Pursuit For Lucidity (Crashing Waves) (29 page)

“
Where are we going, Alex?” I asked.

“
There’s a place I really like called Martina’s with a great ocean view.  There’s usually a live band that plays on Saturday nights and the food is great, not to mention the nice ambiance,” he said, pulling me close to him, his hand on the small of my back.  He took my hand and walked me out to the garage where he uncovered his red Ferrari.

“
Alex, why don’t we take the truck or the Porsche?” I asked.

“
Oh, come on, baby.  I hardly get to drive this car,” he said, opening the door for me to take a seat.  He took a seat as well and started the car, the engine purring.

“
I have to admit, Alex, you do look extremely sexy in this car.  If you were single, driving around in this Ferrari tonight, you would definitely get lucky,” I winked at him.

“
I have already gotten lucky with you sitting next to me, baby,” he said, taking my hand.  “I’m a very, very lucky man, Claire,” he added.

“
I guess that makes me the lucky lady, then,” I replied.

Alex looked over at me and smile
d with his bright perfectly lined teeth.  Martina’s wasn’t too far from his house.  He pulled the Ferrari into the valet parking section of the restaurant.  The valet attendant opened the door for me to get out, “Good evening,” he said.  Alex walked over to me after I got out of the car and took my hand, so we could head into the restaurant.  A young man greeted us as we entered the restaurant, “Hey, Alex.  Long time no see, pal.  How’s everything?” he said as they hugged.  “And who is this beautiful woman by your side?” he asked, looking me over.  He was probably Alex’s age, but blond, very tall, with much longer hair.

“
This is my girlfriend, Claire,” he replied.

“
Very nice to meet you, Claire.  I’m Jack,” he introduced himself.

“
So nice to meet you, Jack,” I replied.

“
You guys are going to have a great time tonight.  We have a new rock band that plays on Saturday nights as I told you on the phone earlier, Alex.  Let’s get you seated outside on the balcony with a great view of the band,” he said as he escorted us to the best section of the restaurant balcony.  The moon lit up the ocean, so the waves were visible.  It was a beautiful night and the weather was just right.  Alex and I sat side by side, his arm around me.  “Your waiter will be right with you.  I will come by later to talk to you guys some more, but I have to greet the guests right now,” Jack said, and went back to the front of the restaurant.

“
Do you want something to drink, baby?” he asked.

“
Iced tea will be fine.  I don’t want to drink anything with alcohol in it, since I haven’t eaten much.  I don’t want to start stripping, you know,” I joked.

“
You can strip for me when we get home,” he said, flagging down the waitress. “I will have a Blue Label on the rocks and she will have an iced tea, please,” he ordered.  “Maybe after you eat you can have an alcoholic beverage,” he told me.

“
Sounds good to me.  Why don’t you order for both of us, Alex?  You always know what to order and I always end up loving it,” I noted.

“
Let’s have the king crab legs with garlic mashed potatoes, sautéed asparagus, sautéed mushrooms.  To start with we will have the Caesar salad and the crème brule for dessert,” he ordered.  Nothing turned me on more than a man who knew exactly what he wanted.

The food
sounded good to me at that moment.  I prayed that I would have an appetite to eat, unlike the day before.  The waitress brought my iced tea and Alex’s scotch.  He sipped slowly at his scotch, staring at me while I sipped my iced tea.  I turned to him, “What?” I asked.  “Is there something on my face?” I added.

“
No, I’m just admiring your beauty.” His face was very serious. “I want to give you the world, Claire.  Actually, I am going to give you the world one day.  You just stick around and see,” he said, his blue eyes sparkling under the moonlight.  The band began to play background music while people still arrived and got settled.  Our food arrived not too long after Alex ordered.  It smelled really good.  Alex was right about the food, it was very tasty.  I was able to eat a few bites of everything.  Alex made sure I had enough bread and butter, so if I decided to drink alcohol, I had something to absorb it.  He looked so happy that I had actually eaten a decent meal without only picking at the food.

The band played songs by Coldplay, John Mayer,
and Train.  The female vocalist sang songs by Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, and Adele.  I was very impressed with their talent.  After they sang the songs on their agenda, they took requests from the audience.  There weren’t many songs that they did not know.  Alex leaned closer to my ear, “Are you having a good time, baby?” he asked.

“
This place is amazing, Alex.  The food is delicious and the band is unbelievable. I’m so impressed.  I can’t believe you didn’t bring me here sooner,” I said, surprised.

“
This is nothing, Claire.  I told you I’m going to give you the world.  Are you ready for that drink yet?” he asked.

“
Yes, please.  I’ll have an apple martini,” I winked.  Alex flagged down the waitress and ordered my drink.  It was the perfect evening, moonlit sky and ocean waves in the background, Alex by my side, great food and beautiful ambiance.  Life couldn’t get
better than this
,
I thought.  My drink arrived and I enjoyed every last drop of it.

Alex’s friend
, Jack joined us and told us the drinks were on him that evening and ordered another drink for me.  Alex didn’t have anymore to drink, since he would be driving.  I sipped very slowly on my second martini, since I didn’t want to get too tipsy.  We stayed for hours, requesting more songs.  Alex tipped the band members generously every time we requested another song.  We even took a walk on the beach, hand in hand.  He promised he would take me to that restaurant again soon.  It was very late when we finally decided to go home.  We picked up the car from the valet parking attendant and headed to Alex’s house.  I opened my compact to make sure my face looked okay and not too sickly as it had earlier from the lack of food.  I began to joke with Alex, “Hey, Alex, you should give me higher cheek bones.  How about an eyebrow lift?  How about a nose job? I could really use fuller lips.  But most of all, I need bigger breasts,” I laughed.

His face changed a
nd he seemed to turn into someone else, “What the hell has gotten into you, Claire? What is wrong with you?  Why would you change the way you look?  I don’t understand why you have to analyze every inch of your face and body and want it any other way!” he yelled.  I was speechless.  I didn’t know what to say.

“
I-I was j-just kidding, Alex.  You don’t have to get so angry,” I replied, my heart beat quickening.

“
You don’t appreciate what you have.  Some people don’t have a nose, or ears, or lips.  You think plastic surgery makes people look good every time?  Well, you’re wrong.  It doesn’t always turn out to the patient’s expectation.  Stop trying to change the way you look, Claire.  If you start doing that, you will become addicted to it and you will keep trying to fix what was not broken in the first place,” he commanded.

“
B-b-but,” I began, but Alex cut me off, “End of discussion!” he yelled and began driving so fast that I feared for my life, but didn’t say a word in fear that he would drive even faster.

I was very quiet the rest of the way home.  I opened my mouth to tell him I was only joking
, but held back.  I didn’t want to ruffle his feathers.  He drove his Ferrari into the garage and covered it before we headed inside.  I went straight to the bedroom, changed out of my clothes and into my nightgown.  I washed my face and brushed my teeth.  I didn’t want to speak to him at all.  I could see him standing behind me in the mirror while I combed my hair.  I walked past him, not even acknowledging his presence and headed to the guest bedroom.  I refused to sleep in the same bed as him, as he had ruined a perfect evening.

“
Claire, where are you going?  Look, I’m sorry that I snapped at you.  It’s just that-,” I cut him off before he could continue.

“
It’s just that you ruined this perfect night.  How?  By not knowing how to take a joke,” I yelled.  “I’m so tired of you treating me like a child, yelling at me and trying to control me, Alex.  It’s not like I booked a surgery to change everything about me.  You need to chill out, Alex.  If I had my car, I would drive home right now and not stay here with you,” I began to sob.

Alex wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to his chest
, “Baby, I’m sorry.  Please don’t sleep in the guest room.  The reason why I got so angry is because I’ve seen it happen before.  Women have one surgery and it leads to another and another and they become scalpel slaves.  They can’t stop at just one or two surgeries and then they look like a different person altogether when they were so beautiful to begin with.  Don’t you see, Claire?  You’re perfect just the way you are.  Your cheekbones are high, your lips are full, your nose is perfect and so are your breasts and every other inch on you.  I don’t want you to become like them.  Promise me you will never become like them,” he pleaded.

“
Promise me you will calm down and stop yelling at me from now on, Alex.  I’m getting really tired of you snapping at me out of nowhere. I am not an intern of yours from work. Do you hear me? Are all surgeons like this?  Controlling and psychotic?” I asked. “You’re beginning to frighten me, Alex.  I feel as though you are becoming someone else. Or is this the real you?” I asked.  I had begun to think that Alex had a very controlling and angry personality that he had been hiding from me the few months we had been together.  I knew surgeons were known to be arrogant and always liked to be in control, but his snapping and yelling had begun to make me think the worst.

“
No! I swear I’m not like this, Claire.  I just get carried away with you.  Maybe it’s because I love you so much and don’t know how to react to some of the things you say.  I swear, I’m not crazy or psychotic or whatever else you think of me,” he said hugging me hard.  “I just don’t want you to change anything about yourself because you’re so beautiful just the way you are,” he added, kissing the tears that had rolled down my cheeks, “And I love you exactly the way you are,” he added, as the kisses multiplied.

He wiped the
tears that were streaming down my face and kissed my forehead, took my hand and walked me to his bedroom.  “You know neither one of us can sleep alone,” he said and took off his clothes. I crawled into bed next to him and curled up in his arms.  I kept recalling the wonderful evening and how much fun we had before the argument.  I couldn’t help but wonder why Alex had been so angry the past few days.  It was as if he wasn’t the same man I had fallen in love with a few months ago.  I knew he had been going through some personal matters and it had been killing me to know what was on his mind.  I wondered if it had anything to do with his parents or Melissa.  But he had such a good relationship with his sister, so I ruled that idea out.  He wanted to go to New York, so I didn’t think it had anything to do with his parents.  Maybe it was work related and involved a patient and due to privacy laws he was unable to speak to me or anybody else about it.  I believed that was exactly what had been bothering Alex and prayed that whatever it was would come to an end soon so the man I had fallen in love with would return to the way he was when I first met him.

Alex kept running his finger
s through my hair, helping me relax.  I had finally stopped crying.  He took off my short nightgown and began kissing me, still running his fingers through my hair.  We kissed for the longest time that night, so long that I thought we were going to kiss until dawn.  He turned over so that he was on top of me, his hard chest against my breasts.  I felt his erection hard against me, and seconds later he entered me, awakening my desire for him even more.  I was so lost in the moment that all the bad thoughts and worries had disappeared.  It was like the first night we had made love.  I had forgotten who I was and where I was, wishing that moment would never end until I came and moaned loudly.  Alex continued until he came as well, holding me so tight it almost hurt.

“
I love you, Claire.  I just wish I were a better man for you.  You deserve so much better,” he said.

“
You’re my world, Alex, and the world is not perfect,” I replied and surrendered to sleep.

<><><>

I was running as fast as I could run.  Someone was chasing me again. I could see the frightening shadow.  I kept running until I was almost out of breath.  The white van was appearing closer and closer until I was almost next to it and could see a pair of hands reaching out to pull me inside. The person chasing me grabbed me from behind, but this time the face was made visible.  It was Alex!  I sat up on the bed, awake, screaming and completely drenched in sweat.  Alex tried to console me, but I pushed him away.  Why had he been in my nightmare?  Why was he the one who had grabbed me from behind?  I had never seen the face of the shadow chasing me. I had always awakened as soon as I was grabbed.