Bittersweet Hope (8 page)

Maybe I could stay holed up in my room all night. That way I wouldn’t have to see him. I got up and grabbed my backpack, taking out my new books and flipping my math book open, then opening the notebook I had used for that class. But it was next to impossible to concentrate on homework with Caleb just two doors away.
I restlessly swung my pencil back and forth over the notepad in my hand, making a nervous tapping sound. I tried again to read the math equations on the pages in front of me.

Before too long
my gaze had drifted from the words on the stark white paper to the door of my room. The silence in the hallway unnerved me a little bit. I hadn’t seen Anna when I came in, and I wondered where she was.

I twirled a piece of hair around my index finger and licked my lips, trying to read. After a little over an hour had passed, the formulas were starting to look like a backwards alphabet. Desperate not to make a peep, I got off the bed and tip toed to the door, cracking it open just a little bit. There wasn’t a sound in the house. Then a door slammed downstairs, and I ran to my bed, suppressing a screech.

“Caleb? Audrey? I’m home.” Anna called. “I ran to the grocery store to get a few things for dinner tonight.” Her voice got louder as she climbed the stairs. In a matter of seconds she was knocking on my door.

“Come in.” I said, hoping my voice sounded normal.

“Hey.” She said, peeking her head in. Her bright smile seemed to fill the whole room.

Hopefully the grin plastered on my face didn’t look too cheesy, but I couldn’t for the life of me think of anything to say.

“How did your first day go?”

Oh, just normal as could be. My sister is hanging ou
t with a slut faced liar, an idiot I thought I liked at my old school stalked me to my new one, and if your son even looks at me I want to jam my tongue down his throat
.

“Fine.” I said.

Anna walked over and sat on my bed. “How are your sisters?”

“They seemed good.”

Anna nodded. “That’s nice to hear.” She leaned over and picked up the calculus book that had fallen to the carpet when I’d jumped back onto the bed.

“Thanks.” I said when she handed it to me.

Anna got up and stretched her arms. “Well, supper will be ready in about twenty minutes. I hope you’re in the mood for chicken sandwiches.”

I nodded, and she walked out of my room and towards Caleb’s.

I tried to work on schoolwork for a little longer, but I couldn’t concentrate. I stood and went down the stairs. Anna stood at the counter spreading mayonnaise on toasted sourdough buns, swaying her hips. A sappy love song played on a small radio beside her. Just what I needed to hear. Not.

“Need any help?” Maybe if I could do something my mind could focus on one
specific thing and not spin in ten million directions, like it was doing now.

Anna turned, her mouth dropping open. “Audrey! I didn’t expect you to come down until I called. No, I’m fine. I’m just about ready, anyway. I bought these grilled chicken breasts at the store and I’m just getting the buns ready. Bam, supper!” She put her arms in the air, like a touchdown sign. I blinked, and, not for the first time since I’d been here, thought that this was what it felt like to be around a real mother.

Pangs of guilt prickled every imaginable surface of my skin. Mama had loved us…I thought. She had done some bad things, but she was still my mother. Even though not once did she actually say she loved me. I never heard her say it to Sadie or Sierra either. But how could you not love your own children? I guessed she just loved sex and money and drugs more than she loved us. Still…nobody deserved to die like she did.

“Okay, then. I’ll get the table set.” I was desperate to do anything to keep me busy, to keep my mind off my mother and Sadie and Caleb and everything else bursting inside of me.

Walking to the cabinet, I pulled out Anna’s purple plates and carried them over to the table. One for Anna, one for Caleb, one for me. Then I went and got the glasses. Anna watched me, her head cocked to the side.

“I’m glad you’re so comfortable here, Audrey.”

I halted. “Oh...I…I’m sorry.”
Damn, Audrey. Way to wear out your welcome already.
Shame seemed to suffocate me, clogging my ears and throat.

Anna’s eyes widened. “No
! I wasn’t saying it like it’s a bad thing. I think it’s wonderful. I’m so proud Caleb and I could make you feel so welcome. I know what you went through, having your mother…well, I’m just glad you have been able to feel good about being here.”

Mama.
She popped into my head again. I shook my head. I didn’t want to think about it.

“Yeah, we’re glad you’re comfortable.” A deep voice came from the direction of the staircase. A flush spider webbed across my cheeks and forehead. I put the glasses on the table, then re-arranged them three times before the sound of his chair scraping across the floor forced me to look up.

“Thanks.” The palms of my hands were slick with sweat. Caleb looked at me as he sprawled in his chair. The sight of him made me feel like I was going to vomit and swoon at the same time. His lazy stance, his beautiful eyes. Those perfect lips.

He’d traded his plaid shirt for a plain gray one. Excitement rippled through me as I looked into the deep pool of his eyes. It looked like desire in them as he studied me, and I melted a little bit more as his gaze devoured me. It felt like his eyes traveled slowly from my toes to my face, like I was being sucked in by him. I could barely stand, so I tried to sit without looking like I was collapsing into my chair.

There was something around his neck I hadn’t noticed before, a twine necklace with a small black pendant in the center. It rested on the base of his neck and moved along with his steady breathing. Before long it felt like my heart moved to the same rhythm as his lungs. I tried to tear my eyes away from his, but there seemed to be a magnet holding our gazes to each other.

The sound of a plate clinking against the table brought me back down to earth. “Here we go.” Anna said cheerily.

Caleb reached out and grabbed two sandwiches while his mother slid her chair back to sit with us. Anna plucked a sandwich off the top of the pile, so I did the same.

She chirped along throughout dinner, talking about her brother in Tennessee visiting for the summer and her bridge game the next night. She hoped it would be okay if she left some cash on the counter, we could just order a pizza. If she noticed neither one of us were answering her with more than a nod or a muttered uh-huh she didn’t let it show. We were too busy trying not to look at each other.

I had never felt such intensity, like someone was pulling me and pushing me at the same time. I wanted to run, to hide away from this fascination that Caleb’s eyes held, this swirling feeling inside my stomach, like I was falling from ten stories off the ground. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t keep from looking at him. Even the times I made myself look away, down at my plate, a second later I was lost in his gaze again.

I swallowed the last bit of the tangy sandwich and gulped down some sweet tea behind it. “Well. I’m going to go on up and study.” If I sat at the table with Caleb anymore I might suffocate.
I could barely breathe with him only inches from me.

“Okay.” Anna smiled at me.

I carried my plate to the sink and rinsed it, then put it in the dishwasher, not looking back as I headed for my room. Once inside, I locked the door. Who knew a simple dinner could make me need a shower? But between the sweating and the dizziness I needed one alright. A cold one.

Chapter Ten

The week seemed to pass by in a daze. Every morning, I rode to school with Caleb in silence. I spent my time during the day trying to talk to Sadie and being afraid Zach would show up again.

Sadie wouldn’t talk to me for more than just a second, and it was starting to seem like a bit of a lost cause. Every time I got near her, Tori was around, too. I just wanted a few minutes alone with my sister, but it felt impossible. She cut me off every time I tried to say anything and said she had to go. I hadn’t even bothered trying to call the Gable’s house again. If she wouldn’t talk to me in person, she sure wasn’t going to come to the phone.

Finally
Saturday came, and I couldn’t wait to lock myself in my room for the majority of the weekend. I’d wanted to try and hang out with Sierra, but she was going to the beach with the Morton’s. They always did an annual trip, and of course this year she was included. She was adjusting well at their house, which made me happy. At least one of us seemed to be living the carefree existence we’d always wanted.

A knock at my door jolted me back to reality as I sat at my desk, writing Sadie a letter. It was the only way I’d thought I might be able to get through to her, but so far the only word I’d been able to put on the paper was her name.

I looked up and saw Caleb standing in my doorway. My breath whooshed into my lungs, and I was glad the gasp that escaped me was barely audible.

“Hi.” I said. We’d barely spoken since the car ride home at the beginning of the week. There were a few words here and there at dinner, but just enough so that I thought Anna wouldn’t ask questions. I had no idea how to behave around Caleb since the sight of him started making my stomach drop into my ankles, so I’d chosen to ignore him at all costs.
Seemed rational to me.

“Hey.” He said. He took a single step into my room. “Look, there’s this thing tonight, the senior prank, and I thought maybe you would want to be included. I know you don’t know that many people. I just thought you might want to get out of the house
or something.”

He smiled at me, and I almost said I would go wherever he wanted me to go. I stopped short though. A senior prank? I wondered exactly what that meant.

“I don’t know.” I said, biting down hard on the inside of my cheek. “Where would we be going?”

“Just the mall.”

“The mall?” I was not into shoplifting, so I hoped they weren’t planning on doing that.

Caleb grinned. “Don’t worry, we won’t do anything to get you arrested. You’ll pretty much be an innocent bystander.”

“What will you be doing?”

“I’ll be an innocent bystander, too. We’re just going to watched Parker and Hank.”

I had no idea who Parker and Hank were, but as long as there wasn’t anything I would go to jail or disappoint Anna over, I figured it would be okay. It would be kind of nice to get out of my room and go somewhere. While part of me screamed to stay away from Caleb at all costs, that getting even a little bit closer to him could be dangerous, it lost out to the part who just wanted to have a little bit of fun for once.

“Okay.” I told him. “I’ll go. When are we leaving?”

“Ten minutes?” He asked. I nodded, and he walked back into his own bedroom.

I got up and stood in front of the full length mirror and examined my outfit. Nothing fancy, just jeans and a college football t-shirt, but it would do. I ran my fingers through my hair and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth before meeting Caleb out at his truck.

We climbed in at the same time. “Does Anna know where we’re going?” I asked.

“Just that we’re going to hang out with some friends. She was happy you were going with me. I think she worries about you sitting in your room all the time.”

I sighed. I knew she did. She’d asked me a couple of times during the week if I was okay. I just didn’t really feel like talking about it, but I made a promise to myself not to shut Anna out completely. She had already done so much for me.

It didn’t take us long to get to the mall. Rocky Creek didn’t have much of one to begin with. There were a couple big stores, and a spattering of smaller retailers, but the food court was only little Mom and Pop type places, not a single chain among them.

Caleb and I walked toward the entrance of the food court area. I saw a bunch of kids from the school milling around, playing on the few arcade games that were scattered about. Caleb walked up and stood near the counter to the sandwich shop, so I followed him.

“What are we waiting on?” I asked. I
couldn’t help but be curious to see what exactly was going to happen. I noticed the lone mall cop, an elderly man who had probably long retired from some other job, looking at the group of high schoolers suspiciously.

Caleb
watched the man, too. “You’ll see.” He answered me. “Just be ready to run.”

I gulped. What in the hell had I gotten myself into?

All of a sudden, the group of kids started parting, paving a way for two guys, Parker and Hank, I assumed, to run through them. Both of the guys had on swimming trunks, and before I could even process what was going on, they jumped over the side of the sample hot tub that was set up in the middle of the food court.

“
Wolverine suck!” They yelled, splashing around in the water. The wolverines were Rocky Creek High’s mascot. I laughed at the sight of them splashing around in the water, which was likely ice cold at worst and lukewarm at best.

They were out of the hot tub just as quickly as they were in it, and before the poor security guard knew what hit him, they raced toward the exit, followed by the stampede of kids from Thorne County. Caleb grabbed my hand and yanked me along with the crowd.

While the rest of us got into our cars and trucks, Parker and Hank sped through the parking lot, probably freezing in the cold March night. Caleb and I followed the line of cars across the street to the parking lot of a grocery store, where the pranksters were grabbing clothes out of their own cars and pulling them on.

I couldn’t help but giggle at the ridiculousness of it all. They were both panting and laughing at the same time, and the cars around them were full of kids honking their horns and cheering on the guys’ antics.

“Hey, Caleb!” Someone from across the parking lot yelled. “Are you coming out to the farm?”

Caleb glanced across the seat at me.

“What’s the farm?” I asked.

“It’s Parker’s granddad’s place. We go out there to party sometimes.”

“Party like how?” I asked.

He shrugged. “No different than last weekend. But I’ll stay a little closer this time, if you want.”

I nodded. “Okay.” I bit my lip. I wasn’t sure about going to another party, but the last time Caleb hadn’t gotten upset when I’d wanted to leave. I didn’t think he would this time, either.

As we drove out of the parking lo
t, a car almost ran into us, its bright lights blinding Caleb so much that he could barely see in time to swerve in the right direction.

“Bastard!” He yelled out the window, but the driver of the car kept going, the sound of its engi
ne roaring away into the night.