Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men, Women and Couples (11 page)

Well-exercised muscles are sometimes incorrectly assumed to be bulky, hard, and inflexible. The image of the muscle-bound bodybuilder contributes to this belief. Actually, the restoration of tone to muscles usually results in a lowering of baseline (normal) muscle tension and an increase in elasticity. Healthy muscles are able to do their job in a firm yet relaxed state. Conversely, flabby muscles require a great deal of excess tension just to make them do their job.

Most of the men and women I have worked with have reported improved anal and pelvic awareness and sensitivity after just a few weeks of exercise, sometimes much sooner. Most also felt that their anuses became more relaxed, too. Both of these changes result from a combination of paying attention, increased blood flow, and improved tone.

Dr. Kegel didn't give particular attention to the impact of breathing patterns on the pelvic muscles, yet how we breathe plays an important role in body awareness and relaxation; this is why breathing lies at the heart of such disciplines as yoga and the martial arts. When we're threatened, afraid, or in pain, our breathing becomes shallow; we use only the upper portion of our lungs while the lower portion is highly constricted. To make up for reduced lung capacity we take faster, erratic breaths instead of long, slow ones. During times of stress we restrict our breathing to subdue unwanted feelings and sensations. Unfortunately, we can easily use the same mechanism to suppress or limit our pleasure. Shallow breathing helps us to obey parental and social prohibitions against enjoying ourselves too much.

The opposite of constricted breathing is called "abdominal breathing" and it has many gifts to offer. When you breathe deeply, you use much more of your lung capacity. During deep inhalation, the diaphragma large, flat muscle below the lungs-swings downward, creating a bellows effect, and your lungs fill with oxygen. Then when you exhale completely your diaphragm pushes upward against your lungs, expelling gaseous wastes. It's a good sign that you're inhaling fully if your abdomen expands noticeably; you can't breathe diaphragmatically and hold in your tummy at the same time. This is where the name abdominal breathing comes from. Whenever you consciously breathe deeply and slowly, even if only for a few minutes, your entire body will feel more open and alive.

VISUALIZING PELVIC ORGANS

As YOU'RE THINKING about the muscular system that supports and enlivens the pelvic organs, now is good time to familiarize yourself with the organs themselves. Taking another look at Figure 2 on pages 38-39 will help you picture them more clearly. When we think of the pelvic region, the genitals come to mind first. Not only are they readily visible (at least the external parts), but most of us have more than a passing interest in them.

The penis is mostly visible, including the obvious erectile changes caused by sexual arousal. Not everyone realizes that the penis continues inside the body, and all of it gets erect. The internal end-point of the penis-the bulbcan be easily felt and seen, especially when erect, in the amazing perineal area between the scrotum (balls) and the anus.

The clitoral body in women is much more complex and not clearly understood by most people. The visible parts of the clitoris include the glans (head) and shaft which are underneath the clitoral hood, formed by the uppermost tissues of the inner lips. But most of the clitoris is inside the body. It includes two large bulbs that surround the vagina, plus two thinner legs (crura in Latin) that flare out on each side of the bulbs. These two legs look something like a wishbone. Finally, a maze of tissue and blood vessels extends even further and lies just beneath the perineum, not far from the anus. Not surprisingly, it's called the perineal sponge. When a woman gets aroused, the entire clitoral body, inside and out, engorges with blood and becomes erect. While the clitoris increases in size quite dramatically, just like a penis, it doesn't become rigid.

Notice also in Figure 2 that the a woman's urethra is surrounded by another kind of tissue called the urethral sponge. This spongy tissue also becomes engorged during high arousal. Within this sponge and the surrounding area are many tiny glands that produce a fluid similar to semen (no sperm, of course). The largest of these are called Skene'sglands, named after the physician who described them in the 19th century (Skene, 1880). Collectively, these glands are known as the paraurethralglands, and they appear to be the reason why some women, some of the time, can ejaculate fluid out of their urinary opening during orgasm.

This seems most likely to happen when fairly intense stimulation is provided (by herself or a partner) in the area between the vagina and the urethra popularly called the G-spot (or "female prostate"). The G-spot can be massaged by inserting a finger (usually two) a few inches inside the vagina and pressing against the vaginal wall toward the front of the body. Some vibrators are equipped with a finger-like protrusion specifically for G-spot stimulation. Not every woman likes or responds to this kind of stimulation, and many don't ejaculate, at least not noticeably. Ultrasound studies suggest subtle anatomical differences between women who ejaculate and those who don't (Gravina, 2008), but there's so much yet to learn.

Figure 2 also shows the location of the male prostate gland (sometimes called the "male G-spot") with the urethra and vas deferens (carrying sperm from the testicles) passing right through the center of it. The prostate is also somewhat erectile in that it enlarges and gets firmer during high arousal. Virtually all of a man's semen is produced by the prostate.*
You can see that it's quite close to the rectum, so it can be easily stimulated through the rectal wall, just a few inches in.

We'll return to these fascinating organs later. Our goal in this chapter is to understand and exercise all of the pelvic muscles, to keep them healthy, and to promote pleasure.

EXPERIENCE

IF YOU WANT to exercise your pelvic muscles productively, it's first necessary to locate them in your own body. The best way to do this is to sit comfortably and imagine that you're urinating (or actually do it). Then tighten the muscles you'd use to stop the flow of urine. The PC muscle is the specific one that does this. But all of your pelvic muscles tend to contract and relax in unison-just as they do during orgasm.

Once you get a feel for the PC and other pelvic floor muscles, deliberately tense and relax them a few times while noticing exactly where in your pelvic area you feel the contractions. Place your fingers on your perineum-the area between your genitals and anus. You'll certainly feel the contractions there. Notice that your anus contracts simultaneously.

Now that you've located the pelvic muscles, I suggest you try three different exercises. First, inhale deeply as you contract the muscles and hold them-and your breath-for a few moments. Then release your muscles as you exhale completely. When you contract, do it as tightly as you comfortably can. When you relax, visualize the tension totally draining out with your breath. I suggest that you repeat this contract-relax sequence approximately 20-25 times whenever you do it. However, doing this fairly regularly is far more important than the number of contractions.

For the second exercise, inhale deeply as you tighten and release your pelvic muscles repeatedly, as rapidly as you can-sort of like pulsations-about ten contractions at a time. After a number of tense-release cycles, relax completely as you exhale. Some people don't like this rapid-contraction feeling. If you're one of them, don't do it.

The third exercise involves inhaling deeply as you gently pull in and then push out your anal and other pelvic muscles, almost as if you were sucking in and then expelling water through the anus. Exhale and release completely. Do about ten push out/pull in cycles at a time. This exercise can increase blood flow to the entire pelvic region, including the anus. And some women also find that it increases natural vaginal lubrication.

As with all effective fitness training, consistency is crucial. Ideally, I recommend that you do each exercise a couple of times per day. If one exercise doesn't appeal to you then emphasize the other two. Even concentrating on just one is far better than not doing any. Your muscles may feel a bit tired at first, which is a positive sign that your training is having an effect. However, if doing any of the exercises is actually painful, stop until you talk with your doctor about it.

You may wonder how you can possibly find time for yet another fitness regimen. But keep in mind that you can do these exercises virtually any time or any place-even while you're doing something else. Try them while reclining, sitting, or standing. Nobody has to know you're doing them, although at first you'll probably want to do them in private. Another advantage is that a set of all three exercises can be completed in just a few minutes.

Results will be better if you exercise most days, but do the best you can. You're more likely to continue if you link these exercises with an already established routine such as watching TV, eating, or driving. One of the best habits for maintaining optimal anal health throughout your lifetime is to exercise your pelvic muscles for a couple of minutes every time you shower or bathe. Try it; I think you'll like it.

RESPONSE

SOME PEOPLE find it difficult to locate and exercise these muscles. The more difficult it is for you to control these muscles, the more you are in need of the exercises. As you to doing them a few times, you'll find them increasingly easy and quite pleasurable. After all, you're making your muscles do the things they do spontaneously when you're sexually aroused. Best of all, the more you do the exercises, the more you'll start noticing sensations in your pelvis and anus that you might have ignored before.

Others subconsciously avoid these exercises because they've become accustomed to maintaining a high level of pelvic rigidity. A variety of fears can make a person reluctant to loosen up. For instance, many boys are taught-in subtle, mostly nonverbal ways-that masculinity requires careful avoidance of swinging hips. As a result, they drastically limit the range and ease of their pelvic movements, holding their muscles tight for fear of being seen as a sissy. Some girls are also taught to curtail free pelvic movement to avoid appearing sleazy, loose, or slurry.

To get an idea of how enjoyable pelvic relaxation and free movement can be, try gently tilting or thrusting your hips forward and back, side to side, and in a circular motion. Repeat these motions again after pelvic exercises. Notice any difference? The next time you're dancing, walking, or running, allow your pelvis to move more freely than usual as you breathe deeply and release all unnecessary muscle tension. There's little danger of becoming a sissy or a slut-unless that's your secret wish. As you move beyond such fears, you'll notice, subtly at first, a graceful expansiveness emanating from your pelvis. Stay with it and soon you'll be taking a more confident, grounded, and agile stance in the world.