A Moment of Weakness (25 page)

“When? The accident just happened.”

“Nothing just happened, Jade. Who are you kidding?” Jim looked at her like she was a dimwitted child. “I was going to tell you later this week.”

“You’re serious? You really want a divorce?” Jade felt her foundations shake, and she prayed God would give her the strength to stand.
You are my rock, my God, my strong tower—

“I want more than the divorce.” Jim leveled his gaze at her, and Jade felt a chill run down her arms. “I want Ty, too.”

“Joint custody?” Maybe she was in a nightmare? Maybe the
whole thing—starting with the phone call—was only a bad dream.

Wake up!
she told herself.
Wake up, now!

“No, Jade. Full-time, permanent custody.” He pushed away his tray. “I want the boy. My attorney thinks I can get him.”

Jade had the impulse to run from the room, find Ty, and escape with him to some remote Swiss mountaintop. He was
her
child, not Jim’s! Besides, why would Jim want him? He had provided for Ty, but certainly he had never shown any fatherly interest. Why would he fight her for permanent custody of a son he’d never cared to get to know? She closed her eyes for a moment and decided he must be playing with her.
This can’t be happening.… Help me, Lord
. “You’re not serious.”

Jim leaned back against the hospital pillows. “Yes, in fact, I am. Dead serious.” His eyes were like daggers, slicing to the core of her heart and that place where everything safe and secure had lived until now. “I told you, Jade. I’ve had it with your religious craziness. I don’t want my son raised in that kind of environment. You’ll turn him against me, against any hope of free thinking. Personally, I think Kathy and I could do a better job. We don’t want to share him with you. Or your extreme beliefs.”

Jade uttered an astonished laugh. “We? Kathy Wittenberg has no claim on my son.” She realized she was on her feet. “You don’t have a chance of winning full custody of Ty. No judge in America would grant that.”

“You’d be surprised.” Jim’s hand was steadier as he took another bite of eggs. “Courts aren’t happy with people like you, people who tell their kids what to think and who to agree with and how they should act.”

“You’re crazy if you—”

“No, Jade, you’re crazy. Crazy like a fool. I’m telling you, no son of mine—”

She took a step toward him, her voice raising. “He’s not your—”

Her hand flew to her mouth and she stopped herself.
Dear God, help me get a grip here
. Her heart raced and she felt perspiration gathering on her forehead.
What if he’s right? He and Kathy will try to make an example of me and then … Could it actually happen? Could a court actually take Ty away from me because of my faith?

Jim leveled his gaze at her, and again Jade wondered if he knew the truth about Ty. “He’s not my what?” Jade saw the accusation in Jim’s eyes.
He couldn’t know. The dates had lined up perfectly
. He could never have known what led her to his doorstep that day so many years ago.

She thought quickly. “He’s not your responsibility. I’m there when he gets home, when he goes to school. I volunteer in his classroom. He needs
me
, Jim, not you. You don’t even like giving him a ride home after practice. Why would you want custody of him now?”

“To save him from a wretch like you!” Jim spat the words and then waved his hand at her. “Get out of my room, Jade. You make me sick.”

Jade stood up and realized she was light-headed. She braced herself on the arm of the chair and stared at Jim.
Who was this man? What had happened to the Jim I’d longed to love, the man I’d hoped would one day share my heart?
She’d heard enough. Maybe Jim was out of his mind, under the effects of medication or a concussion. Her heart raced and her hands trembled. She needed to get home and check on Ty.

Jade made her way out of the hospital and into the parking lot.
He can’t be serious, God. He wouldn’t want custody of Ty. And if he did, there’s no way he could win. Right, Lord? Please tell me I’m right
.

Trust in me and lean not on your own understanding.…

The verse brought a rush of peace and Jade exhaled slowly. As she did, her hands stopped shaking so she could unlock her car door. There was no way he would fight her for full custody. And if he did, there was no way he’d win.

It was impossible.

But as Jade drove home, the trembling returned and she was consumed by fear. She prayed with the intensity of someone clinging to life, and that night in church she held Ty’s hand tightly.

This can’t be real, Lord. It can’t be. Tell me there’s nothing to worry about, that I don’t have to fear losing Ty to Jim because of my faith. Please, God
.

In this world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer … I have overcome the world
.

What did that mean? Why had that Scripture come to mind now?
She closed her eyes and knew she was on the verge of crying. Ty squeezed her hand and leaned near. “What’s wrong, Mom?”

She opened her eyes and smiled at him. “Nothing, honey, Mommy’s just praying.”

“About Dad?” Ty knew his father had been in an accident, but that was all. She would spare him the other details until later.

“Yes, dear. I’m praying for Daddy.”

A calm came over Ty’s face, as if all was right with the world. He wrapped his arms around Jade and held her tight while she fought off a torrent of tears.

The fear didn’t return until the next day. At just after four, Jade saw a sheriff’s deputy pull up in front of her house and make his way up her sidewalk. She felt her heart stop, and then tumble into an erratic beat as she wiped her hands and opened the door. “Yes?”

“Mrs. Rudolph?”

“That’s me.”

“I’ve got a summons for you. I need you to sign here.” He pointed to the piece of paper in his hand and held it up for her to read. The document stated that she was acknowledging receipt of divorce papers. She was officially being served. Jade felt a crushing fear, one that wove itself between her ribs and permeated her lung tissue. Her breathing grew labored as she moved the pen across the page.

The deputy turned to leave, taking his portion of the document and leaving Jade standing in the doorway, her eyes frozen on the papers in her hands. She moved slowly into the house, closed the door, and sat at the foot of the stairs where she began sifting through the pages, occasionally reminding herself to exhale.

They were divorce papers, all right, requesting her presence at a hearing set for mid-March.

Their marriage had begun in a small courtroom, and now it would end that way. Jade closed her eyes.
God, I know you hate divorce.… I’m so sorry. Please don’t let it happen, Lord
.

In that instant, Jade knew she would have done whatever she could to reconcile with her husband, but she also knew Jim was beyond that point. With her eyes still closed, she reminded herself that with God all things were possible. Jim could wake up tomorrow, repent of his arrogance and pride, and turn his life to the Lord. She could apologize for letting her fight against Channel One take precedence over her marriage. And with God’s help she could take him back and somehow save their marriage. With God it was all possible.

Two tears slipped out from the corners of Jade’s eyes, but still she kept her eyes shut, not willing to look at the destructive papers in her hands. “Forgive me for my part in this, Lord.
I’ll pray for Jim every day.” She whispered the promise out loud but heard no response. Minutes passed while terrifying thoughts made their way across the canvas of Jade’s mind. Eventually she opened her eyes and stared at the documents in her hands.

It must be here somewhere
. She began flipping through the pages looking for the section that dealt with custody. Jim had made threats in the hospital, but certainly he didn’t really want full custody. The documents were loaded with legalese, but Jade quickly found the area marked “custody.” She scanned the words and felt herself grow faint.

“Mr. Rudolph seeks permanent, full-time custody of minor child, Ty Robert Rudolph. Mr. Rudolph cites that Mrs. Rudolph is guilty of mental abuse and brainwashing where the minor child is concerned. He also states that Mrs. Rudolph’s views are highly unstable and extremely intolerant. She is mean-spirited, overbearing, and completely lacking in judgment according to Mr. Rudolph.”

Jade read the words again.
Highly unstable … extremely intolerant
. Jim’s attorney was trying to make her look crazy. As if it had nothing to do with her faith in God.
Mean-spirited, overbearing, and completely lacking in judgment
.

It was the most inaccurate thing anyone could have said about her, and after she’d read it three times through, Jade dropped to her knees.

“No, God! Can’t you hear me? Can’t you help me? Ty is
my
son, not his.” Jade knew she would not survive if she lost custody of Ty. “Help me, Lord. I don’t know what to do!”

In this world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer … I have overcome the—

“No!” She didn’t want to suffer tribulation or trials or any such thing where Ty was concerned. “I can’t.”

You can do all things through Christ
.

Jade caught her breath and closed her eyes. Her body shook from the sobs that wracked her soul. It dawned on her that Kathy—and not Jim—was probably behind this. Kathy had no children and had mentioned on occasion at staff parties that she and her husband were trying to have a family. Now that she was making plans to be with Jim, she apparently thought she could gain a son and save a child from religious fanaticism all in one move.

No, Jim was not using this issue as a weapon against Jade. He was using it to win over Kathy Wittenberg. For that reason, he had made up his mind to make an example out of Jade. He wanted her to look like a freak, someone who was crazy and could certainly not maintain custody of her child.

“Why, Lord?” She cried until her tears became sobs and still she remained on the floor, hunched over her knees, begging God for help and understanding.

Once more the feeling came over her that she needed to get Ty and run away with him, to never look back even if it meant living undercover the rest of her life. Why had she trusted her son to a man like Jim Rudolph in the first place? Certainly welfare and food stamps would have been better for Ty than a father who never loved him and now wanted to use him to make an example of her.

She was not going to let it happen. The date of their hearing had been somewhere in the court papers, and Jade sorted through them frantically. There it was. Mid-March. Ten days away.

Jade leaned against the wall. Her mind raced, thinking of a solution, a way out. First she needed an attorney, someone who understood the nature of custody battles, someone who knew the importance of religious values and freedom of religion.…

One name came to mind, and Jade caught her breath.
No, Lord, not him. He’d take one look at Ty and know for sure the boy was his. Please!

Once several years earlier Jade had been washing dishes while Jim flipped through the channels. He settled on one station long enough for her to hear Tanner’s name. Her heart beat wildly as she set down the soapy dish, wiped her hands on her jeans, and joined Jim in the TV room.

There was Tanner, and Jade remembered how she drank in the sight of him for the first time in too many years.

He’d been more handsome than ever, confident, and genuine as a summer breeze. Jade had watched for several minutes, making herself appear busy so Jim wouldn’t be suspicious. He had never known about her relationship with Tanner, but she didn’t want to make him curious.

As Tanner spoke that day, she found herself carried back in time. Apparently, Mrs. Eastman had been wrong. Tanner hadn’t wanted to be a politician, after all. Instead he had followed his dream and become a fighter for religious freedom. He had a firm called the CPRR with a number of attorneys working for him. Despite her bitterness toward the man, she couldn’t help but feel proud of him.

She could still picture his face on her television screen. Jade’s heart stopped racing and slowed to a steady thump. She could try to prove Tanner was Ty’s father, but she might lose the child for good. Any mention to Tanner or anyone else that Ty was his son would mean Doris Eastman might make good on her promise. She could still hear the woman’s hateful words that awful day:
I will hire a batch of attorneys to sue you for defamation. And I will get custody of that child, mark my words. Girls like you would never win a court battle against the Eastman estate
.

Jade sighed and knew she would have to keep Tanner’s place in Ty’s life a secret until the day she died. Otherwise it would cause too much public attention, and Ty would be the loser. Tanner hadn’t wanted his son, anyway. Just as he hadn’t wanted his other two children.

She rose up off the floor, straightened the papers, and set them on her desk. If Jim planned to sue her for full custody of Ty, if he intended to punish her for her beliefs, then she was faced with one undeniable fact: In all the world, only one man could help her now; the one man she must never contact again.

Call him, my daughter
.

Jade heard the voice and hesitated. What could possibly come from it?

Call him
.

There had been few moments since Jade had become a Christian that she had willfully gone against the still small voice of God. She drew a steadying breath. This was not going to be one of those times.

Walking across the room, she picked up the telephone and began to dial.

O
NE OF THE BENEFITS OF WORKING IN THE
L
OS
A
NGELES AREA
was the number of cases that crossed the desks of the CPRR. Of course, they could also be a curse. Tanner studied the mass of humanity seated around him at Tony Roma’s. Most of them were blissfully unaware of the desperate battle waged by the CPRR to preserve freedoms long taken for granted by many in the United States.