Biker Faith (23 page)

She spins around and frowns. She quickly looks around the bar and walks towards me.

“You said…” she begins but I cut her off.

“We both
said we wouldn’t run anymore. We agreed we’d shout it out and fight, then we’d make up. Do you remember that in the hospital the day our son was born?”

She nods and I carry on.

“Then shout, get everything out. Shout at me for not protectin’ you again! Shout because of the shit Hunter, Joe and Tommy put you through! Just fuckin’ shout and scream, anything but this calm fuckin’ shit,” I yell, trying to coax her out from wherever she’s emotionally buried herself in.

And she does. I see her deflate and she screams. One loud piercing scream. Barbie
rushes over to take Jason from me and I run to Bonnie. I reach her just before her legs give out and catch her. I slide with her down to the floor and hold her in my arms as she breaks down. I fucking knew it, she was trying to save herself again. Deep down she doesn’t want to leave. She’s only trying to shield herself from any more pain.

“I want it to stop
!” she cries.

“I know
.”

“It won’t stop
.”

“What won’t stop?” I ask
, becoming confused.

“The guilt! Why do I feel guilty?”

“’Cos you ain’t a killer babe. I’m only gonna say this once more…you were defendin’ yourself. You survived!” I ground out.

“I don’t know what to think
anymore.”

I push he
r away until I can see her face. I hold her chin and make sure she is listening.

“Do you trust me?” I ask her.

“Yes.” she breathes.

“Then listen to me, trust me to help you. You can’t see it now but you will get past this and I’ll be right by your side the whole
fuckin’ time. We’re a family. Look around, they’re your family too,” I say, as brothers come to see what the hell is going down now. I get her attention again and carry on.

“You said you don’t belong in this world but you’re w
rong. You belong with me. This is our world together. Don’t confuse it with your past as we’re nothin’ like them. I won’t lie to you and promise life will be full of fuckin’ roses but I do promise no one will love you as much as I do. I need you Bonnie. You listenin’ to me? I…need…you!”

I
wait for her to say something. Fuck, her eyes are going crazy again through the tears.

I lean my forehead against hers.
I don’t give a shit that we have an audience. Right now it feels like it’s only Bonnie and I in the room.

“Don’t run from me Bon…
run to me,” I beg.

She moves her hand
s from my chest up to my neck. Her lips are moist and salty from her tears as she kisses me softly.

God, please don’t let this be a goodbye kiss.

“No more running,” she whispers.

I close my eyes briefly and exhale a rush of breath I was holding awaiting her reply.

“No more fuckin’ around, we’re in this together. Whatever happens we deal with it together, okay?” I say.

“Okay
” she agrees.

I pull her back to me and kiss so fucking hard I can feel her becoming a part of me. Whistles and cheers surround us and
she backs away blushing.

“Does it count as running if I’m carted off to jail?
” she tries to joke, but I can hear the underlying fear in her voice.

“I’m
tellin’ you now, you ain’t goin’ anywhere,” I say seriously, “But we are gettin’ up off this floor, my ass is fuckin’ numb.” 

I pull her up as I stand and don’t let her go. Jason whimpering brings our attention back to the room. Barbie hands him back to Bonnie and tells her not to worry.

“You should both try and get some sleep. The sun’s already up and I’ll try and hold off Jake for as long as I can,” Cas says, coming up beside Alannah.

“And Lana’s right, don’t be
worryin’ about this. We’re not goin’ to let anything happen to you again,” he tells Bonnie.

“Thank you
, and I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you earlier,” she apologizes.

“It’s already forgotten
,” he smiles that famous Cas smile of his.

“Okay, we’re
goin’ up. Call if you need me,” I say, already walking away.

Back in my old room Bonnie is sat against me holding Jason on the bed. There isn’t a crib here and Bonnie won’t sleep with Jason in the bed.

“Life has definitely changed since the last time we were both here
.”

“Sure has
,” I agree.

“All I ask is for as close to normal as possible
.”

“Babe, there’s
nothin’ normal about our lives. Compared to your old life, ours will be boring in comparison. So yeah, maybe you’ll get your normal after all,” I chuckle.

“Sounds perfect
,” she yawns.

“Here, pass me Jason. I’ll watch him while you get some sleep
.”

After a quick repositioning, my woman lays beside me while
my son sleeps on my chest. I nearly lost them both numerous times in the last twenty-four hours and the thought alone cripples me. Life has definitely changed. I have changed. I used to fear taking on an old lady and becoming a father. Now I fear I’ll lose them.

No, it’s not going to happen. She doesn’t know it yet but as soon as nothing is hanging over our heads, I am putting a ring on her finger and saying
‘I fuckin’ do.’ I’m even thinking of changing the vows. Instead of saying obey, we can vow not to run. She said no more running, but just to make sure.

Who would have thought the war she came to warn us about would turn out to be a war between the
two of us. The biggest fight of my life to keep her and a fight I wasn’t prepared to lose. A war of learning to trust in each other…a war of faith.

Epilogue

The night I took my brother’s life I nearly destroyed my own
. I confused shock with guilt and I couldn’t bear to feel like that. It chills me to think that I could have walked away from the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Sparky.

Sparky has kept his promise to never leave my side and while it’s nice at the moment I can see it becoming
a little suffocating if he keeps it up. When Officer Jake Drew and Officer O’Neil came to the clubhouse to take my statement they were satisfied my account of events matched Sarah’s, and with Joe being wanted on various assault charges and being investigated for the disappearance of numerous men and women, they said the authorities were more than satisfied and accepted I acted in self-defence.

When I look at Jason Junior
, all I see is innocence. Pure unscarred beautifulness. Joe would not have stopped that night and I know now that I did the right thing. He can’t hurt anyone else now making the world a little safer without him in it. A few times I have wondered if it was my fault I wasn’t enough for my father to love me but I have accepted he was just an evil, bitter man who could never love anyone. That my brother turning out to be an exact replica of Hunter was no surprise. I’ve seen that coming since I was a little girl. 

I’ve grown enough confidence
to know I am worth loving. Not just by me but by others too. Sparky doesn’t hide how he feels for me. It doesn’t matter if we’re alone or in public. As soon as the officers left the clubhouse I was swung around in Sparky’s arms and told I was marrying him before the end of the month. The way he makes me feel like I’m his everything is the reason why I am wearing a simple, white wedding dress with a wedding band sitting pretty above my engagement ring. Jason Junior is being watched by Alannah for the night and I’m blindfolded, being led out of Sparky’s truck. 

“How you
doin’ Mrs Carter?” he whispers in my ear, wrapping his arms around me from behind once my feet are firmly on the ground.

There are no words to describe how I am feeling right now so I turn around in his arms and smile. No longer having to force smiles to hide the pain I felt is like a thousand weights off my shoulders.

I lean up on my tip toes and wrap my arms around his neck. This guy is everything to me and I intend to make him just as happy as he makes me. I lean in and claim his warm lips and kiss him hungrily. Choosing to show him how I am doing rather than trying to find the words to say.

“You
doin’ good then,” he laughs.

“More than good
. Can I take this off now?” I laugh, reaching up to the blindfold.

“Hold on
” he says, turning me round so my back is resting against his chest.

“I know how much the old house is ruined for you
now and we can’t keep staying at the clubhouse with Jason, so my wedding gift to you is this.”

I feel something cold
and hard pressed into my hand. It feels a lot like a key. He unties the blindfold and standing before us is a beautiful white two story house with a porch and land surrounding us.

“This is ours?” I ask
, dumbfounded.

“Yeah, our fresh start. Whatever happens in the future this will always be yours
.”

Twice in my life I have had tears of joy and now looking at my husband in his cut overlapping his white shirt I have tears of joy for a third time.
This man has brought me all I will ever need. His love, and not to mention his body, a family and for the first time a permanent home.

“It’s
quite far out from town but I thought you’d appreciate that, this is a little piece of our own world. And look at this,” he says excitedly, pulling me towards the back of the house.

“I can be an ass sometimes but I
remember everything you tell me. I lock in every smile you show, don’t ever forget that. There’s nothin’ I won’t do to make you happy,” he says adamantly, “That’s why I brought this place, look over there,” he says, pointing into the distance.

I catch my breath and start walking towards a stream that runs along the bottom of a slight hill. He knows how much I enjoy being at the lakes
. He brought the serene and peaceful tranquillity of the lakes to our new home. His thoughtfulness is touching in ways that make me love him even more.

“I don’t know what to say
,” I murmur, taking in everything around us.

It feels too much.
I know I deserve to have this but my first reaction is still to wonder how long it last? But I am going to work on that.

Sparky ma
de me vow to run to him and by God I am going to. My faith in him is endless.

“Y
ou don’t have to say anything. Everything I do is for you and Jason. Whatever it takes to make you happy I’ll do it. Don’t overthink this.”

“Okay
.” I smile, “Do you want to know what I’m thinking now?” I say mischievously.

He raises his eyebrows and smirks, “I already know what
you’re thinkin’ Bonnie Carter. Just lookin’ at the heat building in your face and that hot sparkle in your eye.”

Hearing him proudly call me Carter
makes me want him even more, especially when he pulls down my dress straps leaving it to fall to the ground. I shudder as the cool air hits my bare skin and he slides his fingers across my collarbone.

“Question is, where do we begin?”

“Right here,” I say, stripping him of his cut.

He strokes my arms as I unbutton his shirt.

I promised him I would love
him forever and never to run. In this moment, just the two of us, I can’t imagine ever wanting to leave.

My life before Sparky
will become a distant memory. The hurt, the pain and all the abuse I suffered will eventually die and all because of this man standing in front me.

I am a wif
e who is loved and lusted after. I am a mother to a beautiful son who is adored. I am a friend, not just to Alannah but to a club. I’m no longer Bonnie Hamilton, a helpless victim.

I am Bonnie Carter
…and I am a survivor.