Pursuit For Lucidity (Crashing Waves) (25 page)

“
Please sign in and have a seat.  We will ask you to come inside just as soon as a room is available,” she said.

I sat there for a few minutes,
waiting for my name to be called.  “Claire Morgan,” the nurse opened the waiting room door and asked me to walk to the back with her.  She weighed me and took my temperature, asked when my last menstrual period was, and how many times a week I exercised.  “Right this way, please,” she said as I followed her to the exam room. “Here is the gown.  Please undress completely, including your bra and panties and put this on. It ties in the back,” she demonstrated and left the room, leaving me to undress and wait for the doctor.

There was a knock on the door, followed by a very pleasant older woman in a
white lab coat.  She held out her hand and greeted me, “Hi, I’m doctor Holmes.  It’s nice to meet you, Miss Morgan,” she said.  “Okay, let’s see, I understand you are interested in the birth control pill.  I will prescribe one that will work great for you,” she replied.  I asked her questions about the pill and how it should be taken.  She was very informative and professional and extremely gentle.  I was glad I had made that appointment.  She gave me a prescription for the pill and asked me to pick it up in the pharmacy on the first floor.

I to
ok the elevator to the pharmacy and checked in my prescription.  I had a seat and waited for my name to come on the electronic board when my medication was ready to be picked up.

“
Claire?” I turned my head to find Alex standing next to me.  “What’s wrong?  Are you feeling okay?  What are you doing here?” he asked, puzzled.

“
I’m fine, Alex.  Remember last night I told you I wanted to make an appointment for the pill?” I whispered.

Alex sat on the chair next to me, “Oh yeah, I
’m sorry.  I forgot about that.  I was just afraid you weren’t feeling well.  How did it go?  Which doctor did you see?” he asked.

“I saw Dr. Holmes.  She was great, very sweet and patient.  I’m just waiting for my pills so I can head out.  Are you on your way out?” I asked him.

“
Yeah, I’m done for the day.  I’m glad your visit went well.  See, you were able to overcome that fear as well.  I love you.  See you at home, baby,” he said and gave me a quick kiss.

About
ten minutes later my prescription was ready for pick up and I walked back across the street to my car.  I ran into Taryn in the employee parking structure.

“
Oh, hello Clara,” she said. 
It’s Claire, you bitch!
I wanted to say, but I bit my tongue. I decided to take another route.

“
Oh, hello, Tara,” I replied.  She frowned, adding more fine lines to her forehead.  “Have a great night,” I added and sat in my car.  I didn’t look her way, but I could feel her glaring at me.  That evil glare confirmed that Mark had told her about Alex and I.

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I was surprised to find a warm bubble bath drawn for me by Alex.  He had picked up some dinner from a local café because he did not have time to cook a fancy dinner.

“
Hi, baby.  Why don’t you take a warm bath and come back down for dinner,” he said.  I soaked in that tub for such a long time that Alex had to come upstairs to check on me to make sure I was okay.  He sat at the edge of the tub and we talked about our day.

“
How was your day?” he asked.  I told him about my day at work, leaving out my encounter with Mark in the elevator.  I didn’t want to set him off and have another argument.  We still needed to cool down from the misunderstanding about baby making from the night before.  “Tell me about your appointment.  How did that go?” he asked.

“
My appointment went very good, actually.  I really liked Dr. Holmes and felt comfortable with her.  The last time I had to visit the gynecologist was horrific.  It was like torture, testing me for all kinds of sexually transmitted diseases to make sure I hadn’t contracted anything from the rapist.  I had to go back a few months later for retesting, but thank God I was okay.  So today’s appointment was a big step forward in the healing process for me and I’m so happy and relieved that I was able to get through it and overcame that fear,” I explained.

“
I’m really happy for you, baby.  I wouldn’t have minded accompanying you to your appointment, though.  You know you can always count on me to stand by you during a difficult situation,” he assured.

“
Thank you, Alex.  I know I can count on you, but I didn’t want to keep you from the clinic and the appointment was only given to me last minute due to a cancellation on Dr. Holmes’s schedule,” I explained.  Alex helped me out of the tub and I slipped into something comfortable to join him for dinner downstairs.  I didn’t have much of an appetite that night.  I didn’t want Alex to feel bad that I wasn’t eating the food he had ordered, so I forced myself to eat a little bit of it.

“
What’s wrong, baby?  You’re not hungry tonight?” he asked.

“
Not really, I don’t know why.  I didn’t eat too much during lunch either.  I’ve been feeling weird for the past few days, a little anxious.  I have that feeling that something bad is going to happen.  I hate when I get that feeling, but I can’t help it,” I replied.  Alex put down his fork, a worried look on his face.

“
Hey, come here,” he said, pulling me onto his lap.  “Why do you think something bad is going to happen?  Nothing bad is going to happen, okay?  Only good things are going to happen,” he assured.

“
I know, I know, I keep telling myself that, but the last time I felt this way, it was right before my grandmother passed away.  So you can see how difficult it is not to think that way,” I replied.

“
Everything is going to be fine, I promise,” he said, kissing my cheek.  “Do you want to try eating a few more bites?” he asked.

“
Alex, you’re so cute, you sound like a parent trying to convince their child to eat vegetables,” I laughed.  Alex laughed with me and didn’t try to force feed me anymore that night.

“
Oh, before I forget to tell you, my housekeeper is going to come here tomorrow morning.  She will start cleaning right after we both leave and will lock up and leave after she’s done cleaning,” he notified me.

“
Alex, that won’t be necessary.  I like cleaning my place myself.  You didn’t have to hire a cleaning service,” I replied.

“
Baby, I don’t want you tiring yourself out from cleaning when there are people out there who clean for a living.  You will love her.  Her name is Marcia and she has been working for me for many years,” he said.

It didn’t lo
ok like I was going to win that argument with Alex about Marcia, since he had already made the appointment with her.  He had the personality of a true surgeon, always in charge.  Some would call him controlling, but I tried not to think of him that way.  To me, he was just a man who knew what he wanted and there was no way to stop him from getting it.  My home phone rang. It was my mother.

“
Hey, honey.  How are you?  Haven’t heard from you in a while.  How is everything?” she asked.

“
Hi mom!  I’m doing good, how are you and dad doing?” I asked.

I had been so busy with Alex that I hadn’t been able to chat with my parents
, but they seemed to understand, especially my mother.  She wanted to invite Alex and I to dinner on Friday night.  Alex nodded, his eyes beaming.  She was so excited that we would be joining them for dinner.

“
Oh, honey, that’s wonderful.  See you both on Friday night,” she hung up the phone.

“
Looks like we have a date Friday night, baby,” he smiled.  “Your parents are really nice, Claire.  I miss mine sometimes.  I’m grateful that Melissa and I live in the same state, at least,” he said, with a sad look on his face.  “Maybe one day you and I will visit my parents in New York.  They would love you, Claire,” his eyes lit up.

“
That would be nice.  You know, I’ve never been to New York, but have always wanted to visit,” I confessed.

“
Well then, I promise to take you to New York one day and show you everything,” he said, kissing me.  “I love you,” he added.

“
I love you too, Alex,” I replied.  I did love Alex.  I had fallen deeply in love with him, more than I had ever imagined I could.  Everything about him was perfect.  The way he carried himself, the way he treated those around him, the way he treated me.  I couldn’t help but think that all the wonderful things that were happening were just too good to be true.  I wished the knots in my stomach would just untie themselves.  I had begun to lose my appetite due to a premonition of something horrible ahead.  I didn’t want to talk to Alex too much about my feelings because I didn’t want to concern him.  It was probably all in my head and would go away soon.  There was nothing a good bottle of wine couldn’t fix.

“
Wine?” I asked Alex.

“
Sure, baby.  I will get it for us. You look like you can use a little wine tonight,” he chuckled.

“
Yes, I can.  Very badly,” I replied.

I sat on the sofa with my feet up on the ottoman as Alex poured two glasses of wine.  I drank my first glass rather quickly.  Alex looked surprised
, since I normally sipped slowly.  I was about to pick up the bottle to pour another glass, but Alex stopped me.

“
Uh, maybe you should take it easy.  Take a few minutes and then I’ll pour you another glass, okay?” he looked concerned.

“Okay,” I whispered.
  I began to feel a bit lightheaded.  I shouldn’t have chugged that glass of wine as if it were a glass of water.  “Could you get me glass of water please, Alex?” I asked.

“
Sure, baby.  You okay?” he looked concerned.

“
Yes, I’m fine.  I just feel thirsty,” I replied.

Alex returned with a large glass of water and I drank the entire glass to dilute the wine.  A few minutes later, my heart st
arted beating fast and I began to sweat.  Alex noticed that I wasn’t feeling well.

“
Hey, are you okay? Looks like you’re having a panic attack,” he said as my breathing quickened. Alex kept trying to calm me down as he had done that one time at his house when I had the panic attack on his roof.

“
Yeah, I’m okay, Alex.  It’s just an anxiety attack.” I began to feel a bit better as my heart rate slowed down to a normal beat.

“
Baby, are you sure you’re okay?  You’re beginning to concern me.  You didn’t eat a bite of your food.  You downed the glass of wine, and now a panic attack. You can talk to me, baby.  Tell me if something is not right,” he pleaded.

“
I’m fine, really Alex, I promise.  It was just a minor episode.  I get them every once in a while.  Maybe I’m just tired.  I should probably go to bed a little early tonight,” I replied.

I remember
ed the laundry that was in the dryer from the night before and took it out and started folding.  Alex followed me into the laundry room.

“
What are you doing, baby?  Marcia will do that in the morning.  Put them back in the dryer and she will take care of it.  Go to bed, baby.  I’m just going to make a quick phone call and I will be up shortly,” he said as he kissed me.  I went up the stairs and brushed my teeth before I crawled into bed.  I tossed and turned and was unable to fall asleep without Alex next to me.  He came upstairs about thirty minutes after I did and I heard him turn on the shower.  After he showered he came to bed and found me awake.

“
You’re still awake, baby?” he asked.

“
Yeah, can’t sleep,” I replied.  He started kissing me softly, his hair still very wet from his fresh shower.  His body was still so warm from what I knew was the very hot water he liked.  Alex removed every item of clothing from my body and made love to me until I was tired enough to fall asleep.

“
Sweet dreams, baby.  I love you,” he said.

“
I love you too, Alex.  More than you know. Goodnight,” I replied and was grateful that sleep had finally found me.

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The phone rang early in the morning.  It was the guard at the gate calling because Marcia had arrived to clean my condo.  Alex greeted her when she came to the door as I got up to get ready for work.  Alex and I had agreed to carpool that morning, since he did not have any early surgeries scheduled for that day.  I was glad I wouldn’t be driving, since I had the anxiety episode the night before.  Alex came upstairs to get ready as well.  I decided to toast bagels, so we could have breakfast before we headed out.  As I made my way downstairs, I introduced myself to Marcia.  She was a very beautiful older Hispanic woman with dark hair and porcelain skin.

“
You must be Marcia.  I’m Claire.  It’s so good to meet you,” I said as I extended my hand and shook hers.

“
Hello Miss Claire, so nice to meet you also.  Please let me know if there is anything special you need me to do today.  I can do laundry, wash beds, and iron clothing.  Whatever you need, please tell me,” she said.