Biker Faith (22 page)

“
Nothin’.”

“Don’t think this has anything to do with Tommy?”

“Not unless the prospects fucked up with my clothes,” I say.

“Not a chance.
Pope oversaw everything.”

“Then I
ain’t got a fuckin’ clue.”

I stand straight when two cops walk through the door. They take in everyone and spot me.

“What can I do for ya boys?” I ask.

“Jason
,” Officer Jake Drew asks.

“Yes
.”

“We need you to come with us
,” Officer O’Neil says.

“What the fuck? I
ain’t goin’ nowhere until you tell me what’s goin’ on.”

“There’s been a disturbance at your home…”

“Give it to him straight, Jake,” Cas growls.

“If I tell you here, I don’t need you kicking off, okay
,” Jake says. I nod and he continues, “Your girlfriend, Bonnie Hamilton is at the hospital. From what we can understand from your babysitter, Bonnie’s brother held her hostage and when she came home early, he got angry because she wouldn’t leave with him…”

“Fuck!” I scream, “I s
hould have gone with her, tell me she’s okay. She ain’t dead is she?” I beg for answers.

“Let me finish. Bonnie is fine, so is
your son. Seems you have a firecracker there. She managed to convince him she would go. While he was packing her a bag, she hid your son outside so he was safe and tried to help your sitter. She stabbed him once when he went for her. After a scuffle, he went for your son and she shot him. Joe Carson died as we arrived.”

My mouth was suddenly as dry as a bone. I wasn’t there for her again, I wasn’t there for my son and now she has blood on her hands, her brother’s blood.

“Where’s my son?” I ask.

“We knew y
ou wouldn’t appreciate child services taking him until we tracked you down, so your next door neighbour, Frances Coldwell is looking after him. The sitter was taken to hospital with minor injuries.”

“If you want to see your girlfriend, we can take you
,” he offers.

“That’s okay Jake, we’ll take him
,” Cas replies.

“I’ll go and pick up JJ and
bring him straight back here,” Barbie tells me, already leaving to get her bag.

“Pope, can you take her please?
I don’t want her on her own until we know for sure what happened,” Cas orders.

Pope nods and waits for Barbie. She’s back in seconds and gets in my face.

“Don’t worry about JJ, he’ll be safe with us. Go and see Bonnie, she’ll want you with her.”

“Thanks. C
all me as soon as you have him in your arms. I want to hear it from you that he’s okay,” I tell her.

“I promise
.”

The trip
to the hospital is silent. Cas is driving and gives me sideway glances every now and then. Slade and Oak are in the back. Occasionally they would pat my shoulder, reassuring me Bonnie is fine.

“She isn’t hurt brother, remember that
.”

“I wasn’t there
,” I murmur.

“You weren’t to know
.”

I ignore them.
I know they mean well but at the moment I’ve got nothing.

Walking into the hospital after driving in the darkness burns my eyes. I give Bonnie’s name to the receptionist and I am led to a small room halfway across the hospital.

I see her through a small window, curled up on the bed staring off into nothing.

“She hasn’t moved or said a word since she came in. The doctor checked her over on arrival, she has no injuries but she is in shock,” said the nurse who was standing outside her room before I went in.

She must have sensed it was me because her eyes moved once and when her eyes confirmed it was me who came in, she scrambled off the bed and flew into my arms.

Her body was shaking in my arms. I held her tight and felt her lose control.

“I killed him
,” she sobbed, “I killed Joe. He was trying to get me to go back…I didn’t want to…I stabbed him to stop him…he wouldn’t stop…I shot him…to…stop him getting…our baby,” she continued.

“Shh,
” I soothed. “Jason is fine. Alannah has him back at the clubhouse,” I tell her, hoping this will calm her down.

“His bloo
d is everywhere…I had to do it…he wouldn’t stop.”

Her bre
ath was rapidly increasing, fingers digging into me in a death grip. Her eyes empty yet full of pain. She had the same look when she first showed up in my life.

I pull her into
my chest shielding her from everything and let her cry.

“It’s
goin’ to be okay, you’re goin’ to be okay,” I promise her, when she begins to settle down.

“They’re all gone now
,” she whispers lightly. “Joe thinks it was you who killed Tommy. Is it true? Because I’ve been thinking, you disappeared when he was supposedly killed and he was killed just after I told you what he did to me.”

“Would it make a difference to us if I did?” I ask.

She looks up at me through red eyes, “Not one bit.”

“Then yes I did. A
ll you need to know is he suffered every bit you did before he died.”

She stares at
me and then smiles.

“Thank you
.”

I’m
pulled back a year in time to the couch in my room at the clubhouse when she asks who killed her father. I asked her why she wanted to know. Is it for revenge? No she said, I want to thank them.

A part of me sometimes thinks she would look at me different
ly if she knew I killed Tommy. She would see what I am capable of.

But I see the
strength she learned to build up return and her eyes burn with fire again. I watched my woman find who she wants to be. She had fought for her life, and won She was the only one who has captured my mind, body and soul.

Her tormentors are all dead and she knows she is free.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Bonnie...

Sparky
managed to hold off the officers waiting outside my hospital room to speak to me until the morning. He told me we couldn’t go home because evidence was being collected so we are on our way back to the clubhouse. I don’t have enough energy to worry about that right now. All I want is to be with my son. Sparky told me Jason Junior is with Alannah at the clubhouse. I trust her completely with my son but I need to hold him myself. I need to see with my own eyes that he hasn’t been affected by Joe. When I found out I was pregnant I swore to myself my baby would never see the bad I have, and already I have failed.   

For twenty-two years I lived in fear. My father terrorized me causing my childhood memories to be nothing but painful lonely reminders of everything I never had. My brother from a young age added to my torment and used my father’s hate towards me to make himself worthy of our father’s approval. From the age of sixteen Tommy further added to my hell. Between the three of them, they ruined my life to the point I thought I’d never survive. But I am the survivor and they are all where they belong
…in Hell. I have survived their brutal and demoralising abuse and it has made me stronger.

I used to fantasise about the day they would all die and within the last year, they have all been taken out. Not knowing how they died never detracted from the point that they are gone and never coming back. However, I know exactly how my brother died because I’m the one who killed him. It doesn’t matter if I close my eyes or keep them open, all I see is Joe’s face
when he realised the knife was in his stomach. It proves how cruel they were when they hurt me, never showing any remorse or regret. Because not only did I stab my brother, I chose to pull the trigger and shoot him and yet apart from feeling numb, I felt guilty. I took someone’s life. Does that make me the same as them?

“Hey, you’re safe now,” Sparky whispered in my ear.

Just because he says the words doesn’t mean they are true. I am free from the people but I’ll never be free from what I’ve done. I don’t know how much more I can take having to learn how to live with whatever is thrown into my life. Now I have tasted happiness with Sparky, it makes me angry that it has been stained by my past. Again.

During the ride back to the clubhouse
Cas, Slade and Oak keep quiet. The gates open and the only thing that gets me out of the truck is knowing my son is inside. Oak and Slade disappear quickly whereas Cas stands in front of us blocking our way to our son. After the night I’ve had all I want is to hold my baby.

“Before you go in, I just want to say I’m sorry. When I’m wrong I say I’m wrong, I should’ve t
rusted you from the start,” he says sincerely.

I wasn’t expecting him to apologize. All this time I have wanted him to believe
that I wasn’t working with my brother and he never did. Honestly, he can stick his apology up his ass.

“So you’re sorry for not believing I wasn’t
your enemy and all it took was for me to kill my brother. I’ve done nothing to cause you to doubt me. You can keep your apology Cas, it means nothing to me. Nothing means anything to me anymore,” I tell him, looking him straight in the eye.

I mean it too, what am I meant to do now? Am I meant to be grat
eful?

“Bonnie, I don’t trust you just because you killed Joe. We’ve all done wrong by you and we should’ve dealt with your brother not you. I understand how you’re
feelin’ right now but don’t let the right or wrongs fuck you up, you did what you had to do to save your family.”

“If you know how I’m feeling right now I suggest you move out of my way. I’m tired and I want to be with my son
.”

Never again will I be put in a sit
uation I am not in control of. For years I have been envious of people living their lives doing and saying what they want to make themselves happy. Right now, Cas moving out of my God damn way will make me happy. I don’t answer to him or anyone. It’s about time I showed them just how much shit I won’t tolerate.

A little amusement sparkles in his eye as he smiles and moves to the side.
I don’t waste anytime walking away. Inside the clubhouse everyone is in a completely different mood to when I left. And once again as they all see me, they stop whatever they’re doing and stare at me.

“Where’s my son?” I ask.

This time I stare right back. I look everyone in the eye as I scan the room for Jason Junior. I don’t feel like a freak or feel self-conscious around these people anymore.

“Alannah has him in Sparky’s old room
.”

I look to my side and see
it’s Jilly who spoke. When I saw her speaking to Sparky a mere few hours ago I was jealous, not because I believe he would betray me with her, but because she had been with him before I came along. It was silly of me to think like that. As much as I want to change my past I can’t change Sparky’s. I feel nothing towards her now. I make my feet move and I head for the stairs. Everyone clears a path and remains silent. Focusing on seeing my son, I run up the stairs and to Sparky’s room.

Alannah is pacing the room while Jason Junior sleeps in her arms when I open the door. When she looks up and sees me she rushes over and hugs me careful not to squash Jason.

“I’ve been so worried about you. How are you? What’s going on?” she asks, all in a rush.

“Can you give me my baby
?” I ask, stepping back and holding my arms out.

“Sure
,” she says, quickly.

As soon as I have him in my arms and feel he is safe, everything begins to fall around me. I’m not going to break down in front of anyone anymore including my best friend.

“Bonnie? Are you okay?” she asks again.

“I need to be alone, do you mind if we do this in the morning
?”

I’m not exactly asking her but at the same time I don’t want to be rude.

“Of course, where’s Sparky? Didn’t he come back with you?” she asks.

“I’m here
” he says, walking into the room.

I turn my back on the both of them and hold Jason closer to my chest. He is okay, sleeping soundly
in my arms. Thinking about how different last night could have ended is too real to think about. He was as close to danger as he possibly could be and didn’t know a thing. When I hear the door close and know we’re alone I turn to face Sparky.

Neither of us say anything. Exhaustion begins to creep in and I break our eye cont
act and move to sit on his bed. He’s kneeling in front of me before I know he had moved. I pushed Cas and Alannah away because I didn’t know what to say to them but with Sparky I want to tell him everything, I just don’t know how. None of it makes sense, apart from I’m tired.

“Please talk to me
,” he asks, looking up at me with his hand lightly resting on Jason in my arms.

I look at him, really look at him. He used to scare the crap out of me with
the way he would glare at me. His biker image is what I wanted to run from but getting to know him I ended up falling in love with him. He got to know me and his glares turned to lust…then love. He killed for me and I know if he had come home with me last night he would have killed Joe too, but looking at him now all I see is a world I’m tired of living in.

“I can’t do this anymore
,” I whisper.

Sparky...

Even in the pre-dawn darkness I can see her eyes are wild and doing the crazy dance she has going on sometimes. She’s not broken in the way she was when she first showed up here but she is definitely broken. I’ve often wondered how she has coped throughout her life, watching her now I think last night has tipped her over the edge.

“What do you mean you can’t do this anymore?” I ask, fearing she is slipping away from me.

“I killed someone last night…”

“You had no choice,” I say, interrupting her.

“Yes I did. E
very choice I’ve made in the last year led to last night. If I left after I first came to warn you like I originally planned, he would never have found me. It doesn’t matter if he deserved it. It matters to me that I have to live with what I’ve done.”

“Tell me what I can do to help you
,” I urge.

It’s my fault she was in that position in the fi
rst place. My brothers and I should have hunted the fucker down until we found him.

“I’m tired of being caught up in misery. Every time I think I can move on something pulls me back. This world is exhausting Sparky
.”

“You’ve come so far Bon. Y
ou’ve been pulled down all your life but in the last year you’ve fought for yourself. Don’t let Joe take that away from you now. You did what you had to do to survive and save our son.”

“I can’t justify it like you can. I plunged a knife into his stomach and because that wasn’t enough, I held a gun and pulled the trigger. It scares me that I’m capable of that
.”

“I
t’s called defending yourself. Do you think Joe, your father or even Tommy would give you a second thought if they killed you, and they sure as shit came close didn’t they?” I tell her, trying to get through to her from a different angle.

“I’m nothing like them
,” she spits. “I was never made to live in your world, I’ve never belonged, I should’ve kept running.”

I
’m losing her, I fucking know it. My gut is churning at the possibility.

“There’s
nothin’ to run from now, why can’t you see that?”

“I may not have anything to run from but right now, I have a lot to run to
.”

“I’
m not lettin’ you go, not now. Not after everything we’ve been through. I can’t explain how much I fuckin’ love you and I know you love me too Bon. Don’t run.”

For the first time since I held her at the hospital she begins to cry. She is the only woman who has the ability to make me feel her pain. I should have been with her, I shouldn’t have let her leave on her own. I need to know how to fix this for her without losing everything.

“I do love you but I finally love myself too and I need to do this for me. If you love me like you say you do, you won’t force me to stay. You’ll let me go.”

I fall back on my ass stung by her
words. I do love her and my son. I’d do anything for them. As much as my instincts are yelling at me to keep hold of her and never let her go, I can’t. This is the first thing she has asked of me, how can I force her to stay just so I don’t have to lose her?

“It’s not goodbye. Y
ou’ll still see us but I can’t stay here.” she says quietly.

She gently moves and lays Jason in the middle of the bed. When she’s happy he is safe and still sleeping soundly, she comes and sits on my lap. I can’t look at her afraid she will see how much this is ripping me apart. When she holds my face in her hands and turns me to face her I see the tears running down her cheeks.

It kills me when she moves closer and kisses me.

“Please Sparky, let me go. This is your life, not mine
.” she whispers, pulling away far too quickly.

The urgency in her voice kills me. All I want for this
woman is for her to be happy. After everything she has been through I’m prepared to destroy my happiness and give her what she needs.

“Go
.”

Never has one wor
d had such a devastating impact.

“Just please don’t keep my son from me
.”

“I won’t
.”

Neither of us move nor say anything. She stays on my lap and I keep hold of her hoping to prolong this moment for as long as I can.

“I’m sorry I came into your life, I’ve brought nothing but trouble to you.”

“Don’t ever be sorry, you brought me you and Jason. I’d go through all the shit all over again just to know yo
u. You’re the best thing to happen to me, I just wish you’d fuckin’ see that,” I tell her.

She pulls away and stands.

“Why don’t you spend some time with Jason while I go sort myself out?”

Tell her to stay. D
on’t ask just her tell her. She’s your woman and the mother of your child. She should stay where she belongs, here with me.

But she’s gone before I can speak. I pull myself up and lay beside my son on the bed
. Sleeping peacefully he has no idea of the shit that is going on around him. One month old and he is already leaving me. The last four weeks have transformed my life to the point of no return. Fuck this, she had me going then. She’s in shock, she has always been on the receiving end and fighting back and defending herself has scared her, that’s all.

I cradle Jason in my arms and go in search for my woman. Most of my brothers have crashed out leaving Bonnie,
Cas and Alannah in the bar talking alone. I look down at Jason again and I know I have to fight for my family.

“I take it back, I’m not
lettin’ you go,” I call out, catching her attention.