Asperger's and Girls (4 page)

When teaching social skills, direct instruction is often necessary to properly dissect individual skills, explain replacement behaviors and practice the new skill through role-playing and self-analysis, and to better explain this rather sophisticated area to those with Asperger’s.

One of the difficulties encountered when teaching a female with Asperger’s Syndrome is that, too often, the social skills groups conducted in schools are primarily made up of boys. The ratio of males to females diagnosed with Asperger’s means that it will be easier to find a collection of boys to participate in a group and the girls will end up being overwhelmed by the male viewpoint on social skills, and have no female model. Having girls as partners in this process can be better for the female student with Asperger’s. Facial expression, gesture use, vocal tone, and listening skills are different when demonstrated by boys, as opposed to girls. If no other girl is in the group to practice with, it will be more difficult for the girl to gain the correct nuances of sophisticated social skills. If teachers have identified only one girl and a number of boys to conduct a social skills group, then teachers and parents should discuss whether this would be appropriate for the one girl, how it would impact her learning of the needed skills, and make a decision whether to keep this a small group, or to form another small group composed of typical female peers. Adding typical role models to the group is always a must for any social skills groups anyway, though it is often the component most readily eliminated in schools for one reason or another. Teachers are encouraged to find the best models available within the typical peer population and invite them into the group to assist with teaching social skills to this student with Asperger’s.

Social/Sexual Issues, the School Environments, and Females with AS

Social skills intervention is essential for either gender with Asperger’s Syndrome, but can and should be tailored specifically for the female, especially prior to the onset of her periods. The parental role at this time is extremely important, since the young woman with Asperger’s may not fully understand or appreciate what is happening to her body. She will need specific and concrete information as to the changes taking place so she is not taken by surprise and does not become frightened or upset. This area concerns schools and teachers as well, since she will be spending more than six hours a day in this setting. Teachers should work in collaboration with the parents to discuss these issues:

• Independence in managing her own menstruation needs at school
  
• Discreetly carrying supplies
  
• How and when to quietly ask permission to leave class, if needed
  
• What to do and whom to ask if emergencies happen and no pads are available
  
• Which teachers she can approach for help
  
• Where extra supplies are kept at school
  
• Gaining permission to call home to get supplies or clothing when needed
  
• How to handle the added emotionalism that occurs each month.
  

Information on each of these topics should be kept extremely concrete and basic, so that there is no room for misinterpretation. Many girls with Asperger’s Syndrome make statements regarding their periods to open classrooms full of students, embarrassing their peers and teachers. They are usually unaware of how sensitive this issue is, and how public statements about their periods can immediately eliminate the possibility of friendships. Prior training by parents in collaboration with teachers can eliminate a whole host of uncomfortable and embarrassing situations for this young woman with Asperger’s Syndrome.

Another problematic area in the social/sexual domain that should be discussed by parents and teachers is health instruction. Most schools in the nation have some form of sex education taught by a variety of teachers, including the counselor, health teacher, P.E. teacher, assistant principal, etc. Parents should ask to preview this curriculum and decide whether or not their daughter should have the instruction with the whole group, or have it presented in a small group or individually. Typical students alone are usually self-conscious, embarrassed or highly amused at the instruction provided and if they ask questions, they often do so to gain a reaction from their peers, to make a joke, or at least review the question in their minds a bit to make sure that they won’t make a fool of themselves when asking their question. Those with Asperger’s may have legitimate questions and really want the information, but may ask questions that place them in poor standing with the peers. They may misinterpret the content and ask a question that is so basic that all the other students already know it and are amazed that she does not. Because children in this society have so much exposure to sexually-explicit language, images and themes, the sex ed curricula available to schools in this day and age have adjusted to the level of basic knowledge in the population. They assume prior knowledge exists and start farther down the track with the information than our students with Asperger’s find themselves. One young woman with Asperger’s became very upset when the lesson discussed sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and how a rash can be an early sign. She knew she had contact dermatitis on her arm resulting in a rash, so drew the very logical assumption that she had an STD and became very upset, crying and yelling out that she had an STD. As you can imagine, this incident had long-lasting effects amongst her peers. The wise parent and teacher will collaborate and discuss how best to deliver the content in this area to the student (whether in the classroom with all students, in a small group, or individually) so that she understands how to appropriately accept what is happening to her body and eliminate problem situations.

The last area in the social/sexual realm for parents and teachers to consider and discuss is in the perception and reality of vulnerability. Many parents are frightened about what will happen to their “little girl” in school once she enters puberty. Some parents go to the extreme of home-schooling their daughter because they know that she is highly susceptible to outside influences and suggestions, and feel that she is better off away from the middle/high school environment. Many parents are extremely protective of their daughters, where they may possibly not be as concerned for their sons. But vulnerability for both genders is very real for those with Asperger’s because they lag behind their typical age-mates in knowing how to handle overtures from the opposite sex. But it would be a travesty if teachers did not address this issue to ensure that both boys and girls with Asperger’s are safe in the school environment. Parents have been known to place their daughter with AS on birth control pills simply because they cannot assume she will always be safe, and they cannot always be around to protect her. This is obviously a parental decision, but teachers must assume that they need to teach safety issues to this budding young woman with Asperger’s in any case. She needs to be taught personal space issues, where to touch others, where not to touch others, whom she can trust, who can touch her body (doctors, nurses), who cannot touch parts of her body, how to say “no” when receiving uncomfortable suggestions or being asked to do something she feels is wrong, etc.

The inherent social impairment in Asperger’s makes those with this disorder more vulnerable to people who do not have the best intentions, but young women can and should be taught skills to protect themselves while in school and the community, and learn routines that can be used throughout their lives. It is extremely important not to express negative opinions or to induce fear in the area of sexuality, since it is a natural, biological aspect of the human condition. Many of our individuals with this disorder do go on to marry and have children of their own. How this subject is approached will set the standard for future years of happiness or unhappiness.

Much of what the author has reviewed in these few pages can apply to both boys and girls with Asperger’s; but the female with Asperger’s Syndrome still has specialized needs—diagnostically and educationally— that should be recognized by parents and educators so they may better prepare her for integration into society. Much of what we already know regarding girls with Asperger’s Syndrome is from experience and clinical presentations, though it is clear that this is an area ripe for solid research that will better define this subset of Asperger’s. Females with Asperger’s Syndrome deserve appropriate educational programs in schools and better transition planning for their future.

References:

Attwood, T. (1998).
Asperger’s Syndrome: A guide for parents and professionals
. London: Jessica Kingsley.

Attwood, T. (1999).
Asperger Syndrome and Girls: The pattern of abilities and development of girls with Asperger’s syndrome
. Gladstone Area:
www.fortunecity.com/meltingpot/barclay/64/id26.htm
Sept.

Bashe, P. R., Kirby, B., Cohen, S. B., & Attwood, T. (2005).
The OASIS Guide to Asperger Syndrome: Completely revised and updated: Advice, support and inspiration.
NY, NY: Crown. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM), IV-TR (2000). Washington, DC:
American Psychiatric Association.

Faherty, C. (2002). Asperger’s Syndrome in Women: A Different Set of Challenges?
Autism-Asperger’s Digest.
Arlington, TX: Future Horizons.

Harrison, P. & Oakland, T., (2003).
Adaptive Behavior Assessment System – Second Edition (ABAS-II)
. San Antonio, TX: Harcourt.

Jackson, L. & Attwood, T. (2002).
Freaks, Geeks and Asperger’s Syndrome: A user guide to adolescence.
Philadelphia, PN: Jessica Kingsley.

Kamps, D. M., Barbetta, P. M., & Delquadri, J, (1994). Classwide peer tutoring: An integration strategy to improve reading skills and promote peer interactions among students with autism and general education peers.
Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis.
27, 49-61.

Mandell DS, Mayali MN, Zubritsky CD. Factors associated with diagnosis among children with autism spectrum disorders.
Pediatrics;
Dec 2005: 116, 6; Research Library pg. 1480.

Mars AE, Mauk JE, Dowrick PW. Symptoms of pervasive developmental disorders as observed in prediagnostic home videos of infants and toddlers.
J Pediatrics
. 1998; 132: 500-504

McGinnis, E., & Goldstein, A.P., (1997). Skillstreaming the elementary school child: New strategies and perspectives for teaching prosocial skills. Champaign, IL: Research Press.

Myles, B. S., (2005).
Children and youth with Asperger’s syndrome: Strategies for success in inclusive settings.
Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin Press as a subsidiary of Sage Pub.

Myles, B. S., & Simpson, R. L. (2003).
Asperger’s syndrome: A guide for parents and educators.
Austin, TX: Pro-Ed.

Myles, B. S., & Southwick, J. (2005). Asperger syndrome and difficult moments: Practical solutions for tantrums, rage and meltdown.
Autism Asperger Publishing Corporation,
Shawnee Mission: KS

Odom, S. L., Hoyson, M., Jamieson, B., & Strain, P. S. (1985). Increasing handicapped preschoolers peer social interactions: Cross-setting and component analysis.
Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis
, 18, 3-16.

Sparrow, S. S., Balla, D. A., Cicchetti, D. (2005).
Vineland Adaptive Behavior Scales.
Bloomington, MN: Pearson.

Strain, P.S., Shores, R. E., & Timm, M.A., (1977). Effects of peers’ social initiations on the behavior of withdrawn preschool children.
Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis,
10, 188-198.

Walker, H.M., & McConnell, S. R. (1995).
Walker-McConnell scales of social competence and school adjustment.
Belmont, CA: Wadsworth/Thompson Learning.

Willey, L. H., (2002).
Pretending to be Normal.
Philadelphia, PA: Jessica Kingsley.

Girl to Girl:

Advice on Friendship, Bullying, and Fitting In

Meet Lisa Iland

W
hen Lisa attended high school with her older brother Tom (who has Asperger’s/HFA), she recognized that he needed help with social skills. So at age sixteen, she began writing a book about the unspoken rules that comprise the teen social code. Today she is a consultant on social skills and other teen issues for ASD teens and their families. She also presents workshops on sibling issues at conferences. Lisa attends the highly ranked University of Redlands in Southern California, where she double-majors in Communicative Disorders and Spanish. She plans to become a bilingual Speech/Language Pathologist, specializing in social skills intervention and autism. She also enjoys singing, ballroom dancing, travel, and spending time with her family and friends.

However long it’s been since you were in high school, get ready to be sucked into a time-warp. Lisa Iland recreates (and clarifies) the Byzantine world of “the rules” teenage girls live by, and which are unintelligible to Asperger’s girls (not to mention the rest of us).

Her article is packed with practical advice on dealing with the “popularity hierarchy” and “levels of relationship”; how to make yourself likeable; using MTV to your advantage; combating bullies; the positive role of gossip; and more. Lisa didn’t make the rules, but she doesn’t pull any punches in telling you what they are.

I
care about teenagers with Asperger’s Syndrome because I am friends with girls on the spectrum. I empathize with the difficulties that girls with AS face, and share the joy in their social successes. My brother is also on the spectrum. When we attended high school together, I helped him problem-solve and understand the unspoken teen social rules and expectations of our peers in order to help him be successful. Although I am a typical girl, I can relate with every girl’s struggle for social acceptance, but with an insider’s view into the specific troubles that AS brings for high school and junior high social success. As a peer, I hope to explain the teen scene that a parent or professional may need to know about to help their child or client be successful, with rules that a teen girl with AS could use herself. Social skills attained in teen years are essential life skills for college and workplace success. I truly hope that girls with Asperger’s Syndrome will find this information helpful in their daily interactions.

In forming my ideas, I interviewed two teen girls with AS on their social experiences throughout high school and junior high. I also asked dozens of my typical girl friends and classmates from high school for advice on bullying and mean girls—a school struggle for many girls with AS.

Being a typical girl, I know what most teen girls expect in friendships with other teen girls. Because girls with AS are a minority, they most likely will be forming female friendships with typical peers. I have some insight and advice for girls on the spectrum that I have formed, keeping what I have experienced are the social difficulties of AS in mind. Here are the four essential areas to know in order to fit in and find social success.

The 4 Essential Areas to Know In Order to Fit In:

• Creating Appeal and Image
  
• Understanding Where to Fit In
  
• Meeting Social Expectations
  
• Overcoming Bullying and Mean Girls
  

1. Creating Appeal and Image

There is something to like about everyone, but some people are better at being aware of and projecting their likeable traits in social situations than others. In order to make friends it is important to understand what the positive traits a girl with AS has to offer, and also what negative traits would put acceptance at risk. In order to make friends, a girl needs to be as appealing as possible and be aware of what detracts from her appeal.

From the peer perspective, I would be looking for a friend whose temperament is positive, friendly, kind, and whose actions are moderate. This would be a person who goes along with the flow of conversation, whose energy level is not overbearing, and whose volume of speech is appropriate for the setting. Overall, this girl is a nice addition to the existing social group. Things that turn friends away initially are clinginess, obnoxious hyperactivity, insults, and being overly opinionated. Once a girl is an established member of the group these “inappropriate” actions can come forth and are accepted, but when meeting for the first time, they make for a bad impression. Social inappropriateness is considered acceptable once a girl is an established friend.

Image

Image is what peers see to classify a girl as part of a social group. Image is composed of a girl’s appearance, personality projection, the way that she carries herself (nonverbal communication), social skills and her self-confidence. It is not necessarily about beauty or physical attractiveness, but social appeal, and “look.”

Option 1: Mainstream your Image

It is hard to say, but most typical girls will not be accepting of a girl whose image is too unusual or atypical. The majority of peers will not be accepting of girls who do not follow the basic rules and standards of hygiene and style. Girls who mainstream their image become part of the girl middle-class. Their options open to having more friends to choose from in the mainstream, and they also have the option of being friends with the unusual people instead of being confined to that class. Girls who reject main-streaming and conformity generally have fewer choices because there are only a certain number of people who will be initially accepting and friendly to people who do not appear mainstream. In choosing acquaintances, people want friends who will fit in with their social group. If there are too many detracting things about a girl’s image, peers will automatically cross her off the list, unless they can get to know her another way—which surpasses the Image Profiling.

Option 2: Stay within the Unique/Unusual Rankings of the Social Hierarchy

If a girl with AS does not want to appear mainstream, that is okay, but she will have a more limited number of peers who will accept her or start friendships with her. It is important to figure out what a girl with AS can focus on as appealing and likeable traits in making friends, determining what her positive assets are, and what behaviors/traits detract as barriers to friendship. Not every girl has to be “girly” or involved in makeup and fashion, but even athletic girls and self-proclaimed “tomboys” follow the teen code of hygiene and wear hairstyles and clothes that are socially appropriate for their image.

When a typical girl looks at another girl, she decodes her image to determine what level of social status the girl belongs to. The peer then compares herself to that and decides if she should make an effort at friendliness. Most often, girls want to make friends with girls who are equal to or higher in social status than they are. If a girl with AS has an image that detracts rather than being appealing, it may be more difficult to make friends for this reason. The goal in Image is to be as moderate and mainstream in appeal as possible.

Image Profiling

Typical girls do Image Profiling, in which with one glance they determine whether a girl is:

1. Higher in social status than she is.
   
2. Equal in social status to her.
   
3. Lower in social status than she is. Peers look at physical accessories, a girl’s markers, such as the brands she wears, her accessories, and hairstyle. I am not advocating wearing expensive labels, but simply to dress in a stylish way that is mainstream, not detracting. Peers perceive social status based on social skills, self-confidence, and image. Acceptance is contingent upon the peer group viewing the individual as valuable and as an equal. Peers are less accepting when they feel they are superior to the image of the girl with AS.
   

We all want to be considered equals or more. That is why understanding the importance of image is vital to success, because it is a way to protect against peer judgment. Creating a change in image is proactive against judgment. Peers will be less judgmental if there is less to judge.

Updating and Improving Image

Girls with AS do not necessarily need to buy the most high fashion clothes, but should wear clothes that are attractive and are viewed by peers as acceptable. This is a peer reality. Wearing detracting clothes is limiting. Most peers are very sensitive to being associated with people who dress in unfashionable or odd ways.

A girl whose image is foreign to her peers in appearance and appeal can become almost like a caricature. Peers do not want to be associated with “the girl with the grandma glasses” or “the wolf lover girl.” Peers see each other like an artist creates a caricature, overemphasizing prominent features like a unibrow, big glasses, or odd clothing. Peers are sensitive to this because of the natural teen self-focus. Other teens judge a girl based on what friends she associates with. Only other people with unusual “caricatures” will be accepting of her, and this restricts opportunity.

Improving image and appeal can begin with a change in physical appearance, and continue with self-esteem, confidence building, and social skills intervention. Teen girls care greatly about appearance and something appearance or hygiene related could be the deal-breaker for a potential friendship with typical girls.

My friend Kelsey, a teen with AS, said that this is what helped begin her social acceptance:

I used to look like more of a tomboy and didn’t care about brushing my hair or fashion. When I learned how to do my makeup and went shopping, people responded positively to my new look. Boys especially! I got positive attention. Some people say, “If I change the way I look I am not being true to myself. You should like people for who they are on the inside.” While this is true, it is not reality. People are friendlier when you look more mainstream. And you are still true to yourself even if you change something about the way you look. Girls with AS should ask themselves, “Is it who you really are or are you willing to change it for success?”

2. Understanding Where to Fit In—Social Structures

Once a girl with AS understands how the way she presents herself affects her acceptance, she needs to know where she should look to make friends. Typical teens abide by social rules and a social hierarchy even though it is an invisible structure.

The Popularity Hierarchy

Popular/Elite Groups

These teens are members of the most admired activities, sports that are highly attended, and coolest clubs. Depending on school and region, what is popular changes, but it is often the classic “cheerleaders/football players.” Whoever belongs to this Popular group has what the other teens at school want. Girls in this group follow the latest in fashion/makeup trends and have an ease of social skills. Popular/Elite people may have acquaintances with teens in the Middle/Mainstream group.

Middle/Mainstream Groups

The average teen is a part of this group. This includes belonging to the other sports, clubs, activities that are less Popular/Elite but still respected and liked. Teens in this group are generally liked, or they just blend in with the crowd of Mainstream people. Middle/Mainstream teens may have Acquaintances in both the Popular/Elite group and the Unique/ Unusual group.

Unique/Unusual Groups

Teens who are different from the Mainstream are a part of this group. They may be in clubs/sports/activities that the other groups view as unpopular, but these teens still find friendships, happiness, and an identity within this level. Teens in this group may be bullied/ostracized. Teens in this group may have acquaintances in the Middle/Mainstream group.

Kelsey told me about her social success in the Popularity Hierarchy:

It is possible to break through the social layers of popularity. Start small, lower down, and be friendly to everyone. I just started saying hey to people around campus who would say it back, and now after building on that, I have friends in many different groups.

Understanding the structure of popularity at school is not intended to make a girl feel as though she does not measure up, but just makes sense of the reasons why attempts at friendship with people from higher groups are less successful than attempting friendships within her own range. It also explains why cliques treat each other differently. It is a way to make sense of and socially categorize a school with hundreds of students. Typical peers have an extreme sensitivity to the Popularity Hierarchy and when a girl with AS upsets the system by attempting to befriend beyond her limits of popularity, it is seen as inappropriate, as though she were upsetting a social law! If a girl with AS has dreams of Elite Popularity, she has to begin somewhere. She has to work her way up from whatever level she belongs to at the present and move up slowly; skipping up to the top is rare. It takes a lot of social skills and also a Popular/Elite person needs to accept her as “okay.” Friendships at one level higher or lower are possible, but in order to potentially befriend a person from a Popular/Elite group, a girl has to at least be in a Middle/Mainstream group. Often people belonging to the Popular/Elite group will not befriend girls from anywhere else. The reason to explain this to a girl with AS is to help her understand that a friendship attempt failure may not have been due to something she did or her fault, but just related to her trying to befriend someone whose expectations were out of her league.