A Moment of Weakness (30 page)

For a moment Tanner stared at her, and Jade could see the questions in his eyes. She could almost hear him asking her why, what had happened. If only he knew that his mother had
told Jade everything about his sordid past and the children he cared nothing for. Tanner’s heart was cold as stone, and Jade shivered at his nearness.

Tanner broke the lock they held on each other and scribbled something on the paper.
What was he doing? Calculating dates? Does he know, Lord?
She studied him, looking for any hint that he might doubt her story and think he was the child’s father.

“Why don’t you tell us about your community involvement. Start with the Channel One thing, since that’s been most recent.”

At Tanner’s change of subject, Jade was caught off guard. So, he believed her. For some reason she felt herself growing angry with him. Did he really think she could leave his arms and so quickly sleep with another man if she hadn’t been absolutely desperate? Didn’t he for even a moment think Ty might be his son?

She could come up with just one answer: Tanner truly didn’t care.

At the end of two hours, Matt suggested they break for lunch. “We can share the case precedents with you after we eat.” He stood up and stretched.

Tanner looked at his calendar. “We need to schedule a press conference as soon as possible. The buzz in legal circles is that Judge Susan Wilder might hear the case.”

“Is that good or bad?” Despite the emotional strain of being near Tanner, Jade was thankful for him and his staff. She would never have been able to fight this battle without them.

“Very bad. She’s a blatantly liberal judge who enjoys making examples out of conservative Christians. I’ll tell you more about her later, but pray we get someone else. In the meantime, like I said, we need a press conference so we can give the media a chance to hear your side.”

“The press?” Jade felt a wave of alarm. What if they hated her? What if they found out the truth about Ty?

Tanner rocked back in his chair. “They already know about the story. If we ignore them, they’ll assume you have deep, dark secrets in your closet.”

Oh, Tanner, if you only knew.…

Matt was talking now. “Since you don’t have anything to hide, this case is a prime example of religious persecution. If we want the media on our side, we need a press conference.” Jade watched as Matt looked to Tanner, and she realized how highly Tanner’s associate regarded him. Tanner took the cue. “We have to fly home tonight, but I could be back Monday.”

“Monday’s booked for me.” Matt tilted his head thoughtfully. “But I could help from Los Angeles. Work the fax machines, send out data to the media, that kind of thing.”

Tanner nodded and looked at Jade with a lopsided grin that caused her heart to skip a beat. The resemblance between Tanner and his son was uncanny, and Jade looked down nervously at her ringless fingers. “Well, Jade, it’s up to you. We could set it for Monday afternoon. Then we’d have the morning to go over the questions you’ll get that day. Does that work for you?”

It sounded like a nightmare. A picture formed in Jade’s mind … Ty weeping and calling for her from the back of Jim’s car, reaching for her as the car drove away. She gulped twice and the image disappeared. “Yes,” she said quietly. “It works for me.”

Tanner stood and straightened his things. “Okay, then, let’s head for lunch.”

They worked through the meal and late into the afternoon until Tanner and Matt had to leave for the airport. As the hours passed, Jade had the increasing feeling Tanner wanted to talk to her alone. By the day’s end, Matt must have picked up on it,
too. When they were finished, he excused himself. “We have about five minutes, Tanner. I’ll be out in the car.”

There was no wink or grin, nothing inappropriate. But clearly he was giving them time alone together. Jade and Tanner stood uncomfortably near the door, their arms crossed.

God, help me. What will I say to him? How can I face him alone after so many years, so many of his lies?

Tanner spoke first. “It’s been a long time, Jade.” His eyes searched hers, and she looked away again.

“Yes.”

“Are you well, other than the obvious trouble?”

“I’m fine.” She looked at him quickly. “You?”

“Good. Lots of work, doing what I love.” He hesitated. “I’m getting married this summer.”

Something like an arrow pierced her heart and stuck there. Her gaze dropped briefly as she struggled for the right words.
Why, Lord? Why does he affect me like this after all he did to me?
She steadied herself. “I’m … happy for you, Tanner. Really.” She glanced at him but refused to maintain eye contact.

Jade had taken a dozen detours on the path of life where Tanner was concerned so that he might never find her and Ty. But the path went both ways. Now, looking at him, she knew that even if for some reason she wanted to find a way back to him, she couldn’t have. Not then, when they were living on opposite sides of the country, and not now, with him inches from her. She had driven out his memory, and she had no intention of allowing it to haunt her again.

Tanner studied her and for a moment he was silent. “Why’d you do it, Jade?” When he spoke, there was something different in his voice, something that made her hurt inside despite her convictions. Tanner reached out and gently lifted her chin so she had no choice but to look in his eyes.

Tears stung at hers and she felt a lump gathering in her throat. How could any man be such a good liar? Even now he refused to be honest with her. Clearly he did not think she knew about his past, the children he’d fathered and the others he’d helped get rid of.

“Answer me, Jade. Why?”

“It’s a long story.”

Tanner’s eyes shone, and Jade wasn’t sure if he was about to cry or to yell at her. “I was coming back for you. Didn’t you believe me?”

Jade had the impulse to lean over and slap him. Didn’t she
believe
him? If only he knew. She didn’t believe anything he said. “I guess not.”

“By the time I got home you were gone.” Tanner exhaled slowly. “I looked, called around. But no one had any idea who you’d married. Your father wouldn’t tell me a thing.”

Jade’s head was spinning. What was he talking about? Her father had never mentioned Tanner’s phone call. She had always believed he’d never tried to find her, all of which had only verified everything his mother had told her in the first place. They had slept together and so he was through with her. He hadn’t called once since he returned to the United States. At least that’s what she’d always thought. “My dad never told me.…”

Tanner raked his fingers through his hair, his eyes angrier than she’d ever seen them before. “You could have called
me
, Jade, told me what happened. You knew where to find me.”

“But.” Jade felt her resolve melting, and she steeled herself against him. She would not tell him. There was no point telling him the truth—that she knew about the other women. What would it prove now? They had their own lives, and this meeting was about her son, not the relationship they shared that long ago summer.

“But what?” Tanner took a step closer, and Jade saw how desperately he wanted answers.

“Nothing. You need to go. Matt’ll be waiting.”

Tanner’s eyes were damp, searching hers, and for a moment Jade thought he might break down and cry. Instead he turned and collected his things. Before walking out of the room, he stopped and studied her one last time. “We’ll be spending a lot of time together on this case, and I don’t want our past to get in the way.”

Jade shook her head, again unable to meet his gaze.

“But sometime, when you’re ready … I want to know what happened. You owe me at least that much.”

She hung her head and said nothing.

“Hey.” Tanner’s tone was softer and she finally met his gaze. “I’m sorry about all this. I’m going to do whatever I can to get your little boy back for you.”

“I know.” She whispered the words and stared at Tanner a moment longer. “Thanks.”

“Monday?”

Jade nodded. Tanner reached out and gently squeezed her arm. A show of support, the same one he’d given her the day before he left, just before they started kissing and …

She forced her mind to stop. He was not the person he seemed to be. He never had been. Besides, he was engaged to someone else now. Whoever the woman was, let her deal with his past.

His hand remained on her arm, and she felt herself stiffen under his touch. He seemed to notice and let go, taking one step backward, then heading for the door. “Bye …”

“Bye.”

She stood there long after she heard his car pull away, paralyzed by the nearness of him, furious and flustered all at the
same time. Saturday would be her first supervised visit with Ty, and if she found a way to get through that, she would have Monday to deal with. First, a private meeting with Tanner, and then a press conference to show the nation that despite previous reports she really was a fit mother. Even if she was a Christian.

Help me, Lord. Help me
.

In that moment she was overwhelmed by the sum of it, and slowly, like a sandcastle giving way to one relentless wave after another, she sank to the floor. When her body was little more than a heap of broken dreams, gasping for direction in a world that had gone utterly dark, she did the only thing she could do. The only thing she had left.

She prayed.

T
HE TORTILLAS WERE WARM AND MOIST, THE CHICKEN TENDER
, and the strolling mariachi singers brought a festive atmosphere to the dining room. Clearly the women in Tanner’s life were having a wonderful time, running over details of the coming wedding and predicting the number of guests who would attend.

Invitations were set to go out in two months.

Tanner bit into a rolled up fajita and wondered why—if everything were so wonderful—he was unable to get Jade’s face from his mind. Why he had been unable to pay attention to the conversation?

“Are you listening, Tanner? Your mother wondered if you were going to invite any friends from law school.” Leslie set her fork down and stared at him. She was the only person he knew whose lipstick could withstand Mexican food. Her expression was quizzical. “You’re not listening, are you?”

Tanner wiped his mouth with a linen napkin. “I’m sorry. I have a lot on my mind.”

Leslie rolled her eyes. “What else is new?”

Tanner’s mother clucked her tongue. “What could be more important than the concerns of your beautiful fiancée?” She smiled at Leslie, and Tanner was struck again by how quickly they’d become friends. “Men can be so dense sometimes.”

Leslie laughed, but Tanner could see she didn’t think his lack of attention was funny. She directed her gaze at Tanner.
“Really, don’t you think you could listen for just a few minutes? Are your cases so important that you can’t give me that?”

Images of Jade crowded his mind, and he blinked them back. “I said I’m sorry.” Tanner reached for Leslie’s hand and squeezed it. “Go easy on me, huh? I’ll try to listen.”

Both women looked at him, and eventually Leslie’s expression softened. “Okay. Maybe it’s my fault. I haven’t asked you about your trip to Portland. Did you meet with the woman?”

Tanner’s mother frowned. “What woman?”

“Jade Rudolph. She’s the woman being sued for complete custody of her child. All because of her faith.”

“Jade Rudolph?” Tanner watched his mother’s color change and noticed her weathered hands begin to tremble. “You mean Jade Conner? From our old neighborhood?”

Tanner was confused. “Wait a minute … how did you know?” Back when he had first returned from Hungary his mother had sworn she did not know who Jade married or her new last name.

Leslie crossed her legs impatiently. “What girl from the old neighborhood?”

Tanner held up a hand to Leslie. “Hold on.” He turned to his mother. “Answer me. How did you know her last name?”

His mother gave a small shrug and took a small bite of salad. When she had finished chewing, she set down her fork and spoke in a calm voice. “You can’t expect me to remember that, Tanner. I have no idea. Someone must have told me.” She paused. The color was returning to her face. “I do keep in touch with people in Virginia, you know.”

Tanner shot his mother a look that said they would discuss the matter later. She had known how desperately he wanted to find Jade. She should have told him the moment she knew. He glanced at his fiancée and saw she was still waiting for an
explanation. “Jade was a friend of mine growing up. We … spent time together one summer about ten years ago.”

Leslie raised one perfectly arched eyebrow. “What exactly does that mean.”

“Nothing.” His mother waved her hand as if she was shoeing away a fly. “The girl up and married someone else the minute Tanner left. They were just friends.”

Tanner felt his blood beginning to boil. He did not need his mother answering for him. He leveled his gaze at her, hoping she could read the message in his eyes. “If you don’t mind, mother, I’ll explain the situation.”

“There was no situation—”

“Mother!” The musicians strolled past their table singing a cheery rendition of “La Bamba.”

“Fine. You tell it.” His mother cast a glance at Leslie and returned to her salad.

Tanner looked at Leslie. How could he explain Jade to a woman he wasn’t even sure he loved? How could she possibly understand what had happened that summer between him and Jade when he didn’t understand it himself. “Jade and I were very close that summer.”

Leslie’s other eyebrow lifted in surprise. “Is that right? And she’s the woman you’re representing in this big Portland case?”

“Her husband is suing her for complete custody of their child. It’s a national case, bound to set precedence for years to come. Yes, she’s the woman being sued.”

“That’s nice.” Leslie tried to keep her tone light, but Tanner could see the concern in her eyes. “I’m here making wedding plans while you’ll be running back and forth to some old girlfriend. Does she know you’re engaged?”

Tanner met Leslie’s stare straight on. “I told her about us, and don’t worry. Jade is not interested in me. If she were, she
would have called me years ago. She knew where to find me.”