Always and Forever (79 page)

“Callum, what are you doing here?”

He stared at me for several moments, so many emotions
flashed across his face. Hurt, curiosity, sadness and disappointment.

“I’m on my way into town to meet a friend. What about you?”
He asked.

“Milk” I blurted out idiotically.

He frowned at me, trying to figure out what I meant.

“Oh! You’re on your way to the shop?”

I nodded my head, unable to speak. My cheeks turned crimson
and I felt a rush of shame. The last time I had seen Callum, he made me promise
him I’d keep in touch. I swore to him I’d never let anything come between our
friendship again and I had broken that promise.

“Yeah, I am. I should probably get going.” I mumbled,
trying to get past him again.

“Bethany, wait. Please don’t go. I’m not angry with you; I
promise you, I’m not mad.”

“You should be. You have every right to be furious with
me.” I said truthfully.

“Well, I’m not. I don’t blame you for not calling me; I
understand how things are between you and that guy. It was obvious when I left
that he didn’t want me to see you again.”

“I’m so sorry, Callum. I promised Jake I wouldn’t contact
you and I had to respect that.”

“Just like you promised me you would?” He said icily.

“Yes.” I whispered, feeling sheepish and ashamed.

“Bethany, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just…
I thought I’d found you again and then you disappeared. I’ve had that happen to
me before and it really fucking hurts.”

“I’m so sorry. I never mean to hurt you.”

 I forced myself to look up at him, he was so
handsome, it was enough to give me butterflies.

“Baby, it’s ok. I know how things are with your father.”

He reached out for me and tucked my hair back behind my
ear. I found myself leaning in towards him, the warmth of his hand was such a
comfort and I was horrified to find that my body seemed to want more from him.

“I’m not living at home anymore. I left about a week ago;
I’m living with Jake now.” I told him, breaking away from his touch.

I knew I had to put some distance between us and get away
from him. I despised myself for feeling anything more than friendship for
Callum and I began to question what sort of a person I was to find myself
attracted to him after all this time.

“Are you serious?” He raised his eyebrows at me in a
disapproving manner.

“We have a little flat together and I owe Jake my life for
getting me away from that monster.”

“Of course I’m glad you’re away from your father, it just
seems a little soon be moving in with him. You haven’t known him for very long,
have you?”

“That’s besides the point and none of your business.” I
snapped.

“I suppose you’re right.” He sighed wearily, a look of
sadness in his eyes.

“You look really well, Callum. You seem happy.” I observed,
appreciating his smart appearance and good looks. I couldn’t deny the pull I
felt towards him and his boyish charm.

His dark blonde hair and startling blue eyes were hypnotic.
His athletic frame and olive skin made him even more attractive.

“So do you, Bethany. In fact, you’re more beautiful than
ever.” His gaze travelled down my body and I felt a stirring deep inside me
that I couldn’t even attempt to ignore.

“Jake bought me a whole new wardrobe as soon as I left
home. I wanted to forget the girl I used to be.”

“That’s a shame because I really miss that girl; I wouldn’t
be able to forget her even if I tried.” He said sombrely.

“Callum…” I warned him, taking a step back.

“Bethany, you don’t have to say anything. I get it, I know
you’re with Jake and I know that you love him. It’s just… I can’t help how I
feel about you.”

“I have to go.” I shook my head and turned to walk away.

“Bethany, wait! I have to tell you something. I know you
don’t want to hear it but you deserve to know the truth. I can’t risk losing
you again and that’s why I’m going to be honest. I want you, Bethany. I’ve
always wanted you. When we were in college I tried to deny my feelings, I
didn’t want them to get in the way of our friendship and I knew you didn’t feel
the same way about me.”

“It wasn’t that. I did feel something for you, Callum. It
just never even crossed my mind that you could feel that way about me.” I
confessed, wringing my hands together.

“And what do you feel now?” He spoke huskily and took hold
of my hand.

“I-I don’t know! This is all so confusing.” I wailed,
covering my face with my hands.

“The only reason this would be confusing is if you felt
more for me than you’re choosing to admit.” He said solemnly, prising my
fingers away from my face.

“I’m with Jake!” I exclaimed harshly.

 “So? You can still have feelings for someone else and
I think you do. A part of you is curious about me; you can’t help but wonder
how it would be between us, can you? Tell me the truth, Bethany. If you feel
anything for me at all… you need to tell me right now. No matter how
insignificant it might seem, I need to know.”

“Ok, I admit it! I feel something for you. I also felt
something for you the last time I saw you and that’s why I haven’t been in
touch. I’m with Jake, we’re together and I can’t jeopardise my relationship
with him for the development of a crush I have on you.” I cried in frustration,
wiping away my tears that had begun to fall.

“But it could turn into something more if you give me a
chance. Don’t you realise how incredible we would be together? I can’t help
myself; I lie awake at night and imagine what it would be like between us. What
it would be like to be with you, to touch you and to be inside you.”

His arms made a circle around my waist and I could feel his
heart beat against my chest as he pressed my body up against his.

“Callum!” I protested, pushing my hands against him.

“It’s true! I want you more than anything and that’s not
about to change. We can take this nice and slow; I don’t want to pressure you
into something you’re not ready for. You can text me or I can even phone you.
I’ll meet you any time, any place. I’ll do whatever it is you want, Bethany. ”

“No.” I replied resolvedly, folding my arms across my
chest.

“Why not?” He grasped my shoulders, shaking me.

“It wouldn’t work!”

“Why wouldn’t it?”

“Because I’m pregnant!”

The silence between us was excruciatingly painful. I hadn’t
meant to blurt it out like that but Callum deserved to know the truth. I also
thought he wouldn’t want anything more to do with me as soon as he found out
about the baby. I thought it was a smart way of putting an end to the idea he
had about us starting any sort of relationship.

 “Is that the truth?” He sounded doubtful but still
looked shell-shocked by my statement.

“Yes, I’m seven weeks pregnant.”

“Are you going to keep it?” He said bluntly.

“What kind of question is that?” I snapped harshly,
ignoring the fact that I was in the middle of making such an agonising
decision, a decision that was breaking my heart every single day.

“It’s a justifiable question, Bethany. Are you going to
keep it?”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do. Jake really wants this
baby; it will kill him if I choose to have an abortion...”

“What about you? What do you want?” He interrupted me, his
piercing blue eyes saw right through me.

“I don’t know what I want, I’m absolutely terrified, Callum.
I don’t know what to do! None of this feels right, I feel like none of this
should be even happening.” I wept, angrily wiping away my tears.

“How long have you felt this way?” He asked gently, tilting
my face up towards his.

“Since I found out.” I admitted.

“And you don’t think you’ll change your mind?”

“I want to but I just don’t think I will.” I told him,
crying tears that were uncontrollable. I couldn’t stop them and I knew there
was no point in trying.

“Come here.” He said softly, holding his arms out for me.

I buried my face in his chest and clung onto him for dear
life. It felt so good to be held, it felt so good to have my friend back again.

“I’m so scared, Callum. What am I going to do?”

“You have to do what’s best for you. It’s your body and
that means it’s your decision.” He whispered, kissing the top of my head.

“But it will kill him if I tell him I can’t have this
baby.”

“It will hurt him but he’ll stand by you and support your
decision. He has to.”

“You don’t know that. What if he can’t accept it? It will
break his heart; you don’t know how badly he wants this baby.”

“I know he’ll want you more.” He muttered gravely.

I pulled away from him, terrified by the sudden inclination
of my feelings.

 “I really have to go.”

“Wait, at least let me give you my number. Even if you want
nothing more from me than friendship, let me be there for you. I can help you
through this; you can turn to me whenever you want.”

“I don’t deserve a friend like you, not after everything
I’ve put you through.” I meant every word; it astonished me that Callum still
wanted to continue a friendship with me.

“Of course you do, you deserve so much more than me and you
certainly don’t deserve to be so miserable.”

He trailed his finger down the side of my cheek and I
inhaled sharply, his touch ignited something inside of me, something I had no
right to feel.

“It’s my own fault.” I murmured, remembering all the times
Jake and I had been careless.

“Listen; now that I know the truth… will you consider
taking my number again? Jake doesn’t have to know and we don’t even have to
meet, we can just text. I think you could really do with a friend right now and
I know I don’t want this to be the last time we speak to one another.”

“I don’t know.”

I was full of doubt and had no idea what to do, I hated
myself for being so uncertain and it almost felt like I was at war with my head
and my heart.

“Bethany, do you feel anything for me? Do you feel anything
for me at all?” He touched my face and I struggled to ignore the fluttering
sensation it brought me.

 “Yes! And that’s why this is a terrible idea.” I
argued.

“That’s all I need to know.” He said resolvedly.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not going to let you push me away again and I’m not taking
no for an answer. You feel something for me and that’s all I needed to hear.”

 “But I love Jake!” I yelled, throwing my arms in the
air.

How many times did I have to say it? Yes, I was attracted
to Callum but my newfound feelings for him didn’t even begin to compare to my
relationship with Jake and what we have together.

 “I want you to know that it doesn’t mean anything if
we exchange numbers.” I told him, fixing him with a stern look. “We’re friends
and that’s all we’ll ever be.”

“If you say so.” He responded calmly, as though he didn’t
really believe me.

“I do mean it, Callum. I’m with Jake and nothing you say or
do is going to change that.”

“Ok, fine. I get it.”

His phone startled us both when it started to ring, he
reached in his pocket and apologised to me before answering his call.

“Hey, Luce.” He said casually.

I glanced at him and narrowed my eyes. Luce? Who was that?
Was she his girlfriend? He told me he was on his way to meet a friend and I couldn’t
help but wonder if she was the one he was on his way to see. Jealousy twisted
itself inside my chest and I struggled to control the urge I had to rip the
phone out of his hand.