Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men, Women and Couples (12 page)

Your challenge will be to observe how your anus responds in a variety of situations throughout the day. Not only will you discover that your anus reflects whatever you're feeling, but also that your level of anal relaxation has a strong effect on how you feel; it works both ways. People often ask if anal tension and discomfort is a physical problem or all in their minds. The answer, of course, is always the same: both. Body and mind, anus and emotions, are in constant interrelationship. The more you learn about this fundamental truth, the greater will be your capacity for anal pleasure and health.

STRESS AND ANAL TENSION

IN ORDER TO UNDERSTAND the connection between the anus and emotions you need a clear picture of how you, as a total organism, prepare to meet threats to your survival and well-being. Suppose you're confronted by a very real external danger, such as a violent person or dangerous animal. Instantly, without any conscious planning whatsoever-there's no time for that!-your entire being prepares to confront or escape from the danger. Blood rushes to your vital organs, particularly the heart and lungs, which begin working feverishly.

Blood rushes away from the surface of your skin, which is why you tend to feel cold and clammy when threatened. Tactile sensitivity drops, reducing the possibility of being distracted by pain if a confrontation occurs. Muscles tighten to provide a rigid armor against attack. Breathing, restricted by the tense muscles, becomes shallow and quick. Adrenaline flows. Your entire being is in the highest state of alert. These reactions are part of a comprehensive stress response linking mind and body in absolute unity.

In such extreme situations your innate tendency is to defecate, thereby unloading unnecessary weight to aid in escape or battle. Animals and human infants exhibit this spontaneous defecation reaction to severe threat, but we soon learn that this response is inappropriate. Therefore, when adults are under high stress our natural response is to rigidify our anuses in an effort to counteract the urge to defecate. This is why most of us associate a tense anus with fear.

Although extreme situations like this are relatively rare, our lives are full of less serious threats, all of which produce similar stress responses to a greater or lesser degree. In civilized society many of our stress reactions are to internal threats. These are specific fears ("I'm going to lose my job, get laughed at, or rejected,") or general anxieties ("I'm not the person I should be; I'm inadequate"). Most of these worries are about what might happen in the future. How often do you imagine potentially frightening or distressing situations that never actually materialize?

It is crucial to realize that imagined threats-no matter how irrational or unlikely-can produce the same stress responses as an attack by a wild animal. To dismiss these internal threats as all-in-the-head is to misunderstand the fact that your body takes all threats seriously, whether internal or external, imagined or real, and responds accordingly. Seeing the problem as in-the-head ignores another important process. Just as fear makes your body tense up, the opposite is equally true: When your body is tense you feel afraid. The anxieties of living are in-your-body just as much as in-your-head. When you feel less stirred up, your body will relax-unless it's forgotten how. Conversely, if your body relaxes, you'll feel less anxious.

Most of us are under at least moderate stress much of the time. We're worried about problems, insecure about the future, afraid of losses, humiliations, and rejections. In addition, our bodies retain accumulated tension from painful, frightening, and anger-producing events from long ago. On top of that, each time we can't or won't express negative emotions, a small residue of tension is held in certain muscles until we find some way to release it-which we can't always do. And all of us must cope with new stresses even in the course of relatively uneventful days. No matter how much we may wish otherwise, this is how it is to be human.

When severely threatened we're tense all over. Yet all of us have preferred places in our bodies where the fears, hurts, and worries of life are most readily expressed in muscular tension. In these hypersensitive tension zones old fears and hurts linger and fester. Usually these pesky pockets of tension don't command our attention unless we're unusually anxious or angry. Then we notice a pain in the neck, back, shoulders, stomach, head, eyes, jaw, or anusdepending on where we habitually store and express psychic distress.

Particular tension zones tend to run in families. Parents communicate their tension habits to their children through subtle verbal communication and body language. If mom or dad focuses stress in a certain area the kids are likely to do the same.

The anus is an extremely popular tension zone, though the intensity and consistency of anal tension varies tremendously from person to person. There are two basic possibilities. First, maybe your anus is fairly relaxed most of the time except when you're threatened by specific worries or dangers. In other words, your anus may tense up sometimes but it's not one of your chronic tension centers. The second possibility is that your anus is one of your tension zones; it clenches tightly in reaction to even minor anxieties and insecurities of today and also holds onto the ones from the past. If this is true for you then your anus is a chronic tension zone.

Among my clients, well over half discover that their anuses are habitual tension centers. Others may chronically store tension elsewhere, but not especially in their anuses. These people become anally tense only when they're stressed all over or when they feel unusually threatened anally-as when someone tries to initiate anal intercourse with them when they're not ready.

Chronic anal tension makes the anus vulnerable not only to unpleasant sensations, but to a variety of health problems as well. Among my clients, virtually all anal medical problems (except sexually transmitted diseases) are exacerbated, if not caused, by constriction of the anal muscles. Rarely have I seen a case of hemorrhoids-including the ones that often develop during pregnancy-that wasn't at least aggravated by anal tension. The same can be said for constipation, fissures (small tears or scrapes in the anus or rectum), or even Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

Considering the interplay of all the pelvic muscles, as we explored in the last chapter, it's not surprising that nearby areas can also be impacted by anal tension, just as anal tension may emanate from muscle spasms elsewhere in the pelvis. For instance, men who have recurring "prostatitis" often find relief as they learn to release their pelvic muscles, as do some women plagued by recurring bladder infections or vaginal pain. In fact, aching or sharp pains that occur anywhere in the pelvis, constantly or intermittently, are now called "Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndromes," and accumulating scientific evidence points to intense pelvic muscle spasms as the culprit.*

Since chronic anal tension greatly limits your potential for pleasure and makes you more susceptible to medical problems, you've got a lot to gain by learning more about your anal tension patterns. The best method is nonjudgmental self-observation-what many call mindfulness. This practice is deceptively simple: Whenever you notice tension, just become as aware of it as possible. Don't try to relax; this only makes it worse. If you simply become curious about the tension and all of the sensations, feelings and thoughts that go with it, soon you'll notice some release-without any struggle or effort. You can see for yourself how this works in your own body. Call it "anal mindfulness"; it's an extremely powerful change agent.

EXPERIENCE I

SIT OR RECLINE quietly and comfortably. Close your eyes and let your attention drift down toward your anus. Can you tell how tense or relaxed it is? If you don't feel much of anything, try a few pelvic muscle contractions until you begin to register some sensations.

Now notice your breathing. Are you holding it? Is it shallow, or deep and slow? Let your breathing become deep, so that your stomach and chest expand as you inhale. Then exhale completely. Notice your anus again. It will probably feel more relaxed than before.

Inhale deeply, hold your breath for a few seconds, and make your anus as tense as you possibly can-then let it relax as you exhale. Develop a clear image of your anal muscles and picture them as you exhale. As the muscles relax, picture blood flowing into the area, bringing warmth. Try a few of these tense-relax cycles and observe the results.

For at least a week or two, take a few moments each day to notice your anus. You may want to do this in conjunction with pelvic exercises. Make a point of noticing your anus before, during, and after you exercise.

The next time you're in an anxious or irritating situation-such as waiting in line, driving, having an argument, or feeling frustrated-observe your anus. Take a few moments to breathe deeply and notice what happens. Don't struggle at all to change anything. Just take note if your anus is tense, relaxed, in-between, or numb.

At first you may not be sure what state your anus is in. But as you focus on it regularly at different times and in different situations you'll be increasing able to identify subtle variations in your anal muscles.