Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men, Women and Couples (9 page)

THE ANAL OPENING

THE ANUS is the external opening into the short anal canal and the larger rectum. Hidden by the buttocks, the anal opening is formed by folds of soft tissue which give it a puckered appearance. Anal tissue is pink-red in color unless it is irritated, in which case it may appear bright red. Within the anal tissue are a vast array of tiny blood vessels and nerve endings, making it one of the body's most sensitive zones. These same nerve endings also let you know in no uncertain terms when your anus is hurting.

The area surrounding the anal opening contains many hair follicles. The hairs growing here may be too light and too fine to notice, or they may be coarser and darker. But everybody has hair growing in this area.

To a large extent the appearance of the anus reflects something of your past and current experiences, though you may not realize it. It may look comfortable and relaxed. Or it might look irritated, mistreated, and chronically tense.

Contrary to nearly universal opinion, there is nothing inherently dirty about the anal area. Regular washing leaves your anus fresh and clean. It's true that small particles of feces can contain bacteria that aren't found elsewherethe vagina, for example. Because the vagina can be a hospitable environment for infections, a woman should not insert her finger (or any object) into her vagina after it's had contact with her anus without washing it first. An additional approach to external anal touching is to wash your anus first. If you follow these simple precautions there's absolutely no risk in exploring your own anus. Unwarranted concern about anal germs is yet another unfortunate legacy of the anal taboo.

EXPERIENCE

BEGIN BY TAKING a leisurely bath or shower, whichever is more relaxing and enjoyable for you. Think of this as doing something nice for yourself-not just getting clean. It may help to reflect this mood in your environment by lowering the lights, playing music, or using bubble bath or bath oil.

As you settle in, feel the warm water against your skin. When you wash, make each stroke slow and sensuous. Gently caress your anal area, giving it a little extra attention. Take as long as you want; there's no rush. But stop right away if you start to get bored. Dry yourself in the same slow, deliberate way.

When you're ready, turn up the lights and look at yourself in a full length mirror. Move in closer to look at each part of your body in detail, from head to toe. Using your hand mirror, give the same attention to the back of your body. Obviously, some things will look better to you than others. When you come across something you don't like, acknowledge your feelings and how you would like it to be different-and then move on. Don't suppress any negative feelings but don't get caught up in them either. When you see something you like, let yourself feel good about it.

Using the hand mirror and plenty of light, take a close look at your anus. Find a comfortable position in which to do this. Figure 1 illustrates a variety of positions for anal self-examination; try them all. Find a position you can maintain without discomfort or fatigue. Remember you're not just sneaking a quick peek here. Carefully examine your buttocks and then move in for the details.

Find a position in which you can easily touch your anus. Begin gently stroking your anus and the surrounding areas. Notice how your anal tissue feels compared to nearby tissue. At least part of the time, see if you can look at and touch your anus simultaneously. Do you notice any response in the anal area as you touch it? Does it seem to get more tense, less tense, or stay about the same? What difference does it make if you breathe deeply? Don't insert your finger in your anus at this point even if you've done it before; stay with the exterior for now.

As you continue investigating, note your feelings. And don't expect them to be logical either. See if you can just be aware of and accept whatever they are, without judgement or criticism. When you've finished looking and touching for now, write your reactions in your journal or simply sit back and think about them.

RESPONSE

THOUGH YOU'VE no doubt seen and touched your anus before, you probably haven't done it in such a deliberate or intentional way. Some people get a sense of liberation from past restrictions, and a feeling of connection with the body. Some find the experience to be immediately sensual or even erotic. Others approach it almost as if conducting a scientific experiment. Still others find themselves turned off, bored or even repulsed. Any of these reactions-or a combination-is fine. As much as possible, see if you can avoid predetermined ideas of what you should or shouldn't feel. For example, some people who want to enjoy anal sex become dissatisfied when their own touch is not immediately experienced as erotic. Try not to force yourself in any particular direction.

Figure 1. Positions for Anal Self-Examination.

Some distressing feelings commonly accompany anal exploration. Acknowledging negative as well as positive reactions provides opportunities for self-awareness and change, though you may have to tolerate some uneasiness in the process. One of the first things you may have to confront is the extent to which prohibitions against body exploration in general-and anal exploration in particular-have affected you.

Some women readers will have already dealt with similar prohibitions in learning to examine their genitals. The vulva, like the anus, simply cannot be thoroughly explored without conscious intent. Women who have overcome early injunctions against genital exploration tend to have gained a deeper awareness of themselves and can usually look at and touch their anuses with somewhat greater ease. On the other hand, women who haven't yet explored their genitals extensively may find this process more difficult.

A woman's vulva is somewhat hidden to her, but a man's penis and scrotum require persistent effort to ignore. Consequently, most men have explored their genitals quite a bit, especially during masturbation. But these experiences don't automatically transfer to the anal area. However, men who have learned to thoroughly enjoy slow masturbation sessions do seem more open to anal exploration; many, in fact, have already experimented with it.

While contemplating lingering prohibitions against extended body exploration and self-pleasuring, most people discover that early prohibitions usually weren't stated directly by parents and other role models. Rather, mistrust of the body is communicated more subtly. In my work I regularly see how such messages are passed along subconsciously. For instance, relatively few clients remember being told overtly not to masturbate. Yet virtually all knew, in no uncertain terms, that they should hide it at all costs. Indirect parental injunctions can be far more potent than direct orders because they operate largely outside of our conscious awareness, leaving us powerless to do anything about them.

Prohibitions against body awareness and pleasure are most likely to enter consciousness when you consider violating them. Just thinking about exploring forbidden areas can trigger strong avoidance reactions. It's not unusual for people to find endless reasons why they can't look at or touch their anuses. Rarely do they notice any obvious thoughts such as, "Don't do that!" Such thoughts would be relatively easy to deal with. More commonly there are only vague feelings of guilt or anxiety-almost too subtle to notice.

Dorothea wondered, "Why do I feel like a bad girl when I look at my anus? It's the same way I feel when I give myself intense orgasms." Although Dorothea didn't remember the actual prohibitions passed along to her, she certainly felt their effects.

George dealt with his feelings in a different way: "Well, you know, I don't get all this talk about guilt and all that. I look at and touch my anus and it just bores me. That's all." It took George several weeks to admit, even to himself, that he was being affected by anti-anal messages he had received as a child. Feeling bored is often preferable to feeling anxious.

Some people protect themselves from all these messy complexities with a trickier strategy. They're quick to agree with everything-"Yes, I feel guilty. Yes, I'm responding to prohibitions from childhood"-but they're unwilling to explore anything more deeply, side-stepping every suggestion with "I already know that." Such people have a very hard time getting anywhere. They're intellectually committed to the idea of personal growth, but unwilling to take any concrete steps to promote it.

Also limiting anal awareness are visceral feelings of disgust or revulsion that often accompany anal exploration. Of course, such feelings aren't limited to the anus, but often include other "dirty" areas of the body. Often these feelings are subtle and difficult to identify. You may, for instance, be willing to touch your anus for a brief moment, but be unable to spend much time experiencing it fully.

It can be difficult to separate legitimate hygienic concerns from unrealistic feelings of revulsion. With rare exceptions, legitimate cleanliness concerns are dealt with easily, with little or no emotional intensity. When concerns about cleanliness are highly charged emotionally, it's clear that irrational fears are at work. These need to be acknowledged and then challenged by accurate information and new experiences. In the beginning it helps if anal contact occurs during or after bathing so that cleanliness is assured.

Other less common reactions include frustration, resentment and anger. Russ said:

When I looked at my asshole, I thought it looked OK but then I got really mad. At first this surprised and embarrassed me. I thought to myself, `Now, what did your anus ever do to you?' Then I realized it's done a lot to me, like right in the middle of sex when I wanted to have a good time it made me shiver with pain. My butthole has been a royal pain in the ass!

Jean expressed her frustration differently: "Why do I have to go through all this effort and spend all this money? It's not fair! All I want is a little pleasure, for Pete's sake. And some of my friends seem to get it naturally. What the hell's wrong with me anyhow?"

When Russ and jean received support for feeling as they did, they soon could see that there was nothing wrong with them. They had simply been diverted from the self-exploration necessary for anal relaxation and enjoyment. They also realized that people are different; what one person takes for granted can be quite a challenge for someone else.

Sometimes anger that is at first directed toward the anal area can be redirected toward its real objects-parents, teachers, religious doctrine, social mores, or institutions which have encouraged you to dislike or mistrust your body, especially your anus. Don't be surprised if anger comes out initially as general irritability. In groups we often have "bitch sessions" in which participants get mad at nearly everyone and everything. Of course, such complaining doesn't actually change anything, but it can be quite helpful in releasing accumulated resentments. It can also be a lot of fun even if you do it by yourself.

Dialogue with and support from others can be useful for exploring your feelings and experiences. If you have a friend with whom you share trust and rapport, particularly if he or she has been doing anal exploration too, why not begin talking together and giving each other suggestions and encouragement? If you don't know such a person, or you feel uncomfortable raising the subject, then just continue exploring on your own. Later we'll focus on including others when the time is right.