Fragile Bonds (14 page)

Against my better judgment, I reach down for Melanie’s hand. I need to feel connected to someone right now because I feel myself slipping into a place I don’t want to go when the sun is shining and the air is filled with Brody yelping as he runs after a laughing Jacob. I want to be here in the present, enjoying the fact that we’re still here.

“It’s not that, Melanie. I do think you could work on your listening skills a bit, but I
do
appreciate your help.” When I look over at her, the corner of my mouth quirks up. I can’t see her brilliant green eyes behind her sunglasses, but I can feel them looking at me, truly seeing me. I reach up, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and I feel her shiver against my touch. Seeing as it’s over seventy degrees today, I know it’s not the weather that elicits that reaction. At least I’m not alone in feeling something I’m not willing to address. “Give Tyler a call and tell him to go ahead. I’ll have Braydon go and supervise the movers.”

This is the only way I can go back to Wisconsin. I’ll call a realtor when we get back and put the house on the market. Hopefully Braydon will be able to oversee that process because I meant it last night when I said I have no desire to set foot in that house again. I remember how hard it was to turn my key in the lock after Melanie left, I can’t imagine how I will get through that knowing that was the last place I saw Alyssa alive.

The
transformed landscape as I drive through Madison reminds me how long I’ve been gone. After almost two weeks on the beach with Xavier, it’s time for all of us to make our reentry into the real world. Since Xavier knows almost nothing about where he’s living now, he’s following me through town. I feel a little bad for not telling him that his apartment is in the same complex where I live, but not really. It makes sense for us to be close to one another because there are going to be times when he needs me to help with Jacob, and this way he can’t tell me he doesn’t want me going out of my way for them.

Xavier has always been the type of man who is completely in control of every minute detail in his life. Even when I first started working for the family back in November, there was no doubting that Xavier was the man of the house. The fact that he’s in such a precarious place that he’s allowed me to take on some major life decisions for him tells me that he’s not dealing well with Alyssa’s death. I don’t expect him to carry on as if nothing has happened, but I
did
expect a bit more fight out of him when I told him I would take care of finding a new place for him and Jacob to live.

“Miss Melanie, are we going to your house?” Jacob asks from the backseat. This is why I offered for
Jacob to ride with me for the last leg of our trip home. He’s only been to my apartment a couple of times, but the boy has a mind like a steel trap. I can only imagine how he would be talking his dad’s ear off if they were in the same car.

“Only for a minute,” I tell him. “We’ll take Brody home, but then I have a surprise for you.” I look in the mirror and see him trying to lean over in his
car seat to reach the dog. Those two have been inseparable, to the point that Xavier wound up sleeping on the cramped berth bed in the hall of the condo more than once. It still amazes me how a toddler and an eighteen pound dog can force a grown man out of a king size bed.

“I love surprises, Miss Melanie,” he squeals, waking up Brody, who promptly tries to crawl into Jacob’s lap
. Now that we’re back in Madison, I wonder if it’s going to hit him that Alyssa is gone. It’s not like we’ve been lying to him, telling her that she’s here, but neither of us pushed the topic while we were on the beach. That was a time to let him be a four-year-old; playing, laughing and having fun, not mourning the loss of his mother.

I motion for Xavier to park his car in front of my building before pulling beneath to my assigned stall. He’s leaning against the hood of the Audi, long legs crossed at the ankles, by the time I manage to get Jacob out of his seat and wrestle both him and the dog out of the underground parking lot. “Is this where you live?” Xavier asks, looking impressed by the surrounding. I smirk, trying to resist blowing the surprise now by telling him that it’s also where he lives.

As he and Jacob follow me up the stairs to my unit, I start to have second thoughts, wondering if Xavier will question my motives by having Tyler put him two buildings down from me. This has nothing to do with my own conflicted emotions and everything to do with making sure they’re close enough that I can keep my promise to Alyssa. Hell, he wouldn’t be the first to think I’ve lost my mind.

“I’m not sure about this, Mel,” Tyler says. I can hear him tapping away at the keyboard, only partially paying attention to me. “You do realize that if I do lease him the apartment, you’re going to be stuck with him as one of your neighbors for at least a year, right?”

I sigh loudly, wishing we weren’t having this conversation again. Like Stacey, Tyler isn’t a huge fan of Xavier Ross. He was there the night that Xavier pulled me out of the club and later left me crying in the living room. Unlike Stacey, Tyler understands that there were deeper issues in our relationship and we were both at a point in our lives where we were chasing something that wouldn’t work out for us in the long run. That doesn’t mean he’s eager to see Xavier back as a constant fixture in my life.

“Yes, I know that,” I huff, rolling my eyes. I don’t have time for this. Xavier and Jacob are going to be back to the condo soon and I want to keep this a surprise until
we’re back in Wisconsin. Xavier has reluctantly given me complete control over finding them a place to live, knowing that if left up to him right now, he’d be content to permanently move to North Carolina. “Look, we can get together when I get home and I’ll explain it all to you then. But for now, I need you to save that unit, call the movers and go shopping for me. Do you think you can handle that?”

“Yeah, but you owe me big for this one, Mel,” Tyler laughs. As college students, he was the third musketeer with me and Stacey. By the time I was in grad school and he was settled in, working for his parents’ management company, our friendship was drifting. Post-Xavier, when I became a hermit, he got sick of pushing me to figure out how to live again and we stopped talking. Even with all of that, I’ve realized he’s one of the only people I know that I can call for anything at any time and he’ll do it. Not because he has to, but because he’s a genuinely good person and wants to.

“Yeah, maybe we’ll finally go out once I’m back home and things settle down. Who knows, I might even let you take me to the club after dinner,” I laugh. Every month when I stop in to pay my rent, Tyler threatens to take me to the club where he works as a DJ two nights per week. For the past three years, ever since the day I walked into the rental office looking for an apartment, Tyler and I have promised to go out and start spending more time together, but something has always come up to keep that from happening. “I’ll send you a list of what all needs to get replaced.”

There’s a twinkle in Melanie’s eyes when she leads us back out the front door of her apartment building. She’s up to something, I’m just not sure what at this point. Instead of heading to her parking area
after getting Brody settled into her apartment, she reaches for Jacob’s hand and starts skipping down the sidewalk. She stops abruptly, turning her attention to a scrawny blond guy coming out of one of the buildings. When she takes something from him, shoving it into her pocket, the hair on the back of my neck stands on end.

“Hey, slowpoke! Get over here,” she yells back to me. I quicken my steps and soon recognize the man she’s talking to.
Even though he’s not wearing the garish patterns and tight jeans that used to be his wardrobe staples, there’s no mistaking Tyler Jenkins. When Melanie and I were together, we often joked that he was her gay husband. “You remember Tyler, right?” she asks as I extend my hand to him.

I try to ignore the fact that I’m relieved to know the man she was talking to isn’t a threat. For him to be a threat would mean that I have an interest in her and I don’t. Not in that way. I tell myself that it’s only natural for a friend to be concerned
about who his single, female friends are associating with. “Tyler, it’s good to see you again. Do you live here too?”

“No, I’m the leasing manager
for the complex,” he says, giving Melanie a strange look. I never did understand the way those two seemed to have complete conversations with nothing but body languages and facial expressions, and I’m not about to try now. “Are you ready to go inside?”

Scratching the back of my head, I’m now the one turning to look at Melanie.
The old Melanie would have been intimidated by the glower I’m sure I’m giving her right now. But this woman, the new and improved Melanie, is nearly bouncing with excitement. “Welcome home!” she shouts, throwing her hands in the air.

There are so many reasons I’m not sure I can walk through the front door of this building, the very least of which being that I’m positive it’s not a good idea for me to live so close to Melanie. Logically, it makes sense seeing as she has offered to help me out with Jacob until I can find a position where I won’t have to travel as often, but that’s where the benefits of living here end. I haven’t lived in an apartment since I was in college and I’m not looking forward to well-meaning neighbors who want to check in on the poor single dad who recently lost his wife. I know myself well enough to know I’m going to
be
one of those nosy neighbors when it comes to Melanie. I have no right, but I still feel the need to protect her. Unfortunately, every day I feel more and more like I’m the one she needs to be protected from.

Jacob starts tugging on my hand, begging me to take him inside. I’m not ready to do this. I’m not ready to face any of the belongings that were in the home I shared with Alyssa.
I don’t want to deal with Jacob having reminders of our life before she died and the questions he’s bound to ask. But then, I look down and see the massive grin on his face and I wonder if it’s really him at all that I’m worried about. He’s four. Chances are he’s going to find a way to adapt to whatever is thrown at him. I’m the one who will have to find a way to climb out of the darkness that threatens to consume me on a daily basis.

“Daddy, Miss Melanie said she has surprises for us!” I scoop him into my arms, loving the happiness my boy exudes as he wraps his tiny arms around my neck. If for no other reason, I have to learn to start letting go of the pain that consumes me so I can be the father he deserves. “Do you think this is her surprise?”

Melanie and Tyler are standing off to the side, watching our interaction. I reach one hand out to Melanie, drawing her in for a hug. I’m still uncertain that this is the best idea, but I’m going to try to roll with it. “Thank you,” I whisper into her ear. She nods, placing the key to our new home into my palm. I approach the entrance with Jacob still in my arms, turning when I realize I have no clue where I’m going.

“Number sixteen, upstairs,” Tyler says before I can even ask the question. “Mel, I have to get back to the office. Why don’t you take them upstairs and then Xavier, you can swing by today or tomorrow to sign the paperwork.”

I hand Jacob and the key to Melanie so they can go inside. If I’m going to make the best of this situation, I need to start out by clearing the air with Tyler. I’m not sure if they’re as close as they used to be, but I need to do this for my own peace of mind. “Why don’t we go take care of that now?” I ask, motioning for him to lead the way.

It seems I’ve had more of these awkward moments in the past six months than I had in the first thirty years of my life. And every single one of them revolves around the failure of my relationship with Melanie. She was the first person I fell in love with, the first person I saw myself spending forever with, and the first person I walked away from. Even though I
know I can’t wish that things had turned out differently, she is my greatest regret. Tyler ushers me into his office and I’m still trying to find something to say to the man who was once a fixture in my home.

“Thank you for helping Melanie arrange all of this, Tyler,” I say earnestly. Knowing that this is his complex, I’m a bit shocked that I’m welcomed here. The Tyler I knew held a grudge better than most women I know. I can’t see him opening his arms to me, even with Melanie pleading my case. Obviously, time has changed all of us.

Tyler shuffles through the stacks of paperwork on his desk, not acknowledging my remark. It’s a bit rude, but lets me know where things stand between us. He’s not doing this for me, he’s doing this because he cares about Melanie and she has a way of making people
want
to do things for her.

“Listen, I know I don’t owe you an explanation or an apology, but I don’t want things to be strained between us if I’m going to be your tenant.” It feels as if I’m talking to a brick wall, but I need to get the words out there if I’m truly committed to changing the way that I live. “Melanie and I have had a lot of time to talk about the way things played out between the two of us when we were together. I was wrong to turn her away the way that I did. I knew that the day after I did it, but by the time I worked up the balls to beg her forgiveness, it was too late.”