Almost Alive (11 page)

             
“No!” I didn’t mean to snap at Maria and shoot down her sudden hopes.  “We’re just in a unique situation, and he’s good for me right now.”

             
“And you’re gonna do whatever he says, right?”  On one hand, I could tell that she really loved her brother and would do anything for him, but I could also tell that she was somewhat afraid of him.  “You’re gonna drop me and treat me like every other person in this school?”

             
I pledged to Julian that I would do whatever he said to make myself better.  I couldn’t go back on that promise, especially after the demon had possessed me.

             
This girl has been nothing but good to you!  If you betray her, then you’ll really have no soul.
  “No.” 

             
Maria began to smile and then I knew for sure that I had made the right decision.

             
“Who am I to judge you?  You don’t have to tell me your deepest, darkest secrets if you don’t want to.  I’m not gonna ditch you.  I won’t even tell Julian that we’re speaking.  This will be our little secret.”

             
I didn’t take her for the hugging type, but she did it anyway.  Maybe it was bad to defy Julian once again, but he couldn’t expect me to blindly follow his orders without some kind of explanation.  He wasn’t my religion, and he hadn’t trained me to be an obedient solider.  Being Maria’s friend would work out great.  I’d make him see that…Eventually.

             
“Look at the freaks,” said Victoria from the locker room doors.  It was a bit creepy that she was spying on us.

             
“How long have you been there?”  I certainly didn’t want her to know about my suicide!

             
“Just long enough for that gal pal hug.  I’m not really surprised that you two congregated together.”

             
“What do you want?”

             
“I wanted to say that I love my baby sister, and if you ever touch her again, I will rip your face off!”

             
You don’t have to be afraid of her.  She’s all talk.
  “I never meant to hurt Liz.  I didn’t know dolls had feelings.”  I pouted and pretended to have a fake sympathy, but I smirked and started to laugh in her face, which made Victoria angrier.  “Ken is my play thing now.  The sooner Barbie realizes that, the sooner I won’t have to shove her face into the pavement.”

             
She raised her fist to strike me, but I didn’t flinch.  She looked surprised and upset that I sat on the bench unmoved and unmotivated by her lame attempt to scare me.  “I don’t fight in school, but I am going to make you pay.”

             
She’s bluffing.
“Name the time and place.  I’ve always wanted to harpoon a whale.”

             
She glared enough for me to know that if she were bluffing, she indeed wasn’t any longer.  “Meet me in the back of the student parking lot twenty minutes after the bell rings and if you don’t, you will regret it.”

             
“What are you gonna do, eat my lunch?”  I giggled, but it turned into a full-on maniacal laugh, which made her glare more.  I totally wasn’t buying it though, especially not after she started stomping away with her elephant feet. 

             
“Why did you just do that?” Maria asked panicked.

             
“Because she’s all talk!”

             
“No!”  Maria grabbed onto my shoulders, and her eyes were wide, and she was literally flipping out.  “She’s beaten up a lot of girls for her younger sister.  She’s super protective of her and she’s never, ever lost a fight.”

             
“Oh…”  It dawned on me what had happened.  I hadn’t quite been myself for the class.  I was so easily tricked.  When I looked back and thought about it, it really made me sick!  If I would have stopped and thought about how much of a condescending brat I was, I would have been able to realize that I was being influenced by the demon.  “Crap!”

              Why?  I didn’t understand why my demon had influenced me to talk straight into getting pulverized by a big, athletic girl who was overprotective of her bratty little sister.  It lived in my body too, but maybe it didn’t feel pain or care about it.  It obviously didn’t care about the repercussions of drug and alcohol use along with possible rape.

             
I needed to figure out what to do, so I went to the only person I knew could help.  I couldn’t wait to get to physics class so I could see Julian.  I got there a few minutes early, and he was the only one inside the room, probably because he didn’t have any friends to socialize with in between classes.  I guess we were alike in that way.  “I need to talk to you.”

             
I had slammed my books down on the desk, but he barely looked up at me.  “Is this about your fight?”

             
“Yeah.”  He sort of stole my desperate thunder.  “You know about it?”  I would have figured that Julian was far above all that playground gossip.

             
“Everyone is talking about it.”  He laughed.  “I overheard someone say they were hoping Victoria hits you so hard that your head spins around in a complete circle.”

             
“Julian!” I bopped him in his forehead so hard it made a nice
pop
noise.  “What am I gonna do?”

             
“It’s obvious.  You can fight and lose, or you could run away and let her torture you until she finds you and beats you up anyway, plus everyone will think you’re a coward on top of being a big slut.”

             
“Julian!”

             
He threw his hands up in the air and laughed a bit.  “Those are your options.  There isn’t a third.”

             
I felt incredibly defeated and lazily plopped in the seat next to Julian.  I thought he was going to have some better advice.  “You don’t think I could talk her out of it?”

             
“Something tells me you talked her into it.”  He crossed his arms and leaned back into his chair so smug while he waited for me to admit that I had screwed up.

             
“So what?  You wanna let her teach me a lesson?”  I thought that was a bit freaking much!

             
“That’s what’s gonna happen, yes.”  Why did he have to be such a jerk?  It was like he knew I somehow disobeyed him, so I deserved to get my teeth kicked in.  “It may hurt for a little while, but you’ll get over it.”

             
I honestly didn’t know what to do!  I had never been in a fight before, so I knew I was going to lose.  I was already injured for crying out loud!  Could I even run away fast enough to escape Victoria?  She ran pretty fast for a girl who must have been two hundred plus pounds.  Then she was too powerful.  How much weight did she have behind her punch?  Was it possible for her to explode my skull?  I didn’t even like being yelled at.  How was I gonna take my skull exploding?  “Have you ever been beaten up before?”

             
“No,” he said without one shred of compassion.

             
That’s because he let his demon give him strength when he couldn’t control his mouth.
“Can the demon give me strength?”

             
He glared and spoke sternly.  “Don’t even think about it.”

             
He wouldn’t get so defensive if it wasn’t possible, Girly.  He’s got experience.  Don’t you remember Maria talking about how much he loved to fight?  He never lost for a reason. 
“Did yours give you strength?”

             
He got pretty pissed.  “I never willingly made any deals with my demon, Michelle.  I didn’t know it existed, and when I found out, I did my very best to fight it off.  It’s still inside of me waiting for me to slip up, but I’m not going to and it doesn’t bother me.”

             
“He looks down on you, Michelle.”  I saw myself out the corner of my eye, sitting in an imaginary chair.  I could feel its words stinging my brain, like my own will was numbing down.  I tried to ignore it, but my demon wrapped its arms around me and rested its head on my shoulder.  It was kind of impossible not to have some kind of reaction. 

             
He cocked his brow curiously.  “You okay?”

             
I nodded, but it was squeezing tighter and nuzzling its head in my back.  Somewhere, in my mind, I knew I was having some kind of crazy fantasy, but the part of my brain that controlled reality wasn’t strong enough to keep me from freaking out.

             
“It’s talking to you, isn’t it?”

             
“Maybe…”  A tear quickly formed and fell from my eye.  I felt so weak and pathetic, especially with Julian knowing how totally insane I had become.  “It’s like she’s real, Julian.”

             
He sighed heavily like he we was exasperated.  “I never saw mine like that…”

             
“Uh oh!”  The demon began to laugh.  “Julian doesn’t know what to do.  That’s pretty shocking, right?  I guess you’re stuck with me.”

             
“Julian…”  I hadn’t noticed until he noticed, but I reached out to touch his hand out of desperation.  When he looked at our hands interwoven in a brief yet meaningful moment, our eyes met and…I don’t know!  I couldn’t really breathe for a second.  I needed him.  He wanted to help me.  I didn’t think I was the damsel type of girl, and I got the sense that he wasn’t really the hero type, but we birthed that fairytale romance out of the most demented and darkest situation possible.

             
“This is so sweet!”  The demon came around and crouched to be eye level with us across the desk while it smiled and pretended like it was happy for us.  “You’re in love with him.”

             
I cut my eyes at it, but Julian placed his finger delicately under my chin and guided me back into his eyes.  “Demons have a lot of pride.  They can’t stand to lose, they can’t stand being ignored, and they can’t stand being insulted.  Just approach this situation like a normal high school kid.”

             
I wasn’t having a very hard time ignoring the demon all of the sudden.  I couldn’t take my eyes off of Julian.  His eyes were so beautiful, enchanting even.  Maybe it was the lighting or the fact that he didn’t have that gook on his face, but I hadn’t noticed them before.

             
“Ignore the demon.  Don’t let it have power over you.”

             
“I’m trying.”  I focused on his hands.  They were pretty rough, but at least they were warm.  Even though the two of us had died, it was like we were the only ones left alive in the entire universe.  How could I even think about being with someone like Michael who would freeze me with his touch if he ever tried to make love to me?  I needed passion to set me ablaze, and Julian was the only man on the planet who could do that.

             
“Do you see the demon anymore?”

             
I didn’t see her out of the corner of my eye.  I wasn’t quite ready to actually stop staring at his eyes.  “She’s gone.”

             
“Then remember that what I say works and that you should listen to me.”  His hand broke away from mine.  “I do know what I’m doing.”

             
I don’t know why I was disappointed.  He did practically run away from me earlier.  Maybe he didn’t have any romantic feelings toward me, or he wisely understood the repercussions of them. 

             
If he cared about you, then he’d protect you.
  “Why can’t you protect me?”

             
He chuckled.  “You want me to fight a girl?”

             
She’s quite masculine.  He can get away with it.
“That’s not a girl.  She’s Godzilla!”

             
“I’ll get my teeth kicked in by a dozen different jocks if I do.  I’ll stand by whatever option you decide, as long as it’s option A or B.”

             
He’s going to completely abandon you.  Julian has enough power to help you.  You have enough power yourself. 
“I guess it’ll have to be option A.”

             
“Good.”  He smiled, and it sort of seemed like he had a hint of pride in his eyes.  “It’s the right decision.”

             
I smiled fake and nervously.  I was terrified of Victoria.  I totally screwed up, and my face was going to be rearranged because of it.  Class started, but I couldn’t concentrate on anything except for my impending doom.  I really wanted to convince Julian to get me out of the situation, but God demonstrating his wrath on my face seemed to be the only way to please him.

             
“He’s going to let you die!”  I tried to ignore the sound of my voice in my head, but I could see the demon standing in front of the desk.  “Seriously!  You’re gonna be dead, like no pulse and back in hell.”

             
If only my physics teacher was more captivating or the subject was more interesting or less confusing, I could have kept my eyes off of the imaginary me.  Julian was trying not to watch me, but I could totally tell he was spying on me to make sure I wasn’t losing my marbles. 

             
“Do you seriously like this boy?” the demon asked.  Of course, I refused to dignify it with an answer.  “Because he’ll never feel the same way.”

             
I didn’t mean to, but I cut my eyes at the demon and it smirked.  I’m sure Julian noticed my eye gestures, because I caught him frowning out the corner of my eye.  I sighed and tried to pay attention to the overhead notes and my teacher lecturing about whatever he was saying.  I don’t really remember because I found it impossible to actually listen with the demon waving its arms in front of me.

             
“Hello!  Do you really think you can ignore me forever?”

             
Maybe I couldn’t, but I was determined not to look like a crazy person in a room full of people who already thought they were smarter than me.

             
“Fine then!”  The demon crossed its arms stubbornly.  “Hey, Julian!”  It got in front of his face, but he couldn’t see it.  I kept reminding myself of that and tried to remain calm.  “She’s got the hots for you.  I’m trying to think of a way to make you know how she feels about you.”

             
I knew he couldn’t hear a single word, but that didn’t stop me from becoming nervous and blushing all of the sudden.  I was antsy, and it was stupid, but I couldn’t help myself.

             
“Hey!  Do you wanna see Michelle’s boobs?”

             
“No!”  I did what I said I wouldn’t do.  I made a scene and practically leaped across the desk to grab the demon’s hands so it wouldn’t expose my breasts to Julian.  Of course, there was nothing to touch and the demon split as soon as I had made myself out to be a fool.  The class was silent from my delusions.  The only sound in the room was coming from Julian’s facepalm. 

             
I turned bright red and eased back into my seat.  My teacher was just looking at me oddly like he wanted to yell, but didn’t know what to say.  Slowly, there were a few chuckles and then mummers of insults.  I could only take a few before bolting out of the classroom and running into the hallway to catch my breath that I had lost within all the drama. 

             
I started pacing back and forth, hoping that I would be able to calm down.  I couldn’t stop my hands from shaking, and it was still sort of hard to breathe.  Then I was still so hot from being embarrassed and…I don’t know!  I guess I did kind of like Julian, but the demon was right.  He wouldn’t like me like that, not as long as I was a freak who couldn’t control my own thoughts.

             
“Michelle?”  He came outside to check on me.  It would have been sweet if he wasn’t going to scold me.  “I thought you had it under control.”

             
“I am so not in control!”  I covered my face while I breathed in and out deeply.  I didn’t want to blow up on Julian because of my breakdown.  That wasn’t fair.  “Everybody thinks I’m crazy now.”

             
“You had a lapse of sanity.  That’s hardly gossip, especially when the other gossip about you is so much juicier.”

             
“You’re not helping!” 

             
“I’m trying to be realistic.  Real.”  He grabbed my shoulders and shook me until I stood still and listened.  “You need to get a grip on reality, and I very well can’t help you if I’m lying.”

             
All of the time I craved honesty in my house and I finally had it with Julian, and I already had enough of it.  Why couldn’t he just hug me and tell me that everything was going to be alright?  Why couldn’t he tell me that he knew a good exorcist that could help us out and a peer mediator that could talk Victoria down?  The truth sucked!  “This is all too much for me right now.”