Zenith Fulfilled (33 page)

“Why, Erica? What aren’t you telling me?”

Erica shook her head. “Rob, you’ve accomplished what you always dreamed of and now have the career you worked so hard for, which proves to you and the whole world that you’re not a failure; and yet, you’re obviously not happy. Your success is only half of what it should be to you. I think that’s because you don’t have Rebecca to share it with. Come off it, Rob, I’m not blind, I know you loved her. And instead of denying it, ignoring it, or willing it away, why don’t you go and fight for her? To be with her?”

“Because of her daughters. That’s why. That’s always been the reason why. That’s the only reason I ever left.”

“She can have both. You and them. Why do you act like that’s not possible?”

“They need their father, not me.”

“Oh, Rob. They can have him, and you. You’re good for them too.”

Rob shrugged.

Spencer came walking out of his bedroom then, looking tired with his hair rumpled. He came over to Erica, and kissed her on the mouth before he padded into the kitchen where he got coffee for her and himself. Finally, he came back in and sat next to her, casually putting his arm around his wife. Rob got up and walked to the window, looking out at the sparkling sun over the street where he now lived. He and Spencer owned a condo on the top floor of a ten-story building.

Rob liked it. It was always nice out, so the patio door was usually open. He drank his coffee in the mornings outside on his small deck. He had a good life here. His career exploded and morphed into so much more than he could have ever imagined. It was fucking fabulous. Ask anyone. He was finally, for once, the latest success story. He did it. He sang every day and recorded albums. He performed live on TV, on shows that everyone knew. He had sold-out concerts.
Zenith
was finally a band that was real, and very successful.

But instead of feeling happy or self-fulfilled, he was anxious, even annoyed. Why? From watching Spencer so casually putting his arms around his wife?

He finally had everything he ever wanted, but now that changed. He was missing someone and wanting a life that he never thought he wanted. His dreams were of a small, country house with three little girls and their mother. He purposely left Seattle with the intent of forgetting them in his mind. And making them proud. His entire motivation stemmed from them. The endless days, the risky chances, and the new opportunities were all rooted in Rebecca and her daughters. If he couldn’t have them for himself, at least, he would prove himself to them.

And after he did, it didn’t ease anything.

Erica’s voice came from behind Rob. “You and Spencer believe the same philosophy. You think life is all or nothing. God, you can do this, and have this life while having Rebecca too.”

“Whoa! Where did that come from?” Spencer asked. “Rebecca and Rob haven’t talked in months.”

“So that means he should be over her? It’s like us having a baby, Spencer, things don’t require perfect timing to work. There is never a perfect time. Never a single moment where everything is perfect. You two can both have professional success and still share a personal life. People do it all the time.”

Rob turned. “Baby? You two want to have a baby?”

Spencer got up. “No. Man. That’s just talk.”

Rob looked at Erica and she ducked her face. “No pressure. It was just a conversation. I’m thirty-five already, so time is not limitless for me.”

Rob looked from his best friend to Erica. “Spencer, what the hell, man? Go home, have a baby with your wife.
Zenith
will still be here. Or not. It’s not worth giving up a family over.”

Erica suddenly sat back. “That’s exactly what I am telling you
, Rob. What you both are so blind to. You both deserve families. You earned it. Why do you persist with your grand, noble gestures that everyone would be better off without you? Or you, Spencer? Are you so sure you don’t know how to be a father?”

“I thought you were okay with it,” Spencer said, staring at Erica, his tone suddenly cold.

“I was. I am. If it’s because you don’t want to have one. But if it’s because you’re scared, and think you can’t possibly have everything you want, then that’s a stupid reason. Same goes for you, Rob.”

Rob stared at Erica, surprised at what she was pointing out. Spencer stared too.

“Things are hard enough just being apart from you. We can’t add a baby to that equation.”

Rob thought for a moment, long and hard. If it ended some things, it would not be everything, as Erica was trying to point out. Not everything had to be all or nothing; and telling Spencer not to worry was so much easier than Rob judging his own life and his own mistakes.

Rob gave up too soon, and too easily. He became insecure at the thought of being compared to Doug Randall, and didn’t even blink when Rebecca said Doug wanted to come home. He didn’t give her one argument why she should have welcomed Doug back into the state, but not into her house. He pretty much advised Rebecca to let the bastard who left her come back home and re-enter her life, as well as her bed, without any sort of argument or protest. He didn’t even ask her if maybe she’d prefer to be with him, instead of Doug. Even months later, when she came to his house, he told her to go home.
Go home.
As if he couldn’t be bothered to even try and be part of her life since Doug was back. If he hadn’t been so goddamned insecure, he’d have at least attempted to see what could happen. Hearing Erica verbalize it made Rob want to hit himself. Why couldn’t he attempt to have both?

“None of my business, Spence, but we’ve made this work so far. We could adjust things and go home, and do it all from there.”

Spencer stilled. “What do you mean ‘go home’? And ‘do it all from there’?”

He
shrugged and Erica tensed as if her entire future rested in his arms. “We came here to make it. To be noticed and get attention. We have. Our lives are no longer dictated by chance or luck, we own ourselves now. We possess a power we never had before. Why can’t we record the music from Seattle?”

His words
echoed in his own head. Why the hell couldn’t they? He felt a stirring in his blood. Something. What was it? He let out a breath. His belief in himself resurfaced for once in a decade. He actually felt like he could do something, and more, that he deserved something. He actually felt like his life might be under his own control and guidance, and could finally be a good thing.

“What are you saying, Rob?” Spencer asked after a long pause.

“I’m saying we only have a few months left of concerts we have to fulfill. We’ll finish what’s scheduled and then we do it from Seattle. What I’m saying is: we’ve done it, so let’s go home and enjoy it.”

Erica’s gaze
met Rob’s and Spencer’s eyes met hers as they turned to Rob with a smile. Rob finally nodded at them.

“Okay, let’s go home,” Erica and Spencer both said together with their eyes locked onto each other. Rob left the room, knowing they just decided to have a baby.

The phone rang. Rebecca answered her cell, but was distracted by the army of girls around her. She was helping Kayla’s dance teacher with their dance recital. There were seven girls draped in various forms of dress around them as they tested their new costumes for the upcoming recital.

“Hello?”

“Rebecca?”

The voice stopped her dead. She literally quit moving. Stunned.
Rob
. It was Rob; she could recognize his voice anywhere. She rushed across the room and plugged one ear, trying to hear the connection over the chatter of girls. God, it was Rob!

“Did I catch you at a bad time?” he asked and she waited too long to answer.

“No. No. I’m at Kayla’s dance class. We’re trying on costumes for their next recital.” She found herself chatting and almost bit her tongue. Rob hadn’t called after all this time, over a year now, to hear about Kayla’s dance recitals.

“How is she? Kayla?”

“Oh, she’s fine. In seventh grade now. Grown about four inches. You wouldn’t recognize her.”

“No. I probably wouldn’t. Dance, huh? She any good?”

“Yes, she’s great. I mean not just in my opinion, her dance teacher says so... but then, you didn’t call to hear about that.”

“Didn’t I?”

“What did you call for?” Rebecca hated how her nerves made her sound, after all this time, almost like, how dare he call her? She didn’t mean to sound like that, but was just so surprised to hear him on the phone with her.

“The book. I got a copy.”

“Oh. And you’re worried it will hurt your reputation?”

“No. I wanted to say congratulations. You did it. It’s amazing.”

She was silent and stunned. She closed her eyes as tears filled her eyes. Finally. The reaction she wanted. The feelings of acknowledgment and validation that what she achieved mattered.

“It’s nothing like what you’ve done. I can’t believe it. You’re everywhere.
Zenith
is everywhere. You deserve the congratulations. Things are really amazing for you.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t do your usual somehow what you’ve done isn’t enough. We have different talents and you succeeded in yours. That’s something.”

She was quiet until she finally found her voice. “Thank you. Thank you for saying that.”

“You noticed
Zenith,
huh?”

She felt a laugh bubbling in her throat. “You’d have to be dead not to notice
Zenith
. I about had a coronary when I first heard your voice over the radio. God, it’s...”

“Crazy
, huh?”

She closed her eyes to keep herself from saying what she really thought. “No. It’s well deserved
, Rob. You deserve what’s happened to you. I almost called you the first time I heard
Zenith
on the radio.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“What was the point? You didn’t need my approval.”

“You’re sure about that?” he said so softly, she paused. She glanced off towards the dance class, and noticed Kayla watching her, studying her with eyes Rebecca couldn’t totally read.

“So Erica’s down here right now.”

Rebecca tuned back
to Rob’s voice. “Isn’t she all the time?”

“No. Not enough for Spencer. He’s fucking miserable when she’s not here. It’s almost pathetic. We’re playing the
Tonight Show
and all Spencer worries about is when he can call her next.”

“So... everything is okay for you guys? With all the attention? The fame? The…”

“Partying? Yeah, it’s fine. Sober as Kayla.”

Rebecca bit her lip. Maybe he didn’t want her to talk about that.

“How about you, Rebecca? How are you?”

“Ah, fine. I’ve been fine.” What did Erica tell him? Why was he asking now? After all this time? Was it coincidence? Or did Erica tell him everything pathetic about her?

“You sure?”

“Did Erica say something to you? Is that why you’re calling?”

He was quiet. “No. Should she have said something to me?”

“No,” Rebecca said quickly. “No, I’m fine. I had some trouble a few months ago. I was a little tired and under the weather. Erica wrote a prescription, and advised me to talk to someone. I’m fine now.”

Silence. He didn’t answer and she wondered why. “Rob?”

“Yeah, I’m still here. You were depressed, weren’t you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe mildly.”

“You could have called me.”

“And said what? Besides, you were making it then. You didn’t need to deal with my problems.”

“You mean you? I didn’t need to deal with you?”

“I’m fine now. Erica was right.”

“And the girls?”

Ah, the girls. Her girls. “They are good. Kathy’s in fourth grade now, and Karlee’s in kindergarten. She’s starting to read already.”

“Karlee probably wouldn’t remember me.”

“Of course, she does! She sees you on TV and goes nuts.”

“You guys watch me on TV? Is that on purpose?”

“Sometimes,” she said vaguely. Every time. “It’s really weird seeing you there.”

“It’s really weird being there. Being here.”

Ask it. What about Doug? How are Doug and she?
Ask it so she could tell him Doug no longer lived with them. She was in the process of getting divorced. Rebecca ached to tell him. It was on her tongue. Then she thought, but why? Why tell him? It would do no good. And change nothing. He still couldn’t come back and pick up where they left off, as if the last year hadn’t happened. Like he wasn’t
Zenith
or Rob Williams now. Or dating Vivi Tayler now.

“It was good to hear your voice, Rob,” she finally said. “I’m glad you called.”

It sounded so weak. So lame. So stupid. So half of what she really wanted to say. Come back. Come home. Come live with me. I love you. I want to be with you. But instead, she said, it was nice to hear his voice.

“It was good to hear your voice too, Rebecca. Why haven’t you written another book?”

“What?” The question startled her.

“You. Why aren’t you writing?”

“How do you know…”

“I was there; I witnessed your persistent habit of not putting yourself first. Figured since there was no mention of your series on
Sober Intentions,
that you hadn’t written it. Go write it. Strike now, while the iron’s hot. You got a chance here, and you don’t get many, so take it. Don’t you dare waste it.”

“I don’t know who to write about,” she said feebly. Not wanting to tell him she was busy again as a single mother, and working full time at the school district. Or that she lost her heart while doing it.

“What about your sister?”

“Trina? How’d you know?” Trina entered rehab much to the shock and chagrin of her family. Everyone, but Nick, who Rob had apparently warned.

“Yeah, maybe,” she said.

“Do it
, Rebecca. For me. I’m about to go into practice, so I’ve got to go. I just wanted to say congratulations.”

“Thank you
, Rob,” she said her heart twisting as she clicked her phone off and disconnected him. How come he called? How come he achieved success on a huge, grand, magnificent scale and she was too afraid to even send him an e-mail? But right off, he was there for her and proud of her. She felt her heart falling. She was his past, his once upon a time. The funny little housewife he used to know once upon a time. It broke her heart.

****

Rob felt Erica’s gaze on him. “Why didn’t you say more?”

Rob smiled. “I accomplished what I wanted.”

“Which was what?”

“Feeling her out. Figuring out where she is. Putting me back in her head.”

“And you did that?”

“Oh yeah,” Rob said, smiling with the confidence that used to be a part of him, but disappeared for several years. Until recently.

“Why didn’t you ask about Doug?”

“Why didn’t she tell me herself?”

“She’s scared.”

“So am I.”

“What are you going to do then?”

“Figure out how to do this, and get her back.”

****

“Nick?” Rob said into his phone when he recognized the caller ID.

“Hey there
, Rob, how are you?”

“You’re kidding me, right? This is Nick Lassiter? My ex-wife’s husband?”

“Water under the bridge, man. How the hell are you? Been awhile, huh?”

“Yeah. What, ah, what can I do for you?”

“I have a favor to ask.”

“Of me? What could I possibly do for you?”

“Seems my niece stuck her foot in her mouth.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Kayla, I’m talking about my niece, Kayla, who asked me to call you.”

Rob’s heart stopped at the mention of Rebecca’s daughter. “Why?”

“Seems she’s on the planning committee for her middle school’s dance. She sort of promised the dance committee she could get you, as in
Zenith,
to perform for their dance.”

“What?”

“Yeah. She now realizes she shouldn’t have done that. But surely you remember being that age.”

“You want us to come perform at a middle school dance?”

“Yep. Next weekend. At my sister’s daughter’s school. You remember my sister, right?”

Rob was silent for a long moment. “What’s going on here
, Nick? You want me to come back? To your sister? Your nieces?”

Nick’s voice changed
, and went serious. “She kicked Doug out a few months back.”

“I just spoke to her. Why didn’t she tell me?”

“I don’t know… because you’re suddenly famous, and she thinks you guys can’t go back to before. Or being together. Now she thinks you can’t settle with her. She thinks she will hold you back.”

Rob absorbed that. “Doug’s really gone? How far?”

“Down the road about ten minutes. He hasn’t left the girls or anything. Rebecca just finally realized she doesn’t have to be with Doug, and doesn’t owe it to the girls in order for Doug to remain in their lives.”

“And Kayla?”

“Kayla saw Rebecca talking to you at her dance class. She came to me and asked me to get a hold of you. She wants you to come back to her mother.”

Rob quit breathing.
Did someone punch him? “And you agreed to call?”

“Yeah. So… are you going to be there?”

Rob shook his head. “What? The middle school dance? Without warning Rebecca?”

“Rebecca will be there too, chaperoning. You going to be there?”

Rob ran through his schedule. The one that his manager, publicist, and his people put together for him. It would require him going home a few months earlier than he planned. It could cause some problems. Spencer was next to him, listening as he talked and obviously following the thread of the conversation.

Spencer nodded and Rob smiled. “Yeah. Tell Kayla we’ll play her dance.”