A Family for Christmas (4 page)

Oblivious to the tension between the grownups, Sammy appeared doubtful of Jack’s answer. “Momma, am I Texan?”

She ruffled his dark hair. “Sort of honey.”

“You remember our first trip to the lights?” Jack asked
quietly
.

There was nothing about that time she could ever forget. It had been their first Christmas together after
that
summer. They’d gone to the lights together with Michael and his date, but ditched them as
soon
as they could. She and Jack had wandered off on to be alone. They’d been so much in love back then. Or so she believed. 

She looked up in time to catch Jack watching her and realized that everything she’d been remembering about that night was right there in her eyes.

Rachel fought to keep from being swept away by the tenderness in Jack’s gaze.

“Honey, you need to take a nap, otherwise you’ll be conked out before you ever even see the lights.”

He knelt in front of Sammy, memorizing every detail.
“Your mother’s right. You need to be bright-eyed for the lights.” Slowly Jack got to his feet and turned to her. “Thank you for letting me meet your son.” Only the briefest of smiles touched his lips.
“
Take care of your mother, okay
Sammy
.”

Sammy wasn’t nearly as ready to let go of Jack as Rachel was. He reached for his hand, clasping it tightly. “Will I see you again?” At her son’s innocent question, Rachel struggled to find her equilibrium. She knew the answer even before Jack confirmed the truth
, his gaze never leaving hers
.

“Oh, yes. I think we’ll be seeing a lot of each other, in fact, I’m willing to bet on it. I should go, before...” He shook his head at a loss for once.

Jack came back to her, much too close for thoughts of resolve to last. “We’ll talk later.” Jack touched her face, his
expression
filled with both warmth and warning.

For the life of her, those words sounded more like a threat than a promise.

Ch
apter
Two

Somehow, he managed to close the door. Breathe. Put one foot in front of the other until he reached the
SUV
.

A son. Of all the possible scenarios involving his reunion with Rachel, this was the last thing he’d imagined. Was it truly possible that Sammy was his flesh and blood?

“I need your help
, God
. I don’t know what to do. My heart would have me go back in there right now and demand answers from her
.
”
He
whispered the prayer into the stillness of the Rover. He
didn’t
know what to do. The old Jack would have confronted her without second thought for the boy’s feelings. His newfound faith told him to wait until the anger and shock subsided.

The last thing either of them needed right now was another bitter ending.

It was almost impossible to put the Rover in drive and leave without knowing the truth. Answers from Rachel would have to wait, but there was one person he could turn to. 

His fingers shook as he dialed Liz’s cell phone. “I have a son. Why didn’t you tell me I had a son?” It was impossible to conceal his resentment.  

“You’ve spoke
n
to Rachel.” Liz’s quiet resignation
confirmed the truth.

“Y
es
,
no…” he shook his head.
“
I ran into Rachel at work. I was on my way out of town and
.
”

“Out of town? You’re leaving? Oh, Jack, no. You can’t
do that. You can’t
give up.” He’d known this would be her answer. Twenty- four hours earlier, he would have argued that point. Now, since meeting Sammy, well, everything had changed. 

“Jack?” Liz prompted at his unusual silence.

Jack struggled to push aside the need to demand answers. “I was. Not anymore. Why didn’t you tell me, Liz? You of all people, I thought you were on my side. I had the right to know I had a son.”

“I am on your side. I’ve always been. And I hate to bring this up now, but we don’t know for certain that Sammy is yours. He might Sam’s--”

“He looks just like me—“

“He looks
like
Sam as well.” Liz’s sigh
ed. It
carried a depth of regret. “I’m sorry. Jack, I never intended for you to find out this way, but it wasn’t my decision to make. I wanted to tell you from the start, but Rachel was so adamant. That’s why I was hoping to have you come to dinner after the holidays. You needed your family around when you found out. Oh, Jack, I’m sorry I wasn’t there, but I promised Thelma.” It felt like an eternity before she asked, “What did Rachel have to say?”

As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t blame Liz. This had been Rachel’s decision. “Not much. Not that I could blame her. Sammy was there. It wasn’t the right time.”

“What are you going to do?”

He parked the SUV in front of his house, but didn’t get out. He was shell-shocked. With difficulty, he pushed aside his resentment toward Rachel.

“For the moment, nothing, but I warn you, Liz, if Sammy is my son, I have no intention of losing another second with him.”

“You’ll want a paternity test?”

He struggled to bring his chaotic thoughts under control. “Yes
.
I guess. That’s the obvious choice. How else will I know the truth?”

Liz’s silence was alarming. There was something more to the story. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Not right now. She needs you, Jack. They both do.”

“Need? I doubt that. At least, Rachel doesn’t. She’s moved on. Found someone new. Married. She hasn’t spent the last five years missing me and regretting my father’s interference in our life.
She
doesn’t need me. She has—had someone else to love her.” The thought of Rachel with another was like a knife to his heart.

As much as he’d regretted letting his father convince him that annulling their brief marriage was the best thing for Rachel as well as Jack, maybe his father had been bright. Perhaps they were too young back then to make a marriage work.

“Maybe it’s time for me to let go of that dream.”

“No. Jack, you’re wrong. I’m telling you if you give up now, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”

His heart wanted to believe her, but it was logic that won out in the end. “I’m sorry. I want to believe
that
, but Rachel doesn’t seem to share your point of view. She’s so determined to blame me that I can’t help but wonder if coming back here was a huge mistake.”

“Oh, Jack.
No.
Rachel has always been so stubborn. She’d never ask for your help but she needs your strength desperately. Sammy needs you. Please don’t let them down.”

“I don’t want to let anyone down, but Sammy doesn’t even know who I am and Rachel is determined to keep it that way. What if he’s not my son? What if I force Rachel into letting me into their li
ves
only to learn Sammy isn’t my son. I don’t think I can…”

“Oh, yes you can, Jack Bryant. You have no idea how much you’ve grown since coming to God. You a strong man now. You can
handle
my daughter’s stubbornness.”

Jack wasn’t nearly so confident. Seeing Rachel again had shaken his foundation. Discovering he might actually have a son, well, he had no idea how to react to that.

As always, Liz seemed to read his thoughts. “You’ll make a great father. Even if Sammy isn’t your son, you’ll be the father he needs. The husband Rachel wants. She never stopped loving you, Jack. She’s just been hurt. Seeing you again will have reopened those old wounds.”

A great father? He had no such assurances. Jack had no idea what a good father should look like. His certainly hadn’t been any shining example.

For so long now, he’d believed if he could just see Rachel again, explain how foolish he’d behaved back then, show her he was a changed man, everything would be okay again. He hadn’t planned on her falling in love again. Marrying someone else. Having a child. Had he made a terrible mistake by listening to Liz and coming back to Austin?

“Perhaps my father was right all along. Rachel and I don’t have much in common anymore.”

“You have everything in common. Stop doubting yourself and God. He brought you home for a reason. There’s more that you need to know, but you have to hear it from Rachel. Don’t give up, Jack. Ask God for guidance and he’ll give it to you. I’ll be back in less than a week. In the
meantime
, I’ll be praying for you.   

*****

“Momma, who was that man?” Her son’s question brought Rachel back from her troubled thoughts. She realized Sammy was standing in front of her, his blue eyes focused on her expression.

“I told you, honey, he’s a friend of your uncle’s.”

“But he said he was your friend too. I like him, Momma, he’s nice.”

Nice. That wasn’t a word she’d use to describe Jack Bryant
, but children had a way of looking beyond façades and see what was inside.

Rachel tried to explain to her innocent four-year-old, the complicated relationship she’d never gotten over.

“I’ve known Jack Bryant since I was around your age--actually I think I was little younger than you. He was your uncle’s best friend, but I practically grew up with him. So, I guess you can say he was my friend as well.”

“Momma, why are you sad?”

That childlike understanding shocked her and forced her to focus on Sammy more closely.

“I’m not sad, baby.”

“Then why are you crying? You haven’t cried since Daddy left.”

Answers were hard to come by. “I guess I’m just happy to be home with your grandma and uncle.”

At times, it surprised her how much Sammy understood. All the anguish, the loneliness she thought she’d kept hidden from him
through the years
.

Sammy was too young to remember his father’s death, but she hadn’t realized her son knew of all the times she’d felt so lost and alone without Sam.

“Okay, you. If we’re going to see those lights tonight, you’ve got five minutes to get into bed. I’ll be in there to read you a story in just a minute.”

Sammy ran off to do as his mother asked while Rachel tried to get a grip. She was over Jack. It was just the shock of seeing him again after so long.
That had to be it.

It took three stories before Sammy finally fell asleep, but not before asking a dozen or more questions about the Trail of Lights, Jack, and what it meant to be a Texan. By the time
his
eyes finally closed, she was exhausted and ready for a nap herself. But sleep would not come so easily for Rachel. For reasons entirely different from her son.

Coming face-to-face had forced her to realize she’d never really dealt with her feelings. She’d simply buried them deep inside and married Sam, trying to convince herself that she was just as over Jack as he was of her.

Unfortunately, none of that had been true. The very reason she’d married Sam was to
try and forget about
Jack. That hadn’t worked either and Sam deserved so much more than her half-hearted attempt at loving him.

He’d told her at least a thousand times that he’d fallen in love with her the minute he’d seem her standing next to Madeline trying to change a blown tire on her own. If only she’d been able to return his love with the same passion.

Rachel roamed the house
she’d grown up in,
too restless to relax. She’d just poured her fourth cup of coffee, which had already begun working on her stomach, when Michael called.

“What did you do to Jack? What happened between you two?”

Rachel swallowed had and tried to find a suitable answer. They hadn’t really talked about much of anything. “
Nothing. Why? And why didn’t you tell me he was back in town?”

“Because I didn’t know until I saw him standing in the hallway with you.
You must have said something to him because
Jack was just in here and he’s furious. He was asking all sorts of questions about you...and Sammy.”

She closed her eyes. She’d been expecting this. “What did he want to know?”

“What do you think? He asked about you. Sam. About your marriage. Sammy’s birth date.
” Michael blew out a weary-sounding sigh. “Look, Rachel, m
aybe it’s a good thing that he’s back in town. God’s way of settling the matter once and for all.”

She knew Michael’s argument by heart. She’d had the same one with herself a million times in the past. Had she made a mistake by not letting Jack know there was a least the possibility he might be Sammy’s father?  

“Rach, he has the right to the truth, whatever it may be.”

She stood watching the day fade to dusk and knew her brother was right. “What if he’s not Sammy’s father? What if he is? Oh, Michael, I’m just so scared. I don’t know what to do. Sammy’s sick. He doesn’t need to go through this right now.
It’s more than he can handle. It’s more than
I
can handle too.
”