Always and Forever (80 page)

“Yeah, I’m on my way now. I know I’m running a bit late but
I won’t be much longer, ok? See you soon, bye.”  He hung up the phone and
smiled at me, I must have glowered back because he frowned and asked me if I
was alright.

“Who was that?” I asked coolly.

“Oh, just a friend of mine, I was on my way to meet her
when I bumped into you.”

“I see.” I said it so serenely, folding my arms as though
it weren’t a big deal.

“Why? Are you jealous?” He grinned at me mischievously,
causing his eyes to sparkle.

“Of course not, why would I be?” I replied coldly, glaring
at him because I knew he was right.

At that point my own phone started to ring and I pressed my
finger to my lips, telling Callum to be quiet.

“Hello?” I answered, trying my best to sound carefree and
untroubled.

“Where the hell are you, Bethany? I just woke up to find
you gone.” Jake snapped angrily.

I turned my back on Callum in an attempt to keep some of my
conversation with Jake from him.

“Jake, calm down. I woke up early and realised we’d run out
of milk, I’ve just popped out to the shop to get some.”

 I don’t know why but it felt like I was lying to him
and I could sense Callum standing close behind me, listening to every word.

“Why didn’t you wake me? I would have gone and got you
some.” Jake said quietly, no doubt regretting his initial outburst.

“I’m perfectly capable of going to the shop on my own.” I
retorted.

“You could have at least left me a note to tell me where
you were.”

I suppose he was right, I could have done that for him. I
suppose I thought I would have got back before he woke up.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think of that.” I confessed.

“It’s ok. Just hurry home, baby.”

“I will, I’ll see you soon.”

“I love you.” He murmured sleepily.

“I love you too.” I replied, picturing Jake in bed with his
messed up hair and adorable smile. His eyes would still be tired but they’d be
full of mischief, persuading me to join him.

I instantly felt a pang of guilt for even speaking with
Callum. I already started to regret my decision about us exchanging numbers.

“So…” Callum cleared his throat and I spun around to face
him.

“That was Jake; I really have to be getting back.”

“You’re not going to change your mind, are you?” He looked
really nervous, as though he knew what I was going to say and was preparing
himself for the worst.

“No, I haven’t changed my mind.”

I knew that it was the wrong decision as soon as I said it.
If Jake ever found out about this it would kill him and I knew it would make me
look incredibly suspicious if he found out I was keeping it a secret from him.
Callum and I exchanged numbers but I made him promise me he wouldn’t contact me
first. If he wanted to hear from me he would have to wait until Jake was at
work or I had the flat to myself.

“I’ll see you later, Bethany.”

“Enjoy the rest of your day.”

I forced a smile on my face as I imagined him meeting up
with Lucy a few minutes later and the jealousy that ignited inside me. I had no
right to be envious but knew there wasn’t anything I could do to try and
control my mixed up emotions.

“I meant what I said... I’ll definitely be seeing you.”

He winked at me before he walked away. I watched him for a
few moments, admiring the confidence in his gait and his whole demeanour. Why
didn’t I seem to notice these things about him when we were in college? Why didn’t
I appreciate what I could have had when I had the opportunity and the freedom
to pursuit it? I realised that it was too late for us now; I was with Jake and
would never betray him or his trust.

Regardless of what Callum had
in store for us, I knew it was never going to happen. Not now, not ever. Even
if there was a small, insignificant and inconsequential part of me that kind of
resented the fact that it wouldn’t. I was in love with Jake and that’s all that
mattered… at least that’s what I told myself.

For the rest of the day I tortured myself over what
happened with Callum. I was certain Jake would suspect something was wrong and
catch me out. I even turned my phone off and hid it at the bottom of my bedroom
drawer, I was probably being a little too cautious but I was really scared that
Callum would break his promise and decide to contact me first.

Jake and I stayed home the rest of the day, he was due at
work later on that evening and both of us were still exhausted from the events
that had taken place the night before. We spent most of the afternoon asleep on
the sofa and then we watched a movie. I noticed that Jake would disappear with
his phone throughout the afternoon, he’d step outside to answer a call or make
one himself and I had no idea what he was trying to hide from me. He refused to
explain anything to me when I asked him about it and this only made me more
curious about what was going on.

I knew Jake was still a little furious with me about
keeping him in the dark. He was hurt and also livid that I’d tried to conceal
from him what had really happened to me the night he rescued me. He couldn’t
bear the fact that I’d been hurt and violated, it angered his soul and I
couldn’t blame him for being resentful over my secrecy.

Jake didn’t want to go to work that night, he was reluctant
to leave me and I had to persuade him that I was perfectly fine to be left
alone. The reason I really wanted Jake to go out was because I was desperate to
phone Callum. The guilt was eating me up inside and I knew I had to put an end
to it before it consumed me completely. I should never have given him my number
and I despised myself for going behind Jake’s back. I was determined to phone
Callum and explain that I just couldn’t do it, I could not jeopardize what Jake
and I had for a friendship with someone who had made it clear that he wanted
something more from me.

I waited half an hour or so after Jake left for work and
then snuck into the bedroom and retrieved my phone. I switched it on and went
straight to Callum’s number; I hesitated for a moment before calling, trying to
figure out what I was about to say to him. My hands were trembling as I waited
for him to answer; I was so nervous and came close to hanging up the phone
right before he answered.

“Bethany, are you ok? I wasn’t expecting to hear from you
so soon.”

I paused as soon as I heard his voice. The unwanted and
intrusive image of his gorgeous face flashed through my mind and I almost felt
incapable of doing what I originally had planned.

“I’m sorry.” I apologised, my doubt and uncertainty already
had me second guessing my decision to phone him.

“Don’t be sorry, I’m really pleased you called me.” He said
brightly.

“I actually phoned you because I realised we made a
mistake. We shouldn’t have exchanged numbers today and I want to ask you not to
contact me from now on.”

There was an awful and prolonged silence at the other end
of the phone. The tension between us was palpable and neither of us seemed to
know what to say next.

“Oh.” Callum whispered, clearly surprised and more than a
little hurt by my admittance.

“I’m really sorry, Callum. I don’t want to mess you around
and I don’t want to be giving out mixed signals. I just can’t do it to Jake, I
love him and keeping something like this from him would be wrong. I already
feel guilty and I haven’t even done anything.” I tried to explain.

“Exactly! You haven’t done anything wrong, Bethany. We were
friends before you even knew he existed, why can’t we just go back to how
things were?”

“Because I know how you feel about me now and any
friendship I try to have with you would have to take place behind Jake’s back.
It’s not right and I don’t want to deceive him.”

“Look, I do have feelings for you but I’ll respect your
decision and your relationship with Jake if that’s what you want. Maybe it was
wrong of me to be so honest with you but that doesn’t alter the fact that I
really want to be your friend. I miss you and I know you need somebody to be
there for you right now.”

“I have Jake!” I wailed desperately, struggling to make a
decision. In an ideal world it would be possible for me to be friends with
Callum but I know more than anyone that an ideal world does not exist and Jake
would never support any type of contact or relationship with Callum, even an
innocent one.

“You can also have me. I’m not asking you to choose,
Bethany. I’ll accept the way things are if you tell me you want to be with him
and I’ll be your friend. Don’t push me away again, I’m begging you.”

He pleaded with me until I started to waver, he made everything
seem so harmless and I started to wonder why I’d got myself into such a state.

“I don’t know… I feel so guilty.” I confessed, holding my
head in my hands.

“Why do you feel guilty? You’ve done nothing wrong, we’re
friends and I want to be there for you. If you need someone to talk to, someone
who will listen or just someone who can make you forget… I’m here for you.” He
said softly, soothing me with reassurance.

“Ok.” I acquiesced.

I knew it was pointless, Callum was persistent and a part
of me really did want to reconcile our friendship. I missed the boy I used to
know and I was so isolated since I’d left home. The only person I had was Jake,
I thought it would be nice to have someone other than him to talk to. If Callum
was really prepared to respect my feelings and relationship with Jake then I
was also prepared to give him a chance.

“You really mean it?”

He sounded so optimistic; I could hear the anticipation and
excitement in his voice. It made me smile and I began to reminisce about the old
times Callum and I shared together. He always took care of me and promised to
be there for me forever. It’s a shame I never stuck to the same promise I made
him.

“I mean it so long as you understand how things really are
between us.” I told him firmly.

“Baby, that’s great. You won’t regret this, I promise.” He
assured me.

“Callum, you can’t cal me that if we’re going to be
friends. It’s not appropriate.”

“I can’t even call you baby?” He asked incredulously.

“Nope.”

 “Ok, I’ll try to stop. It just slips out.”

“You have to promise me you won’t say it.” I said
decidedly, knowing I’d have to be clear and concise about the way things would
be between us.

“Alright, alright, I won’t.” He said sulkily.

“Good. I’m glad you agree.”

 I was smiling like an idiot by this time and was
looking forward to the remainder of our phone call. There was so much I wanted
to ask him, we had lost contact for a long time and really I wanted to
reconnect with my old friend and find out how his life was going.

“Bethany, I’m actually on my way out right now so I’m going
to have to talk to you later, is that ok?”

“Sure, that’s fine.” I said, trying to act casual. “Are you
going anywhere nice?”

“Just to the cinema and then out for meal afterwards,
nothing special.”

He was so blasé about it, as though it was no big deal. His
indifferent attitude made me more suspicious and I couldn’t help but wonder if
he was going out with Lucy, the same girl he spoke to on the phone earlier.

“Sounds like a date.” I murmured, trying to feign
indifference.

“Maybe it is.” He replied humorously, enjoying my
discomfort. 

“Oh, I didn’t realise I was holding you up. I’ll let you go
get ready.”

“You’re not; I wanted to talk to you. I’m just about to
jump in the shower.”

“Well, thanks for everything. I’ll be in touch.” I was just
about to end the call when he interrupted me.

“Bethany, wait. Thanks for giving me a chance; I’ll make
sure you won’t regret it and I want you to promise me that you’ll phone again?”

“I will.” I assured him.

“Great. Speak to you soon.”

“Bye, Callum.”