My Forever (45 page)

She’s right.

“Daniel thinks I should go it alone.”

“You
should
.” She sits straight up. “Oh! Clint just got an in on a small apartment downtown, fairly close to where the Wrights are. It u
sed to belong to a photographer. There’s some stuff left there. N
othing
super
useful, no camera equipment or anything, but there’s a bizarre collection of couches and chairs and stuff. I think there’s even a roll of backdrops. I’m not sure what condition it’s all in…”

“Jackie.” I look at her. “I don’t even have a
job. “T
here’s no way I’ll be able to buy something right now.”

“Maybe Clint will buy it and you could rent it from him?” she suggests.

“Which would work if I knew I’d get some business.”  There’s so much involved in doing something like that. I wouldn’t even know where to start.

“Well, let’s go check it out sometime this week or next.”

“Okay,
” I agree even though I don’t see how it can lead anywhere.

~
~
~

Jackie and Chase decide to get married in August. August. Their date is a little over two months from now. They want to have their reception outside. It’s always a little risky going for an outdoor party here
,
but August is the month to do it. I can’t believe Jackie is trying to throw together a Jackie wedding in two months.

~
~
~

I’ve put the word out to people in the ward that I’m available for senior portraits, family portraits,
weddings
… I’ve collected the bare essentials for being out on my own, but I’ll need another camera for in the studio.
If I ever get one.

Jackie and I pull up to the space she wants me to look at, and when we get out
I realize that we’re very close to the Wrights house. Clint meets us
with the keys
to look at the apartment.

“How are my beautiful girls doing today?” He hugs us both. I laugh as we’re pulled together. “Come on up.”

“So, how much is this place?” I don’t want to know.

“Well, we picked it up for just under 200,000.”

“That’s it?” I look around. It’s in a cool building with tall windows. I’d imagine the ceilings are tall as well. I can’t believe you could get something like this for that little.

“Well, the condo is a
bank repossession. It’s only kind of set up for living in. The space is wide open except for a really small bathroom through a really small room, which is underneath a loft that’s also so small it’s practically unus
able. The place is still a mess—
furniture and backdrop stuff everywhere.”

It sounds pretty perfect to me. And when he opens the door, it is.

It’s a mess
,
and it’s small
,
but the light is amazing. There’s some purposeful graffiti on the brick walls. The apartment is on the corner so there’s light from two sides. There are rolls of backdrops on the floor
,
but I can see the hooks for them on the walls o
f the small room. I
t’s dusty and looks like it’s been abandoned
,
but I know it’s perfect for what I need. I sigh. I shouldn’t have come.

Clint reads my reaction wrong.

“Told you it was a mess.” He shrugs in apology.

“No, it’s perfect,” I tell him. “I just don’t have the money.”

“Well, we might be able to work something out.”
The way he’s looking at me says that he’d buy it for me and work some kind of deal.

“No.” I shake my head. “You have all done too much for me already.”

Clint starts to protest, but I walk out and Jackie follows.

~
~
~

When we walk in the door
at Jackie’s place
, I still
don’t have a letter from Daniel. W
e’ve been going back and forth really
well. I’m sure he must be busy. He is
in a war zone. It’s to be expected that there will be periods where he can’t write.

Sean and Chase
come over to go boating. Jackie
maneuvers us out of the docks easily. Chase looks impressed and very much in love. I wonder how awkward the day will be for Sean and me.

It’s not awkward though. We boat slowly around the outside of the lake, looking at the houses and talking about school and work and life. Sean is a little quiet, but Chase makes up for it. He’s smart and warm and open and completely unashamed of how in love he is.

It’s a nice break for
me and my current situation
. I’ve been at Jackie’s house for over two years now, and I know the plan is for her and Chase to live there when they get married. Jackie hasn’t said anything
,
but Chase loves it
,
and I’m feeling like I need to find somewhere to be.
Somewhere for my
unemployed
self to be.

“You okay Dani?” Sean asks.

“Yeah, just have a lot on my mind,” I respond. “My boss, or used to be boss Mandy cheated me out of a lot of money so I don’t have a job and I know these two are going to want some privacy when they get married so there’s just a lot going on.”

He nods.

“Dani, you can stay as long as you want, or as long as you need to,” Jackie says. Chase nods next to her. I roll my eyes.

“Why are
you
still here?” I ask Sean. “The semester’s over.” I realize that his internship is probably done.

“Well I don’t see my mom much. She’s Jane Kimball, a partner at the firm? I’ve lived with my dad since I was twelve.”

“So, two spoiled sons of fancy law firm partners here, huh?”

“Something
like
that.” Sean shrugs.

My life is so different than anything I could have thought of or
planned only a few years ago.
b
ut
I like it. I like the unexpected turns, the people who are my friends. The people I’m in love with. Warmth flows through me as I think about Michael.
He’s home
so
soon.

~
~
~

When we get home I have two missed calls. I recognize the first as belonging to a lady I know
at church and the other is a nine-oh-seven number. Nine-oh-seven
is Alaska. I’m shaking. I listen to the message. It’s Hannah only she sounds so much older. Her voice is breakin
g as she talks. “Dani, it’s um…
Hannah. Daniel emailed me this number a few months ago. He said to call if…” her voice breaks and my heart
shatters
.

I know what she’s going to say next
, or something of it. “Funeral services are at D
ad’s church on Saturday at one.” Her voice breaks again and the line is silent. I feel it wash over me.
A line from the top of my head that runs through me to the floor leaving emptiness and blackness in its wake.

Daniel
…
I have no fight left. I slide down the wall to the floor and don’t move. Sobs take over.

31

“Dani? Dani? Wake up. Wh
at’s going on?” It’s Jackie sounding more
worried
than I’ve ever heard her
. I start to move
,
but I hurt all
over. I’m in a ball on my floor, and
I have to get home.

“I’m going to Alaska.” I can feel my puffy eyes. I don’t know if I can say it. I
open my mouth a few times and
get tears instead.

Jackie gets on the floor and puts her arms around me.

I lay my head on her shoulder. “Daniel…
He’s gone.
I have to go. It’s Saturday.”

She squeezes me tighter
,
and I don’t move. I have no idea how long we sit there until Jackie speaks.

“Okay Dan
i?” she whispers. “My legs hurt. L
et’s get up and get you some food okay?”

“Okay.” I can barely stand up. How long was I there?

She sets me on the couch with a bowl of cereal and gets on her computer. She looks concentrated for a few minutes.

“Okay. W
e’re all booked. We leave tonight and come home Sunday. Is that okay?”

“You don’t have to come.” I shake my head.

“I’m coming. It’s final.
You are not doing this alone. Even without the loss of your brother, this trip won’t be easy.”

She’s right. I start crying again I’m so thankful. After food I go numb. Numb is good. I think about Daniel
,
and I think about all the other families who celebrate the homecoming of their soldiers with hugs instead of tears.

I’m angry, jealous and devastated.

~
~
~

Jackie brings me a suitcase—
she threw away the one I came with. I pack without thin
king—
toiletries, comfy clothes, something to wear to my brother’s funeral. I haven’t cried myself out, not by a long shot, but right now I’m numb again and thankful for it. Jackie gets us a car to the airport. Her and Chase text each other our whole way there.

I can tell its Chase because of the goofy grin on her face. It makes me happy to see her like this. I try to soak in her mood to dispel some of mine.

“First class?” I ask as we take our seats.

“Everything else was booked?” She smiles sweetly at me. I look back. The plane is half empty.

“Did you know that my brother once punched Michael in the face?”
I slump low in my seat.