Conviction (Consolation Duet #2) (7 page)

Walking in the office was far more difficult than I could’ve expected. Knowing prying eyes and Aaron’s friends surround me makes me want to cower, but I’ve done enough of that. I work here now, and I needed a reprieve.

People’s lives are in my hands—at least that’s my excuse.

“What can I do for you?” I ask after a few moments of awkward silence.

Mark grows serious as he shifts forward with his elbows on his knees. “I’m worried about you. I know you may think you can’t talk to me, but you can.”

I believe that he cares for me. I trust that he has good intentions, but I also know if push came to shove, their whole “bros before ho’s” bullshit would be in full effect.

“I’m doing fine.” The last word trips me a little. I immediately think of Liam.

“How’s Aaron?”

I glance out the window and mull over my words. “Adjusting, I guess—we both are.”

Mark waits for me to look back at him before speaking. “I know this is hard on you more than anyone. You moved on, you found out about the affair, you were happy, and now he’s back. It can’t be easy. Hell, I can’t even pretend to know what you’re feeling. But he’s been through fucking hell. If you’re in pain, imagine what he must’ve gone through in the year he was being held. I’m not asking you to forgive him,” Mark pauses. “I’m just asking you to let us help.”

My eyes widen at his last request. “Help? How do you plan to help?”

Mark tilts forward. “Jackson and I are your friends, Lee. Aaron can stay with me for a while, you can take some time off, or whatever you need. But all he could talk about on the plane back was seeing you. He never mentioned the other girl.”

I huff, “Like you’d tell me anyway.” I wait for him to refute me, but he won’t.

The stories of infidelity run rampant in the teams, but we all ignore it. We look the other way, because no matter what, they’d never tell the wife who’s blissfully ignorant. So many of my friends found out, after their husbands returned, that while they were holding down their homes, their husbands were fucking everything that walked. Some even after they’d made love to them again. It’s the worst slap in the face, and I thought I’d been immune to it.

“No, I wouldn’t have told you . . . but I would’ve made sure you knew.”

“What the hell does that mean?” My hands come down on the desk with a smack, and Mark looks a little startled. Good. “I’m so tired of these riddles and rhymes. You all talk of honor, valor, and code, but you’re all hypocrites!” I stand and the chair flies out from under me.

“Lee,” he says hushed.

“No!” I yell and walk over to him. “You don’t ‘Lee’ me . . . I’m tired. You can all tell me that in all the time you spent with Aaron for that year, you never suspected it? You can honestly sit there and tell me you had no clue? I’m sure more times than you know he said he was with you. How does that make you feel?”

Mark stands towering over me, his hands gripping my shoulders gently. “I didn’t know. I would’ve told him to knock it the fuck off or tell you. He made mistakes and he’s paid his penance.”

“And that’s supposed to comfort me?”

“What do you expect?”

What do I expect? I don’t know. That’s the part that gets me. I can’t tell him what I want, because if it were Reanell, I wouldn’t run and tell Mason. But there was a baby involved. And it wasn’t a one-time thing.

I flop in the chair and hang my head. “I expected it to never happen. But none of that matters because I’m over it. I’m over the affair and all the other bullshit. I was genuinely happy with Liam.”

Mark sits beside me. Wrapping his arm around my shoulder, he pulls me close. “Were you happy with Aaron? If you hadn’t believed he was dead all this time, would you be with him?”

I rest my head on his shoulder. “I can’t answer that. We weren’t happy, but we were happy about the baby. Who knows if after Aara was born if we’d have gone backward?”

“Yeah, that’s the thing . . . you don’t know. But what I do know is you have great friends who love you. And you have Aarabelle. As for the rest, it’s up to you.”

I lift my head and look at him. “Is it? My choices affect everyone in this.”

Mark kisses my cheek, “I think you need to give yourself a chance to breathe before you choose anything.” He heads out of the office and then pops his head back in. “Lee?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think we could give Aarabelle the call sign Moonlight?”

My smile is automatic, and I throw the box of tissues from the table next to me at his head.

He ducks and it misses him, but he smiles. “I’ll take that as a no.”

Only Mark.

I head back to my desk and get back to work. The people overseas matter, and I need to focus on their lives instead of my own. At least for a few hours.

My phone rings and I answer without looking.

“Hello?”

“Natalie,” Aaron’s scratchy voice sounds nervous.

“What’s wrong?” I ask quickly.

“It’s late. I’m just wondering if you’re coming home.”

I look out the window and then at the clock. Shit. It’s almost seven.

“I’m sorry. I got caught up in these projects,” I explain.

“Right. Work,” Aaron replies disbelievingly. “I figured you might be somewhere else. I don’t have a car or anyway to get anywhere. I just wanted to know what to do.”

“Aaron,” I say softly. “I’m really sorry. I’m leaving the office now and I’ll be there soon. Let me call Paige and see if she can keep Aarabelle overnight. Then we can have dinner and talk?”

We need to figure out the logistics of all of this, and I need answers. I need to know from him what exactly happened and how we move forward for Aarabelle’s sake. I don’t want to move out of my house, but I don’t want to throw him out either.

“I’d like that.”

“Okay,” I smile. “I’ll see you soon.”

“I love you, Natalie.”

“I—” I choke on the words. “I gotta go,” I mutter quickly and disconnect the phone.

There’s no traffic on the road and Paige was happy to keep Aarabelle. I’m not sure how to handle things with Aaron, but I need to know a lot of things. Where he was for the last year, for one. I’m assuming if Aaron went on that rescue mission, it hadn’t been by choice, but I’d also assumed he wasn’t sleeping around.

I park in the drive and a text bings.

Liam: We have to talk.

Me: I know. I need to handle things tonight with Aaron.

Liam: Okay. I’ll wait to hear from you.

Me: I love you.

The text was easy to say. I didn’t stumble over my words because my heart is where Liam is. No matter what my past holds with Aaron, my future belongs to Liam. I need to figure out how to make my present match up with all of this now.

I wait for a text from Liam but it doesn’t come. My finger hovers over the call button. How can he not say it back? I’m trying to prove to him that he’s my choice. I’m being honest and faithful to him. Hell, I snuck out of my house just to see him.

“Lee?” I drop the phone and cover my mouth to avoid screaming. I look at the window and Aaron is standing there. “You okay?”

Gasping for breath, I look over. “I’m fine. You scared me.”

He opens the door and extends his hand. “Sorry, I was worried.” Hesitantly, I place my hand in his. I wait for a spark, a zing, anything, however, there’s nothing but familiarity there. “I ordered food. I figured it would be easier than either of us cooking.”

“Yeah,” I laugh. “You and cooking don’t really mix.”

Aaron places his hand on the small of my back, and I move faster.

“Some things never change,” he muses.

“And some things do.”

Aaron lets out a breath. “I guess they do.” He pauses as we make our way to the deck. I look at the table with candles, roses, and pizza by the side. “I thought, maybe . . .”

I turn and look at him with so much anger and hurt. “You thought what? You would make this a date? This isn’t a date, Aaron. This is figuring out how the hell to make this less painful than it already is. I can’t just forget that you cheated on me . . .”

“So you’re going to take her word as bond? You’re not going to give me the chance to explain anything?” he explodes and softens his stance. Aaron lowers himself to the ground at my feet. “You loved me once. We had a love that others prayed for. You and I made vows.” His voice is feeble, and it’s as if the ground is swallowing him.

I drop my purse and perch myself on my knees in front of him. “Vows that were broken. And yes, we loved each other once, and we lost ourselves somewhere on that path.” Aaron’s eyes meet mine, and I want to cry. “Let’s not do this to each other. Please,” I plead.

“Let’s just enjoy dinner and talk.”

I nod and we both shift. “There are things I need to know. Like, what happened in Afghanistan?” I decide we have to start there. I need to know about the affair, but at the same time I don’t know it will make a difference. I need to put each of our issues into their appropriate box.
Again with the damn boxes.
But I think it’ll help me keep each of the mounds of bullshit contained so I can handle them better.

“I know you have questions, and I’ll answer the best I can. I’m still fuzzy on some parts.” Aaron says and stands extending his hand.

I stand on my own, knowing I need to keep my composure and appear in control. We sit in the chairs illuminated by a soft candle glow. I fight the urge to blow them all out. This isn’t a date. But I need him to be honest, not set him off.

“Tell me about the explosion.” My voice is low and calming.

Aaron puts a slice of pizza on both our plates and then he grabs my hand. “Is this okay?” he asks looking down.

It seems like he needs this from me. Like my hand is the lifeline that will ground him. “Yeah, you can hold my hand.” I speak the words and squeeze his hand.

“Thanks, baby.”

“You can’t call me ‘baby,’” I reply more harshly than I meant to. Aaron’s eyes drop to our joined hands.

“But I can hold your hand?”

“I think you need a friend. I think you need support to talk about what’s going on and what happened. I’ve been your friend since we were kids. I’ll always be your friend.”

Aaron nods and let’s out a deep breath. “I don’t know how much will make sense. But I remember getting in the caravan to head out to the site where we were having issues. There were four of us in the truck just talking and laughing.” His eyes glaze over as he retreats into his story. “There were a bunch of kids throwing their arms up screaming. They were trying to stop us—I guess. I don’t know what they wanted. I was sitting in the passenger side and urged the driver to keep going. I know better than to slow down, but instead of listening, he let up on the gas. As soon as we slowed a little, the explosion happened. It hit my side of the vehicle, and I remember feeling like I was flying. Everything was weightless but chaotic at the same time.”

He takes a deep breath and his hand tightens. “What happened then?”

“There was screaming and blood everywhere. I remember being dragged by the neck, and I assumed it was one of the guys in our car. I was going in and out so much, I honestly don’t know much more than that.”

As a tear falls down my face, Aaron releases my hand. “Who was pulling you?”

“They did.”

“Who’s ‘they’?” I encourage him to tell me more.

“Who do you think, Lee?” Aaron says as his jaw tightens. “I was losing a lot of blood. I thought I was dead. They made sure I wouldn’t die, but I wouldn’t tell them anything. Not my name, not anything. They knew I was American, even though I only spoke French so they’d be confused. I would go unconscious for long periods of time. I honestly don’t remember much. When Charlie came to the site, she apparently was following around some high ranking terrorist pretending to be his new toy.”

“Is that the agent that found you?” I ask.

“Yes, she literally stumbled on the camp I was being held. When she realized I was American, I started to get the care I needed and got some information. But I wasn’t sure any of it was real. I’m still not sure what was reality versus not.”

I sit quiet and try to absorb all he’s telling me. It was a year and we never looked. None of us searched for him. “They told us there was no way you could’ve survived the blast. It was so bad that no one would. There weren’t many remains of the others. Did they survive?” I look at him and he shakes his head.

“I shouldn’t have. The blast was bad, but apparently, I got pulled out before the secondary explosion of the vehicle. I was mangled and in bad condition when I woke up the first time. I would wake for a few hours and then go back out for who knows how long. There wasn’t exactly good medical attention. Charlie was the only thing keeping me alive. It took her months to gain my trust. I wasn’t sure if she really was CIA or if she was full of shit. I couldn’t rely on my training because nothing made sense.”

“I hate this for you,” I admit.

He tangles his fingers with mine. “All I knew was that if there was any chance, I needed to stay strong. I would let her help me so that I could come home to you,” he says, hushed.

“Aaron,” my voice shakes. I hate that he’s been hurt. I know he won’t tell me, but I care. “Did they . . . ?”

“I’ve been through worse. I’m alive, so all of that shit doesn’t matter.”

“I can’t tell you how much your death affected me. I was a mess. Each night I would pray it was a lie. I refused to get rid of your things for almost the full year. I can’t tell you what it was like when Mark came to the house to tell me,” I let out a shaky breath. “I latched on to every good memory we had. I held them like lifelines, praying they would keep me afloat. When I went into labor, Reanell practically had to carry me to the car. I knew once Aara was born, things would be different for me.” I stop and take a gulp of wine. “I did it though, I gave birth to that beautiful little girl, alone. Each time I’d push I would think of you. How you went through so much and always stayed strong. When I held her for the first time, it was agony. I hated being alone.”

“You think I didn’t want to be there?” he asks incredulously.

“No, of course I don’t think that. Let me finish.” I wait for the vein in his neck to stop pulsing. “There was this baby we fought so hard for. She was everything I wanted, but you weren’t there. It was the end of me feeling sorry for myself. I found strength and determination. I was still sad, lonely, and missing you terribly, but you were gone. When I had the memorial, it was horrific, but again, I did it. I had to get up each day because she needed me, but that was about all I could do. Then Liam came to Virginia.”