A Family for Christmas (6 page)

“Leave him alone
. H
e’ll be fine. He’s close enough for us to keep an eye on him. He’s having a good time. He’s just naturally curious, like most boys his age. Unless you want to continue to use Sammy as a barrier between us.”

Reluctantly she looked at him.

“When were you going to tell me I had a son?”

She shook her head. She couldn’t think of a single thing to say. She was spared the need to answer when Sammy ran back to join them.

“Momma, they sound funny.”

Sammy was oblivious to the silence between his mother and the stranger whose connection he still wasn’t sure of.

Throughout the meal, Sammy barely touched his food, he was too busy talking and asking questions. Not that Rachel minded. It was a welcome distraction from her troubling thoughts.

She wanted this evening to be over and done. The excitement she’d felt earlier at showing her son some familiar landmarks had disappeared. She dreaded the inevitable showdown
between herself and Jack
that was sure to follow.

*****

Jack hadn’t been back to the Trail of Lights since that last Christmas with Rachel.
Tonight, the place was hopping. With just a couple weeks left before Christmas, it seemed everyone wanted to see the light.

He
managed to find
an empty parking spot and they headed out on foot to the trail. At one time, you could drive straight through the display areas, but with the growing popularity of the lights and the ensuing traffic jams the city officials decided to allow only foot traffic.

As they walked,
Sammy insisted on holding both Rachel and Jack’s hands. Rachel’s opinion of this was easy to read. Jack wasn’t sure what he was supposed to feel. When he looked at the boy, there was no denying their similarities. His heart melted a little more with each
simple
question. Each childish giggle.

He wondered how he’d ever convince Rachel he
was different
when she
clearly still
held his past mistakes
against him.
She still had feelings for him, there was no denying it in her jumpy reaction whenever he was close, but she’d buried those feelings
beneath a wall of hate
. He wondered if it would ever be possible to win her heart again.

To be honest,
he had anger issues of his own right now.
Resisting
the urge to confront her about her deception was next to impossible.

For the moment, he’d try to let it go. There’d be plenty of time for angry words in the future and they would come. They had to. There were still far too many things left unsettled between himself and Rachel.

For n
o
w
he just wanted to enjoy being with his son. It was easy to
catch Sammy’s excitement and forget about what lay ahead for him and Rachel.

By t
he time they reached the final display, Sammy wanted to go back
down
the trail again. When they were finished, Sammy wasn’t the only one exhausted. Jack was amazed at the boy’s energy.

Rachel on the other hand looked worried. “Honey are you
feeling
okay?” She stopped and knelt in front of him, searching his face.

Sammy nodded slowly. “
I’m tired, Momma.”
Rachel
and lifted him up in her arms.
And f
ear slithered along Jack’s spine. Something was wrong. He could feel it in his gut. Rachel’s concern went beyond being a worried mother.

“
It’s
okay, honey, we’re going home now.” The look she gave Jack dared him to challenge.

Without saying a word, Jack took the boy from her and carried him to the SUV.

By the time they reached the Rover, Sammy was sound asleep. Jack laid him down in the back seat. “He’ll be fine. We’re not going far and I’ll drive slowly.” They covered the distance without speaking. Only a few feet of space separated them and yet the walls she’d been putting between them been felt about as impenetrability as Fort Knox.

When they arrived at Liz’s house, Jack carried Sammy inside and helped Rachel get him ready for bed.

She turned out the light and reluctantly followed him back into the living room
. He could feel her tension.

“I know what you want...but I can’t. Not tonight. Please, Jack. I just can’t do it tonight.”

He considered doing as she asked. He couldn’t. He’d been patient long enough. Tonight. For five years. It was time to get this thing out in the open – all of it. Time to tear down those walls once and for all.

“I’m sorry you feel that way. Because I don’t plan to wait another moment. I want the truth, Rachel. I’m sorry about how you feel, but I want to know why you didn’t tell me I had a son.”

*****

The weight of those words settled around her like a prickly blanket, threatening to suffocate. The tension between her and Jack hit a record high when Jack moved nearer, his arms crossed over his chest. Waiting.

For the life of her, she couldn’t force a single word out of her mouth.

“Well?” Another step closer. The impatience in his lean frame told her he was trying hard to control his resentment.

“Jack it’s late.”

A breath exploded from him
accentuating the anger
she sensed
in him
. “It’s late? Is that all you’re going to say? You’re right. I’d say its five years too late. And I’m not leaving until I have some answers, so start talking.”

She knew what he wanted to hear, but there was no way she could answer him. “I don’t know what you expect me to say.”

“I think you know exactly what I want to hear.”

“Sammy’s not your son, Jack.” The words were out even before she considered the
consequences of them
. Jack closed the whisper of space
that
remain
ed
between them and reached for her.

“Don’t give me that. It’s clear that he is. Why didn’t you tell me I had a son?”

She tried to swallow the lump in her throat, more afraid than she’d ever been that she might lose her son.

His hands tightened on her shoulders, dragging her closer. “Answer the question, Rachel. Didn’t you think I had the right to know about my own child?”

Dear God, please help me through this. I don’t know how to fix this on my own.

She swallowed hard and laid it all on the line. “I didn’t tell you, because I don’t know if Sammy is yours.”

He released her as if the touch of her burned. “What are you talking about?”

Rachel took a deep breath
. God, I know you and I haven’t been on the best of terms lately, but I need your help.
“It’s true,” she told him quietly, knowing he had no reason to believe her.  

“You expect me to believe that you didn’t know you were pregnant when you left town.”

She shook her head.
“It’s true, I didn’t know. I’m still not sure if you’re the father.”

“How is that possible?” He shook his head in disbelief and began prowling the living room.

“I didn’t know I was pregnant when I left Austin. Sam and I were married just a short time later. I didn’t realize I was pregnant for another month or more.”

“You married another man with the ink barely dry on our annulment?” he asked incredulously, coming to a halt in front of her once more. “I see you were really upset about our breakup.”

“Yes. Yes, I married Sam, because he was good to me and he made me realize that love wasn’t supposed to hurt like it did with you. And I didn’t leave you Jack -- you left me.”

She wiped trembling fingers over her eyes. She hated that after all these years the memory of that night still had the power to hurt.

“Rachel, I’m sorry, let’s try to discuss this rationally.” This new tenderness in was something she’d never associated with the old Jack. He turned her to face him, tracing a rough thumb down her cheek.

“Okay, so you didn’t know you were pregnant at the time. Surely in all these years you had to see the resemblance.”

“I did, but he looks like Sam as well.”

“He’s the image of me at that age. Sammy has my eyes, my hair. He’s
my
son. How could you not tell me that I’d fathered a child?”

She shook her head her voice had gone flat. “Jack, you made it clear you never wanted to see me again. What was I
supposed to
think?”

After another moment, Jack knelt in front of her and gently took her. “I know. Oh, Rachel, I’m so sorry. I realize how much I hurt you. I’ve never forgiven myself for what I did to you. I thought I was doing what was best for you. You were so young
, barely eighteen
. I thought being married to me would only hold you back.
You were just getting started with your life. I’d just finished the university
and was still trying to find my place in my father’s business. I didn’t know if I could take care of you the way you deserved
.
”

For a second, looking into Jack’s blue eyes, she was almost persuaded. And then she remembered Jack’s father.

“Don’t. You did it for yourself and for your father. You wanted out. It’s as simple as that. You wanted your freedom. You were tired of playing with the little local girl. You wanted to be free to date other women. You wanted more than just me. Well you got your wish. You want to know why I didn’t tell you about Sammy?
It’s
simple -- I didn’t believe you’d want any reminders of the mistake you made with me.”

He stumbled to his feet and away from her. “We need to talk about this, but it’s obvious we need to do it when were both a little bit more rational. I’m leaving now, but I’ll be back, so just in case you were thinking of running again, don’t. This time I won’t let anyone stand in my way. Not even you. I’ll find my son. And you.”

Chapter Four

When she woke the following morning, it was to Sammy tugging at her hand. She was still on the sofa, where she’d curled up and fallen asleep. Her old dog Nikkie lay at her feet.

“Momma, I’m hungry.”

Rachel sat up and tried to put some order to her hair. “Okay, honey, I’ll make you something to eat. Go wash your face and hands.” She tried to control the uneasiness inside of her long enough to make breakfast for Sammy, but she couldn’t eat a thing.

Instead, she drank black coffee and considered her options. Jack knew her too well. She wanted to run. The desire to pack up, return home to Colorado, and never look back was stronger than she’d ever imagined. In her heart, she knew she couldn’t. Sammy needed her to put aside the anger and the fear and be strong for him. She couldn’t run away from that.

“Momma.” The impatience
ton
in Sammy’s voice made her realize he’d been trying to get her attention for some time.

“I’m sorry, baby. What did you say?” She brushed aside that familiar straying lock of hair from his forehead, so much like Jack.

“Can I go play with Jason today?”

“Oh, honey, I don’t know. I’ll have to call Amanda and see what she’s got planned for the day. Is that what you want
to do
?”

Sammy nodded and the familiar protectiveness that was always there whenever she looked at him returned. She’d do whatever was necessary to keep him happy. And nothing Jack Bryant could try, no matter how much money he had, would ever change that.

“I tell you what, you finish your breakfast and I’ll call Amanda and see if we can schedule some play time this afternoon. I thought this morning you and I could do something nice for Gran.”

“Like what?” Sammy’s enthusiastic response showed in his eyes. He loved his grandmother so much.

“Well, Gran hasn’t gotten her Christmas tree up yet. So, I was thinking you and I could put up the tree and decorate her house for her. We can surprise her when she returns on Friday?”

“Yeah!” Sammy jumped up and down with happiness. It was hard to get him to finish his breakfast.

“Okay, but if you want to go see Jason later, you have to finish breakfast.”

She made sure Sammy was eating before she went to the living room to call Amanda.

“Rachel, I was just thinking about you. How are you?”

“Good, fine in fact. I was wondering what you and Jason are doing later. Sammy has talked of nothing else but seeing Jason again.”

“Jason’s the same way. Why don’t you guys come over later?”

“That’d be great. Sammy will be thrilled.”

Amanda didn’t respond for a moment. “Rachel, are you sure you’re all right? You sound a little funny.”

“I’m okay...”

“Is it Jack?” When Rachel couldn’t speak, Amanda added, “I have to confess, seeing you two together was kind of weird. I never thought I’d see that again. Does this mean—”