Atonement (The Atonement Series) (26 page)

“Yeah, I know all this, Cait, I was there, remember?”

“Would you be this fucking blasé about the whole situation if our roles were reversed? If it had been me with Colin instead of you with Liam? Would you think it would be something to just…shrug off and forget about?”

I was silent for a moment before I replied, “Truthfully? Yeah, I would be. If this so-called vacation has taught me anything, it’s life is both fleeting and precious. It takes too much time and effort to be worried about bullshit and that’s exactly what this whole conversation amounts to at the end of the day. Yes, I know what Liam looks like naked but it is an opportunity that will never present itself to me again.

“And if the situation was reversed and it was you who had gotten together with Colin before we began our relationship then I would accept it and move on. Seriously, what do you want me to say? There was an incident just a couple nights’ ago that could have landed Colin in the mortuary and so if I am a bit ‘blasé’ about the thought of you seeing my boyfriend naked, maybe it’s because at the end of the day, losing him permanently would be a big deal. Him sharing one night with you isn’t and wouldn’t be. Not in the grand scheme of life. I’m sure if we asked Mom, she would say the same thing. Do you think a day goes by she wishes she didn’t have Dad back?”

“Oh…wow. I didn’t realize…” she trailed off.

“You didn’t realize what?” I wondered back.

“I didn’t know you’d fallen in love with Colin.”

I sat up, took the phone off speaker and walked to the open picture window. “So? What are you trying to say?”

“I’m saying that I don’t want you to get hurt and what you fail to realize is this will break Drew. You know he’s still in love with you, right? I mean, he would do anything for you and then to find out you’re in love with one of his best friends? How the hell did it happen so fast? You two barely know one another. I mean, one minute, you’re staying at his condo because you rented your room out to Aubrey and then you two go on this vacation and—
BAM!
—you’re in love like that? Life isn’t a goddamn Emeril Lagasse recipe you know.”

“You don’t say? Hell, I thought it was.” I decided to really make my sister suffer. “I think we might get married before we come back to Seattle. We are really thinking about taking a side-trip to Las Vegas and just going through with it.”

My sister screamed so loud, I had to hold the phone away from my ear. “Don’t you dare do that, Deirdre! We promised one another we would plan our weddings like rational, normal human beings. We are
not
the Hilton sisters and there will be no tacky Vegas weddings unless we are all allowed to be there. You can’t do this to Mom and I. It isn’t fair!”

I laughed out loud. “It was a joke, sweetie. Calm down. I swear we wouldn’t do anything that tacky…though a Vegas wedding might not be out of the question. I was thinking something more stylish and sophisticated like at Caesars Palace or The Cosmopolitan. Not some little cheap ass chapel downtown with a drive-thru and greasy has-been Elvis marrying us.”

“Yeah, I know.” She breathed into the phone. “I know this hasn’t been easy for you but can I just say that you sound the happiest I have heard in a long time. You’re an inspiration and I am sorry I overreacted about the whole…incident between you and Liam. He got pissed at me because he thought I was acting immature about the whole situation and when I view it the way you two do, I can see I could have handled myself a lot better than I chose to.”

I was tired of talking about my relationship with Colin and the one night stand with Liam to my sister to be honest. I took this as the perfect opportunity to change the subject and inquire, “How are you and Liam doing? Has he asked you to go steady yet?”

Caitlyn laughed on the other end of the line. “Jesus, what are we? In high school? Liam and I are in a relationship but it’s hard on him because he’s obviously not used to taking
anything
slow. Everything has to be on
his
terms. He’s very much his way or the highway and it can get old at times but he’s learning slowly but surely if he wants to be with me, he’s going to have to go the extra mile. I am not going to make this work all by myself and I’m not going to fuck him just so I can be another notch on his belt.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, that’s all we had together—do you get me? It was never going to be more than that one night. I wanted to feel like a woman and he made that possible but I always knew long-term, I would end up with someone like Colin. I don’t want some alpha male jerk to tell me what to do, what to think or how to act and he gets that about me. We’re good together because he naturally realizes what my boundaries are and he doesn’t try to push. Right now and in the future, that is what I need.”

“Well, we can’t all be superwoman, now can we?” I could practically feel Caitlyn’s smirk through the phone. “I like domineering men because I run a whole team at work. It’s nice being told what to do and how to behave. I just have to train my alpha that sometimes he needs to leash that shit and let me be the woman I am, you know? I desperately want the kind of relationship Mom and Dad had. I think it was beautiful and refreshing because she loved him…all the way to the end. I want a man to feel that passionately about me and me about him.”

I smiled as Colin circled his arms around my waist and nuzzled my neck. “Well, I’m here to let you know an alpha male isn’t the only type that can provide that kind of passion. I love my man with all my heart and I draw comfort in the knowledge that he will keep me safe. I don’t need an exciting relationship filled with highs and lows. I want something mellow and I know I can achieve all that in my present situation so stop worrying about me. We’ll see each other soon enough. Colin and I are only staying here in Paris for three days and then we’re coming home.”

“So soon?” she inquired.

“Yeah, haven’t you been
listening
to me? I already told you some shit went down two night’s before and I am not going to get into it over the phone but it’s time for us to come home. We want a week to ourselves before I start my job and he starts all the craziness that will involve opening his own place. It’s time so…take care and we’ll see you back in Seattle,” I explained as my lover’s arms squeezed my waist and it sent butterflies through almost every part of my body.

“Okay, take care of yourself.”

“Will do, sis. Love you and bye for now,” I responded.

“Love you and talk later,” Caitlyn said before the phone call ended.

Colin took the phone from me and threw it on the sofa before he turned me around and stared into my eyes. “I’m not an alpha male?”

I clicked my tongue sarcastically. “Please don’t tell me that offended you. I’m happy you aren’t one and I would never want you to be one if that makes you feel better. You’re a gentleman and believe me I want one of those more than I have ever desired an alpha male. I’m not that kind of woman and you know that. It’s hard for me to surrender and give up control.”

He pinned me to the wall before our lips met and we kissed with such ferocious tenacity, I knew the chances of us going out tonight were practically nil. He pulled away just as suddenly.

“So, Ms. Bardot, what separates an alpha male from a gentleman?”

“Mmm,” I thought, “well, for one, an alpha male takes and sometimes he asks permission but often he doesn’t and that irritates the hell out of me. Don’t presume just because I let you claim me once it’s gonna naturally happen again. That doesn’t fly with me.

“A gentleman, on the other hand, always asks. And you do. In your own way, you have never forced me to do anything I didn’t want to do. A gentleman respects his grandparents’ house and despite telling them I’m his girlfriend, he doesn’t try to fuck me in the guest room. He waits until we are alone and it is appropriate. A gentleman cares about my feelings and is concerned about my well being. Never have you ever once forgotten what I have been through and it makes me love you that much more.

“You waited for me and you took your time. You acted like a gentleman when we met your ex-girlfriend and you were respectful to both her and her husband. You always treat me like I am a piece of precious metal and you never take me for granted. I love you for that.”

“I love you more than you would ever know. I believe I started to fall in love with you the moment Drew introduced us because there was a vulnerability about you that was so precious, I wanted to protect you at all costs, even from yourself.” He touched my face so softly and I closed my eyes in surrender to the feeling of skin against skin. “By the way, happy birthday, sweetheart. I am taking you out somewhere special our last night here to celebrate in style.”

“Thank you but turning twenty-nine is hardly a milestone for a woman so we don’t have to celebrate it. All it means is I am one year older and none the wiser.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Honey, sexually speaking, you are coming into your own. I love you are getting older and I will love you just as much on your thirtieth, fortieth, fiftieth, sixtieth and seventieth birthdays too.”

“You’re too good to be true,” I whispered ever so softly in his ear.

He sighed before he replied, “I know…which is why you should realize I’m not.”

Chapter Seventeen

THREE DAYS IN
Paris is no time at all and one can only realize this when they have spent such little time in the city. I was no stranger to the “City of Light” and neither was Colin so it was easy for us to narrow down our itinerary as to what was important for us to see this time around and what wasn’t.

We awoke late the first full morning and grabbed breakfast on the go from the local boulangerie in the sixteenth arrondissement where we were staying. Then we decided what we would do for the day. That first full day in Paris was actually spent in the suburb of Versailles where we toured the cathedral and the famous chateau the suburb was named after. That took up most of the afternoon itself as the chateau was only one part of the tour. The second part included the magnificent grounds which were devised in a maze-like way of beautiful greenery, a multitude of gorgeous statues and fountains galore. Although the day wasn’t exactly warm and the weather was overcast and rain looked like it constantly threatened the day, we had a blast.

Afterwards, we walked around and found a local Franprix where we bought lunch and enjoyed it at a park surrounding a lake with a gorgeous view of the back of Versailles Palace. Colin laid out a blanket he’d grabbed from the apartment and stuffed in the lightweight backpack he’d decided to carry.

I handed him the fresh baguette we’d bought and he opened a package of ham, cheese and pâté he’d bought in Franprix. With a real knife, we were able to make our sandwiches from the fresh baguette any way we liked. I settled on a pâté and Brie cheese sandwich while Colin had ham and cheese from the Comté region of France.

We shared a bottle of red wine from the Burgundy region and people watched while we ate our food in silence. It was a comfortable silence we’d developed over the weeks of traveling. Neither one of us felt the need to talk all the time and it a was an overwhelming feeling of familiarity that we could eat side by side in silence, enjoy a bottle of wine and watch the world go by.

It was how I’d always imagined my life to be. I considered myself a fairly low drama human being which is one of the reasons why my cousin, Aubrey, drove me nuts. Her life seemed to be a running episode of the
Jerry Springer
Show
that refused to quit and I hated all the of issues she constantly brought into my life. With Colin, I felt nothing but peace and absolute satisfaction in what we had and it suited me he was as low maintenance and low drama as I was.