All of Me (31 page)

“She’s out back
with Kat,” Nina said. 

When Nathan
stormed toward the door wall, Nina stepped in his way, but he just stepped
around her. 

“Nathan, wait!” 
she called out. 

But no one and
nothing was going to keep him from Stella.  Nathan needed to see her.  Touch
her.  Hold her and tell her everything was going to be fine.  Assure her that –
no matter what – he wouldn’t be leaving her side.  And that he would love her
no matter what.

Nathan slid open
the door wall to find Kat and Stella sitting in her deck chairs.  Kat was
holding one of Stella’s hands and Stella was dragging a ball of wadded across
her eyes. 

“Hey,” she said,
her voice gravelly.  Stella cleared her throat and smiled.  “Sorry about the
theatrics.  I just really needed to see you.”

“Is your cancer
back?” Nathan demanded.

Kat grabbed her
cane and, with surprising agility and strength, hoisted herself out of the
chair.  “I’ll be inside, Stella.  If you need me.”  She patted Nathan’s arm
before making he way inside. 

Nathan pulled the
chair Kat had been sitting in next to Stella and sat down.  He grabbed her hand
and squeezed.  “Everything is going to be fine, Stella.  I promise you that. 
We will get you the best care – best doctors, best hospitals, best everything. 
We can move in together and I’ll take care of you.  Or get you a home nurse.” 
Nathan kissed the back of her hand.  “You’ve survived this once and you’ll do
it again.  You’ll –“

“I’m pregnant.” 

Preg…nant. 
Preg.  Nant.  Pregnant.

A baby.  Inside of
Stella.  That he’d put there. 

Oh, God, no.

“Pregnant?” 
Nathan repeated.

Stella exhaled a
laugh.  “I can’t believe I’m saying it.  I never thought in a million years I’d
ever get to say those words.  But here I am.”  Her dark eyes were glistening with
tears – happy ones, apparently – and they were shining more brightly than
Nathan had ever seen them shine before.  “I’m pregnant, Nathan.”

Nathan was
stunned.  There was no other word to describe the jumble of confusion and
disbelief bouncing around his head. 

“You’re
pregnant
?”

  “I know it’s
surprising.  To say the least.  But there’s no doubt about it.  My doctor did a
urine test – to check before he scheduled my biopsy.  It’s a formality they
always do for women in their childbearing years.  When that came back positive,
they did a blood test.  And it was positive too.”  Tears gathered in her eyes
and clung to her long, dark lashes.  Stella smiled at him through her elated
tears.  “I know you’re freaked out and I am too, but this…this is such a blessing,
Nathan.  We are so very, very blessed.”

“You said you
couldn’t get pregnant.” 

“I didn’t think I
could!  All of my oncologists said it would be next to impossible.”

“Well, ‘next to
impossible’ isn’t quite the same as ‘impossible,’ is it, Stella?”

Stella’s smile
faded.  The pained expression that replaced it tore at his soul.  “Are you
upset because you think you won’t be a good father?  I know you said that,
but-”

“I’m not upset! 
I’m fucking
pissed
!”  Nathan stood up so fast he knocked the chair backwards. 
He kicked it off her deck. 

Nathan grabbed at
the back of his neck and scoffed.  “You told me you couldn’t get pregnant, so I
didn’t use anything.  But here you are – fucking
pregnant
– and now
I’m
fucking screwed!”

Stella stared up
at him wide-eyed and slack-jawed. 

He sneered.  “And
what was all that holier-than-thou bullshit about me going around not using
protection because I might get someone pregnant?”  Nathan scoffed.  “Looks like
you were walking around with the loaded weapon, Stella.  Not me.”

Her eyes
narrowed.  “What are you implying?  That I knew I could get pregnant, but
didn’t care enough to protect myself?” 

“I don’t know what
the fuck to believe!”  Nathan’s gut twisted into a thousand knots when Stella
started crying again.  But this time, it was because of him and they weren’t
happy tears.

Nathan wanted to
hold her.  He wanted to promise her a happy future with a happy family.  He
wanted to beg her forgiveness and promise he’d try to be a good dad.

Instead, he went
in a little bit of a different direction.

“Is it too early
to get an abortion?” 

Stella’s face
hardened in a way he’d never seen before.  “Are you…is that…”  Stella searched
his face.  Her steely, dark eyes were latched on his and Nathan fought the urge
to squirm in his seat.  “That’s a bad joke, right, Nathan?”  When he didn’t
answer, she asked again.  “
Right
?”

“I don’t want a
kid.  I never have and I never will.  I told you that in no uncertain terms
that night, remember?”  When Stella didn’t answer, he leaned in dramatically. 
“Remember, Stella?”

She nodded
stiffly, wrapping her arms around her midsection.

Nathan exhaled a
hard breath and shook his head.  “What the
fuck
, Stella?  You know you
have to get rid of it, right?  Please tell me you are not so ridiculous as to
think you can keep this thing!”

Stella stared at
him for a long time before saying, “You are being unbelievably cruel right now,
Nathan.  Cruel and horrible.  And you are breaking my heart.”  Her voice was
even and her expression hard, but tears were streaming down her face in a
torrent.  “I didn’t do this on purpose. I had given up on having biological
children a long time ago.  But it’s happened.” 

Stella inhaled
deeply.  “And I really don’t care what you think.  I am
thrilled
. 
Beyond thrilled. I’m ecstatic and overjoyed and so happy I can’t even stand
it.  I would never, ever – not in a million years or for a million dollars –
get an abortion.  I love this baby.”  Her voice cracked.  “
Our
baby.”

Nathan’s heart  -
the one he’d never thought existed before he’d met Stella – shattered into a
thousand jagged pieces in his chest. 

Our baby.

A piece of
Stella. 

But also a
piece of
you
.

Stella stood.  “I
love this baby and I’m having it.  Period.  But you are absolved of any
financial responsibility.  Or responsibility of any kind.  You are free.  So
don’t worry…you are not ‘fucking screwed.’”  With a slight head tilt, she
gestured toward the door.  “And now I need you to leave.”

“Stella-“

“
Get.  Out
.”

“Wait a minute…” 
Nathan stepped toward her.  It stung like hell when she flinched and stepped
back. 

She went to walk
by him.  When Nathan reached out to stop her, she shoved at him.  Hard.  Stella
stood on her tiptoes and pointed right in his face.  “Don’t you
dare
touch
me!  Get the
fuck
out of my house! 
Now
!” 

Holy.  Shit. 

The sliding door
swished open and Danny poked his head out.  “Everything okay out here?  I heard
yelling.”  He took in Stella’s tear-stained face.  “Aw, honey.”  Danny walked
over and wrapped his arms around Stella and Nathan saw red. 

When Stella
wrapped her arms around
him
and started sobbing into his chest, Nathan
lost it.

He slammed the
door wall open so hard it bounced back on the tracks, slamming into his work
boot.  Nathan stormed through the dining room and into the kitchen. 

Gigi turned
around, wiping her hands on a dish towel.  “Can you even believe it?”  she
asked, smiling.  “What a beautiful surprise, right?  Congrat-“

“A surprise, yes. 
Beautiful,
no
.”

“You’re not
happy?”  she asked, her face falling.  

Nathan’s derisive
laugh answered her question.

“Oh…”  Gigi looked
as stunned by Nathan’s asshole behavior as Stella had been.

Which just
proves they didn’t know you at all. 

Kat, Nina, Carla,
and Fi came in laughing.  But their smiles faded when they saw Gigi’s
expression. 

“Fuck this.” 
Nathan stalked through her living room and out the front door.  He slammed it
so hard he was positive he’d broken the frame.  Again.

“Wait…”  Danny
grabbed the chair Nathan had thrown and replaced it on Stella’s deck.  He sat
down as Stella sank back into hers.  “Your cancer isn’t back?”

Stella shook her
head.  “No.  They did an ultrasound and the mass I felt is benign.”  She gave
him a watery smile.  “No cancer, but I
am
pregnant.”

Danny’s eyes
widened.  “Pregnant?”  Stella nodded.  “Oh,
shit
.” 

Yep.  Nicely put.

“I thought it was
happy news, but…”  Stella tried to swallow down her sorrow and blink back her
tears.  “…apparently not.”

“Oh, shit,” Danny
repeated, rubbing at his chin. He looked at the door wall and back to Stella. 
“
Shit
.”

Stella’s sisters
came charging through the open door wall and swarmed.

“What happened,
Stell?”  Nina said, not caring that she had stepped in front of Danny, hands on
her hips.

“He seemed really
upset, Stella.  What did he say?”  Carla asked, her face full of concern.

“I can’t believe
it…”  Gigi cried into a dish towel.  “I just don’t understand…”

“Asshole,” Fi
muttered.  She crouched next to Stella and rubbed her back.  “Well, you don’t
need him, Stella.  You’ve got us.” 

“Can we please let
Stella tell us what happened before we get all nuts?” Kat said loudly, cutting
through the cacophony of Ciaramitaro curses, declarations of love, and plans
for Nathan’s utter destruction.  She leaned against the back of the house,
waving off Danny’s offer of the chair.  He stood anyway.  “Stella,
cara
,
what happened?  What did Nathan say?”

Stella swiped at
her eyes with the Kleenex Carla had pulled out of god-knew-where and took a
deep, shuddering breath.  “He was very angry.  I couldn’t believe how angry. 
He accused me of knowing I could get pregnant and not being careful.”

A litany of “what
the hells” and “gimme a breaks” filled the air.   

The next part
really hurt to repeat.  And she bawled through the whole thing.

“He asked me to
get an abortion.  He said he doesn’t want ‘it’ and I couldn’t possibly be so
ridiculous as to keep ‘it.”  The shudders wracking her body made it hard to
continue, but Stella forced the words out.  Because she needed to come to terms
with them as quickly as possible.  “I told him I love our baby and that I
wasn’t ever going to get an abortion.” 

“Of course, not,
cara
,”
Gigi said, her voice cracking.  She threw her arms around Stella’s shoulders,
almost smacking Fi in the face.  “Of course not.  This is a miracle.  Babies
are always miracles, but this baby?”  Gigi leaned back and gently grabbed
Stella’s chin; smiling through her tears.  “This baby is special.  A gift.  A
miracle we never thought could happen.”  She stood up straight and composed
herself.  True to Gigi form, she went into action.  “I’m gonna call Marco. 
He’s gonna get an ice cream cake, like you like, Stell.  The chocolate cake
with the chocolate chip ice cream, okay?”  And there Gigi went, still muttering
to herself.  Nefarious plans about more carb band-aids, no doubt.

Nina, no good at
emotional displays, but plenty good at getting pissed and exacting revenge,
shook her head furiously.  “Goddamn coward.  Do you see why I told you to stay
away from cops, Stella?  They are big and bad behind that badge, but they’re
all little fucking pussies deep down.  Real tough guys when it comes to stuff
that doesn’t matter, but ask them to deal with something serious and-” 

“Nina,” Carla
interrupted gently.  “Do you think you could grab Stella a cool washcloth,
please?”

Nina huffed, but
she turned to get it.

Carla crouched
down and took Stella’s hands into her own.  Her hazel eyes were soft and
brimming with.  “I love you, Stella.  You are a strong, beautiful woman who has
nothing but good things in your future.  You will be an excellent mother and we
will all be here to help you through it.  But I’m going to get my lovely wife
out of your hair for a while, okay?  I’ll come back later when she goes to work
and my mom can sit with the kids.  Cause Nina’s not going to do anything but
drive you nuts.”

Stella nodded. 
“Thanks, Car.  I’ll be okay.  Kat and Fi will stay with me.  But come back
later if you can.”  She gave Carla a hug and sat back down.

She held herself
tightly.  Herself and her baby. 

More tears welled
and fell. 

Fi continued
rubbing her back as Stella sobbed.

“Maybe it’s best
if you go check on him,” Stella heard Kat say softly. 

She looked up and
was surprised to still see Danny standing there.  He’d been in clear view the
whole time, but Stella was far from clear-headed right now.

“Does she need
anything?”  Danny asked and Stella had the wherewithal to be touched by his
concern. 

“No, but thank
you.  We’ve got her,” Kat replied.

“If you change
your mind, please don’t hesitate to call.”  Danny paused, pulling out a little
notebook and pen.  He scribbled something and handed to Kat with a half-smile. 
“In case you lost the last one I gave you.”

Danny turned back
to Stella.  “I’m gonna go see what the hell he’s up to.  I’ll check on you
later, okay?”

“Thanks, Danny,”
Stella managed to get out. 

With a brief head
nod and another glance at Kat, Danny left.

Fi followed him to
grab Stella a glass of water and Kat sat back in the chair.  She didn’t say
anything, which was part of the comfort of Kat.  You felt better when she was
around whether she said a word or not.  Thankfully, she didn’t mind if you
talked her ear off.

“Maybe he’s
right,” Stella said, playing with the wadded up ball of Kleenex in her hands. 
“I never did confirm I couldn’t get pregnant.  I didn’t mean to trick him, but
maybe I did.  A sin of omission, you know?  I let him think it was fine when it
obviously wasn’t.”