I wanted was peace and quiet, a joyous year as a freshman, and I get the feeling I’m about to have anything but that.

California Boys

Afte
r
waking up early to register for classes and go grocery shopping I was done by one in the afternoon, and left with nothing to do. I’d done a load of laundry and watched an episode of The Vampire Diaries, but I still had time on my hands. Our apartment was awesome for two out of state freshmen.

We had our own washer and dryer, and one of the prettiest views ever. California was way different than what I was used to.

As I throw the clean laundry on my bed, I sort through the clothes to see what I can wear for my night out with Mimi. She has loads and loads of money so her finding something to wear is pretty easy. I on the other hand, not so much.

I find a pair of dark washed
jean shorts and pair them with a pink lace, flowing shirt. I head to the closet to see what kind of sandals I can dig up. After looking for a short time I find what I’m looking for and head back to the bed. The outfit looks summery and cute, but I don’t have the best judgment when it comes to what looks cute so I’ll wait till Mimi gets home.

I go into the living room and sit there, waiting around like a lost dog for her to get home. Then it hits me, I need a
hobby or something. I can’t be doing this every day. This isn’t high school, this is college and I don’t need Mimi to make friends. I don’t need her to protect me anymore. The only two people who know me here won’t say anything so it’s basically like starting over again.

Just as I get a mastermind plan going in my mind the door comes blasting open.

“Hi, honey I’m home.” She says, in a way too happy tone. I continue to stare at the tv as if I didn’t hear her.

“Hello, I’m home.” She repeats. I let out a sigh.

“I know, I’ve only been waiting say… four hours.” I give her a little bit of a guilt trip because I wouldn’t be myself if I didn’t.

“That’s not my fault; you just
gotta get a hobby or something. Maybe, start a knitting club. Your ad can say: Knitters Anonymous, looking for individuals with nothing to do in their free time, must be virgins, that don’t like talking about guys, have trust issues, and know how to do an awesome cross stitch. ” Raising my eyebrows at her I give her the look of death, did she really just say that?

“All I have to say to that is fuck you.” I avert my attention back to Damon Salvatore. He would never tell me to join a knitting club. He however would just drain me of my blood and leave me for dead.
Ehh, guess things could be worse.

“It’s the truth, also, why the hell are you not ready? It’s like four, and we have to leave at five.” There’s worry in her voice and I know she’s wigging out over the fact that I have one hour to get ready. As if it takes me hours to look fabulous.

“Sorry Mimi, but it doesn’t take me the whole day to get ready. All I need to do is my hair and put my clothes on.” I say rolling my eyes.

“Well get your ass moving girl, I can do your hair.” She responds as she makes her way over by me, landing her big butt in the seat next to me.

I ignore her and continue to indulge in what I’m watching. Her eyes glaze over, and I swear I see a small line of drool forming.

“Are you drooling?” I ask. She shakes her head and wipes at her mouth, a slight blush creeping onto her face.

“Nope. I was just… admiring...yup admiring.” She gets up flustered and walks into the other room.

“Aren’t you going to do my hair?” I yell.

“Nope you can do your own hair you hoe-bag.” She yells back. I let out a tiny laugh, looks like I need to be getting ready then.

***

I let out a big breath as I take in all ‘th
e
fine as hell’ men that are surrounding us. Mimi had somehow managed to get us fake ID’s, because honestly what college student doesn’t have one.

“This place... it’s... it’s packed.” I yell to Mimi over the blaring music. I can hardly hear myself think let alone talk to another person. How does anyone socialize in a place like this?

“I know... I honestly didn’t think it would be this crazy.” She yells back. There are people all over, and I’m afraid that if I let go of her hand I might get lost in the crowd. By the time we get to the bar, I want to drink a whole bottle of liquor.

Between the amount of people in here, and the amount of walking and pushing we did to get up here, I’m sweating horribly. Mimi looks to me as if to ask me what I want and I tell the young, handsome bartender a lemon drop martini.

He gets us our drinks in no time, and Mimi leads us to a table. I sit down the moment I get the chance. Clearly, clubs aren’t my scene.

“This place is awesome Jenna and check out all the eye candy. I’ve eye-fucked at least ten of them.” She says to me, batting her eyelashes at eye-fuck number eleven.

“I’m not out to find anyone Mimi, I’m here to be your wing-woman and have a good time. That’s it.” I can’t help but feel the depressive tone, seeping into my voice. Yes, I would be lying if I said I still wasn’t suffering from missing Rex every day. I miss his touch, his kisses, and his smell. I miss being together. I hate seeing couples together because I know that could’ve been us. Even being here, around all these men, looking and watching them it feels like a form of cheating. It’s like my heart still beats for him; like it still belongs to him.

“I know you're not here to find anyone, but just because you're not looking doesn’t mean someone can’t find you.” Mimi’s words still ring in my ears long after she walks away making her way out to the dance floor. I take small sips of my drink not wanting to get drunk really, but at the same token not caring.

Just as I’m about to get up to go to the bathroom a ‘hot as hell’ man comes sauntering up to the table. His head is held high, he’s wearing relaxed fitted jeans, and a dark shirt, with a leather jacket. Just as the light from the strobes shine onto to his face, I gasp backing up into the booth. He is the last man I want to see right now.

“Jenna.” His voice is dee
p
and honeyed just as I remember it. There are no hard feelings between us now, but it doesn’t mean that being around him doesn’t remind me of my ex. Hell, that’s his twin it’s like looking at a clone of him.

“Ryder.” I say hesitant. It’s impossible not to have some type of affect when he talks to you. His voice makes you want to melt into him, to give into every single demand he has, and he's a very demanding man.

“Long time no see beautiful.” I find myself leaning into him, but pull away immediately afraid he may have noticed. He’s right, long time no see. It’s been four months since I last talked to him. I tried my best to ignore him but he slowly got under my skin and we created this friendship that was easy going. He knew what it was like to be me, and that was it.

“Don’t call me beautiful, and sorry I’ve been busy. I didn’t even know you were living in this area.” I was shocked by the courage in my voice. Since Rex, I’ve been able to speak my mind and talk for myself more. Instead of being Mimi’s shadow I create my own.

A smile creeps onto his face, tingles go down my spine. The kind I use to get when Rex smiled at me. Yup, there’s still an effect there.

“But you are beautiful so I’m just speaking the truth. As for why I’m here, I’m sure you already know that. As you know
, where Rex goes I go. So now, I will grant you my wonderful presence.” Great. The arrogance oozes from him reminding me of why I use to consider him an asshole.

“That’s great
and all, but you and your brother can just go back to wherever it is you came from. No assistance from any of the Winchester’s is needed here.” I say as nice as humanly possible. Instead of taking a sip of drink, I down the rest of the glass unable to deal with this situation anymore without more alcohol in my system.

I get up to get another drink, but am pushed back into the booth. I look up angrily at Ryder as he smiles down at me. “Allow me to get it for you, I'll be right back.” I ease back allowing him to do this one thing for me. What could go wrong it’s just a drink?

In no time he’s back with my drink, and a drink of his own. He slides into the booth, just as I take my first sip of the beverage.

“Are you even old enough to be drinking?” He asks. I look up at him astonished by his question.

“Are you?” An arrogant-assholish smile mares his face and I feel myself getting that urge to punch him again.

“No, but no one ever worries about whether I’m old enough to drink.” He says, taking a gulp from his beer bottle. I glare at him over the top of my drink, shaming Mimi for leaving me to this.

“Then why exactly do you give a fuck?” I ask eyebrow raised, as my blood pressure goes through the roof. For some unknown reason, when people ask me stupid questions I feel the urge to act out violently.

“
Ahh. Like I’ve told you many a time, you’re not like the rest.” At this point I realize I’m going to need a whole lot more Vodka to get through the night.

“So I’ve heard. But you don’t know me Ryder, so stop trying to lay the moves on me, or whatever it is you're doing here. I don’t care. I’m not buying it, s
o
go sell your shit elsewhere.” I down the rest of the drink much faster than needed.

The woozy feeling of the alcohol settling is starting to affect me. The burn of the liquor makes my eyes water and my nose burn, but I push through, waiting for the numbness to take hold. Wow, two drinks and I’m feeling tipsy. What a total lightweight.

“Whoa Nelly, slow down.” He says grabbing at my glass. I bat his hand away, wanting to get every last drop.

“I’m not a horse.” I say, giving him the glass and wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. Really unladylike, but zero fucks are to be given at this time.

“I didn’t call you a horse, I told you to slow down.” He says as if he's annoyed. What the hell, no one asked him to babysit, hell I don’t need a babysitter. Suddenly, I’m angry, really angry.

“Yes you did, you called me Nelly, which is a horse’s name, I think. Also what are you really doing here? Because I don’t need a babysitter, I can take care of myself just fine.” I say, none too ashamed that some of my
words slurred together. Where the hell is Mimi? I ignore Ryder and his glares as I look over the crowd below us. The dance floor is just too full for me to spot Mimi’s sequin top. Either that or things are starting to get blurry.

“I need another drink, now you can
either go and get me one or I’m going and getting one.” His eyes bore into mine, and more and more he starts to look like Rex and less and less like Ryder. I catch myself leaning in over the table. His eyes look glassy, and I wonder if he’s drank more since coming to this table.

“I’m going to go and get you another drink.” He says, our noses almost touching. His eyes meet mine, and I see the need there. It’s startling. He pulls back just as I lean in more, I would say I was leaning into smell him but then I would be lying. Maybe smell his face.

              He leaves me to wallow in my sorrows. Like how I’m nineteen with problems of the average twenty eight year old. Maybe I should create a knitting club, or become the local hoarding cat lady.

“Here’s your drink sweetheart.” Ryder says sliding into the seat next to me. Or at least I think its Ryder, I can’t tell. Could be Rex for all I know. The alcohol is affecting me in a number of ways.

“Thanks.” I reply grabbing it and ignoring his presence. Questions are itching to breaking through, and with the effects of the drinking I just can’t hold em back any longer.

“You know, I trusted your brother. I cared about him and all he did was rip my heart out. He’s made it not only impossible to move on but he’s made it impossible for me to trust people. Because of him I’m going to forever be the nineteen year old cat hoarding, knitting lady.” I say sulking. He smiles big and wide, and then lets out a deep belly shaking laugh; although his belly doesn’t shake, unless his abs can but… never mind.

“You will not forever be the cat hoarding, knitting lady; although you would be a very adorable one.”

I ignore his comment and whisper. “He hurt me Ryder.” I can’t hide the emotions from my voice. Damn you vodka, damn you.

“I know he did, but you’re only nineteen you’ll love again. The fact that you're out and about now proves that. Don’t give up hope just yet.” He says as if encouraging me to move on and find someone else. The only problem is I don’t think I want to.

“Stop lying to me, I don’t need a false sense of hope Rex, I need love. You should’ve loved me, and then I wouldn’t be dealing with this.” I say taking another large gulp of my drink.

“I’m Ryder my twin isn’t nearly as good looking as me. But if you want me to be Rex, just say it and I’ll be whoever you want me to be.” His wicked charming smile, the one that melts panties and other shit I’m sure, is showing bright. So bright I don’t want to look at anything else.

“No. I don’t want you to be Ryder, I don’t want you to be Rex, what I want is for you, and everyone else to leave me alone while I drink in peace.” Just like that the rest of the drink goes down my throat, no burn this time.