Zenith Fulfilled (29 page)

She didn’t reply for a long while.
He finished the cigarette, started another, and puffed his way through it as if his nerves made it impossible for him to stop. She stared, unseeing, over her yard. 

Rob finally spoke. “I had a shit for a dad. It messed me up. I know how much it can screw kids up. Those girls don’t deserve that, not if it can be fixed.”

“I don’t want Doug back. I want you.”

“If you had asked me a month ago, I’d have told you to tell Doug to go fuck himself. But that was before I…”

“You what, Rob?”

“
Wanted what was the best for them. That isn’t me.”

She jumped to her feet. He moved
and threw the cigarette down into the grass.

“After your dad died, Nick
took care of you like a father, didn’t he?”

“Still does,” she said quietly.

Rob shook his head. “I know. I mean I know that now. I should have respected it more. From the start. He did the same for Joelle, when I didn’t. I’m sorry.”

“Rob, this isn’t about what you did or didn’t do…”

“Yeah, it is. It’s about what’s best for those girls. For you.”

“Not for me. If it was just you and me…”

“What, Rebecca? I’d be what’s best for you? I’m a recovering drunk. I’m a man who causes everyone to question your sanity and common sense. Did you really think we could go anywhere? We can’t ever go anywhere because it was never just the two of us. There was always Nick, Joelle, Doug, your kids, you, and me. We are as contrary as it gets.”

“That’s not true. We were…”

“What, Rebecca? A good time? Yeah, that’s what we’ve been having.”

He threw another cigarette onto her lawn. His words were intended to be harsh and off putting. But this time, judging by the absence of heat i
n his words, and the look on his face, she knew exactly what he was doing: giving her up. Not for Doug, or in order to have freedom. He was giving her up for the well being of her young daughters. Tears filled her eyes, and her heart fractured.

He stared deeply into her eyes before turning and heading down her steps. He began pacing, like a lit firecracker, she couldn’t hang onto.

“Rob, wait,” she called after him, running down her steps to the gravel walkway. “I haven’t decided anything yet. Nothing. I don’t even know what I’m going to tell Doug. Or if I will allow him back here. Just wait a second.”

“Wait for what? Shit
, it was only a matter of time for us. It was a good ride; let it go. Go put your family back together again. You owe those girls that; and you owe me nothing. Besides, Spencer asked me to start
Zenith
again, and I was going to tell you that tonight. I’ll be leaving. So, see? The timing was fucking perfect. Just about the only thing that’s ever been perfect between you and me.”

She stayed back a second, almost believing his casual goodbye. Then she saw his eyes that
were so full of unshed tears and matched her own. She thought of all the unsaid things, unstated desires, undeclared love. Love he could have had for her. And her daughters. And the life they almost considered sharing together. The man she wanted more than she ever wanted anything in her life. He smiled and tenderly touched her cheek.

Then he turned and walked back to his bike, getting on it.

This time, she didn’t even try to stop him.

Rob left Rebecca’s house in much the same way as he did months ago, and his bike nearly pelted her with gravel. He drove faster than he did on the way to her house. Faster and more recklessly. Did he care if he smashed into a semi? Of course, he cared. But at least, it would keep him from doing anything stupid, like stopping at the next roadside tavern he passed. Or going to Bethany’s. Or worse still, going back to Rebecca’s.

He drove and drove, late into the night, until he finally circled around the city, and went downtown, to Seattle, to the building he suppose
d he’d been heading toward his entire life. Back to
Zenith.

First, however, he had a stop to make.

****

He pounded on the door, and it took several minutes before he heard
the shuffling of feet, and lights finally illuminated the doorway. Opening the door was Nick Lassiter, who stood there in surprisingly normal, casual sweats and a t-shirt. Joelle wasn’t far behind him, blinking rapidly at the glare of the hallway light and wearing a robe over her white nightgown. When did Joelle start wearing white? She always preferred all black before.
See? Everyone changes,
he wanted to say.

“
What the hell are you doing here? It’s one o’clock in the morning. Are you drunk?”

“No. I’m not drunk.
May I come in?” he asked politely.

Nick
jerked back in surprise. Rob was never so polite to Nick before.

“Uh
, sure. Come in.”

“Hey
, Joelle. Sorry to wake you,” Rob said, glancing at his ex-wife. She was staring at him, looking unsure. He turned back to Nick.

“Hey Rob. What’s going on?
Why are you here so late?”

“I was at Rebecca’s.”

Nick cringed and Rob shook his head. “Doug is coming back.”

Nick
stepped backwards and his mouth came open. “What?”

“Doug is coming back. Soon. And I need you to keep an eye on her. Like you do for Joelle. Not like you have been doing with them, only coming to their aid whenever they ask
. I mean being there, and noticing what she needs; because she won’t ask you for it.”

“Why would she need me? Did she dump you?”

“No. But I gave her pretty good reason to think I dumped her. Look, Nick, you were right from the start; I had no business with her. She’s the best person I’ve ever known and she’s confused. She might even still think I’m a good idea for her and the girls. But I’m not. You and I both know that. She needs to put her family back together. She won’t do it if I’m around. She will, though, if I’m gone.”

“You’re leaving? Giving her up? For her own good?”

“No. Nothing so noble as that. For the good of her little girls.”

Nick looked at him strangely and b
lew out a long breath. “Holy shit, you actually love my sister, don’t you?”

Rob turned away since he couldn’t
answer. “It doesn’t matter. What matters most is that I don’t trust Doug Randall. You need to be there this time. Fucking tell her what you notice, and what you see. She’ll listen to you. She loves you and she respects you more than Doug, more than anyone.”

“How do you know all this?”

He glanced at Nick. “I told you before I wasn’t using her.”

Joelle stepped forward. “Why are you so sure she’s better off without you? Let her make that decision.”

“If she didn’t have three kids who needed their father, I’d meet Doug Randall at his house and tell him to screw off. Thing is, it’s never been just her and me.”

“What, then, do you want of me?”

“To make sure she’s okay. Go there a lot and let her know she has choices. Watch her, and make sure she doesn’t get too depressed.”

“Rebecca doesn’t get depressed.”

“Rebecca does. She really does get depressed and she tries too hard to meet everyone’s expectations. Make sure she doesn’t lose herself again.”

Nick’s expression seemed pensive, as though he were considering Rob seriously. “Maybe you’re right about that. Maybe she does.”

“She does. Just take care of her.”

“Where are you going?”

“Away. Seems Spencer wants to give
Zenith
one last shot. I wasn’t going to do it. Not until tonight. But now, it seems like the timing, and maybe everything else, is supposed to go this way.”

“Spencer’s leaving Erica?”

“Not exactly. They’re working it out.”

Joelle was looking at him strangely, but finally, she smiled, and her heart shone in her eyes. “Do it this time, Rob. Do it for real. Make everything we went through worth it.”

Rob glanced for a moment at his ex-wife, his past; for one brief moment, they could share their past. “I’m going to give it my damnedest.”

Rob started to leave,
then turned back to Nick. “By the way, your sister’s an addict and I’d suggest you address that too.”

“What?
Who?”

“Trina.
She’s not so much bitchy as looking for a fix most times. She’s on something. My guess would be prescription drugs.”

“You don’t know shit about Trina.”

Rob shrugged. “You’re right; what could I know about addictions? How could I possibly recognize it in another person? Hey, I just tried to tell you; it’s on you now.”

“Did you tell Rebecca?”

“She’s got too much on her plate to deal with little bitch sis.”

“How do you know?”

Rob studied Nick. “You believe me?”

“My mother was
a pill popper for a few years after our dad died.”

Rob was startled by the admission, and Nick being so real with him. “Does Rebecca know that?”

“Probably not. She and Trina were too young to really know. They heard vague rumors probably, but pretty much missed the main event.”

Rob considered it. “You should tell Rebecca. For her book series. She should know that. And make sure she keeps working, Nick. Do that for her too.”

Nick looked at him strangely. “Uh, thanks Rob.”

Rob shrugged and suddenly leaned forward
and kissed Joelle’s cheek. “Take care.”

“You too, please take care of yourself.”

He smiled. “I’m not as destructive as I used to be. Don’t worry. I’m not going to nurse my anger and hurt in a bar somewhere. I’m okay.”

He turned and went towards the elevator to his next stop, a few floors down at Erica and Spencer’s. To the resurrection of
Zenith
, and dreams that were lost and times best left forgotten. His stomach cramped at the thought of doing this, committing, and going through with it. What if they failed again and he started drinking? What if he got nowhere, and only managed to humiliate himself all over again?

But what if, this time, he succeeded?

Spencer answered Rob’s knock, unsurprised to find Rob at his door at half past one in the morning. Spencer knew Rob like no one else and was well aware that he kept odd hours. He was perennially unpredictable, and often ran around at all times of the night. He liked being wild and free.

That was why it was all going to turn out for the best. He couldn’t really have stuck it out long term on some acreage in the middle of nowhere as a surrogate stepfather and substitute husband to Rebecca Randall. It would have never worked, at least, not for long. This was Rob. The real him. And nothing would change that. He would soon be back in a world where his tattoos shone like badges of honor, style, and sex, rather th
an an embarrassment to proper society. He repeated to himself that this was all for the best, while trying his best to ignore the feeling of his heart cracking in his chest.

“Let
’s do it,” Rob said without preamble to Spencer. “One year. We give it one year with all the stops. All or nothing this time.”

Spencer leaned into his doorway and the seven inches he had on Rob eclipsed him. Spencer nodded. “Anything else you want to tell me first?”

Rob knew what Spencer meant. About Rebecca. But he had nothing to say, not now, not ever. He had to shut his heart to it, the pain and her.

“No.”

“Okay, then. A year. All or nothing.”

And with that, Rob’s future was on the line. He would either be a total, utter failure, or finally prove himself and his dad wrong.

****

Rob didn’t give her a chance to explain, or think, or question. She didn’t understand why he had to run off as hastily as he did. Except she did understand. He was trying to do what was best for her. He was bowing out just so her children could have the father they so desperately needed, even though Rebecca clearly wished they didn’t. Still, she had to admit they did. If Doug came back, the girls would never forget what he did to them, but would, in time, forgive him and learn to live with it. If Doug came back, it would go a long way in fixing their future lives, as well as their future relationships.

Doug called and asked her if he could come home.
Come back
. As if… what? They’d just forget his absence over the last two years? He could just glibly say he was sorry, move back in, and expect things would be like they were before?

But what other choice did she have? She had three kids who needed their father. How could she not try? It wasn’t just her life, her feelings, or her well being. It was also theirs. And she knew, as Doug asked her, that no matter what she felt, she had to give him the chance he wanted. She owed it to her children. Her heart froze with grief as she realized how much she
had to give up to do right by her kids, and the family as a unit.
Rob.
She had to give up Rob Williams and the love, the happiness, and the future she mistakenly, but completely hoped to have with him.

That was why she didn’t chase after Rob, or
call and ask him to come back. As he well knew, she wouldn’t this time because, for whatever reason, he loved her children, and as much as he loved her, he understood what nobody else did, not even Doug: that her girls needed the chance to heal and get over the abandonment of their father. Rob knew what her daughters needed, and it wasn’t him. For a man who insisted he was always selfish, her heart nearly broke when she considered all the sacrifices Rob was making for her, and her daughters, without anyone asking him.

Now Rob had proved to her
that he genuinely, unconditionally loved her. And he loved her girls. Since he would never do anything except what he thought was in their best interests, it made her heart ache now that she fully understood.

The man who deserved her kid’s undying devotion, wasn’t the same man who fathered them.

Doug said he’d be flying in by the weekend, and she realized he meant it. He was coming back, and not giving her any chance to change her mind, or rethink the idea. If she did, she knew she could easily tell him to never return.

Rebecca’s thoughts finally
culminated to the conversation with her three girls, who were all seated next to her on the couch.

“So
, I have news. Good news for once.”

They looked at her warily. They were told their father left them, on this very couch, and all were sitting in nearly the same positions. They subsequently cried rivers of tears on this couch too, huddling together after they talked to their father, while wondering why he refused to return to them. They often talked about their father, sometimes by the hour, on this couch. Each conversation only making them hurt more and missing him more while wondering what they did to make him leave.

“Your dad is coming home.”

Silence followed her announcement. They stared up at her open-mouthed, but no one spoke. Finally, Kayla swallowed hard and asked,
“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’m sure. He’ll be here tomorrow
.” Rebecca nearly choked on the words. After everything they’d gone through, and dealt with, Doug was arriving tomorrow. Just like that. A year ago, this could have solved everything; but now, it hurt as much as when he left.

Kathy finally squealed. “Daddy!
Really? We’re going to see Daddy?” 

Karlee tried to follow along with Kathy, but
there was utter confusion in her eyes. She knew she was supposed to be happy for the return of the elusive daddy she couldn’t remember. But she still didn’t really remember him. She saw his pictures and heard everyone else talking about him, but she didn’t really know why his arrival would make her happy. Rebecca wrapped her arms around Karlee, pulling her close onto her lap, and kissed her silky head. “It’s good, Karlee. You’ll finally get to know your daddy. It’ll be great.”

Karlee moved her head up and down.

“Mom?”

“Yes
, Kayla?”

“What about Rob?”

Kayla knew Rob had become more than just their friend. He was there in the role of her mother’s boyfriend. She might not know the full details, or what sex was, but she got the subtle nuances of Rob being there that were far beyond what Kathy and Karlee saw.