Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men, Women and Couples (4 page)

Women readers and those who love them will appreciate a much-expanded discussion of the sprawling, internal "clitoral body" and its involvement with anal enjoyment. I've also given the "G-spot" and female ejaculation the attention they deserve.

Much of my clinical experience over the last ten years has focused on the incredible value of anal awareness and relaxation for promoting anal wellness. I hope that readers dealing with anal medical problems will benefit from a much greater integration of their concerns into virtually every chapter. I'm pleased to report that new developments in medicine are confirming what I've been observing for decades-that most anal problems can be treated much more effectively with active patient involvement in the healing process. In fact, a surprising range of difficulties can be resolved solely through self-healing.

When I was writing the third edition in 1997, the Web was on the verge on exploding into public consciousness. Now it's an indispensible tool for finding information and resources on pretty much everything. So instead of a traditional bibliography, the final section of the book (just before the index) is called References and Resources. Not only does it include all cited books and articles, but also recommended DVDs and websites on a range of topics. To help interested readers find what they're looking for, I've included brief descriptions of each item, including the most useful books.

With the passage of 28 years since the book was first published, plus three major revisions to help get it right, you'd think this cake would be pretty much baked. While it's true that my fundamental suggestions for promoting relaxation and awareness remain essentially the same, I was initially surprised by how many updates and improvements there were to make. But as I fully immersed myself in the current revisions, I realized the obvious. The anal area is thoroughly linked with all other aspects of our bodies, minds, attitudes, values, beliefs and culture-all of which are constantly evolving. No wonder I keep seeing this book, like an old friend who continues to surprise, with new eyes.

Needless to say, the primary function of the anus and rectum is to complete the essential process of elimination. But why are the muscles and nerves that make the anus and rectum work properly the same ones that can bring us so much pleasure? It's simple, really. Healthy functioning of the digestive system is supposed to feel good. Conversely, when something goes wrong, the anus starts to hurt, signaling that it needs our attention.

In light of these fundamental realities, it's sad to see how many people are profoundly alienated from the anal area-perhaps thinking of it, if they do at all, as dark, dirty, or disgusting. As a result, it carries out its essential functions largely outside of conscious awareness except, of course, when pain erupts. For them, if the anus isn't hurting, it's pretty much numb.

It's different when we're infants and small children; we take delight in all parts of our bodies. But something terribly unfortunate happens to many of us in the course of growing up: We learn to mistrust or ignore our physical selves, perhaps viewing the mind or spirit as more important than and separate from our bodies. We're taught to view sensual play and selfexploration as immature and self-indulgent if not kept within strict limits.

This process of bodily self-alienation is especially pronounced in the anal area, commonly seen as the ultimate symbol of all that is unclean and revolting. Imagine how confusing it is to discover that a part of the body that is supposed to be so unsavory is also extremely sensitive and potentially among the most enjoyable. Especially for children, the gradual realization that the anus is considered bad and repulsive must be quite disconcerting, because it contradicts their direct, pleasurable experience. And thus an unspoken conflict is born-a conflict that can easily endure for a lifetime.

People cope with this contradiction in a variety of ways. Some make only the necessary concessions to meet social standards of appropriateness, and then go right on enjoying their anal sensations. Such people can use the information and suggestions in this book to reinforce and enhance their capacity for pleasure. Their natural curiosity will make further selfexploration a rewarding journey.

Others have partially or fully absorbed the prevailing cultural attitudes, and are emotionally and sensually cut off from their anuses to one degree or another. Many of these men and women actually prefer not to become more familiar with this body zone, and see no point in doing so. Although they may be naturally inclined to ignore this book, such people can benefit tremendously from confronting and gradually undoing the damaging effects of their early training. I've had the privilege of working with many clients like this, and the positive changes can be astonishing for those willing to venture in.

Another group of men and women are actively seeking to overcome a long history of avoidance and negativity. They're discovering-or at least considering the possibility-that they've been missing something good which can only be found beyond the extremes of pain and numbness: pleasure. This book may be exactly what they're looking for. It's a practical guide, grounded in research and decades of experience with those who have sought to rediscover the anal area as an integral aspect of themselves, a place to be respected and intimately known.

Yet another group of people have much to gain from reading on, though they're probably not be focused on pleasure right now. These are the millions who live with annoying, painful, sometimes chronic, or even debilitating anal medical problems. Diseases like hemorrhoids, fissures (tears or scrapes), and constipation are among the most common medical problems in our society. Those who suffer from these and other conditions will find here the essential information and tools that can help bring relief. Once freed from anal distress, former sufferers are often delighted to discover that the same nerves that once registered so much pain are equally available for enjoyment. Quite understandably, this can be a life-changing revelation.

Anal pleasure means different things to different people. Most of the time it's a private experience. Who hasn't felt pleasure during an especially relieving bowel movement, or noticed anal sensations in the course of walking, dancing, or other physical activities? There are host of unplanned opportunities for tuning in to simple anal pleasures in the course of daily life, such as wiping after a bowel movement, relaxing during a bath or shower, or simply washing oneself.

Anal sensations can have unexpected erotic dimension when, for example, you notice tingling there while turned on, or fully appreciate the total involvement of your anus in orgasm. I've heard numerous stories of those who accidently discovered erotic anal touch while masturbating and found themselves returning to it. Anal self-pleasuring can also become internal when a finger, vibrator or anal toy is inserted into the anus and rectum.

Many are introduced to new erotic sensations when a partner casually strokes their anal area during sex. Not surprisingly, some go on to request more touch like this-just on the outside, or maybe inside too. This kind of partner touch can be particularly compelling in conjunction with genital caresses or oral attention. Some couples employ a "butt plug" or similar device for deeper internal stimulation than a finger can provide. As with all of the scenarios I'm describing, no one knows how many enjoy, as giver and/or receiver, kissing or licking of the anus (popularly known as "rimming").

Some partners are enticed (or nagged) into receiving anal intercourse, which they may or may not like at first-or ever. Unfortunately, many anal intercourse attempts turn out badly, even when they're genuinely desired. Far too many couples jump right into it without any preparation whatsoever. As you'll discover in this book, the best way to ensure enjoyable anal intercourse is not to start there, but rather to learn about your own anus and rectum first. Once you know how to release tension and fear, you might ask your partner for gentle anal stroking and massage, just for the pleasure of it, or to help you prepare for an optimal intercourse experience.

Anal-rectal stimulation with a penis is known by many names, including anal coitus, sodomy, buggery, butt fucking, or ass fucking, to name just a few. In this book I call it anal intercourse. I use the much broader term anal sex to refer to any erotic anal play, not necessarily intercourse. To me, anal sensuality refers to any pleasurable enjoyment of the area, with or without erotic overtones.

Certainly this book will be of interest to those who want to explore anal intercourse, or who already have but wish they could enjoy it more. Many others, because of their sexual orientation or personal preferences, will have little or no such interest. This book is very much for these people, too, because anal pleasure-and the relaxation and awareness that promotes it-is actually a smorgasbord of experiences that anyone can sample whenever they wish, regardless of their gender or sexual orientation.

PREVALENCE IN THE UNITED STATES

WE KNOW RELATIVELY LITTLE about how many Americans experiment with anal sexuality, what kinds of stimulation they use, or how often they do it. The available information focuses almost exclusively on anal intercourse. This a huge limitation, but hardly surprising, considering the culture-wide tendency to view intercourse as the only "real" sex and to label everything else "foreplay."

In his pioneering studies of sexual behavior among men and women, Alfred Kinsey recognized the erotic potential of the anal area based on its high concentration of nerve endings, proximity to the genitals, and interconnection with other pelvic muscles. He noted, for example, that spontaneous anal contractions typically occur during arousal and orgasm. Of the men in his sample who had experienced homosexual sex play as preadolescents (which, incidentally, was reported more commonly than heterosexual play), 17% recalled trying anal intercourse (Kinsey et al, 1948; 1953).

Kinsey also noted that anal erotic activity was reported by some adults of all sexual orientations as part of masturbation and partner sex. He even realized that some people could be brought to orgasm by anal stimulation alone. Kinsey estimated that the anus had erotic significance for about half of the population, although no specific sexual activities involving the anus were included in his original statistics. However, more recently published data shows that the Kinsey group had gathered more information about anal sex than they originally reported, revealing an uncharacteristic reticence on Kinsey's part. Among married interviewees, 11 % of both men and women had engaged in anal intercourse at least once. Nine percent of unmarried men and 28% of unmarried women had also tried it (Gebhard and Johnson, 1979).