Conviction (Consolation Duet #2) (24 page)

“Right,” I sigh. To be honest, I’m lucky I’m getting this much. “I need to get up,” I start to rise and my stomach clenches.

“You okay?”

“No, I’m not, but I need to go to the bathroom. I can’t hold it in anymore.”

Reanell helps me stand and walks with me to the bathroom.

“I’ll be here if you need me.”

“Where are Aaron and Aara?” I ask holding on to the wall.

“They went to the park so you could sleep. You were thrashing in your sleep, so I woke you,” she pauses. “I know you don’t want to go in there, but you can’t stay standing here either. I’ll be right outside the door.” Rea puts her hand on my shoulder, and I fight back the tears.

She’s right.

I don’t want to look. I don’t want to see blood again. The fear floods through me, leaving me paralyzed in a sea of unyielding pain. I’m drowning in my unshed tears, but I have no choice. There’s no one that can change the outcome either way. If it wasn’t meant to be, then I’ll grieve the loss of another child and what could’ve been. Or if I make it through this with a baby, we’ll celebrate the life that was born.

Entering the bathroom takes every ounce of willpower I have. I close the door and say a silent prayer while I muster up my courage.

I know I pray a lot asking for things. I’m not asking for anything any mother in my place wouldn’t ask for. I know you’re busy, but please don’t take them both from me. Don’t let me lose him and the baby. I won’t be able to function for Aarabelle. Any ounce of hope I’ve ever had will be gone. So, I’m begging you to please bring him home and don’t take another baby from me.

I open the door and start to head to the couch.

“Seriously?” she asks incredulously. “You’re not going to say anything?” Reanell helps me lie down.

“No blood, but I’m still crampy.” It’s relief and then terror all at the same time. No clear signs that I’m miscarrying, but then a cramp hits. I hold my stomach as a tear rolls down my face. “I can’t do this.”

“You can and you will.”

“What am I going to do if this keeps up?” My chin quivers as the question hangs in the air.

Rea crouches down with empathy in her eyes. “You’ll fight. You’ll fight with every ounce you have to come back to us the way you are now. It’ll be hard. It’ll take all the courage you can find, but you have it. You have Liam, Aarabelle, and you have me.”

“Liam’s missing, Rea. I may lose him and this baby.”

“I wish I could take this for you. I won’t fill you up with bullshit, but know I’m not going anywhere.”

I need to take my mind off of all this. None of it can be controlled. I can’t make Liam come back, or this baby happen, but I can control how I handle it. Once again, I’m being tested. “One day I’m going to be able to be the rock in our friendship.”

“You are,” she kisses my cheek. “Now, is there anything I can do?”

“Can you clean the house for me?” I ask Rea.

It may seem like an odd request, but she nods. Reanell picks up the toys and starts to get some things organized. We make idle chit chat about nothing, and I see through her ruse. I know she wants to keep me busy and talking, that way my mind doesn’t go in a million directions.

Like how my boyfriend is missing. I could lose a baby that said boyfriend doesn’t know about. My ex-husband is spouting love and other bullshit. And Liam’s mother could be dying at any moment and he won’t make it home.

“I need to call Liam’s dad and get an update,” I say reaching for my phone.

“Here,” she hands it to me. “Please, lean on me. I know this entire situation sucks, but I’m here.”

“I love you for it too.” I try to smile but it fails.

I hover over the keypad afraid to call and give an already horrific situation more bad news. He called me for help and here I am about to tell him that the other reason he stays strong is in trouble as well.

“Hello?” he answers.

“Hi, Mr. Dempsey . . . it’s Natalie.”

“Have you heard from Liam?” he asks straight away. I can hear the exhaustion in his voice. I’ve been there.

“No, not yet. He’s still on a mission and they’re not able to compromise it by sending a message.”

I tell him a half-truth, but I don’t have it in me to break his heart. I don’t know all the facts either, so making him suffer for maybe no reason would do more harm than good.

“Oh.” The disappointment is evident. “I don’t know how much time we have. I hoped he’d be on his way by now. Will you call me if anything changes?”

“Of course,” I say immediately. “I’m doing everything possible. I want him home for you just as bad as anyone. I have everyone I know doing whatever they can as well.” I hope to assure him.

We talk a little about his wife’s condition and how it happened. I wish I could do more for him, but we’re both a mess. Once I hang up, I will the phone to ring. He has to be okay. Liam has my heart and my soul. He needs to call me. He needs to come home, and I need him to know about our baby.

“Lee,” Rea draws my attention back to her. “Mason knows what he’s doing. I have to have faith in him.”

Before I can say anything, I hear a knock at the door.

All the blood rushes from my face and fear chokes me.

“Hey, it could be UPS,” Rea says and puts her hand on my arm.

“I can’t answer.”

“Natalie,” she chides.

“I’ve answered that door before. I know what comes on the other side. You’ve never had to be me. You have no fucking clue what this is like. The fear. The terror that eats at me with him gone. I’m pregnant—again. He’s in a hostile area with no coms. Don’t you dare judge me,” I spit the words like razors to cut her.

Yes, she’s my best friend, but she doesn’t get it. It’s the crippling fear of déjà vu that eats at me. But I have to move. I don’t get a choice. I have to answer that door.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

I lift myself and count the steps to the door. My mind starts to check off all the things that I’ll need to do.

My heart rate accelerates with each step, but I keep moving. I remind myself that I’m strong, resilient, and have my babies to think of.

I’ve done this once. I lived. I have to be strong for his child.

I open the door but no one is there. There’s a package on the ground.

The phone rings, and I close the door without even grabbing it. I rush over to the phone.

“Hello?” I don’t even look at the caller ID. I’m just grateful there’s no one at my door in a uniform.

“Lee,” Liam’s voice is thick and scratchy. Tears fall immediately. My hand clutches my chest and a sob escapes.

“Liam,” I say his name and sink down.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I got the AmCross. I’m getting on a plane in a few hours.”

“I’m so . . . I can’t even talk,” I admit. “I was so scared.”

“I know. I’ll talk when I get to Virginia. Is she . . . ?” he asks hesitantly.

“She’s not doing well. You need to get home, and we’ll head to Ohio.”

“I love you, Lee.”

I smile with the taste of tears on my lips. It’s bittersweet, his return. It’s not the happy reunion we dreamed of. It’ll be getting off the plane and heading to another. We need to get to his mother as fast as we can.

“I love you. So much. Please don’t scare me again,” I request.

He lets out a deep sigh. “I gotta go. I’ll see you soon.”

“Yes, you will.”

The call disconnects and I sit there trying to muddle through my emotions. Relief, joy, sorrow, and fear all come flooding at the same time. It’s so many things to try to process at once.

Reanell sinks down next to me and pulls me into her arms. I lose it. I sob as she rubs my back without saying a word. It’s cathartic and draws new worries with each one I let go. I worry about the baby, Liam, Aarabelle, Aaron, Liam’s mother and father, but more than anything, I worry he has to go back.

“I’ve got her,” Aaron tries to reassure me—again. “I’ve been here almost every day and Paige will be here two of the days. I would never hurt her.”

“I know that,” I say exasperated. “I just want to make sure you’re sure.”

“It’s either I watch our daughter or the babysitter does. So I’d like to have this time with her. I missed so much of her life.”

Aaron has been great with Aarabelle, and he’s been trying so hard. Paige said she’d stay at my house to make sure Aaron didn’t need help. I’ve just never left her for so long before.

“Okay, thank you.”

He walks over and holds my shoulders. His light brown eyes stare me down. “I may wish we could’ve worked things out, but Liam was my best friend, he needs you, and I may be a fuck up, but I don’t want to watch him burn in hell. I hate that of all the people it was you two.” His hands drop. “I hate that he’s what you need and I’m not, but I did this to you. I deserted you when you needed me most and Liam loves you.” Aaron looks down at my stomach and closes his eyes. “He can give you things I couldn’t.”

“We’ll find a way for all of us. I know this is hard on you, and I don’t want to hurt you. I never wanted to.”

“One day, and for Aarabelle, we will.”

I look at her eating her breakfast and I nod. I’d sell my soul if it were for her happiness. Aarabelle is the one thing keeping all of us grounded. That little girl has saved us all. I walk over and kiss her cheek.

“I’ll miss you. Mommy has to go get Liam.” She smiles and looks away, oblivious.

“Go, Lee.” Aaron grabs my bag and heads toward the door.

I went to the doctor yesterday and she said everything was fine. She told me to go but to take it easy. At this point, there’s nothing we can do to stop a miscarriage, but she wants me to rest as much as I can. Considering we’re heading to a hospital, at least I’ll be close to medical attention.

Now to tell Liam and pray he’s happy about it.

“Thanks again,” I say to Aaron as I open the car door.

“Give him my condolences. He was really close with his parents. Also, tell Aidan I’m sorry for his loss. I know how much it . . .” he trails off. “Drive safe and I’ve got Aara.”

“I’ll tell him,” I lean in and embrace him. He flinches and glances at my stomach once again. It’s awkward, but Aaron is still my oldest friend.

My hands drop, and I rush out the house. Once I get in the car, I smile and head to see the love of my life.

Waiting for this plane to land is more painful than shoving bamboo splints in my nails. Each time I hear the engines, my heart speeds up. I think it could be the one and then it’s not and my stomach drops. I sit in the most uncomfortable chair at the Navy airfield. Mason called ahead and got me access to be able to pick Liam up.

My phone bings with a text.

Liam: You’ll know I’m close when this finally goes through. I’m on the plane and counting down the seconds until I see you.

I smile and realize he’s within cell phone range.

Liam: My entire body is aware I’m going to have you in my arms soon.

Liam: I love you more than my own life.

Liam: I hope you know how much it means to me that you’re coming to Ohio with me.

They keep coming in, and each one causes my smile to grow.

Liam: I’m hoping security doesn’t care that I’m going to maul you.

The blush paints my cheeks as I picture him attacking me. Not that I’m far off wanting the same.