Almost Alive (14 page)

             
“I hate the both of you!”  I couldn’t take it anymore, and I got out of my chair and kicked it to the ground.  That wasn’t enough for my pent up aggression.  I felt like I was losing my mind because there was nothing to hit.  I ran my fingers through my hair and ended up screaming.  “You could have at least had the decency to wait until I had left for college or something.  I killed myself, and all you two want to do is have some shrink prescribe me a bunch of pills so you feel better about being sluts!  Well, I’ve got news for you.  You two sluts had a kid, and that means you have to be responsible.  As long as you two feel you have the right to run my life, you have to face the reality that you have to take care of me.  And whatever this is, it’s absolutely not taking care of me.”

             
And just as I knew it would happen, the yelling turned into hysterical tears.  “You’re ruining me.  You don’t realize how messed up I am and neither of you care.  You only care about yourselves.  That’s why you’re so perfect for each other.”

             
They sucked so much at being parents.  They didn’t even order me to stop being a lunatic or try to comfort me.  They stared like they were frightened children and it disgusted me.  I rolled my eyes at their incompetence and rushed out of the house and to my car.

             
I started driving and dialed Julian’s number.  I knew he thought I should be alone, but he was wrong.  I couldn’t stand to be in the same house with my parents.  I knew it was wrong to hate them, but I did. 
If they weren’t such miserable parents, you wouldn’t have killed yourself. 
If they had done their job, I wouldn’t have tried to kill myself.  The sad fact of reality was that I only had one person in the whole world I could depend on.

             
“Hello?”

             
“Maria?”  I couldn’t imagine Julian being happy that she answered his phone.  He’d probably go ballistic.  “Where’s your brother?”

             
“He’s in the shower.”

             
He may be lean, but I bet he has an incredible body!
  I pushed the thought out of my mind.  The demon probably had a point, but I knew better than to think like that.  “I kind of need to talk to him about some stuff I’m going through.  Would you tell him to call me back as soon as possible?”

             
“Why don’t you come over?”

             
Then you could join him.
 
Won’t that be fun!
  “You don’t think Julian would mind?”

             
“No.  He’d be thrilled to see you.  I’ll text you the address.”

             
“Okay.  Thanks.”  We hung up, and I was left with a serious problem.  No matter what I did, I couldn’t stop thinking about him.  I got these terrible butterflies in my stomach.  I remembered that he already made it painfully clear that we didn’t belong together, but I figured that’s because he really didn’t know how I felt about him.  He thought it was the demon making me want him sexually.  We had more than that.  He was honestly all I had.

             
He didn’t live in a house like I expected.  He lived in a quaint house in the suburbs with pretty flowers and lawn gnomes.  I guess I expected him to live in a trailer park or in a country hick house with dead deer hanging up for the world to see and be disturbed by.  It was a pleasant surprise, and it made me like him more.  He was going to have to do something really weird to change his image or else I’d start believing he was a normal human being.

             
Before my knuckles could hit the door, Maria opened it.  It would have been eerie if I weren’t so intrigued.  “Is Julian ready for me?”

             
“Not quite.”  She grabbed my arm and pulled me inside.  “I wanna show you my room.”

             
“Okay.”  I quickly glanced around while she pulled me through the house.  It was clean and bright and relatively normal.  There weren’t any weird paintings or sculptures that would make me do a double take.  It was pretty ordinary and domestic.  I wasn’t sure if I were more relieved or disappointed.

             
Then everything took a serious shift when we got up to the stairs and to a red door.  “This is my room.”  Before she even opened it up, I felt there was something inside.  Then I felt something inside of me—the demon—pushing me to take a step forward and enter inside so I could bask in the darkness that dwelled inside.  Maria spun inside excitedly and threw her hands into the air proudly.  “What do you think?”

             
“What do I think?”  I was frightened to go inside, but it was like I didn’t have control over my own body.  My head started pounding, and it was harder to breathe.  My skin felt like it was on fire, but it wasn’t a true physical reaction to make me sweat.  I felt cold and dead inside. 

             
I was finally beginning to understand why Julian didn’t want me to be around Maria and why she was initially ashamed to let me know what she was.  It was certainly clear when I saw the skulls, candles, and pentagrams all over the walls.  I didn’t know how legit it was, but the feeling I got inside freaked me out enough to believe. 

             
Aren’t you the least bit curious?
  I pointed to an Ouija board I saw on her bed.  “Is that real?”

             
“Yeah.  I tried it out a few times.”  She held her head up, obviously impressed with herself.

             
“And does the dead actually communicate with you?”

             
“Why?”  She smiled, suspiciously excited.  “Is there someone you need to connect with?”

             
“No.  I’m good.  Thank you.”  I didn’t know what to think of Maria.  I knew she didn’t want me to judge her and I promised that I wouldn’t, but I felt like I was suffocating in there.  Every moment I stayed there, I felt less like myself, yet I couldn’t find the will to leave. 

             
“Is this a little weird?”

             
“I won’t lie.  It is.” 
You’re still curious though.  I know you are. 
I knew the demon was speaking to me, but it still felt like it was me because its thoughts were so loud in my head.  I couldn’t head for the door until I had started searching around the room.  I didn’t usually have sticky fingers, but I was intrigued by every candle, every caldron, and every crystal.  Then when I got to her bookshelf, I was drawn to one leather-bound book in particular.

             
“That’s my spell book.”

             
I quickly drew my fingers back, but I became so curious.  “Can I ask you a question?”

             
“Sure.”

             
“Is magic real?  Can you really perform spells?”  I felt like such a child for asking.  I always liked watching shows about kids with magical powers and using them to save the world.  It was too fantastical to be real.

             
“I’ve performed a lot of spells.  Do you need some proof?”

             
I was a little freaked out, but I couldn’t bring myself to back out.  “What did you have in mind?”

             
“How about a love spell?”

             
“Why would I need a love spell?”  I was so nervous.  Was it that obvious that I was struggling with my love life, aside from my scandal at school?  “I enjoy being single.”

             
“Are you sure?”  She smiled wickedly.  “Julian can be very stubborn.”

             
He is stubborn.  He might need a little push.
  “You would do a spell on your own brother?”

             
“If I thought I’d be helping him in the end, then yes.  I’m a good witch,” she assured me with an overly cheesy wink.

             
I looked around the room.  I had only seen pentagrams and spell books in movies.  I thought if I would have been up close and personal with a witch, I would have run away.  “So all of this time, this is the secret you and Julian didn’t want to tell me?”  Since I knew her to be a good person, I wasn’t going to suddenly change my opinion.

             
“Can you blame me?”  She laughed, and I think it relieved her of a lot of stress.  “It’s not so common.  Bible thumpers like my brother would prefer to see people like me burned to a stake like it’s the Salem Witch Hunt all over again.”

             
What about your parents?  A love spell could save their marriage.
“Would it be wrong of me to ask you to do a spell to keep my parents together?”

             
“No.  I wish I was better versed in the dark arts when I was little.  It probably could have kept my mom and dad from fighting so much.”

             
“Where are your parents?”  I plopped down on her bed, feeling like I actually had a girlfriend I could chat with.  That was great considering that I had to ditch all my friends when all my drama erupted.  “I hope you don’t mind me asking.”

             
She shook her head and lay down next to me.  “My dad left the state to make big bucks in oil.  He sends us enough to take care of us, and I have no clue what he does with the rest of it.”

             
“And your mom?”

             
“She was in an accident.”  She sighed heavily and looked up to the ceiling where there was another unique pentagram that was as big as her bed.  Whatever it was, she seemed to draw strength from it.  “She’s been in a coma for the past few years.”

             
Don’t you wish your mother was in a coma?
  “I’m so sorry.”  I felt awful for her, but there was a piece of me that was a wee bit envious.  But she obviously must have loved her mother. 
If only you two could trade places.
  “There isn’t a spell or something you could perform to make her better?”

             
“Julian literally said he would kill me if I tried any witchcraft on Mom.  He thinks I’ll make it worse.  I don’t see his god doing anything about it.”  She rolled her eyes, and her bitterness seeped out like a poison.  “If he helped me, I know we could pull off our own miracle.”

             
“Why would Julian help you?”

             
“He taught me everything I know.”

             
“Wait!” I yelled.  My mind was officially blown.  “Julian is a witch?”

             
“Warlock is the proper term,” Julian said from right outside the doorway, “and I’m retired.”  He looked pretty pissed off.  “Come on, Michelle.”

             
Are you really gonna let him control you like that?
  “No.  I think your sister might be able to help me.”

             
“Come on.”  I don’t know what it was about Julian that made him so domineering, but I did exactly what he wanted me to do and left right out of Maria’s room.

             
He looked back at Maria, and she was pouting on her bed, waiting for me to come back.  I wanted to make her feel better, but I had to follow him.  He was my sensi or whatever. 

             
But just because he’s your teacher doesn’t mean that you can’t offer anything.
  “Why don’t you give her a chance?  She thinks she could save your mom.  She might be able to help my parents.”

             
“There’s no such thing as magic, Michelle.”  I didn’t appreciate that he spoke to me like I was a child.

             
“Your sister certainly thinks there is.”  I crossed my arms stubbornly.  She was not that convinced for nothing.

             
“It’s not real magic.”  Julian looked back into his sister’s room.  She was still watching us, so he slammed the door hard enough to make me jump.  “I used to think it was about being one with nature and it letting us channel its energy.  Well, I was wrong.  It’s much darker than that.  Witchcraft and demonic spirits go hand-in-hand.  Nothing good comes from witchcraft.”

             
“But your sister is so nice.”  I didn’t know much about demons and witches, but I knew Maria.

             
“That doesn’t mean anything.  It’s addictive, Michelle.  You haven’t even practiced and yet you’re so curious about it.  Do you think that’s you or your demon?”

             
Is it fair how he always thinks you’re incapable of making your own decisions?
  “I think any normal person would be curious—”

             
“Don’t be stupid, Michelle.”  He grabbed my arms and stared into my eyes and began to loosen the grip the demon had on my mind.  “Messing with witchcraft is dangerous, especially for someone like you.  Maria isn’t possessed, but you are.  It could become real with you.  You could be dangerous.”

             
I nodded and decided to listen to what he had to say.  He led me back downstairs and away from Maria.  I sat down on the couch and tried to clear my mind of whatever happened to me in her room.  I didn’t think it was so bad to practice magic, but I would have never approved of using spells on Julian and my parents before.