Pursuit For Lucidity (Crashing Waves) (28 page)

“
Please come again,” said my mother before we closed the front door.  The entire drive home was silent.  Neither one of us uttered a word.  It was such an uncomfortable atmosphere.  My anxiety kept building and building until I had a million knots tightening in my stomach.  I didn’t realize something so little could set him off like that.  It was so unusual. It wasn’t like Alex at all.  The more I thought about what had happened, the quieter I became.  We finally made it to his house, as he parked his Porsche in the garage.  He brought my weekend bag inside and took it to the bedroom.  I went outside to the verandah and sat down.  I needed fresh air and the sound of the ocean waves.  I could hear his cell phone ring constantly inside the house.  He kept looking at it and declining the calls.  He poured himself a glass of scotch over ice and asked me if I wanted something to drink.  I declined, since I didn’t have much food in my system anyway.  He ignored another call on his cell and slammed it down on the coffee table inside.

“
Let’s go up to the roof,” he commanded.  I followed him to the elevator and we headed up to the roof.  I sat down on the sofa and tried to warm up my arms with my hands.  It was very chilly up there.  Alex must have noticed, since he offered to bring a blanket for me.  He returned with a soft, cozy blanket and wrapped it around me.  He sat next to me, sipping his scotch.  He picked up a remote and turn on some music.  I could hear Coldplay’s song “What If” playing softly from the speakers.  He wrapped his arms around me tightly, “I’m so sorry, Claire.  I don’t know what got into me.  I just have a lot on my mind and I took it out on you and I was so wrong,” he said.

“
Do you want to talk about it?” I asked.

“
No, I don’t.  I’m being very honest.  I really don’t,” he confessed.  “I promise I won’t try to force you to eat anymore.  I didn’t realize it bothered you so much.  I’m just worried about you, baby, that’s all.  I don’t want you to get sick,” he added genuinely.

“
It’s okay, Alex.  It just gets frustrating because I’m trying to eat more and I want to eat more, it’s just this weird feeling of anxiety I have.  It’s like this premonition that something bad is going to happen.  I know you care and you’re worried about me.  I’m sorry if I snapped at you at the dinner table,” I replied.

“
I love you, Claire.  Nothing bad is going to happen, I promise.  Just promise you’ll never leave me, not matter what,” he pleaded.

“
Why do you keep saying that, Alex?  Why do you keep making me promise that I won’t leave you? The other day you made me promise I would never leave you for another man. You must not think very highly of me. I’m confused,” I noted.

“
Just promise, please,” he pleaded.

“
I promise.  I’m not leaving if you’re not,” I assured.

“
One day, you and I are going to take a trip to New York,” he said.  “I’ve seen where you come from and I want to show you where I come from.  In time, Claire, you will know me inside out.  There will be no secrets and nothing undisclosed,” he promised.

Alex turned on the fireplac
e on the roof and we snuggled on the sofa with the blanket wrapped around us, his arm around my waist.  My eyelids were getting heavy and I could feel my stomach growl from hunger, but I knew I couldn’t put anything down.  I got drowsier and eventually fell asleep.  When I opened my eyes, it was already the crack of dawn.  I looked at Alex, who was already awake and watching me sleep.  He looked as though he had not slept at all.  He didn’t say a word, just got up and helped me off the sofa.  He turned off the music, turned off the outdoor fireplace and walked me to the elevator.  He kept the blanket wrapped around me, his arm around me.  He began kissing me once we were in the elevator.  It had been so cold out there on the roof, yet his lips were so warm.

The elevator opened
, but we were still kissing, and continued to kiss as we exited the elevator and walked through the house to the bedroom.  Our lips still hadn’t parted and the kisses only got more passionate.  We started unbuttoning, unbuckling, and unclasping our clothing as fast as we could.  My pulse quickened, my heart raced, and I almost forgot where I was.  We both stood there, in the middle of his bedroom, naked, but warm from the heat between us.

“
I want to give you the world, Claire,” he said as he started kissing my neck, my shoulders, and my breasts.  The next thing I knew I was on his bed with his tongue between my legs, his fingers moving in and out.  Every time I would get closer to coming, Alex would stop, making me plead for more as he entered me, causing me to convulse.  He came shortly after me and pressed his chest on top of my breasts.  Neither one of us wanted to move, neither one of us
could
move.

“
You are my world, Alex,” I said.  He finally removed himself out of me and we fell asleep wrapped around one another.

<><><>

I wasn’t sure what time it was when I awakened, but Alex was still in bed, awake, watching me sleep, “I’m going to make breakfast, sleeping beauty,” he smiled.  “Do you have a taste for omelets or pancakes or both?” he asked.

“
I will eat anything you want to make, Alex,” I replied.  He kissed me and put on a plain white t-shirt and shorts, brushed his teeth and headed to the kitchen to cook.  I got up as well, brushed my teeth and took a good look in the mirror.  I looked so gaunt.  I knew I needed to eat more, but only if I could, if only the anxiety would go away, so I could regain my appetite.  I put on some clothes and went to the kitchen to help Alex make breakfast.  He refused to allow me to help.

“
Just sit on the bar stool, baby, it’s almost ready,” he said.  He was making an egg and cheese omelet and it smelled delicious.  He also toasted some bread, made two plates and sat on the bar stool next to me.

I knew he would be wa
tching me without making it obvious.  He wanted me to eat like I normally did and I decided I was going to try my best.  I managed to eat more than half of the omelet and one slice of toast.  Alex’s eyes brightened when he saw my plate half empty.  He didn’t ask me to try to finish it.  He was satisfied with what I had managed to eat.  His cooking was amazing and if I had a bigger appetite, I would have licked the plate.

“
Thank you, Alex.  That was delicious as usual.  I love you,” I said, giving him a kiss and helping him clean up the mess from the cooking.  “So, what should we make tomorrow for the barbeque with Melissa and Paul?  We decided one o’clock would be perfect,” I said.

“
We will go shopping later for the items.  I was thinking I could make baby back ribs and barbeque corn and whatever else you think would go good with those,” he said.

“
Whatever you make will be mouthwatering, anyway.  Almost as mouthwatering as you are,” I teased.

“
You really want to lose these clothes you got on, don’t you?” he replied.

“
It’s up to you if you want me to lose them or not,” I teased.  Without wasting another second, Alex dropped whatever it was he was doing and I lost the clothes I had on, just as he had warned.  We only made it as far as the living room floor.  I loved the spontaneous lovemaking.  It was always more exciting.  After we were finished, we dressed again, so we could go shopping for the barbeque.  We took the truck, since we would be shopping for a lot of food to stock up the house.

Alex pulled up to the parking lot of the Whole Foods market in Malibu.  We walked through every isle,
as Alex asked me if I saw anything I wanted to eat.  I tried and tried to pick something, but did not have a taste for anything specific.  When we walked through the vitamin section, he put some protein powder in the cart.  He told me he was going to make me a very delicious smoothie that would give me energy. It would be easy to drink and get the nutrients that I needed without the chewing.  He assured me that the vitamin B in it would help with the anxiety.

We comp
leted our grocery shopping and drove back to his house.  I helped Alex unload the groceries, which wasn’t much, since he could carry many bags on his own with those strong biceps.

He quickly put away the groceries and took out the blender to make my smoothie.  I watched him as he put a banana in the blender, the protein powder he had just purchased from the grocery store,
some flax seed, fresh berries, and some almond milk.  “Here you go, baby.  I hope you like it,” he said, proudly.

I took a sip of the smoothie and found it very delicious, “Mmm, A
lex, this is really good.  It seems like it’s going to help get my energy back.  Thank you,” I said and slowly sipped away.  He looked so relieved that I was able to take it down, as a parent would when a child ate or drank something healthy.

“
Anything for you,” he replied and continued putting away the groceries. He began making his special homemade marinade for the ribs and marinated those for the next day.  There wasn’t much else to do for the barbeque, so Alex wanted to make dinner reservations at a romantic restaurant.  He said the smoothie would fill me up for a few hours, so a late dinner would guarantee an appetite.

“
I will make reservations at a quiet and romantic spot by the water,” he added.  “But right now, I want to run a hot bubble bath in which I will be joining you,” he said, turned around and headed toward the master bath and started the water.  I could smell the aroma of the lavender and green tea oils he added in the water.  Since I loved to take baths so much, Alex had purchased very exquisite bath oils for me to enjoy every time I was at his house.  “Are you going to start undressing, or should I do it for you?” he asked after he finished drawing the bath for me.

“
You could help me if you’d like, although I’m pretty capable of undressing myself.  That smoothie you made gave me quite a bit of energy,” I replied.

“
Good, because you’re going to need it,” he said, as he undressed me and asked me to step into the bathtub.  The water was very hot.

“
It’s so hot, Alex,” I said.

“
It’s only hot because you’re in it, baby,” he replied, removing his clothes and stepping in the tub to join me.  I had begun to take a liking to the very hot water in the bathtub and shower.  At first it felt too hot, but when my skin got used to it, it felt very soothing.  Alex pulled me onto his lap, my back pressed against his chest, his lips on my neck kissing me slowly and softly with his steaming hot lips.  His lips made their way to my ear lobe, sending shivers down my spine.  I sat up at the edge of the bathtub.  The water was so hot that it made me feel lightheaded.  Alex got up as well, took my hand and led me into the huge shower area.  He turned on the water, but this time it wasn’t as hot as the tub.  I felt as though I could breathe again.  Alex continued to kiss me, heading down south, working his magic with his tongue and fingers.  He slowly worked his way back to my lips, grabbing hold of my shoulders and slowly pushing me down to my knees.  His erection was deep into my mouth at this point, moving in and out.  He put his hand on the back of my head and pushed it deeper into my mouth, groaning.  He asked me to stop when he could no longer control it.  He stood up and lifted me up, my legs wrapped around him, my body against the wall as he penetrated me.  He looked so sexy with his wet hair over his electric blue eyes, in total control of my entire body.  He had turned into a wild animal again, but this time even wilder than before.  “Tell me how badly you want it, baby,” he commanded through his perfect white teeth.

“
I want it,” I replied.

“
Louder, I can’t hear you,” he commanded again.

“
I want it, Alex!” I yelled.

“
Louder!  Tell me how badly you want it,” he commanded.

“
I want it so badly, Alex!  I want you so badly!” I yelled.

“
Now, that’s better,” he said as he penetrated deeper and faster.

“
Oh, Alex!” I yelled out, as I came.  Alex continued, with very quick thrusts until he came as well.

“
I love you, Claire.  I love all of you and everything about you,” he said and shampooed my hair and lathered my body.  After our shower together, Alex insisted we take a nap before dinner, since there was plenty of time before we had to head out.  We were both exhausted, so we just wrapped our bodies around one another and fell asleep instantly.

<><><>

I felt as though someone was watching me as I slowly emerged out of a deep sleep.  I opened my eyes to find Alex lying down next to me, his head propped up with his hand, his eyes fixated on me as I slept.

“
Mmmm, what time is it?” I asked in a lazy tone.  My eyelids were still so heavy, and I was still so tired from the activities in the shower earlier that day.

“
Don’t worry, baby, we have another hour before we have to leave the house.  I love watching you sleep.  I could watch you sleep all day,” he said as he took my hand, kissing it softly.  I got out of bed and put on a strapless maxi dress and flat ironed my hair.  I applied some makeup to avoid looking so gaunt, since I had lost quite a bit of weight that week.