Always and Forever (66 page)

“Come here.” I say huskily, lifting myself up from the bed
into a sitting position.

He raises his eyebrow at me in curiosity, moving up the bed
so that we’re face to face.

“You want more?” He teases me, a salacious smirk on his
face.

“Kiss me. I want to taste myself on you.” I seductively
bite down on my lower lip, entranced by the way his mouth falls open in
complete and utter shock.

His eyes are ablaze with lust, a voracious desire that is so
commanding and dominant. His mouth hungrily descends upon my own and I
willingly allow him to part my lips with his tongue. It plunders inside my
mouth, twirling and caressing my tongue with a deliberate intent. He groans
loudly, cupping the back of my neck so he can hold me still, the idea of me
tasting myself so intimately from his lips is turning him on and I can’t say I
blame him.

“You have no idea how much I love you.” He mutters
fervently, dragging his mouth away from mine.

“I do know, Jake.” I reply soothingly.

“No. you don’t. God help me but I swear to you I will never
let you go, never.” He says resolutely, locking his penetrating stare on me.

“You don’t have to.” I placate him, placing my small hand
against his cheek. He closes his eyes, desperately seeking comfort from my
touch.

“Do you really mean that?” He asks me, insecurity and
uncertainty interlacing his voice.

He’s still kneeling down in front of me, looking forlorn
and helpless, all I want is to comfort him and put an end to the torturous
amount of his anxiety and reservations.

“I mean it. I wouldn’t be prepared to walk away from
everything I’ve ever known if I didn’t want to share my life with you. If I
didn’t believe in the possibility of us then I wouldn’t have the courage to do
this.”

He smiles at me weakly, he still has so much doubt and
trepidation about him, I can only hope things will get better once I leave
home. His hungry gaze wanders over my body one more time, a self-satisfied
gleam in his eyes.

“I never used to believe in perfection. I thought it was a
myth, something false that only foolish people believed in.”

“And now?” I ask him flirtatiously.

“And now I
know
it does. My perfection is you.” He
softly places a chaste kiss on my forehead.

“Always?” I whisper.

“And forever.” He replies.

I get dressed and we make our way downstairs. I realise
there are still so many things we have to talk about, important questions that
we need to discuss. I make my way into the living room and stand in front of
the mirror above the fire lace. I look flushed and rosy cheeked, there’s a
sensual glow that surrounds me, something I’ve never witnessed before. I’m
distracted by Jake’s reflection behind me, he’s standing with both hands in his
pockets and he looks uneasy, almost afraid.

“Bethany, I need to know what you’ve decided about the
baby.” He avoids looking at me, keeping his gaze firmly fixed on the floor.

“I’m still not sure; I’m hoping that by leaving home I’ll
be able to really think about what it is I want and be able make the right decision.
I’ll have the freedom to think about my future instead of being so preoccupied
with the present and the fear of us being caught.”

I turn around to face him, hating the incapability I have
to lie. I don’t want to be the one who’s causing him so much pain; I wish I
could tell me what he wants to hear.

“So… you’re still not certain?” The devastation on his face
breaks my heart; I can almost feel it shatter into a thousand pieces.

“I don’t know, Jake. A huge part of me still believes I’m
just not ready for this.”

“I understand that, baby, I do. I just need you to know
that I’m here for you. I know that we can do this, all of it. The two of us
together
and
the baby, it
is
possible.”

“Jake, please don’t put more pressure on me. I’ve already
agreed to come and live with you, even though I’m still not crazy about the
idea of moving in with your family. I have so many questions about them and how
we’re going to manage.”

“Like what? Ask me anything and I’ll reassure you.” He says
decidedly, striding over towards me.

“I need to know where we’re going to live; we can’t stay
with your family forever. How are we going to survive? I haven’t got a job and
we have no money. It’s all such a mess.” I wail, overwrought by the
overwhelming torment that comes with dread and panic. It threatens to consume
me and drag me under like an almighty undercurrent and I’m starting to wonder
if I’ll ever be able to make my way back up to the surface.

There’s just so much to consider, so much can go wrong and
end badly for us. I hate all of the uncertainty and I despise being afraid, my
fear eats away at me until there’s nothing left but an empty shell of my former
self.

“Listen to me; you don’t have to worry about any of those
things, ok? All of your concerns are my responsibility; they’re my problem now,
not yours. I’ve already told you that I’ll take care of you. Don’t you believe
me?”

“I do.” I assure him. “It’s just can’t help worrying, it’s
all I’ve ever known.”

“Trust me, Bethany. The only thing you need to decide on is
when you’re going to leave home. If I had it my way it would be tonight but I’m
guessing you want to go back and sort things out with your mum first?” He asks,
softly tracing his thumb across my bottom lip, such a sweet caress that makes
me tremble.

“How about tomorrow?”

“You’re serious?” He beams at me; the excitement in his
voice makes me giddy.

“Let’s do it. We’ll do it tomorrow.” I tell him, squealing
in delight and joy when he lifts me from the ground, spinning me around.

“What about your mum? Are you going to explain everything
to her?”

“I have to. I don’t have a
choice. Tomorrow I’ll sit her down and tell her everything. She deserves to
know the truth and I can’t just leave without saying goodbye to her.”

I can’t stop myself from smiling as we leave gran’s house.
I know that we still have a long way to go, there’s still so much we don’t know
about each other, so many things that have yet to be resolved but at least one
decision has been made, my decision to leave home.

“Do you know how amazing it feels for me to know that by
this time tomorrow night you’ll be in my bed with me? I can’t believe I’ll
finally get to have you all to myself, no more separation and no more sneaking
around so we can see each other. I’ll no longer have to share you and that’s a
miraculous and extraordinary feeling.” He sighs with contentedness and relief,
his demeanour so relaxed and happy.

“You don’t have to try and explain it to me, Jake. I’m
feeling it too.”

 He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me towards
him. He’s just about ready to kiss me when we’re interrupted by the sound of
his phone ringing.

“Damn it. Hold on a second, baby.” He reaches into his back
pocket and looks at the screen; his right arm remains protectively around my
waist, keeping me close.

“Who is it?” I enquire.

“It’s Ritchie, my boss. I better answer this, do you mind?”
He asks.

“Of course I don’t.” I go to move away from him, thinking I
should give him some privacy.

 He tightens his hold on me, refusing to let me go and
I glow with pride. Jake doesn’t want us separated for a second and it feels
really, really good. I can’t help listening to Jake’s end of the conversation
and it doesn’t take me long to realise that Jake’s boss must be asking him if
he can work tonight.

“Hold on one second. Bethany, is it ok with you if I work
tonight?” He asks, looking at me expectantly whilst holding the phone away from
him.

“Of course. Besides, I need to hurry back.”

I have to figure out what I’m going to say to mum. I plan
on explaining everything to her tomorrow but really need to spend some time to
think about what I’m going to say. I still can’t believe that tonight will be
my last night at home. I never thought this would happen. I never believed it
was possible.

 “So it looks like I’m working tonight, are you sure
that’s ok with you? You don’t need me to be there with you when you tell your
mum everything?” Jake finishes up his conversation, placing the phone back in
his pocket.

“No, I want to do this by myself.” I say determinedly.

“Aargh, it’s just too damn hard for me to say goodbye to
you now. Thank God this is the last time I’ll have to do it.” He mutters
quietly, almost to himself.

We’re standing at the entrance to my road and I can see my
house in the distance. I have mixed feelings about it now that I know I will be
leaving it all behind tomorrow. It embodies everything about my past;
everything I once hated and despised. The place I thought would always be my
prison. My future is standing right next to me. He’s the only reason I’ve found
the strength to do this, I owe Jake everything.

“This is goodnight, Jake, not goodbye.”

“Mmm, that sounds good. Goodnight, Bethany. I’ll be seeing
you tomorrow.”

“I’ll let you know how things go with mum and when you can
come by to pick me up.” I’m practically beaming with joy and elation.

“Deal.” He strokes my jaw line with his thumb before
winking at me and walking away.

He’s only gone a few steps when he turns back around,
smiling at me with so much jubilance. His happiness is contagious and it’s a
beautiful moment when I turn and walk away from him because I know it will be
the last time we have to say goodbye to one another. For the first time in my
life I’m optimistic because I know that every step I take is one step closer to
a future that is so bright and beautiful, a future I thought I’d never know, a
life with Jake.

My rapture and euphoria doesn’t last long. I instinctively
know something is wrong as soon as I enter the house. The hallway is in
darkness and the only light left on in the whole house is coming from the
living room. It’s eerily silent. There’s no sound to be heard from the TV and
no noise from the kitchen where I can usually find mum clattering about.

“Mum?” I poke my head around the living room door, hoping
to find her asleep on the sofa or something but there’s no one there. I wonder
if she went upstairs and fell asleep up there, maybe that’s why the house is so
quiet. I check the time and realise it’s far too early for her to have gone to
bed. I swallow nervously when the first prickle of fear crawls up my spine.

 Glancing through to the kitchen, I notice the lights
are off in there and there’s no still no sign of her. I bite my lip in anguish,
sinking the teeth into the skin until I accidentally draw blood. What am I supposed
to do now? It doesn’t take me long to realise that I only have one choice. I
have to go and see if she’s upstairs. Something might have happened to her, she
might have collapsed or be unconscious, I can’t just leave without finding out.

 I switch the light on in the hallway, there’s no way
I’m brave enough to go up there in the dark. I hesitantly start to climb the
stairs; desperately afraid and wishing that Jake was here with me right now. I
think about calling him to ask if he would hurry back here and check the house
out for me so I don’t have to do this alone. I quickly change my mind when I
remember he will already be on his way to work by now. God, why do I have to be
such a coward? There’s nothing to be afraid of, this is my house and I know mum
wouldn’t have gone anywhere if it wasn’t an emergency, there’ll be a perfectly
reasonable explanation for all of this, I’m sure of it.

I gently knock on mum’s bedroom door. My stomach is
churning with anxiety and dread, I’m terrified about what I’m going to find on
the other side of this door. Trying to rid myself of my fear, I consider all of
the other possibilities. She’s probably having a little lie down and fell
asleep if she wasn’t been feeling well. I cautiously open her bedroom door,
curling my fingers into fists as I enter her room. I turn on the bedroom light,
blinking until my eyes adjust to the brightness. I look towards the bed, hoping
to see her lying there.

 It’s empty.

She’s not here.

I stand there, frozen and in shock. I have no idea what I’m
supposed to do next. Mum hasn’t got her own mobile so I can’t call her and find
out where she is. I come to the decision that something must be wrong. Where
the hell is she? She wouldn’t disappear like this unless something terrible had
happened. I mentally retrace my steps, trying to remember if I overlooked a
note that she might have left for me downstairs. I could go back down and check
but I know I won’t find anything, I would have noticed if there was something
left for me to find.