A Breath Until Forever (21 page)

She knew from the time she shared a rum and coke with him in his mother's country kitchen that her original assumption would be what she thought and that was there was something special with this man and she would be giving more then the flesh that she gave when desiring one, rather she would be giving him her soul.

They made love for hours, and within that time, the lovemaking grew more and more enthusiastic, and with more linear desire. One time Joshua had to pull away, when feeling this, and he became lightheaded but even though he pulled out of her, he still lay beside her, on his side, caressing the softness of her skin, moving his tender touch up and down her body stroking the length between the shoulder and down her legs. After taking a short break, he moved slowly back into her again, whispering sweet things, telling her how beautiful she was and that as she lie there, with the way her head on the pillow and her hair all around her like an angel's halo. That she looked like a goddess and that he had never seen something so beautiful before in his whole entire life and compared her to the beauty of the fishing shores in Maine and the sunsets in Perkins cover. He loved her and let her know with soft little kisses that tickled wrapping his strong arms around her waist and pulled her in close, and he liked the way she whimpered soft little cries escaping from her heaving chest.  He took her to places in her mind where she never went to before, light dreams that danced and escaping hallucinations of soft hues. While his fiance haunted him once before, she seemed to have been released now, and traveled to that Heaven in which all souls in torment go, along the seams of a distant time. Adrienne was now a memory and Meredith, was now what was real, and what felt so right.

They changed positions and she found herself on top, but not wanting to sit and ride the gorging desire he lay before her. Rather, she wanted to be in the same mutual missionary position that he was in and buried her face in his chest, feeling the curls of his hair tickle up against her cheek and she could smell the light musk of cologne, mixed with the hard labors of making love and the embers of the natural nature of man and the oils of engines he worked on. She leaned her ear close to him and listened with a willing ear hearing the wild beating of his heart move steadily throughout its veins. It replicated much like the drums in Africa of those tribes in the Bakongo tribe, near the Atlantic coast to the Pointe-Noire, the tribe that she had visited in the Peace Corps and made such a mutually respected friendship with in the summer of 1958, and within the heart's drumming, she felt such a comfort in them, almost as if they were the replicating music of the sweetest of a hard rock lullaby. She swept over and rolled beneath Joshua, and he rode her like the stormy wind she often experienced in Seattle. Fierce, and with an exploration of freedom that so often animals do. And she, with a matching cravings, lifted herself to him, almost as if a virgin sacrifice and gave him the fire of old western cowboys that grows wild and free when dry timber is fed to keep their poor souls warm on a cold Midwestern night. She could almost feel those hot fires now, crackling of when she traveled to Wisconsin and the kindle that Chavron Littlejohn made right before, they had made love on a sheep skin hide int eh Autumn of 1969.

And while she rode him, her hair swiftly fell all around her. And she restlessly moaned, “Joshua, Oh Joshua,...Joshuaaaa...” and she continued to ride like I'm going to “ before she could finish an orchestra of whimpering moans ruptured and she felt a flash of lightening surge up her spine and tingle through her fingers and a long sequence of pulsating, throbbing orgasms raged throughout her body. She had been released, and she felt such a freedom that she had never felt before. Even with her drunken flings and her hot scorching wedding night that should have burned the sheets in Cancun. Her heart had been vaulted to a height, that no sky could even reach, and she felt such a high – such a rush that it rose inside of her lifting her up and up and she could almost feel an euphoric feeling of ecstasy lift her from lower ground, as if she could have floated away.

If her heart was hurting before, it had definitely been healed now, pulled together with the stitches of his love. Once wounded, her heart had been healed and as he went underneath her, she wrapped her legs around him so tight that he could feel his ribcage unbuckle. It was just the two of them. And that is how she liked it. She wouldn't have it any other way.

The sounds of the night enveloped her with their haunting and the shadows of a new night murkily crept through the dusty window. Once not knowing where her path was, or her truth, she had finally found her compass, and now the direction she was to go, was perfectly crystal clear. It all led right here. In this moment. To be with him. As one. Candles flickered lightly and the moonlight churned it magic to highlight Joshua and all the essence from which he grew into as a young man. She looked up at his handsome face. In his face, she saw raw truth and honesty.

She heard a voice circling around her, the call of her mentor in the Peace Corps, Ruby Parkins, who taught her that they even through the dirty toils of their labor, there was always peace and love to be found. That every act of labor, when you give yourself to another was never gone unnoticed. This was one such moment. Even though they had shared some indifference’s, some rough times, some coarse ill well, equal to that of sandpaper, and the gravel dirt that led to his ranch, all that labor of inequality, hate, opinions and stubbornness had brought them this gift that they were both sharing so intimately now. She had visions of her and Joshua together, older, where the wind blew strong, the ranch lands stronger and the long country roads stretched for miles and miles at the foot of purple mountains and snake like streams.

She arched herself towards him, and he collapsed, as she went up, as small unintelligible sounds escaped from her parted mouth. She panted, heavily and could only feel him and him only in her body. She couldn't even feel her own soul anymore. Just him, and his soul, as it crawled into her body

They understood each other completely. Deep inside her, he felt like he finally found what he was looking for. Once longing for something he didn't know what he was searching for, he now knew. He had been searching for Meredith Hurley and he had found her. An undiscovered treasure and he sailed through his own pride, for finding her. He had been a great hunter, always searching, traveling, going distant miles to ease that loneliness not even Adrienne could even take care of. At last, he finally felt complete. Like nothing was ever missing in the first place.

He went down on her and kissed her belly, which was soft and felt her yielding skin against his hungry lips.

He finally knew the meaning of why he existed and all the small things he had done and although they seemed rather insignificant at one time, they all made perfect sense now. All those times, he was shooting himself up with drugs, trying to escape, and all the liquor on man could ever possibly handle, he was trying to fulfill a big hole in his heart. But when he was with Meredith, he felt complete and that all the secrets and the mysteries within him were no resolved and that if he could ever sail this was what sailing felt like and his loneliness he felt, dissolved. At last he was the man, he had always wanted to be. The man that he was born to be. It had taken the touch of a woman and her love to make him feel like he was perfectly formed. At last, he was somewhere he knew what was right.

They both collapsed and slept in each others arms, finding comfort in each others warm embrace. Meredith felt like she was in heaven, and Joshua felt like he was not in hell.

Morning came and she raised herself off him a little and titled to the side. She looked straight in his eyes that were already open, dreaming of more tender nights spent together. “Good morning.” She purred. There was a softness in her voice, like a woman should sound like and be.

“Morning.” He grumbled. He was half awake; half asleep.

They they continued looking and staring into each other's eyes, falling more and more in love with each  minute they looked at each other, feeling a great place that was so high that not even the sky could have reached equally the same. It had been many years since Meredith had felt such a connection like this, and through it, she felt like a stronger woman because of it. Her legs were weak from wrapped around him most of the night and she felt a frailty tire here and she felt wilted, but good.

“This is what it is all about.” He said.

“Yes.” She fingered lightly through his dirty blonde hair. “It is.”

“I was put here to love you.” He said.

She thought to herself, “Oh god, I love him. I love him so much!” But she couldn't say it. She couldn't say that she loved him. Because did she? Or was this all lust, an illusion, a trick of the heart?

“I have never wanted you more.” She said. She never wanted this to end. She never wanted it to stop.

This melted her heart and she kissed him, like she never kissed him before, electricity racing wild. It was such a rush. Tingles ran up her spine.

She went downstairs and turned on the radio. “Superstar” by the Carpenters came on. Faded, and with static, they sang  Dawn was quickly starting to rise and the sun lay shyly behind some billowy clouds. She put on a pot of coffee. It was quick to roast. The smell of fresh coffee beans filled the kitchen.

“I have to ask you something.” Joshua confronted.

“Yes?”

She smiled at him, feeling the fuss unsettle him.

“Come with me?”

She instantly felt weak. That's where the love began to fade.

Come with him? She was already married. She could go with anyone.

She dressed, putting her shirt on and that's where she began to feel that perhaps, there was something going on here more then just the sexual relations. Something even deeper than feeling attracted towards one another, and much deeper than the connection they were even having.

“Have I said anything wrong?”  Asked Joshua, feeling sensitive to Meredith's emotions.
 

Meredith smiled. Her dimples appeared. “No, you've said everything right.”

He left it at that not wanting to pressure her. But thought perhaps the reason of her silence was because she was bothered by the age difference. If he only knew that it wasn't that at all. That Meredith had been very happy that Joshua had asked her to run away with her. It was the biggest compliment that she could ever receive. Knowing that a man would want her to stay with him more than a night. That a man wanted her to stay in his life indefinitely.

CHAPTER SEVEN

For the next few days, Meredith and Joshua surrendered hopelessly to their love. They gave up their other passions in which they had been so lost in labor and toil for so many years, like Joshua's ranching and Meredith's painting, neglecting everything they  had ever know their life to be, so that they may focus on what really mattered most, the spirits of their hearts. They had given so much before to their expectations, and what was expected of them, but no more. This time their hearts were put forward in great measure and respect and put above everything else and the priority of themselves put into full replacement. Each minimized what they had to do, in order to save time. Time was so precious now and a very rare gift, in which both of them hardly felt was even worth it anymore. And so the two of them, made sure that the world melted away and that they created a whole new world of their own, being together, without the outside world creeping in. They spend most of their time talking about things that they had never talked about before, but always had wanted to , like philosophy and art, aside from other things other people always talked about and that was complaints about their life. Rather all negativity slipped away and in replacement it was a new level of chatter in which both engaged in intellectual conversation that not only stimulated them cerebrally; but also seemed to pick them up spiritually as well.

She always played the guitar for him, although she was kinda bad at it, but he didn't care. Just watching her sit on a rock by the river, plucking at the strings, her long hair flowing all around her shoulders, all the while singing quietly as a little embarrassed to be performing for a one man audience that she cared for the chords of the guitar sounding lush with a fullness of melodic notes of The Carpenters was enough to make him smile. And he found himself lost in such a solo recital from such a beautiful woman who sang with such a soft, and rose tingle beautiful voice. It had made him enough to want her after her final verse of singing “Close to Me” by the Carpenters, and after she had put her guitar down, resting it lightly against a big rock he had lightly pressed himself against her, leaned over for a nice kiss and she didn't resist, allowing his manhood to take advantage of her vulnerability and weak moment. They made love two times, then again until both were exhausted from lovemaking and until light sprinkles gently dance d all over their bodies. She smiled and kissed him as if it was going to be her last time, then they both got dressed. They walked back towards the ranch and as they did, they held hands clasping fingers all the while looking at each other. Words were no longer needed. Rather the look in their eyes, and the fire in their hearts, were all the feelings that needed to be expressed.