All of Me (14 page)

He
stepped between her and the screen door.  “Were you engaged to him?  The Shaker
cop?”

Stella
had had enough.  This evening had gone from interesting to horrifying to
infuriating to interesting again before taking this ugly turn into awful. 

She
tried pushing him out of the way.  “None of your business!”  Tears welled and,
when she pushed him again to no avail, she was beyond embarrassed to feel them
slip down her cheeks.  She dashed them away and stomped her foot.  “Get out of
my way!  Please!  I just want to be alone, Nathan!”

Nathan
was beyond horrified to see Stella’s tears.  He hated any woman’s tears, but
this?  This was a whole different level.  He was about to start tearing up –
and he hadn’t cried in twenty years. 

This
time when she tried pushing him out of the way, he let her.  She opened the
screen door, unlocked three deadbolts and a knob lock, and shouldered her front
door open. 

Leave
her alone.  Go.  Stop this.

Nathan
followed and shut the door behind him.  Stella was crying in earnest now and
Nathan heart’s felt like it might actually bust through his chest.

“I
can’t do this, Nathan.  Not tonight.  Not ever.  I need you to leave. 
Please
.” 

But
he didn’t leave; couldn’t have left her if he’d wanted to.  Which he didn’t. 
It was scary how much he didn’t want to leave her.

Nathan
approached and Stella retreated until the backs of her legs hit the couch.  She
lifted her hands.  “Please…Nathan…please, no…”

He
pulled her into his arms and held tightly.  Stella sobbed into his pecs;
soaking the front of his shirt and smearing her eye makeup everywhere.  Her
hands went from pushing him away to grasping onto his shirt for dear life. 

“
Little
one
…”  Nathan stroked her dark waves.  “Tell me what’s wrong.  Now.  So I
can fix it.”  Stella cried harder and Nathan cursed – not for the first time –
his crap communication skills.

“I’m
sorry I brought the Shaker cop up.  I was being an asshole.  A jealous
asshole.  I didn’t meant make you cry.  Please, Stella.  Stop crying, please. 
It’s none of my business what happened.  We don’t have to talk about it.  It
doesn’t matter.”

A
weird calm calm over Stella then.  A few shuddering exhales and a deep inhale
or two later, her hands unfurled, she let go of his shirt.  When she looked up,
her eyes were red-rimmed, swollen, and smeared with black.  Her nose was as red
as her eyes and her cheeks were still damp with tears.  When she finally spoke,
it was a whisper.  But it was steely somehow.  Cool.

Nathan
despised it. 

“Do
you really want to know what happened, Nathan?”

No.

He
nodded.

“Are
you sure?  Because it’s really…”  Stella’s voice caught.  “…
ugly
.”

Nathan
nodded.  He sat in an armchair, braced his forearms on his knees, and waited. 
For Stella to tell him some long, sordid story about her asshole ex.  It would
be difficult to hear, but he wanted to be here for her.  As a friend, if
nothing else. 

He…cared…about
her.  And would have ripped off his own arm to make her stop crying.

His
concern morphed into fascinated confusion as Stella gave him her back.  He
couldn’t see what she tossed behind the couch before turning back to face him. 
Her eyes latched securely onto Nathan’s, Stella hooked a finger into the thin
strap of her dress and tugged. 

All
thoughts of Nathan’s mostly altruistic attempt to talk about her past flew out
the window as Stella slowly slipped the strap down over shoulder.  She pulled
her right arm through and did the same on the other side.

Nathan
was damn near panting.  Couldn’t think of a single thing he wanted more than
for Stella to reveal her beautiful body to his hungry, leering gaze.  But
something wasn’t right.

“What
are you-“

Stella
pressed her index finger up to her lips.  “You wanted to know…to see, right?”

Nathan
nodded slowly.

Once
Stella had both straps hanging loose under her arms, she seemed to lose
courage.  More tears rolled down her face and Nathan could tell her whole body
was shaking like a leaf from four feet away. 

Fuck
this.

Nathan
went over and pulled her back into his arms. 

She
pushed at his chest, trying to put space between their bodies.  “I have to show
you…so you know…so you understand…”  Stella was pushing, Nathan was pulling,
and somehow in the tangle of limbs and intentions, she grabbed his right hand
and pressed it to the left side of her chest. 

Stella
went limp; her only movement the involuntary trembles racking her body.

Stella
leaned into Nathan’s hand, pressing herself into his palm.  “See, Nathan?”  Her
voice was low and strained.

All
Nathan saw was her beautiful face and all he felt was concern.  He searched her
eyes.  “No, Little One.  What are you trying to show me?”

Her
laugh was hollow.  Humorless.  “Something missing, Nathan?  Go ahead.  Feel
around.  But you’re bound to be disappointed.”

Understanding
dawned.

Holy…
shit
…

His
palm was flat against her chest wall.  There was no bump…no mound of flesh
where there should be one.  She didn’t have a breast there.

But…
what
the
…

Honing
in on his moment of realization, Stella nodded slowly.  And gave him a tight
smile he hoped he never saw again.  “Bummer, huh?”

Stella
standing there, clutching the top of her dress to her chest, her dark brown
eyes so full of fear…it would have killed her to know it, but she looked as
vulnerable as a person could.  And it damn near broke his fucking heart.

“What…where…”
 Nathan shook his head.  “I don’t understand.”

“I
had breast cancer.  Stage III invasive ductal carcinoma.  Six months ago.  I
had a unilateral mastectomy.  I have no left breast.  As you just felt.”

Three
thoughts popped up back to back:  First, this woman was even more incredible
than he’d imagined.  Second, he thanked a God he wasn’t sure he believed in
that Stella was alive.  And third, he made a tenuous connection between what
she’d just revealed to him and where this conversation had started.

“Your
ex…the Shaker cop…”  Stella’s fingers went white clutching her dress so
tightly.  “What does your cancer have to do with him?”

“Come
on, Nathan.  No guy is looking for a one-breasted woman, right?  Not when there
are so many girls with two.  Of course, that’s not what Ryan said.”  Stella
exhaled a hard laugh.  “Well, not to my face anyway.”

Nathan’s
blood pressure skyrocketed.

 “There
was tons of talk about not being able to watch me in pain and how he couldn’t
bear the thought of losing me.  Blah, blah, blah.”  Stella scoffed.  “Ironic,
huh?  His fear of losing me led him to dumping me right in the middle of my
third rounds of chemo and radiation?  Anyway, he had a slightly different story
for his buddies at the station.  From what I heard, he wasn’t a big fan of the
bald head, bleeding gums, and constantly vomiting.  Oh, and lack of partying. 
People who are fighting for their lives are not much fun, apparently.”  Stella
smiled weakly.  “Go figure.”

Say
something, you asshole.  Anything.  Make her feel better.  Let her know you
care about what she’s saying.

“That
guy is a fucking prick.”

Well,
it wasn’t Lord Byron prose, but it was the best Nathan could do at the moment.

“He
was.  Obviously.  But it wasn’t his behavior that hurt the most.  It was
knowing I had made such an error in judgment.  I always thought of myself as a
decent judge of character, but after that…”  Stella shook her head.  “Now I
can’t trust anyone else, but I especially can’t trust myself.”

He
studied her face, taking it all in.  Her black gypsy eyes.  Her long, damp
lashes.  The smattering of freckles across her nose.  Her slightly parted pink
lips.  The way she was looking back at him with such fear.  And hope.

She
would have been mortified to know he could see it there – hanging on for dear
life when every instinct she had told her to let it go.

“Do
you trust me, Stella?” 

An
errant tear leaked out of her right eye and slid down the side of her face. 
“Yes.  And that’s what scares me.  Because Ryan hurt me, but you have the power
to destroy me.”

Nathan
grabbed her.  For the third time tonight.  But this time he wasn’t letting go. 

Hand
cradling her head, he pulled her ear to his lips.  “I want you so badly I can
hardly stand it.” 

Stella’s
knees buckled and Nathan’s hold tightened. 

“I don’t
believe you,” she whispered.   

“I
swear to you, I have never wanted a woman more.  And I never will. It’s not
pretty and it’s not what you deserve, but I need you to believe it.”  Nathan
nuzzled the soft skin behind her ear.  “I have never wanted to do anything more
than I want to fuck you right now.  I want it so badly I can hardly breathe.”

Stella
gasped then exhaled a little moan that made
his
knees weak.

He
inhaled her delicious coconut/vanilla scent and kissed her temple.  “I’m…” 
When fear and doubt crept into his thoughts, Nathan forced himself to be as
brave as Stella had been.  “Obviously I’m terrible with words.  And I’m sure
this won’t come out right.  But I need to be with you, Stella.  Right now.” 
Nathan buried his face in her neck and inhaled.  “I need to be inside of
you…please, Stella.”  Nathan slipped a hand beneath her dress and groaned when
his fingertips found damp panties.  He panted against her cheek.  “Goddamn it,
Stella…I can’t wait any more…”

She
took mercy on him, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him with
complete abandon.

Chapter
Twelve

Nathan broke their
kiss long enough to say, “Bed.  Now.”

Stella yanked his
lips back to hers and slowly backed up.  But they never made it to the bed.  Or
even the bedroom.  They only got two steps into the hallway before Nathan
lifted her up, turned, and slammed her back against the wall; his huge forearm
taking the brunt of his enthusiasm.

“
Hurry
,”
Stella begged, popping the first three buttons of his shirt off with a hard yank. 
She pushed her hands beneath the loosened shirt and shoved it back, desperate
to see – and taste – as much of his skin as she could.  The hallway was dark
and Stella couldn’t get a good look, but she could still taste and touch. 
After a quick nip to his collarbone, she ran her hands all over his shoulders,
pecs, and biceps appreciatively.  His body was as incredible as she’d
imagined.  And that smell –
his
smell – hung in the air, driving her
crazy.   

Nathan shoved her
skirt up with his free hand and yanked her panties to the side. 

Stella cried out
when the backs of his fingers brushed against her clitoris.  “Please, Nathan…
now
!”

With impressive
agility and speed, Nathan undid his belt, unzipped his pants, and got them down
enough to get the job done. 

He met her eyes;
his own hooded. “Are you sure, Stella?  I don’t want to hurt you.”

Later, Stella
would have the wherewithal to appreciate Nathan’s consideration, but at that
moment, she nearly screamed.  Actually, she did scream.

“Nathan,
please
!”

He entered her in
one hard thrust and they cried out together. 

“
Fuck
!” 
Nathan captured her mouth again; sucking her tongue into his as he drove
himself into her over and over again.

It didn’t take
long for Stella to teeter on the precipice of orgasm.  She broke away from the
kiss, tightened her arms around his neck, and buried her face in neck.  Three
hard thrusts later, she broke apart; screaming out his name as the massive
waves of pleasure rippled through her body.  The sensations were everywhere – over
every inch body. 

As she floated
through her orgasmic haze, Nathan continued his onslaught.  

“
Oh, God
!”
A few seconds later, Nathan stilled and Stella felt the amazing jerks of his
orgasm filling her up again and again and again.  She held onto him tightly as
his whole body shook with each shudder of his orgasm until finally he sagged
against her with a contented sigh that made Stella smile against his shoulder.

They stayed that
way for a few minutes until, with one final shudder, Nathan pulled out of her
and slowly set her back on her feet.  He pulled his boxers up and stumbled back
a few steps until he bumped into the opposite wall.  His pants were still
around his ankles, his shirt was dirty and torn, and his bottom lip was
bleeding from an overzealous nip.

He was the sexiest
thing she’d ever seen.  And he looked utterly shell-shocked.

“Yeah.  I know.” 
Stella patted his arm as she passed by on her way to the bedroom.  “Come on.”

Stella kicked off
her shoes and tossed a bunch of clothes, papers, and her stethoscope onto her
bedside table.  She belly flopped onto her disheveled comforter and tangled
sheets before rolling to her side.