Conviction (Consolation Duet #2) (8 page)

“No,” Aaron cuts me off. My eyes snap up, and he rips his hand back. “You’re not going to sit here and tell me about how Liam put you back together. Natalie, you’re my wife.” He leans forward with determination in his eyes. “We have a child. We have a life people only dream of. You and I are meant to be together.”

“You slept with another woman. You keep forgetting that. And I don’t think we had a life people dream of. I think we were comfortable and content. You were seeking what I wasn’t giving you! You said it yourself.”

“It was a one-time thing, a fucked up night,” he says, and my retort dies on my tongue.

“One night? You can look me in the eyes and tell me that?” I ask hesitantly.

Aaron stands and comes around the table. My heart falters as I look at my husband, my best friend since I was sixteen. He stands over me and pulls me to my feet. “One horrible night after we’d lost the baby. After I had to watch you lie on the bathroom floor begging for God to kill you. You held your stomach and prayed that someone would just end it all because you weren’t good enough. I was broken after that. I didn’t know what to do, so I left.”

“I remember. I came out and you were gone. You left when I was in the middle of pure torture.” I look at him recalling that night.

It was the last failed procedure, and I was distraught. I thought that baby was the one. I was ten weeks, we were so close to the safe zone. I started cramping and then I saw blood. I sat there trying to convince myself that it wasn’t really blood. That it wasn’t a sign that we were going to lose the baby, because I was so close. The pain was unlike anything I’d ever felt. I would cry and clutch my stomach as the life I’d been desperate for left me.

I told myself that if the pregnancy didn’t stick, I would stop trying. I needed to move forward and stop hoping for something I wasn’t meant to have. We’d spent so much money and energy. I was consumed by everything regarding fertility.

Aaron’s hands hold my face. “I couldn’t watch. I felt like I failed you as a husband. I couldn’t watch you like that. I went to the bar, got drunk, and I fucked up.”

Turmoil boils in my body as I try to figure out if he’s lying. None of this makes sense. “Brittany said it was months. She said . . .”

“She lied,” Aaron says, so sure.

“Why would she lie? What does she have to gain? We all thought you were dead. So it makes no sense for her to be vicious and mean to me. But you lying right now would make sense,” I say, feeling angry that I don’t know what the damn truth is.

There’s so much between us, so much history, and throwing it all away isn’t something I take lightly, but I think about Liam. How far we came. How much we loved. And how hard it would be to lose him. I’ve already lost Aaron once, I know I can endure it. Besides, this man in front of me isn’t the same man I loved. I look at him now and see betrayal and deceit.

“Why would I lie to you, Lee? I always told you the truth!” he exclaims and turns his back.

“You didn’t lie? You think for one second even if it was only one night with her, that’s okay? Do you not see how disgusting that makes you? On the night we lose a child, you sleep with someone else. The night I had to crawl into bed on my hands and knees because the cramping was so bad, you were fucking someone. While I was in horrific pain, you were enjoying the night of your life?” I spit the words, hoping he feels the knives embedded in them. I hope they tear into his heart and shred him to pieces. “Some man you are. Some love and honesty we have.”

Aaron stands behind me unmoving. I feel the heat radiating from his body. But he doesn’t touch me, and if he’d like to keep his hands, he won’t try to.

“I never told you because it meant nothing. She means nothing and neither does the affair.”

I spin on my heels and slap him in the chest. “Fuck you. It meant everything to me!
You
meant everything to me! I hate you right now. You stand here smug as if
I’m
doing
you
wrong. You were a coward.”

“I deserve that.” He steps closer, but whatever emotion is showing on my face causes him to retreat.

“You don’t deserve me.” I step closer. “No matter what your relationship was with
her
—which I don’t believe for one second it was a one-time deal.” Another step.

“What does it matter? I’m here right now trying to fix things.”

“You then came home that day saying you slept at work. Two months later, we found out I was pregnant with Aarabelle.” Aaron takes two steps back as I vibrate with anger. “So you did whatever the hell you did and came home and then made a baby with me.”

He looks away. “You’re not going to listen to me at this point. Apparently, what I’ve been through doesn’t matter. You’re no better than me, Lee.”

“Unreal,” I huff. “You went through hell over there. I hate that you were hurt. I hate that you ever had to endure one ounce of pain,” tears stream down my face. He’s been through so much. We both have. Now we have to hurt even more. “But it doesn’t erase our past. There are no free passes because you’re holding up the argument that what I did is the same. Me moving on and finding love again doesn’t equate to cheating. I can tell you don’t want to tell me everything. I see it in your eyes that there’s more.”

Aaron steps closer and grips my shoulders. “Damn right there’s more. But it’s in the past. She’s in the past. I went through more hell than you can fathom. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again. You. Not her.
You!
”

Confusion sweeps over me as I soak in what he says, conflicting emotions rioting within me. I have no doubt he went through a lot. I also don’t doubt him when he says that it is me he loves. That’s the part that kills me. But it’s not enough.

“I know you love me. And if I’m being honest, I love you. I will always love you. You were the first man I ever loved. But you’re not the only one anymore,” I reply somberly. “I let Liam into my heart, and he and I share something special. I never meant for this to happen. I had no reason to expect you were alive. But things failed way before then, Aaron. Were you happy? Because I wasn’t.” I let out a deep breath. “We have to let each other go.”

“So because of what I suffered, I get to pay even more? How is that fair? You even said yourself you love me.”

I shrug out of his hold and walk toward the end of the deck. “I don’t want to make you suffer. No matter what you think, this isn’t easy for me. And there’s no ‘fair’ here. I would never intentionally hurt you.”

“But I am hurt.”

“Well, so am I.”

The silence lingers between us. Years of love and trust are gone. They’ve washed their way out into the sea, leaving behind shells of who we were.

Aaron blows out the candles, and I can’t help but feel like the light inside of him just went out too. He walks over, grabs the dishes, and starts to head inside. I turn toward the ocean and wait for the calmness it usually brings, but instead, I feel cold and alone. Both of us have had to deal with so much in one year.

The plates crash to the ground, and when I turn around, Aaron is already in front of me. He grips my face, and before I can say anything, his lips press against mine. My mouth stays still and he pushes hard. It’s painful, like this entire situation. He holds me against him as my hands shove against his chest, Aaron just holds me closer. His tongue sweeps against the seam of my lips, and I turn my head. As our lips break apart as he stares down at me.

“Why can’t you love me again? I would do anything for you.”

“Then tell me the truth.”

“You want to know everything?”

I stare at him, waiting. “I don’t think we can ever move forward if I don’t know everything.”

“I told you everything that matters.”

“That’s just it. Everything matters.”

“I choose you, Natalie. I’d choose you every day until the day I die. I want you. I need you. And I don’t know how else to make you see that. Everyone and everything else is in the past.”

“And so are you. You’re living in the past where I’m your doting wife. I lived the last year of my life knowing what it’s like without you. I found out the truth about who we were—hell, who I am. I’m not the same woman you fell in love with. I’ve changed.” I touch his arm and he flinches. “I’m not that girl anymore, Aaron.”

“Fine.”

“Fine?” I ask skeptically.

“It’s done, Lee. You want me to go back to her?”

“I thought it wasn’t about her?”

“That’s right,” he sneers. “It’s about Liam.”

I don’t say anything as he turns and heads into the house.

We don’t mention the kiss. We barely acknowledge each other’s presence. It’s awkward and it’s as if we’re walking on eggshells. I cleaned the stuff from outside while Aaron looked through photo books of Aarabelle.

“Do you want to sleep in the bedroom? I can take the couch,” I offer.

“No, I think I’m going to head to Mark’s. Maybe spend the night there. Jackson offered the condo he owns as well.”

“Oh,” I reply. I can’t fully explain why this bothers me at all. I should be happy, but it saddens me it’s come to this. He just got home, and I’ve already displaced him. “You can stay here, Aaron. I mean, if you want to spend time with Aarabelle. I know things are . . . strained . . . between us, but this is your home.”

“My home is where you are. You’re not here with me,” he says and then goes back to the picture book.

The reactions play out in my mind, but my mouth stays closed. I could tell him he’s wrong, but he’s not. I could give him false hope, but I won’t. “I don’t know what to say.” Which is the only honest thing I can reply.

He closes the book and I sit next to him. “You can say you’ll try. Maybe you can forgive me, see how much I love you. Are all the years of marriage worth so little to you?”

I look over as tears begin to fall, painting my face with the pain in my heart. “It was never easy for me to let you go. I struggled so much with it. Even at my angriest, I never wished you dead.” Aaron brushes the tears from my face. “But you hurt me so badly. Even
if
you had only slept with her once, you did it on one of the worst nights of my life. She loved you, Aaron. I could see it in her eyes. She came to your memorial.”

“She’s irrelevant to me. It’s you who has my heart. It’s you who has my world.”

I don’t acknowledge his statement, because right now, I don’t believe him. I know what it’s like to be someone’s world.

The bruise on the side of his face is starting to fade, and my hand reaches up to feel it. I try to remember what his skin felt like beneath my fingers. How his clean shaved face would allow the pads of my fingers to slide down with no resistance. The way our bodies would come alive at each other’s touch. His head leans into my hand as if I’m comforting him. How long did he endure pain? How much was he awake for, and how did he suffer?

“Did they torture you?” I don’t respond to his statement because all I can think about is his marred skin. The way the Aaron I knew is gone in every sense of the word. His body, which was once strong enough to lift me even when I was pregnant, doesn’t look like it could lift much more than Aarabelle.

His eyes close. “I can’t talk about that. I was badly injured and barely holding on. It wasn’t until the end that anything really happened, and then Charlie got word out.”

“But they hurt you. Why did she wait so long?”

Aaron grips my hands. “I think it looks worse. Remember I was in an explosion. Some of these are injuries that didn’t heal right. There was a medic on site of the extraction and he said I’m really lucky. She had a job to do, exposing me would’ve sacrificed everything she’d worked for. Her helping me was a huge risk. I respect her mission. I feel like I need to tell you something.”

I brace myself for whatever it might be. “I don’t know how much more I can take.”

“I’m going to fight for you. I didn’t live for nothing. I’ll be damned if you think I’m going to fade away. You and I are for life, Lee. You, me, and our daughter. We have a lot of adjusting and a lot to work through, but we make sense.”

“I need you to stop and listen to what I’m saying,” I plead hoping he won’t make me say it. I’m battling everything inside of me to not tell him I went to Liam’s last night. I’m fighting to not tell him I want to be there right now. But I know it’ll break him, and no matter how badly he hurt me with Brittany, I know that this will wound him deeper.

Brittany was a nobody in my life. Liam is his friend. The man who went and rescued him and then brought him to me. They share a bond that I never had with her. I try to imagine what it would feel like if I still loved him the way he claims he loves me and it were Reanell. I would be devastated.

“I told Liam the same thing.”

“What?” That stops the words that were forming on my tongue.

When the hell did he talk to Liam? Did Liam tell him we spent the night together? Oh my God, maybe he knows.

“Liam and I talked today. I told him the same thing—I’m not giving up. I asked him to step aside and let us have a chance to fix this.”

The color drains from my face and my throat goes dry. “W-what did you . . . ? Why?”

“Because you’re my wife. Because you’ve been my girl since we were kids. He understands that this isn’t just some relationship. You and I, baby, are the real deal. We don’t quit because someone died.”