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While I am on cyberspacenet, can please you get me tickets for
Great Balls of Grease?
Mrs. van Helden and my good self will be visiting in London at 12 February. We will be packing our crampons.

Your pal, Pertti

	David Crutton – 1/3/00, 8:49am
to:	Fiona Craigie
cc:
re:	your fat butt

Get your fucking nose out of
Miss London
and explain why, despite your best efforts, my last e-mail went to that pathetic twat, van Helden. And get me two tickets for
Great Balls of Fire
or
Grease
on 12 Feb. I don’t think the gobshite Finn knows the difference.

	Daniel Westbrooke – 1/3/00, 9:17am
to:	All Departments
cc:
re:	a new face

I would like you all to join me in welcoming Katie Philpott, who joins us today as a trainee account executive. Katie will be working in Harriet Greenbaum’s group on Mako. She will add her spark and vivacity to an already lively team. Please give her the warmest of Miller Shanks welcomes.

Daniel Westbrooke

Head of Client Services

	Rachel Stevenson – 1/3/00, 10:10am
to:	All Departments
cc:
re:	changes

Sadly, Fiona Craigie has decided to leave us and is no longer David Crutton’s PA. I am sure you will join me in wishing her well for the
future. Lorraine Pallister will be temping until a permanent replacement arrives. Please make her welcome.

Rachel Stevenson

Personnel

	Simon Horne – 1/3/00, 10:14am
to:	Creative Department
cc:	David Crutton Daniel Westbrooke
re:	arses in gear

You will need no reminding of the Coke pitch. This is the big one.

Excalibur.

The Holy Grail.

Eldorado.

The Most Famous Brand in the World.

David Crutton and Dan Westbrooke will brief us at noon in the boardroom.

Be keen.

Be sharp.

Be clever.

Above all, be there.

Si

	Daniel Westbrooke – 1/3/00, 10:18am
to:	Simon Horne
cc:
re:	arses in gear

Simon, I know this might be a silly little thing, so excuse my pedantry. I do not mind you calling me Dan in private, but to the great unwashed, please refer to me as Daniel. The diminutive sounds far too familiar, and as Head of Client Services I find it pays to remain a little aloof from the rabble! See you at 12:00.

	Daniel Westbrooke – 1/3/00, 10:22am
to:	James Gregory
cc:
re:	Katie Philpott

James, my duties as Head of Client Services mean that I am far too busy to bestow upon young Katie my traditional welcome of tea and muffins. Since you are the account manager with whom she will be working most closely, may I request that you take her under your wing and make sure that she is familiar with our ways? Suffice it to say that I would not wish a repeat of what happened with the last trainee.

	Simon Horne – 1/3/00, 10:30am
to:	Susi Judge-Davis
cc:
re:	Coke

Susi, darling, be an absolute treasure and make sure all the creative teams are aware of the Coke briefing at 12:00. And get me a pot of decaffeinated and some of those itty-bitty cinnamon biscuits they have in the kitchen.

	Susi Judge-Davis – 1/3/00, 10:31 am
to:	Simon Horne
cc:
re:	Coke

Doing it right now, darling . . . Sx

	[email protected] 1/3/00, 10:32am (12:32am local)
to:	[email protected]
cc:
re:	your butt

We are loving your ironicalism. “Pathetic twat, van Helden!” There is nothing to beat English humours.
Benny Hill, Love Thy Neighbour, Are You Being Severed?.
We see them all on Satellite Golden Hits Station. However, we are not comprehending “gobshite.” It is in not one of our excellent dictionaries.

“I’m free!” – Pertti

	Daniel Westbrooke – 1/3/00, 10:35am
to:	Katie Philpott
cc:
re:	bienvenue