Bittersweet Hope (6 page)

Chapter Seven

“You ready?”

I examined my outfit one last time. Part of me wanted to ask Caleb if he thought I looked alright, but how do you ask a guy for fashion advice? Especially one so confusing. He hadn’t talked to me a whole lot since we got b
ack from the arboretum the other day. I didn’t know if I’d done something to make him mad, which I didn’t really think I had, or because he’d just been busy.                           

“Yeah. Just a sec.” I finally answered.

He whistled as he walked down the stairs. The ride to school ought to be a blast. Maybe I would be able to ignore him the whole time.

It didn’t take but a second for the anxiety to disappear and be replaced with excitement. Sadie and Sierra would be at school. Not knowing how Sadie was doing was driving me insane. With a capitol “I”.

I smoothed my hands over the knee length corduroy skirt one more time, even though there weren’t any wrinkles in it. The pale blue color was one of the few that didn’t look awful against my ivory skin tone. Paired with a plain black v-neck top and my new black gladiator sandals, I’d chosen my favorite outfit. Simple, but pretty. You couldn’t be too careful on the first day at a new school. Not that it mattered all that much. Graduation was only a few months away. I could probably manage to be invisible well enough until then.

I raked my fingers through my hair. It had taken on a shiny volume in the past couple days. I guessed good shampoo and conditioner could do that for you. It felt surreal, all these new things. I still felt sort of like I was dreaming. Maybe I was. Maybe I would wake up in our crappy apartment, and Mama would be sitting there doped up, while Sadie, Sierra
, and me huddled in a corner wondering what frame of mind she would be in when she woke up. I pinched myself, just in case, and I couldn’t help but smile a little when the pain came. Not a dream.

I ran down the stairs and toward the door, calling good-bye to Anna as I went.

“Hey, wait a minute!”

I backtracked from the living room to the kitchen and raised my eyebrows when I saw her. “Do you need me?” I asked, hoping I hadn’t done anything to upset her. I
didn’t know why that worry popped into my head, just as it had with Caleb only a few minutes earlier. For years I had been so paranoid about pushing Mama over the edge she’d always dangled on, until recently when I’d finally given up. I guess the habit was hard to break.

Thinking about Mama for that split second sent anxiety through me. Once I had given up, it hadn’t been too long until she’d been killed. I couldn’t help feeling like
somehow that was my fault, that something I had done had been that one moment in time that led her straight into the grave she’d danced around for so many years.  I shook my head, hoping it would make the thoughts tumble out somehow, and focused back on Anna.

She stood in front of the sink, her arms elbow deep in shiny bubbles.

“Aren’t you going to eat your breakfast?” She nodded toward the kitchen table.

I glanced over
to see a plate in front of my chair. Walking over and lifting the paper towel covering it, the sight of bacon, grits, muffin, and eggs had saliva gathering in my mouth. Thick, luscious steam wafted toward my nose.

“Blueberry?” I asked, pointing to the muffin.

She nodded.

“Can I just grab the muffin to go? I’m sorry, Anna, I didn’t realize you’d cooked. Caleb is waiting…” The thought of leaving all of this food made me feel kind of sick, but I had to hurry or I’d be catching the bus.
Not something I wanted to do.

Anna smiled. “Go on ahead. But breakfast will be there every morning, seven-thirty. If you’re hungry.”

How in the hell did I get so lucky? 

“Thanks! See you this afternoon.” I grabbed the muffin and took a big bite while heading toward the front door again. The warm sweet stickiness of the blueberries oozed into my mouth. Heaven. Pure heaven.

Caleb waited in his truck, a wad of chewing tobacco stuffed in his bottom lip. I walked over to the passenger side and eyed the door. I was supposed to climb in this thing? In a skirt?
Good thinking, Audrey
.

I bit my lip and pulled the white door open. He was too busy shuffling through
the music on his phone to turn his head. Putting one foot on the inside and hoisting myself up as fast as possible, I managed to bounce into the soft gray seat with my backpack over my lap. There. Not so bad.

Caleb put the
phone down and turned the radio up as he knocked the gear shifter into drive. Country rock music blasted from the speakers.

“It’s about time.” He
said, but his eyes danced, amusement playing in them. I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at him. A middle finger under my backpack would be a better option.

It didn’t take us very long to get to Thorne County High School
, probably really only about five minutes. The large brick building loomed against a backdrop of pine trees and azalea bushes, much like the ones at Anna’s house. The light breeze in the air rustled the branches, painting a picture of classic southern comfort. I’d seen it once or twice, but I hadn’t spent much time in the country. I didn’t really have any way to get around other than the bus, and they didn’t run out here.

Caleb parked the truck and spit the last of his dip into a
n empty soda bottle. I wrinkled my nose but didn’t say anything. That was minus about two hot points. Not like I cared.

He opened the door and got out, then reached into the back of the cab for his backpack.

“I’ll be leaving at three-thirty. Think you can be out here so I don’t have to wait forever again?” He smirked at me. He hadn’t waited more than a few minutes this morning, and he knew it.

“What, no baseball practice to
day?” I hopped out of the truck, but of course I wasn’t able to do it as seamlessly as I had gotten in, if only because Caleb was watching me this time.

“Nope. Not on Monday.” He walked away, the red and blue plaid button down he
wore already coming un-tucked from his jeans. He got the middle finger behind his back this time.

Kids were pouring into the entrance of the school. Taking a deep breath I joined the herd, desperate to keep an eye out for either
one of my sisters. Trying to pay attention to my surroundings and look for them at the same time was not working out, though. My feet got stepped on more times than I could count.

After finding the front office, I stood by the door and tapped my foot. Sierra and Sadie had to come here to get their schedules, just like me, so they would have to show up sooner or later. The knot in my stomach tightened with each tick of the clock hanging above the door.

I had a good ten minutes before classes started. Surely they hadn’t been early. Maybe they had, and I wouldn’t be able to see them at all. I chewed viciously on the inside of my cheek, and my upper lip was covered in a cold sweat.

Finally I saw the top of a pale blonde head. I barely had time to register her presence before Sierra was squeezing her frail arms around me.

“Audrey!”

“Hey!” I hugged her back, just as hard. Instantly my heart felt almost whole again.

Sierra stepped back and I had to suppress a giggle. Only she would choose to wear a t-shirt that said “Quit Looking at Me” for her first day at a new school.

“Nice.” I said, laughing.

“What?” Her forehead creased as she glanced at her outfit.

“Nothing. It’s just so you.”

Sierra grinned. “Would you want me to be any other way?”

“Never.”

I studied my sister. I’d never seen her so calm looking. Her face seemed slightly different. Like she didn’t have a care in the world. I’d always thought the permanent chip on Sierra’s shoulder was just her attitude, but now I wondered if she’d been just as worried as me all those years. If she’d stayed up at night wondering what we were going to do, how we were going to survive. She was only a year younger than me, Sadie only two years.
They always just felt so much smaller than that to me, like little kids I needed to take care of. Being removed from that situation, even for just a few days, showed it a little more clearly.  Maybe I’d counted them out too quickly. Maybe I should have looked at them as allies instead of responsibilities.

“Have you seen Sadie?” Sierra asked,
pulling me from my thoughts. She looked over my head, watching the faces passing us by. I’d always hated being the shortest.

“Not yet. I hope we haven’t missed her somehow.” My eye followed
the same path as my sister’s.

“Sadie? Early to something? I don’t think so.” Sierra frowned.

“Audrey! Sierra!”

We both turned just as Sadie barreled into our arms. I didn’t think I could have hugged her any tighter. With both of my sisters beside me again, I felt complete.

“I missed you guys!” Sadie said when she pulled away from us. Her gray eyes were shiny. Mine felt like they looked the same.

“I missed you so much!” I told her
. I wiped my nose quickly, afraid the emotions were causing me to become red-faced and gooey. Every happy emotion under the sun swirled inside of me. Sadie was okay, she didn’t have any bruises or cuts on her. The past couple of nights I’d tossed and turned in bed, wondering what they were doing to her at that house, why they wouldn’t let her answer the phone. But she seemed okay, so maybe they were just strict.

“Ditto.” Sierra said.

“Sadie! There you are!” A voice spoke up behind us.

Sadie pulled away from me and Sierra and turned her head. “Sorry Tori.” She said. “I had to get over to my sisters when I saw them.”

Sierra and I exchanged a glance. Tori? That had to be the girl from the Gable’s front porch.

I looked the girl up and down as she stopped beside us. Short, hot pink skirt, black l
ace top, black knee length boots, fake orange tan. What the hell? We were in Alabama. Not on the Jersey shore.

“You, uh, looked different when we saw you from the car the other day.” Sierra managed to say. Her eyes were wide.

Tori giggled. “Oh, yeah. It freaks Ma and Pa G out if I dress like that, kind of scary like, you know? They don’t mess with me when I look freaky. They’re like, scared of me or something. I just sneak this stuff into my bag and change when I get to school.”

My eyes were trained on my youngest sister, who laughed right along with Tori. She noticed me looking and crossed her arms over her chest.

“What?” Sadie asked.

“What? Your friend looks like she turned the make-up gun
up to whore, that’s what.” I couldn’t help it. It slipped.

Sierra’s mouth dropped open for a split second before she burst out laughing. Tori stuck a skinny arm on her hip bone and jutted her bottom lip out.

“Rude much?” She asked.

“Audrey!” Sadie stomped her foot on the floor.

“Sadie! How old is she, fifteen like you? Are you kidding me right now?” Part of me wanted to take Tori by the elbow and lead her straight into the principal’s office to demand why they let anybody come to school like this. It took me a second to realize normal teenagers probably wouldn’t care what this kid dressed like, though. I had my mother to thank for the fact that I did. I’d had to be her for so long, most of the time I forgot how to be me. Being a normal teenager felt like the most foreign thing on the planet.

Tori’s bottom lip jutted out so far I thought she would trip over it. She looked at me through narrowed eyes. I returned her stare, my gaze even.

“ Whatever. I’ve got to get to class, Sadie. I’ll meet you after first period to see if your schedule matches mine at all. The bathroom by the front of the building, okay?” Tori whirled around and headed down the hall.

After she left, Sadie turned around to face me. “
Way uncalled for, Audrey.”

Sierra
kept laughing. “Oh come on, Sadie! Did you get a good look at her face? She looked like she fell out of a clown car and landed in a strip club.”

G
iggles spilled out of my mouth, but the enraged look on Sadie’s face stifled my laughter.

She glanced in the direction Tori had gone. “She’s my friend.”

“You’ve known her for like two point five seconds. Besides, I don’t get a good vibe from her.” I said.

“Okay, Audrey. Quit momming it up. For real.” Sadie rolled her eyes.

“Momming it up? Since when do you talk like that?” My hair bounced on my shoulders as I shook my head. “I just mean she seems kind of…self-destructive, I don’t know. She goes around at home trying to scare the Gable’s, and then she comes to school trying to catch an STD?”

Sadie’s face flamed red. “You’re not my mother, Audrey, so stop acting like it.” She looked at the floor. “Tori is all I have right now.”

That wasn’t true. She had us. She had her sisters. Why would she feel like she only had Tori? Daggers of emotion pricked my skin, the worry inside of me threatening to come out in an eruption of word vomit.
Hold it together, Audrey. Don’t let her see you about to reach your boiling point.