A Family for Christmas (10 page)
Read A Family for Christmas Online
Authors: Mary Eason
“No, let me. You’re tired. Go to bed.”
There was a roughness in Jack’s voice that she didn’t trust. Against her will, she remembered all the times in the past that they’d loved each other. The passion they’d once shared, all part of their troubled past. They were strangers now. No longer
sweethearts
and barely friends. The only proof that they’d been more than just two people completely unsuited for each other was that little boy asleep in his bed. Sammy.
It was a long time before Rachel could sleep that night, in spite of the fact that she was drained physically and emotionally. She listened to the sounds of Jack getting ready for bed down the hall and believed sleep for her would be next to impossible.
Hours later, when the house grew quiet, she tried to remember all the little things about Sam that always made her feel better. More and more lately, she found it hard to remember the man who had been so much a part of her life, her husband for almost two years.
Sam had been a good man. He deserved so much better from their marriage than a woman who had been in love with another man. Sam had never asked her to stop loving Jack. He’d accepted what she had to give him and he was happy.
Was that what would have to do with Jack?
A marriage for their son’s benefit. Could she handle being married to Jack and not have him love her as he once had?
She wasn’t sure if she could be that strong. But she had to try. For Sammy. Whether or not Jack was Sammy’s biological parent didn’t really matter in the long run. Sammy needed a father. She’d ignored that need for too long. Watched those little covetous looks her son got whenever one of his friends’ fathers was around.
As hard as it was to put aside her own wishes, she needed to think about Sammy.
Jack was right. Sammy deserved a family of his own and a father who would be there for him to share all the things in life that a little boy needed his father for. While she couldn’t protect him from her past mistakes, she could do something about not making any more of them that would end up hurting her son.
*****
When she awoke the following morning, it was to the sound of laughter coming from the kitchen. Sammy’s laughter.
Rachel jumped out of bed and threw on her robe before running down the hall. She found Sammy covered in flour, along with Jack. They were trying to make pancakes.
“Uh oh, I think we’ve been busted.
”
The boy
glanced up to see Jack pointing to Rachel.
“Ah, Momma!” Sammy’s childlike frustration was easy to read. He rubbed two flour-covered hands down the front of his jeans we she tried not to cringe. “We were surprising you.”
“I’m sorry, honey.” She smiled at her son then looked to Jack, her question obvious. Jack shook his head and mouthed, ‘He doesn’t know
anything
,
’
“Okay, Rach, why don’t you sit down and have some coffee while Sammy and I finish up here?”
She waited while he held out the chair for her, then poured her coffee.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to help?” She surveyed her flour-covered kitchen counter doubtfully.
“No, we’ve got it covered, don’t we, buddy? Trust me, it looks worse than it is.”
It surprised her how well Sammy and Jack worked together considering they’d only been around each other a handful of times. Sammy was eager to do exactly what Jack asked. She wondered how much her son had missed by not having a father around to teach him things she couldn’t.
With the pancakes surprisingly perfect, they sat at the table like a family while Rachel tried to decide how to tell Sammy about her relationship with Jack.
“Momma, look, it’s snowing again.” Outside the window, the snow had started falling. At this time of the year, it was commonplace for them to be snowed in by several feet of it. “Momma, how will Santa get through all that snow?”
“I think he’ll manage just fine, honey,” she told her son absently.
“Momma, can I go outside and play for a while?”
She turned to Jack. She couldn’t seem to think clearly anymore, much less answer her son’s simple question.
“
Sammy, w
hy don’t you go outside for just a little bit while I talk to your mother and then you can show me how to make a snowman.”
She wondered
if
Sammy
thought
it odd that someone he barely knew had spent the night.
Once
the boy was bundled for the outdoors, Rachel sat silently watching him
through the window as he
ma
d
e snowballs. She still couldn’t think of a single thing to say to Jack.
“You know he’s going to have questions. What do you want to tell him about us?” Jack asked quietly.
She closed her eyes.
She
didn’t know how to answer that and not reveal all of her fears.
She looked at him. “I need to know w
hat happens if you find out you’re not his
father.
Are you just going to disappear from his life? I can’t let that happen. If you aren’t going to be there for Sammy no matter what the outcome of that test, then please, don’t get his hopes up.”
He knelt in front of her and took her hands in his. “Do you think I would do that? I would never do anything to hurt that little boy. And I don’t need any test results to tell me what I already know in my heart. Sammy is my son.”
“So what are you saying? That you don’t plan on taking the paternity test?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.”
“But what if you’re wrong? What if you decide one day that you need to know for sure? I can’t let you hurt him. He lost one father already. I can’t let that happen again.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
She closed her eyes against what she saw in his. She wouldn’t let him break her heart again no matter what.
“Rachel, we both want the same thing. Sammy’s happiness must come first. I think having both his parents together will be what’s best for him.”
She didn’t doubt that Sammy’s happiness would be complete, but could she survive being close to Jack again?
“So does your silence mean you agree with me, or that you think I’ve lost my mind?” When she could look at him again she saw that he was smiling and her heart did another little uneasy flip as it always did when faced with that smile.
She took a deep breath and asked the question she needed to know the most. “If I agree, what exactly am I agreeing to?”
“You mean how married will we really be?”
When she nodded her answer because the words seemed to lodge in her throat, Jack grew serious. “I think that will depend on what you want. I’m going to be as honest with you as I can possibly be. I want you
as my wife
in every sense of the word. Physically, emotionally. But I understand that you may need more time.”
She closed her eyes. She couldn’t let herself get swept up into the emotional rollercoaster ride that was loving Jack Bryant, not just yet.
“I want to go slow. I
need
to go slow. We rushed things the last time. I want us to take our time.”
He touched her cheek. “Then that’s what we’ll do.”
“
W
hat are we going to tell Sammy? I don’t want my son to hate me.”
“Our son. And he’s not going to hate you. Sammy loves you very much. That’s easy to see. Stop worrying so much. Sammy will be okay with it.”
She swallowed hard. She needed to tell him everything.
“
T
here’s something you should know…” Before she could find the words to tell him about their son’s illness, Sammy burst through the door, tossing his snow-covered coat and mittens on the floor before rushing into the kitchen.
“Ready or not,” Jack whispered and got to his feet.
“Momma, did you see my snowman?” he exclaimed, his face alight with happiness.
“Yes. It’s terrific, honey.” She forced herself to take a deep breath. “Sammy, sit down for a moment. There’s something I—we need to tell you.”
Sammy slid into the seat next to her as Rachel ran through the words in her head.
“I have something very important to tell you—something that’s going to be hard for you to understand.”
The solemn expression on his face reminded her so much of Jack.
“Honey, you know that I loved your father.” She glanced at Jack and silently pleaded with him to understand. “But Jack and I, well, we were together before I knew your father.”
S
he was making a mess of things.
Jack sat down across from Sammy. “What your mother’s trying to say is that after seeing each other again, we realized that we still cared about each other.”
Sammy sat completely still, staring at Jack like a mini version of him.
Rachel was so grateful that he wasn’t rushing into telling Sammy he might be his father. “What do you think about that?”
“Are you and Momma going to get married? Are you going to be my daddy? Like Jason’s daddy? Are we going to be like a family?”
Rachel’s gaze collided with Jack’s. There was no mistaking the challenge there.
Jack nodded his head. “If that’s okay with you?”
Sammy didn’t hesitate before nodding.
Two sets of eyes, so alike, focused on her, waiting for her answer.
“Honey, if that’s what you want, then that’s what we’ll do.” And there at last she let go of all her doubts and didn’t hesitate. She’d do whatever it took to make Sammy happy. She’d hurt him by keeping Jack away. Someday, she’d make it up to him by telling him the truth. But for now, she’d marry Jack and accept whatever he had to offer her because she loved her son.
“Yippee!” Sammy jumped up and down, then hugged her tight. He looked a little unsure of himself when he turned to Jack. Sammy didn’t know how to treat this new man in his life yet, but he would in time. He stood there staring into eyes so much like his own before Jack reached out and pulled him into his arms.
“Does that mean you’re okay with having me in your life?”
Sammy nodded a bit shyly but without a second’s hesitation.
“Well, good. Then I think the first order of business is to do some shopping. If what I’ve seen of your pantry is any indication of what you have for food, then we’re going to starve to death.”
Rachel couldn’t keep from looking at him. She remembered all those times in the past when that same grin Jack wore now had won her over. Even when she was determined to remain strong, she felt its attraction.
“Sammy, why don’t you and I go outside and make sure the truck I rented is okay while your mother gets ready. We should be back in say, half an hour. Will that give you enough time?”
Somehow, she managed to agree. She felt the weight of the past few days and all that had happened between herself and Jack settle heavily on her shoulders.
“Good. And since Christmas is just a few days away, we’ll need to do some serious Christmas shopping.”
She didn’t bother responding, but Sammy’s ecstatic yelp made up for it. Her son was over the moon with happiness. And she had a feeling it had little to do with their upcoming shopping spree.
As Jack helped Sammy bundle up for the outdoors, she tried to control the feeling that history was about to repeat itself.
She’d just agreed to marry Jack Bryant for the second time in her life. She could only hope that this time, he wouldn’t break her heart again.
She glanced back over her shoulder in time to see Jack watching her and knew that he was aware of everything she was thinking at that moment.
Chapter Seven
It was a long time before Rachel could bring herself to face Jack again. She had no idea what he was expecting from this relationship of theirs, beyond being with Sammy. For that matter, she didn’t know what she wanted from it either.
She took her time dressing. Over the years, especially once Sam had passed away, she’d gotten used to wearing jeans and sweaters most of the time. She rarely wore makeup, because it was usually just the two of them. But today, Rachel was conscious of the shadows beneath her eyes and the pale complexion that was the result of far too many sleepless nights spent worrying over Sammy and then Jack.
“Momma, we’re going to Denver,” Sammy shouted with glee when she walked into the great room again more than half an hour later.
“We are?” Her gaze slid to Jack
. All the obvious questions there
.
“Yes, we are. It’s almost Christmas. This will be a special year for all of us and I want us celebrate.”
Her heart did a little somersault, even though she knew Jack was referring to finding out about Sammy.
The drive into Denver was normally a good hour’s journey from the farm. Today it felt twice as long.
Rachel sat next to Jack with Sammy happily chattering away in the back seat and pointing out different places along the way, oblivious to the tension between the two adults.
