A Breath Until Forever (30 page)

He then looked at Daniel. “I loved your mother. But I do admit, even after committing to her, spoiling her, loving her, I still couldn't give her the same love equal to what Joshua had given her. Even when we were together and I would look heavily in her eyes, there was a small flame that still burned for him. It was a flame that I couldn't put out, a flame that would ignite strong every time she thought of him.”  Benjamin felt deathly ashamed for not being able to give Meredith the love that she had so desperately needed. “They spent twelve days together. Twelve days. And although I had spent a lifetime with her, I could never give her the kind of love, or the amount of love that she had wanted that Joshua had given her.

“That's sad.”

“It is Daniel.”

“I'm so sorry Dad.”

“It's okay. It's fine really, I am not that type of man, a man to give all of myself like this Joshua could.”

Joshua then saw a white dress hanging in his mother's closet. It had been hidden between some jeans and some bohemian shirts. He went to the dress, and took it out.

“She looked so beautiful in this dress.”

“She did. Funny, I never saw that dress before. She must have bought it on her trip. Probably wanted something magical to wear, in case magic was to happen.”

Benjamin was a lot more understanding and forgiving than Meredith would ever hope for.

“She spent lots of time with him, wearing this dress, I imagine.” Said Daniel.

Benjamin went to the dress and smelled it. It still lingered of fragrant lavenders making love to the moon.

“Smells just like her still.” He said.

Joshua motioned his dad over closer, in order to capture his attention towards something that had caught his eye. “Look at this stain.”

Benjamin not only looked at it, but smelled it. “It's whiskey.” He stated.

“Never knew mom to drink whiskey.” Said Daniel, quite puzzled. “Maybe a beer or two, but never whiskey.” It was odd that a whiskey stain was saturated within the cotton fibers of a dress that still lingered of lavenders and the North Carolina aroma of violets in a grassy meadow.

“Neither did I.” Commented Benjamin. “Probably Joshua's.”

Daniel instantly grew sentimental. “You don't suppose that she kept the bottle, do you?”

Benjamin sat still. “Your Mom was sentimental. She probably did.”

They searched around the bedroom wildly, looking through drawers, and searching underneath the bed, until they finally found the whiskey that they were searching for. The whiskey had been hidden in the bottom drawer of her large dress hidden beneath silky high waisted underwear, and strings of beaded necklaces. The whiskey was nearly empty, in a thick glass square like bottle, the whiskey being a golden color that looked more like spoiled urine, than alcohol. In the same drawer, Daniel found a set of shot glasses. Daniel chose two. One shot glass had the North Carolina state symbol of Channel Bass on it, and the other had of a tiny picture of the Wright Monument in Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. Daniel instantly knew these must have been Joshua's, and he felt a little mixed about not only retrieving, but using glasses, that had touched the same lips that had touched his mother's in a torrid affair. This moment was fleeting, and the love of his mother, overwhelmed any anger that he felt against her ex lover. Daniel poured whiskey into the shot glasses, which now made the square glass bottle empty. Benjamin and Daniel raised up their shot glasses now filled with whiskey and made a toast.

“To Joshua Aspen!” Declared Benjamin.

“To Joshua Aspen!” Declared Daniel. And with that they lightly collided their glasses together, the glass echoing out a “tinking” sound.

But the toast wasn't completely done. Daniel added one more cheer, something that had meaning and significance. “To the man who loved my mother, so that she may love us back completely in return.” They lightly collided their shot glasses together again, but this time, they both drank the whiskey, shooting it down in one big swallow. The whiskey burned. It went down like lava down the mens throats. But the whiskey had another horrible affect. The whiskey released the last of Benjamin's emotions and Benjamin sat sadly on the bed, and began to cry.  “Oh Meredith, Meredith, Meredith..” he weeped, his heart breaking into a million pieces, finally coming to terms that Meredith was gone now, and she was never coming back.

CHAPTER TWELVE

A few weeks later, Benjamin died of a heart attack. He was in court, addressing his deliberations, when he suddenly reached for his chest, became suddenly still, and fell over. The paramedics quickly arrived, and they pronounced him dead at the scene. Daniel, of course, was absolutely devastated. Although his father and him didn't have the strongest of father and son relationships, he did love his father dearly, and took his death quite horribly. Daniel took off work from his engineering job in the city, so that he may grieve, crying every now and then, sometimes reminiscing about his father and all the good moments that they shared through life. Now, both parents were dead. Being that he had no other relatives left in the world, Daniel grew lonelier than he had ever been, and so for two days straight he drank pints of vodka right out of the bottle, didn't bathe, closed the curtains, and watched old reruns of Taxi and the A-Team. Being that he was in military school for most of his adolescent years, and then college after that, he never spent a lot of time with his Dad, but he knew that no matter where his Dad was, that his Dad loved him, unconditionally, and he could feel it in his heart wherever he was. He took off more time off of work, then more, until he was eventually fired, and was told to never come back. Daniel had been more devastated then ever now. Not only now had he lost both his parents recently, but now the dream job that he had worked his ass off to get. And then there was of course John Aspen. The stranger that knew his mother unlike he, or his Dad, had ever known. He wondered if he was still alive. What he was up to. What he was doing with his life presently.

As the weeks flew by, Daniel became more captivated with Joshua Aspen and how little he knew about him and his life. A man who had changed his mother's heart and life forever. He decided upon himself, to fly to Thunder Valley in order to gain more information about this man who had been so loving towards his mom in ways that he was still trying to understand. It was a spontaneous decision, and not one thought over for long, and as he stepped out on the airplane, thought twice about it, but then just shook it off, and sat down, buckled his seat belt, and smiled. Nobody that he loved was left, but perhaps, maybe, there was the slightest chance that Joshua may accept him in his life. It may have been strange to have thought about including his mother's old lover from the past, however, through the letters and the pictures, Daniel instantly knew that Joshua wasn't just any man, but he was a man of depth, of heart and a man who just may accept the child of the woman that he loved so desperately.

Daniel didn't even know if Joshua stilled lived on Thunder Valley Ranch, and he was taking a chance to fly all the way out there, but he thought it was well worth the risk and inconvenience on his life to find out about a man who was as mysterious as an unannounced wind. Even if he couldn't find him, perhaps he could find someone in town who actually knew him, and he could ask a couple of questions, investigate, and receive direction as to where he might be.

He went the Thunder Valley Ranch but found out that Joshua had sold it many  years ago. After publishing his book, he made enough money to pay off the ranch, but then decided to sell it with a baby on the way. Instead, he had bought a house in Raleigh and settle down up there, raising a family ending up having six children with his wife. He had continued work as an engineer working his way up to supervisor of the plant, the owners told they had still kept in touch as Joshua still rode a bull or two at the local rodeo and brought his kids down sometimes for a visit. They said though they didn't know exactly where in Raleigh he lived however and it was he who contacted them most of the time and they would just wait until either he showed up or called them on the phone.

Walking through the town, Daniel came across a picture of an rough looking gentleman in his 40's playing his harmonica. The man that his mother had fallen in love with in South Carolina played harmonica, and in this unique picture, it oddly looked like him. Could it be him? The stranger who had swept his mother's heart away?  The picture was outside of a local deli that sold fresh meats. He went inside and asked about it.

The butcher at the counter confirmed Daniel's suspicions. “Oh that's Joshua Aspen. Best harmonica player in town. He plays at Lucky's Bar every Saturday night.”

“What time?” Daniel asked enthusiastically.  Daniel was thrilled. It was Saturday today, and night was soon arriving.

“10:00.” The butcher answered, all the while cutting up thin slices of ham. “Plays solo first, then with the band. Gets everyone really worked up. He really knows how to dance those notes.”

“Thank you.” Said Daniel.

“Your welcome.” Said the butcher.

Since he had quite a few hours to wait until 10:00 pm came around, Daniel decided to take a small tour of town, visiting anything that struck his fancy.

Daniel visited a small cafe on the corner of Main Street, and ordered the same panini as his mom had done so many years ago. Ham and Swiss. Perhaps this was destiny, as he hadn't even known it was the same panini, but it was the first deli sandwich of choice that had popped out to him from off the menu. Everything had looked delicious, but the ham and Swiss panini looked the most yummy. Daniel was waiting for his sandwich to arrive after placing his order with the waitress when he noticed a picture up over a table setting set for two. The picture was of his mom. Not only that, but his mom was with Joshua. Joshua had his arm wrapped around her at the ranch, a big smile on his face. An older woman, with completely gray hair set up in a messy bun, and who wore a pair of capri jeans with a big bold and bright floral shirt, had seen him looking at the picture, and so she approached him casually. It was Laura Piccleby, the owner of the cafe.

“Daniel right?” She prodded, flashing a nodding look as if she wasn't quite sure it was him, but was quite sure that it could possibly be.

Daniel looked confused. He wondered how this older woman had known him. “Your mother was Meredith Hurley.” She interjected, casually glancing over at the photograph. “Right?”

“Yes, yes,” Daniel was more confused than ever. “How did you know?”

“Through Joshua. I saw your picture, once, when you were little.” She explained.  “You really haven't changed much.” She said. Another time when Meredith had visited the cafe, right before she had left town forever, her and Laura and conversed and talked civilly, and Meredith had showed her Daniel's military school picture. Laura had instantly impressed, saying that young boys need to be in strict schools so that they may be nurtured to be able to live in a chaotic, and often psychotic world full of greed and corruption. Laura had not known at that time, that Laura had slept with Joshua at least six times before stopping in there for her last cup of marachiatto, and that they had fallen hopelessly, and iridescently, in love. Meredith had been nervous when they had talked so openly, feeling that she may have slipped at any second and confess that not only did she sleep with Joshua, but she had stolen his heart as well.

“You know, he really loved your mom. “ She said. “We didn't like her at first, all of the townspeople, hated her actually. Getting involved with the guy we all practically raised ourselves. We hated her the whole time when she was her. Couldn't wait until she was gone.” She further explained. “But Joshua, he was so depressed before Meredith, so distant. Nobody had seen him much. He was taking care of that ranch all the time and working that full time job but still he never even really bothered with anyone if they did see, retreated after he lost his girlfriend Adrienne in that tornado. I have to thank your mother. She saved Joshua. She made him a real man again. Made him believe in himself. Started up that fire that had burned out. Your mom was a good woman.” She said. “You know, I didn't know much about your mom and Joshua until after she left town. It was after she had left, and I had stopped over to drop off another pie, that, well, Joshua told me everything about her and him. And that is when he gave me that picture. Of them. I don't know why he did. I thought it was kind of strange myself, but it wasn't much later on in the years that I understood it. It was as if he had kept this love so hidden, so secret to himself, and he just had to share it with somebody. You know, they say a picture is worth a thousand words, and that picture right there..that picture right there..well..it's worth a million words. They were in love. In love all right. Moreso than I seen people in love around here. I put that picture up right after your mom died. I wanted to do something in memory of her, and after 21 years, everyone in town had forgotten all about their little love affair, until now, and although they hated it at first, they are now jealous of it, and respect such a love.” She took a deep breath in, almost as if she was trying to find the courage not to cry when she shared more. “It took people to understand their love, to be in envy of it”