A Breath Until Forever (24 page)

Joshua and Meredith made love shortly after and deep into the night, leaving the day with uncertainty but knowing that their love would always be accepted as their truth.

They laid together in bed, naked, well until the morning became afternoon, touching and whispering and caressing each other, making each other feel good. Joshua slept more than afterward, not are that Meredith had snuck out of bed, to put on some clothes and slip into the kitchen to make Joshua a good, solid afternoon cup of coffee. The sun rose to it's highest point, and made a spot of blindness to capture the ever bright blue sky. It was nearly 1 pm now and very hot ? Joshua woke up to the brightness that pierced into the window like a peeping tom and threw on his bathrobe.

The coffee now made, and already poured into two old chipped mugs, Meredith sat at the kitchen table. She sat there smoking, alternating puffs of cigarette with sips of her coffee. Her bathrobe had opened up in the front, exposing her breasts some. Joshua walked in and liked what he saw. He smiled. He went behind her and placed his arms around her little waist. He then removed her bathrobe completely where he then pushed the cups of coffee to the side, put her on the table and too her right there. She moaned upon entrance of his stiffness. He then changed positions and sat on the chair and placed her on his lap. Still hard and stiff as a rock, he allowed her to sit on top of him, and slide his manhood inside of her. It went all the way in and the deepness made her feel a pleasure so much like all the other nights that they had made love.

They were always spontaneous. Making love whenever the moment felt right. That was one of the many things she was going to miss about Joshua. Her husband had never been spontaneous when it came to making love. He always had some kind of schedule, or it was the right after the lights went out and they went to bed. Or sometimes, they just didn't have sex at all.

They both get dressed again, and Joshua went to her and slowly caressed her pretty face, then threaded his fingers throughout her lovely hair. He always liked the the way her hair felt. Silky and smooth. Very much like those corn cobbled threads that dressed the autumn harvested in the melon glowing fields.

He buttoned the button his jeans and pressed out the last wrinkles of his red flannel shirt. He buckled up his belt. “Guess it's my turn to get dressed. I'm going to take a shower first.”

“I'll wait for you outside.”  Said Meredith.

“Okay.”

Meredith took a long hot shower. She never wanted to get out of it. She knew that this was the last shower that she was ever going to take in her lover's house. Meredith felt the down of soap softly lather against her breasts. The soap was the same scent as him, musky and fresh. The soap gradually made its way between her legs, until it finally settled to the bottom of the bathtub where it swirled down the drain. The well water spit at her like a camel, and she lightly giggled. She would be going home to a townhouse that had harsh thundering showers that stung her skin. And even though these kinds of showers were much more pleasurable that the spitting shower from which she was using now, she would miss the rusty plumbing and the grumpy old water that would sputter from this fussy shower head.

She got dressed in her infamous all white summer dress with thin straps and the flower on the side of her waist. She wanted to leave here with the best impression, and Joshua loved seeing her in this dress. It made her look like an angel on earth. Perhaps that was exactly what Joshua had needed. An angel to rescue him from the hell from which he had lived. And he thanked God, for that.

She met Joshua outside where he sat on the front stairs, chewing his tobacco, staring out at the ranch, although she knew he really wasn't looking at anything but just the nothingness that was ahead of him.

She had her suitcase packed and was ready to go. It was a bittersweet moment.

“Well I best be going now.” She said.

“Yup.” He agreed with her, although he didn't want her to go. He held back tears and his body shook because of it. He had to stay strong. Not for himself, but for her and for what she wanted to back to.

She smiled, but it was only half a smile and it wasn't lit up like it usually was. It was just for a show, a false display to try to ease the moment into something better then what it actually was. It worked but both knew it was all pretend, the silence, the avoidance of what they actually felt on the inside where they felt a deep sadness and a sorrow that they both knew wasn't going to go away anytime soon. They were both very far away from healing and knew that the hurt an pain that they were feeling was only going to get worse in time and that it was going to eat away at them for years to come.

“I'll be on my way then.” Said Meredith.

He nodded approvingly and she left down the same sidewalk that she had walked down months before, feeling tears sting her watery eyes. He felt a gnawing ache to go to her, to stop her from leaving, to obstruct her from making the biggest mistake of her life, but he stayed where he was at, and just watched as she went towards her Jeep and beyond the mailbox she had run down earlier before with a few rocks of gravel being lifted from out of the slow and steady steps of her leather sandals. The sunlight playfully danced in her light white dress and there seemed to be a glow in between her legs, showing off her bushy flower of femininity, and highlighting very much like a lightening bug like the ones he used to catch when he was a boy down by the river.

Then, surprisingly, right before she got to her truck, she turned around quickly.

“Is it okay that I still write you? Even send you a poem perhaps? A line from Shakespeare? Perhaps even forward you a sketch sometime of places I've traveled to?” She breathed rapturously, feeling anxious to ask him of such things. “Tell you of my adventures and my heart longings?”

A smile surfaced on Joshua's face. “I would love that.”  His smile was genuine, full of heart, and pure.

“If you don't mind receiving mail from an older lady who likes to get into predicaments she sure doesn't mean to, but does and likes it.” She playfully smiled, putting a little twist on the situation, which wasn't comfortable at all.

Joshua laughed. He was going to miss her sense of humor. It entertained his heart. “Not at all.” He smiled.

“At least you will know where I am most of the time, so you don't think you have lost me completely.”

Joshua's smile grew bigger and wider. “Don't hesitate doing that at all. I would love to hear from you.”

Joshua then went beyond himself, and took advantage of Meredith's permission. “Perhaps in one of the letters you will change your mind and come back into my arms.”

Meredith slipped into a trance when he said that and a short lived fairytale dream of her and him living together in some foreign land, gave her a sense of enlightened but she shortly woke up and got herself out of it.“This needs to be settled and this matter is over with Joshua Aspen.”

He was no longer a match for her. But it as still worth another try. “You can call here too whenever you want. You can stay with me, even for a few more days, if you go back on the road again. My door will always be open for you.”

But Meredith was short. “No.” She said. “It's not going to happen.”

Inside Meredith was dying. “Try harder” she felt herself say inside. “Come on really try to convince me to stay to love you until the day that I die. Please.” She pleaded secretly.

But Joshua slipped on his jean jacket, getting ready for going into town. He had some business affairs to take care of, and even though he didn't want to do them, it was something that would help to distract him from the dilemma in which he was in.

Meredith's heart flitted.

“
Can you at least give me a ride into town?” Joshua asked. His pick up truck was over at Chuck's garage, getting a broken bearing fixed.

“Sure. “ She said. “I”m going that way and it's the least that I can do.”

He walked alongside of her, until they reached the drivers side of the Jeep. He opened up the door and waited for her to get in. She hesitated. He took advantage of her hesitation and grabbed her and held her tight like ever before. He never wanted to let her go again. She allowed him to hold her and she even reciprocated, laying her head on his shoulder and wrapping her arms around him tight. They held each other for many minutes. The world disappeared and it was just them again. They both relieved their happiest moment, reliving inside of theme everything that gave them joy. They celebrated the feel of each other by exchanging a short kiss, then went back to holding each other and recalling the incredible journey together reaffirming everything that they felt was special and believable about each other and everything that they had here in Thunder Valley. What they had was absolutely magic, and it was an existence that mortals didn't have the capability of or so they would have thought before and if it hadn't been the summer of 1971, Joshua and Meredith both would never have ever believed it themselves, if they hadn't lived through it themselves and it had manifested and had come true.

Finally, Joshua released his hold and knew he had to let her go. It was going to be the last time that he held her, touch her soft skin, smell the fragrance of her floral perfume and feel the warmth of her tender touch. Tears began to stream down their faces. The true moment had come. She got into the drivers seat and he followed her lead, by walking around and getting into the passenger seat where he sat silent and still. She was reluctant to start the engine. To turn the key and fire up the Jeep. But she soon relented and allowed her responsibilities take over her heart and clicked over the starter. The feisty engine of the Jeep set ablaze, and she hit the gas pedal to accelerate the action of going and with a loud growling noise, the Jeep perked right up and she shifted into first gear and headed the Jeep in the direction towards Thunder Valley. For the first mile or so she couldn't speak and no words seem to come to her. It was the same with Joshua although he had words come to him from the inside but he hadn't felt the courage to share them with her. It had already been too much for Joshua to even ask her for a ride, but unknowingly to her, it was his last attempt to keep her, and save her from an unhappy future. But wit the last embrace, he knew that wasn't going to happen and he had second guessed his last attempt, but he still allowed himself to fade out in the last moments with her, even though it was torture and he knew deep down, they were to be his very last.

When Meredith reached a fork in the road, and he noticed her hesitation he pointed her to the right direction. “You take Quaker Road to Transit Road then a turn quickly southwest of and onto I-60”

She understood right away “Okay, um, thanks.”

The big tires of the Jeep crackled through the ocean of gravel that scattered loosely throughout Road. It then made a noisy transition from trough to smooth as it heralded way to new pavement beneath it's wheels, chasing slam loose rock to flatten out to a dark velvety road and growing bigger in width to turn into Highway 86. They drove past the Anderson's house, one of the local Amish families in Thunder Valley, where the head patriarch was scattering chicken feed throughout a pen of chickens and then they drove past a gasoline station that scored 53 cents a gallon on their big sign out front. They almost ran over a cat, that had quickly ran out in from to them and she quickly swerved, nearly missing it, the Jeep lifting up off it's big chunky tires for a minute but settled back down again to cruise the open Highway that led to the township of Thunder Valley. She would soon drop him off to where he wanted to go, then quickly wheel off back west, and back towards her home of Seattle.

They said nothing but every once in awhile, she would quickly look over. She noticed that the  top buttons of his shirt were unbuttoned, exposing his chest hairs on his chest. She could see these hairs glistening with sweat, the curls tangle a little more curlier before, and it instantly put her back to all those times she would sift through these curls as she lay her head on his chest, listen to his heartbeat as it would rock n roll station on the radio and now all the lyrics of each bat as they were repetitive with a big strong bass and that even the beat couldn’t compare to such capturing melodies of Joshua's heart. He looked so sexy in the sun with his flannel shirt half open, wearing too tight blue jeans, the big belt buckle viewing over a big bulge of cowboy pride and his urban flare of slicking his hair back with fashionable grease, creating a soft gentle wave to ride a shininess in his sandy blonde hair. He wore a Indian-like leather bracelet the one she bought him while up in Raleigh, and she delighted that he finally gave it a try on his wrist. He hadn't wanted to wear it before as he wanted to wait for a special occasion I guess today was special, if any. The sun flashed off her oversized glasses. Her hair lightly drifted in the choreographed breeze. And the fresh open air was smelled by both. It was a beautiful day, perfect beyond measure. The best summer day of the whole season. The sky was as blue and bright and looked as if a pretty ocean. The temperature was hot but it wasn't unbearable like it had been in earlier day s and the sun although shining bright and powerful was offset by a big playful cloud that fenced it in behind a protective fleecy shield. They who wanted to much to enjoy the day but couldn't for this was the day that both knew that was going to happen someday but had pushed to the side for it to ever come. Both were filled with heartache. And their hearts hurt beyond what they ever thought they could ever feel and both felt squeezing pressure grip and it was tearing them apart.