Fragile Bonds (17 page)

“What am I supposed to do,
Bray?” I ask, completely broken. “You’re right, I do love her, but it’s not what it used to be. It’s actually deeper now. Back then, it would have been easy for me to run into her arms to help me forget about Alyssa, but now, I feel like I would be disrespecting them both if I do that.”

Braydon makes his way into the kitchen, rummaging until he finds the leftover spaghetti. While he waits for it to reheat, he starts a pot of coffee. Probably a good idea because what was already looking to be a long night just got longer.

“First of all, Alyssa would understand,” Braydon reassures me. “If shit went down differently, I would agree because we all know how Alyssa felt about ‘that evil bitch that hurt you’,” he says, forming air quotes around the words my wife often used to refer to my ex. If he’s trying to make me feel better, he’s doing a shitty job because now, I feel bad for allowing the two women to meet the day Melanie showed up at my door. “But they were friends. She got to know the real Mel, and honestly, we all met the real Mel when she came to help with Alyssa. She’s not the girl you used to live with. She’s strong and I have no doubt she’ll put you in your place when you fuck up.”

We both chuckle at the truth of his statement. Yes, Melanie hasn’t had any problem telling me when she doesn’t agree with me. She no longer turns her eyes to the ground when I speak, she squares her shoulders confidently and stares me down with those huge mocha eyes.

“Here’s the thing,” Braydon says, pouring me a cup of coffee. “You can’t change what happened. But
you
can make sure Jacob has what he needs in his life. And seeing as you love her and I know she loves both of you, I think you’d be doing everyone, Alyssa included, a disservice to ignore that because of your own hang-ups created by the past.”

I hate my brother right now. He makes it sound as if it should be simple to
convince myself that not only would Alyssa condone what he’s proposing, but she would actually encourage it. I sit on the stool next to my brother, watching him shovel food into his mouth as if he hasn’t eaten in a month. I don’t want to be sitting here next to him, I want to be in the bedroom with Jacob and Melanie, but I have to trust that she’ll come out when she’s ready. Until then, I will give them this time together. Alyssa asked me to trust Melanie to help with Jacob, so that’s what I need to do.

Braydon hangs around for almost two more hours, talking to me about anything he can think of to keep my mind off what might be going on in my son’s bedroom. As I walk him to the door, I notice Melanie’s keys sitting on the dining table. I grab them, figuring it’s a pretty safe bet that Brody is wondering why he’s home alone at this point. She’s taking care of my son, I’ll take care of hers.

“Man, you’ve got it bad,” Braydon laughs when I follow him out of the building. “And I take it back, I’ll bet that you two are living together by the time little dude starts kindergarten.”

“Don’t push it,” I sigh. While I might be willing to think about seeing where things lead with Melanie, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to race to the altar any time soon. For all I know, she might not even be interested in trying to make anything between us work after how things ended the last time.

“Just sayin’…” He folds himself behind the wheel of his Jaguar XF, waving as I make my way down the sidewalk between our buildings.

Brody rushes to the door as soon as he hears the key in the lock. He might be tiny, but the way he’s jumping at me
and yapping as I enter the apartment, you’d think he’s the biggest, baddest guard dog out there. “Easy, boy,” I say, crouching down so he can sniff me. After clipping the leash to his collar, I snag his toy bag off the floor, relatively certain he’s going to be at my place for the night.

Melanie still isn’t out of Jacob’s room by the time Brody and I are done taking our middle of the night walk. It was longer than
the dog needed, but knowing that Jacob was in good hands, I decided to take a little time to clear my head. Not only does Braydon have me thinking about Melanie being part of my life for the long haul, but he also proposed a solution for my desire to stop traveling so much for work.

Financially, I know I can swing it, but I’m not sure the hours I would have to work are much of an improvement over what I’m doing now.
And I worry that, if I do this, the day will come when I have to make a decision between Melanie and the club. She might have been one of the best VIP bartenders Braydon has ever had working at Artemis, but I know how much she hated it. She never hung out with the other girls who worked there because they were greedy, desperate whores who would do anything to get ahead. Her words, not mine.

Dim light from the kitchen streams through the small opening in Jacob’s bedroom door. What I see somehow manages to crush me and bring me to life at the same time. Melanie is now
laying down in Jacob’s bed with her back pressed against the wall and my son nestled against her chest. I tip-toe through the room to cover them with a blanket, choking back the tears wetting my eyes.

Every inch of my body is stiff as I try to carefully maneuver my way over a sleeping child and dog. I lean down, brushing my lips across Jacob’s forehead before leaving the room. I may have gone through days upon days of training on how to help families cope with an imminent death, but nothing could have prepared me for last night. Listening to Jacob sob as he drifted off to sleep, asking me repeatedly why his mom wouldn’t look at him in his dream was like a knife to the heart.

The apartment is still quiet, so I make my way to the kitchen, easily falling back into the morning routine we had developed in North Carolina. Once the coffee is brewing, I start breakfast, knowing that will rouse the men in my life. I’m beginning to wonder if Xavier and I are fooling ourselves when we say we can’t be anything more than friends. What we have already feels like something deeper than what we had when we were committed to one another and planning a future together.

“Good morning.” Xavier’s gravelly voice awakens parts of my body that I really wish would stop trying to make decisions for me. I look up from the griddle filled with French toast and see him walking lazily toward me. The way his hand is up the back of his shirt, scratching an itch, exposes a small patch of deeply tanned skin on his flat stomach. I know exactly where that dusting of hair above his waistband leads and my mind is having no problem conjuring
those
memories right now. “Damn, Melanie,” Xavier laughs, shaking his head. “Keep looking at me that way and I’m going to have to wipe drool off your chin.”

I turn hastily, reaching for something in the refrigerator.
The only thing I need right now is a blast of cool air on my heated flesh. I don’t know why I’m reacting this way; it’s not like I haven’t seen him in less over the course of the past month, but today it feels different. This isn’t a vacation rental on the ocean, this is his home.

“Sleep well?” I ask, trying to change the subject. I don’t want to think about the way I was looking at him, much less talk about it. We just need to get through breakfast and then Brody and I can head home. To my apartment. Where I won’t be staring temptation in the face, or other body parts.

“Barely slept at all,” Xavier responds. His hand casually sweeps across my hip as he reaches for a coffee mug. It would be so easy to turn around right now and look into his sapphire eyes while I admit everything I’m feeling for him in this moment. There are so many reasons why that would be a catastrophic move, so I grip the edge of the counter, closing my eyes as I pray he moves out of my personal space so I can think.

I try moving to the side, giving Xavier room to reach the coffee pot without me being in his way, but I’m stopped when he takes one tiny step closer to me, pressing his body to mine
. When I look over my shoulder, my breath hitches at the look on Xavier’s face. It’s an odd combination of pain and lust. I turn around, leaning against the counter, bracing myself because if he keeps looking at me that way, I have no doubt my knees are going to buckle.

“What are we doing?” I ask breathlessly, becoming painfully aware of the fact that I am still wearing nothing but a skimpy tank top and men’s boxers. I feel totally naked as his gaze travels the length of my body.

He scrubs his hands over his face, breaking the penetrating stare without giving more than an inch of space between our bodies. “I have no clue,” he sighs.

I jump when I hear the front door open, which does nothing to help the developing inferno between us because my body collides with Xavier’s firm chest. His arms wrap around me, preventing me from escaping. The situation only worsens when Braydon walks in, a smirk creeping across his face when he sees our compromising position.

“Don’t fucking say it, Bray,” Xavier warns. I look up at him, wondering what I’m missing. He bends down, kissing my forehead before letting go.

My brain feels foggy with pent up lust and I stand there, staring as the two men walk into the living room. I’m brought back to the present by the acrid scent of burning eggs and bread.
I quickly move to clear the griddle, tossing the ruined food in the garbage can. Xavier and Braydon are speaking in hushed tones so I can’t hear their words, but based on the body language, I can tell Xavier isn’t comfortable with what’s being said.

“You staying for breakfast?” I ask Braydon. He looks back at me with that same smug grin on his face before making a face at his younger brother.

“Yeah, and then I’m going to kidnap my little guy for the day.” It makes no sense, but I’m miffed at the fact that I had no clue he and Jacob were spending the day together. It’s not as if I have any right to know what plans Xavier makes for his child, but I don’t like this feeling of being out of the loop in his life after so many months of daily interaction.

Jacob runs out of the bedroom, not stopping until he wraps his arms around my thighs. I see Xavier’s face fall and crouch down so I’m at Jacob’s level. “I think your daddy wants
good morning hugs,” I whisper in his ear, ruffling the already messy hair on top of his head.

“Did you sleep with me last night?” Jacob asks sweetly. I nod, not wanting to say too much right now. I won’t lie to him, but I worry that if I open my mouth, he’ll hear something in my voice that will have him asking me to stay with him again and that won’t work. Xavier has to figure out how to deal with the bad dreams at some point so we don’t give Jacob false hope. “Thank you.”

He kisses the tip of my nose before turning on his heel to run out of the kitchen. I stay there, hidden by the lower cabinets, while I will the ache in my chest to ease up. “Unca Braydon!” Jacob squeals. I stand needing to know if Xavier has been pushed to the back of the hug line again, this time by his brother. Xavier needs to understand that there’s no pecking order when it comes to who Jacob hugs when, but I can see why it’s hard for him. One of Xavier’s biggest regrets in life is not being there for Jacob more and he’s convinced that, somehow, the boy will hold that against him now. Luckily, I see Jacob securely in his father’s arms as both older men tickle him. And that brings back that clenching feeling around my heart.

It’s more than apparent that I wasn’t thinking this morning when I allowed Melanie to get so close to me.
I caught one whiff of the scent of her flowery body wash and vanilla shampoo and the smaller head took over all thinking. And now, I have to pretend that there isn’t a painful erection threatening to hit the underside of the table as we eat breakfast as a family. Braydon keeps cocking his head in Melanie’s direction as if to say, “I told you so, you stupid fuck.” If he does it again, I might not be able to resist the urge to knock that bobble head off his shoulders. There’s enough going through my head without worrying about him giving me a hard time too.

“Where are we going,
Unca Braydon?” Jacob asks, syrup dripping off his chin. I keep telling myself I’m going to make him cut back on how much syrup he uses every day, but for now, it just seems easier to keep buying fresh bottles.

“Do you want to go to the zoo? And then we could go to Ella’s for ice cream after.” By the time my brother brings Jacob home, I’ll be lucky if I’m not peeling him off the ceiling from how much sugar he’s undoubtedly consume today. But it’ll be worth it because I need some time with Melanie where we don’t have to worry about little ears.

“Are Daddy and Miss Melanie coming with?” His eyes light up at the thought of this being a group outing.

“Buddy, I thought you might want to spend some time alone with Uncle Braydon today since you haven’t seen him in a while,” I tell him, hoping to defuse what could easily turn into a tantrum. Jacob has an attachment to Melanie that I fear isn’t exactly healthy given the circumstances. “And maybe we can see if Miss Melanie would like to come over for dinner when you get home. Would that be okay?”

I shift my gaze from Jacob to Melanie and see her nodding subtly. In a former life, I would have been upset by how much it feels as if she’s giving me her reassurance and approval, but this morning, with the memory of last night’s dream still fresh in my mind, it’s exactly what I need. I don’t give a damn if I’m grinning like a schoolboy who just received praise from the teacher, I only care that she’s telling me that I’m starting to figure out this whole parenting gig.

Melanie disappears into Jacob’s room when she’s done eating. A few minutes later, she reappears with
a change of clothes, shoes and Jacob’s backpack. She gives me a timid look, as if she thinks she’s done something wrong by taking care of my son as if he’s her own. She mouths the words, “I’m sorry,” and I’m tempted to pull her into my bedroom to figure out why she’s suddenly acting this way. When we were at the condo, she had no problem getting Jacob dressed, telling him what the plans were for the day or urging him to hurry when he was taking his sweet time doing something. But now that we’re home, she’s apologizing for doing what comes so naturally to her. 

“When you’re finished, your daddy will help you get cleaned up and dressed so you can go with Braydon, okay?” She clips Brody’s leash onto his collar, scooping him off the ground. It’s not until she reaches for the toy bag that I realize she’s trying to leave.

“Melanie, can I talk to you for a minute?” I ask her, pushing back from the table. She won’t look at me and I start thinking this has all been a huge mistake. She’s
not
comfortable in my space, but now she’s close enough that she can walk out and be home in less than a minute.

“
I need to get Brody outside,” she says, rushing toward the door. More than anything, I want to race to her side, reaching out to stop her, but I can’t. If she wants to go, I can’t keep her here, but I
need
her to stay so we can talk about this shift that is already taking place between us, whether we want it or not.

I follow her into the hall, only because I can’t exactly blurt out what I need to say in the presence of my brother and son. “Melanie, will you please come back after you let the dog out? We need to talk about what happened last night, that’s why Braydon is taking Jacob for the day.”

She leans against the railing, one foot on the landing, the other on the top stair. If she doesn’t say something soon, I’m worried I’ll resort to begging her to not leave. She pinches the bridge of her nose, eyes clenched tight. When they open, I see anxiety swirling in her deep brown irises. I get that feeling because I’m so nervous my breakfast is threatening a return trip. But the fact remains, we’re grown adults and we owe it to one another to lay it all out and decide where we go from here because ignoring the chemistry isn’t working for us.

“Yeah, I’ll come back, but I’m going to go home and change first.” Taking another look at her pajamas that do little to conceal every delectable curve of her body, I’m tempted to find her a t-shirt and sweatpants. It’s daylight now and the thought of anyone else seeing her like this makes me want to punch something.
It’s bad enough that I have to live with the knowledge that Braydon saw her like this. I don’t care that he’s likely seen her in less, back when she was tending bar.

“Probably a good idea,” I say curtly. After debating the consequences, I lean in and kiss her cheek, figuring she’ll either get pissed off at me for the gesture or she will leave here with a slight hint of what I feel for her. I’m okay with either outcome because it’s progress. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

Without saying a word to me, she turns down the stairs. Like a lovesick fool, I stand watching her until I can no longer see her toned legs walking down the sidewalk.