Fragile Bonds (15 page)

Tyler folds his arms on top of the desk, leaning in to give me his undivided attention. He still looks skeptical, but at least he’s listening.

“I tried calling her cell phone, but Stacey said she didn’t want to talk to me. I didn’t question her at that point because I wouldn’t have wanted to talk to me either,” I admit sheepishly. God, I still can’t believe what an arrogant, controlling prick I had allowed myself to become. I only partly
hope the time comes when I can ask Melanie why she put up with me as long as she did. “Day after day, I tried to call and every day Stacey told me Melanie was trying to move on with her life.”

“You should have tried harder,” Tyler says bluntly. “If you loved her a quarter as much as you claimed to, you should have been kicking in her front door, crawling across the room and asking what it would take for her to forgive you.”

I can’t dispute his statement because it’s true. I was too much of a fucking coward to be the man she needed me to be back then. It was easy to justify my actions by saying I was abiding by Melanie’s wishes. Once she was gone, I berated myself for crossing the line from being a Dominant male into being a controlling asshole. It was a time of experimentation in my life that cost me the woman I loved and I will never be able to make her see how sorry I am for what I did.

“You’re right, I should have.” I wring my hands as I decide how much I want to share with Tyler. By the time I open my mouth again to speak, I decide that there will be time for full disclosure, if that’s what is needed, but not today. “And I can’t change that now. But I need you to know, I’m not the same man I was back then and I have made a promise to myself and to Melanie that I will do everything I can to
make sure I do everything possible to keep her from hurting in the future.”

In an effort to change the subject, Tyler pushes a stack of papers in front of me. He points to various sections of the lease, asking me to confirm that he has explained it by placing my initials in the margins. I sign the last page and he makes a copy for my own records. Perhaps I was a fool to think there is any reason for conversation that isn’t completely business related.

Side by side, we walk to the end of the parking lot so he can show me the mail boxes, outdoor pool and recreation center. I have to admit, I’m impressed by the facilities here. It would be nice if there was more green space or a playground for Jacob, but it will do quite nicely while I figure out where I want to go from here.

Once the tour is complete, Tyler follows me back to my building. “Xavier, I’m not going to say you didn’t fuck up royally. That stunt you pulled dragging her out of the club was just about enough to make me want to kick your ass,” Tyler says, never looking in my direction. The thought of him getting into any sort of fight other than a cat fight is amusing, but I do know he was fiercely protective of Melanie, so anything is possible. “You
crushed
her when you left. If you had walked in off the streets, I probably wouldn’t have rented this place to you. But, Melanie forced me to listen to what really happened after that night and I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt. Stacey is a vile, jealous bitch and I don’t doubt what you and Melanie claim she did. But you need to know, if you do
anything
to hurt her again, you’re not going to like the results.”

“I hear you, Tyler. Again, thank you for being understanding.” I give him a firm handshake before walking into the building, expecting him to head back to his office. When he follows me up the stairs, I’m tempted to ask what he’s doing, but I figure better of it. I’m not going to be stupid enough to risk offending him right now.

“I hope you like it,” Tyler says as I reach to open the door. I can’t imagine this place is that much different from any other apartment out there, but it’s nice to see that he takes pride in the units he’s responsible for.

I’m a bit confused as I walk into the living area, wondering if this was a furnished unit. The furniture, while perfect for this space, isn’t anything I’ve seen before. “
Melanie said you had called movers to move my things,” I say, confused.

“Yeah, about that…” Tyler’s voice drifts off as he goes to find Melanie. It’s not hard since she and Jacob are both laughing hysterically inside one of the bedrooms. I follow him into Jacob’s new bedroom and I’m amazed. Planets and stars hang from the ceiling and there’s a mural on one wall, complete with a very detailed rocket ship. Sadly, I’m a bit jealous of my son’s private space. “Mel, did you have something you wanted to tell Xavier?”

Jacob and I have been having such a great time exploring his new bedroom, I almost forgot about the fact that Xavier was going to be thoroughly confused when he walked in. After the first few nights spent trying to convince him that he needed to come home, I realized that having constant reminders of Alyssa was a sticking point for him. So, I made the executive decision to have all of his furniture sent to storage and gave Tyler carte blanche to decorate the new space as he saw fit. The only stipulation was that he had to remember this was for a man and his four year old son, not for a bachelor.

When Jacob and I walked in, part of me wished this was my new home. The normally white walls in the living room have been painted a rich buttercream color. Xavier’s flat screen television, one of the only things moved from the house, is mounted over the fireplace against the far wall. The furniture is rustic, but seems to fit in the contemporary space. Jacob’s room is nothing you would ever see in a rental unit. Tyler called one of his friends and had a mural painted along one wall in hopes of making it feel like a place Jacob can call his own, not a temporary bedroom. The only room I haven’t looked at yet is Xavier’s room, and if I have my way, it will stay that way. I have no need to know what lies behind the door on the other side of the living room.

Tyler takes my place on the floor of Jacob’s room, listening to the little boy ramble about wanting to build a real
rocket ship and fly to the moon. Xavier and I watch for a moment, making sure the two are getting along before retreating to the kitchen. “Melanie, I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but where are our things?”

Xavier doesn’t sound angry, just perplexed. Maybe the appropriate thing to do would have been to ask what he wanted to do when it came to furnishing their new space, but I feared asking him to make any sort of decision in this regard would have caused a setback that would have kept him living the life of a beach bum in the Outer Banks.

“You said you needed a fresh start,” I say quietly. I’m starting to second guess everything about what I’ve done and that pisses me off. I
know
I did the best thing I could for them, even if he can’t see that right now. I force myself to look into his eyes, exuding confidence that I don’t truly feel. “Everything in that house has been through our relationship as well as your time with Alyssa. Even if we had it moved here, the memories would have remained. I thought you would appreciate a truly clean slate. I’m sorry, I should have asked you first. If you don’t like what Tyler did, we can return this furniture and move your old stuff in. Right now, it’s still at the house so it’s not so empty for showings.”

I’m aware that I’m rambling, but as long as I keep talking, Xavier can’t lose his temper. This past week, his moods have been all over the place, and this is the type of thing I could see setting him off. I’m caught off guard when, for the second time today, Xavier pulls me into his arms, pressing my head against his firm chest.

“Thank you,” he sighs, placing a tender kiss on the crown of my head. I could easily get used to these little bits of affection from him. Too easily. The thought terrifies me. “It’s a lot to take in all at once, but I know your heart was in the right place.”

“You’re not upset that you’re living so close to me?” I ask, still waiting for the mood shift I’m sure is coming. He’s made it abundantly clear that he wants space to figure out how to be the best father he can to Jacob, and living two
buildings down isn’t exactly giving him that.

Xavier’s firm hands land on my shoulders. He pushes me away from his body, just enough that he can look at me with those sapphire eyes. They’re starting to come back to life and I notice today, for the first time since Alyssa passed away, just how stunning they are. “I’m not sure it was the wisest move, but I understand why you did it. Just remember that
you
did this the first time I happen to walk down to the mailbox as some jerk picks you up for a date,” he jokes.

“If you wanted to have a say in who I dated, maybe you shouldn’t have let me go,” I quip, immediately wishing I knew how to think before speaking. Xavier’s expression falls and I know I’ve gone too far. “Xavier, I’m sorry. You know what I meant.”

I wrap my arms around his waist, hoping to bring a bit of levity back to the day. The topic of our past has been something we’ve both worked hard to avoid for this very reason. There’s too much pain and plenty of blame to go around. Talking about that time doesn’t benefit anyone.

“I do,” Xavier says sadly. “But knowing doesn’t change the fact that I hurt you. I’m sorry.”

“Stop,” I insist. “Today’s a good day, not a shitty, moody one. Maybe I’ll pop by bright and early some morning and we can rehash everything then. Deal?”

“Deal,” Xavier says, flashing me a weak smile. He’s still in a darker mood than I’d like, but I’ll take what I can get since I was the idiot who put him there. “You do realize you’re never getting rid of Jacob now that he knows you live so close, right?”

I hoist myself up to sit on the bare counter, making myself at home in his space. “You realize you can’t get rid of
me
now that I live so close, right?” I ask in response. As long as we don’t talk about certain things, my friendship with Xavier is getting back to what it once was. Comfortable. Easy. Safe.

“Yeah, I guess I’ll have to deal with that,” Xavier huffs dramatically. I punch him in the shoulder, twisting my face in feigned anger. “Ouch, that hurt!”

“Weenie,” I laugh. Xavier opens each cupboard, acquainting himself with Tyler’s organization system. When he gets to the pantry, he seems elated to find it fully stocked. I sit and watch as he explores each room of the house, muttering his appreciation with how everything looks.

The rest of the afternoon is fairly low key. Tyler heads back to the office as soon Xavier and I are done talking. I offer to head back to my place, giving Xavier and Jacob some time to themselves, but Xavier asks me to stay. When I hesitate, he makes sure to tell me it’s for Jacob’s benefit, not for his. I’m pretty sure he’s full of crap, but we both know there’s no way I’ll turn down a chance to spend time with the little boy who has completely stolen my heart.

“Miss Melanie, are you having supper with us?” Jacob asks as the credits roll on
Cars 2.
I look over his head to Xavier, who is sitting at the opposite end of the new microfiber couch. It’s not as comfortable as his old leather one, but it fits the space. He shrugs, leaving the decision up to me.

“I have to go and let Brody out, but I could probably come back over after that,” I say, pulling Jacob into my lap. It’s going to be strange to go home tonight. I’ve grown accustomed to reading him stories at bedtime and then sitting on the balcony with Xavier until we are both falling asleep. “What are you cooking for us?”

“I can’t cook!” Jacob giggles, shaking his head as if that was the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. “Can I go with you to take care of Brody?”

“Sure, buddy,” I say, lifting him off my lap.
I might as well bring Brody back here since Jacob is going to want to be wherever the dog is. “And maybe, while we’re gone, your daddy will find something to make for dinner.”

I hear Xavier mumble something as I reach for Jacob’s hand, leading him out of the apartment. More than likely, he’s cursing me for tasking him with figuring out dinner and implying that he’s going to cook. I can count on one hand the number of meals I remember him preparing while we were together and once I arrived at the condo, we easily fell into a routine where the kitchen was my domain. As much as I love cooking, I’m making a conscious effort to
not
be in the kitchen now that we’re back home because Xavier needs to learn to do these things for himself.

“Miss Melanie, can we go swimming later?” Jacob asks when he sees the fenced-in swimming pool across the parking lot. As I look over to where he’s pointing, I realize that I’ve spent so much of the past two years buried in work that I can’t remember ever taking a break
to lounge beside the pool with a good book. I make a mental note to find a nice, conservative swimsuit so we can spend as much time as possible over there this summer.

“Not today, buddy. It’
s still a bit too cold.” Jacob’s shoulders slump forward in defeat. I understand what he’s feeling because, now that he’s put the idea in my head, the only thing I can think of is how it’s going to feel to have the sun beating down on my skin on a hot summer day. It’s even harder because we’ve just returned from the beach, where it’s already warm enough to spend most of the day playing outside. “But as soon as it’s warmer, we’ll go to the pool every day if you want, okay?” I add, hoping to bring a smile to his face.

Before taking Brody out for his evening walk, I quickly sort through the stack of mail on my breakfast bar making piles for the junk, bills, and anything that genuinely interests me. Of course, this last stack is the shortest. I’ll flip through the magazines later, but I reach for the envelope
with a local postmark and no return address. My stomach churns as I slide my finger under the flap.

Melanie,

I get that you’re pissed off at me, but this is a bit ridiculous. I get that you think I fucked up by not letting you talk to Xavier, but you have to understand where I was coming from. Over the time you two were together, I saw the way you started turning to him for permission to do anything. The way you made every decision based on what he would think. I saw you losing yourself and it killed me.

The night that you decided to go to the party with me, I felt like a proud mama. Yeah, it’s stupid and cheesy, but there it is. You didn’t call him ahead of time, you didn’t change your outfit twenty times so you were wearing something
he
would approve of. You did what you wanted to do.

And then X had to go and fuck that all up too. The minute he showed up, with all of his macho-bullshit attitude, you followed him out of there and I thought I had lost you.

When you called the next morning, begging me to give you a ride and let you crash at my place, I was happy. You finally realized what he was doing to you and you got out of there.

I don’t bother reading any more of the letter. For a second, I allowed myself to hope that my so-called best friend had realized that she was wrong to make decisions for me without me having any knowledge, but with every paragraph,
it seemed more and more like she was trying to get me to see her side of the situation. She’s delusional if she thinks there’s anything she can say that will make me throw my arms around her in gratitude.

“Miss Melanie, can we go back to my house now?” Jacob asks, tugging on the hem of my shorts. I should have had him stay with his dad while I came over here. That way, I could have jumped in the shower to wash off the road funk. And I would have had privacy to call and tell Stacey to piss off and stay out of my life. Okay, so maybe it’s for the best that Jacob is here. But I still want a shower.

“Yeah, buddy. Can you grab Brody’s toys?” I point to a small canvas bag on the floor by the entrance.

Spaghetti. It’s going to be one hell of a mess, but it’s simple and I have all of the ingredients for it. Looking through my pantry and refrigerator, I briefly wonder if Tyler would be interested in doing my grocery shopping every week. It’s as if Melanie told him how hopeless I am in the kitchen and he took the time to get simple meals that even I can’t screw up.

No, you have to do this eventually. You can
not
lean on everyone around you to help you get by. Especially not her.