Yours Unfaithfully (15 page)

“Ben, you don’t have a choice, not if you want to get back inside your own house again. I’ve arranged for you to start at my place as storeman. I can keep an eye on you and help you a bit. I don’t want you messing up, because if you do it’ll look bad for me. I’m trusting you to do well at it, OK? If you do this I’ve got Nina to promise that she’ll have you back, but she did say you’ve got to change. What you need to do is send her a nice bunch of flowers, send them to her work, she’ll like that, and everyone will see what a great husband she’s got. That’ll be worth a few brownie points and then you get cleaned up, get a haircut, do like Mel tells me to do, get some new clothes and a bottle of men’s perfume and then whoosh, you’re in. Back in the loving arms of your wife. You’re a lucky man, Ben, do you know that? Nina’s a great woman, if you just treat her properly. Not like Mel, who doesn’t appreciate all the things I try to do for her.”

Ben looked puzzled that Tim could even suggest that Nina was a great woman. “She’s a monster more like. You don’t know her, Tim, she is as hard as nails. She doesn’t have a soft side, like Mel. She’s like a stick of rock with ‘hard’ written all the way through”.

Tim knew that wasn’t true but it was pointless arguing with him.

“So do we have a deal? Can I go back and tell her you’ll do it?”

“Couldn’t you go back and try to negotiate a bit more, Tim, get her to let me keep my parts delivery job. You told her I’m not screwing Sophie, what more does she want?”

“Ben, I’m losing my patience with you. I’ve got the best deal from Nina that I could get. Now I’ll either go back and tell her you’ll take it or I’ll go back and tell her I failed. Which do you want me to do?”

“Well, if you won’t help me, then I’ve got no choice have I? I’ll just have to chuck in the best job I’ve had in years to become a bloody storeman. I just hope I don’t die of boredom.”

“Do you know, Ben, you are an ungrateful bastard! I think Nina’s probably right about you.”

“I know you don’t mean that, so you’d better go round to Nina and fix it up for me. I’ll have to work my week’s notice though. Give me a ring and tell me when it’s OK to come back. Cheers Tim, I owe you a pint.”

Tim looked at him in disbelief.

“So that’s it, Neen, he’s agreed to everything and I’ve fixed it with my boss for him to start as soon as he’s worked out his notice at Mick’s place. He’s promised to change his ways. Look out for some surprises, Neen. I think you might have a few shocks to come from Ben.”

“He doesn’t move back in here, Tim, until he’s out of that job and away from her, even though I accept that you are telling me the truth that they’re not sleeping together. If I didn’t, well you know I wouldn’t even be discussing him coming back.”

As Tim left, he gave Nina a big hug. She clung on to him for a few seconds and, with her head tucked in close to his shoulder, she whispered, “Thanks Tim.”

He went home feeling elated. He had been more successful in mending Ben’s relationship than he had ever thought possible. If he could do that for someone else’s marriage, surely he could do it for his own.

Mel listened to his account of his efforts to get Nina and Ben living under the same roof again, tutting repeatedly at Ben’s crass refusal to grasp the situation. “It’s as if you just fixed his car, instead of fixing his marriage,” she said. “Doesn’t he realise how close he came to losing Nina?”

“No, he thinks he can balls up his marriage completely and then just get me to go round and sort it out. Honest Mel, you should have heard the way he said, ‘I owe you a pint’. It was as if I’d just given him a lift to the pub or something. I sometimes think Nina is right about Ben. Even though he’s my mate, I have to admit he’s a bit of a burk.”

For once they were in total agreement on a marriage in difficulty. If I could just swing this conversation around to our problems, this might be a good time to sort out our own marriage he thought.

“Mel, helping Nina and Ben has made me think about us, and particularly about me. There are some similarities aren’t there? Like Nina, you’re a clever woman with a top job, and you seem pretty fed up with me, sometimes... I mean, can we... can I learn anything from this, anything that will help us to get back to where we were just weeks ago?”

“Tim, there’s nothing wrong with our marriage ... I’m just a bit stressed, that’s all. You’re OK, honest, take no notice of me.”

With that Mel strode off to gather up kids and instruments for a music practice. To Tim it seemed that she had simply dismissed him, she was unwilling even to allow time to discuss their problems. How could she say there were no problems when she was refusing to make love, and endlessly finding fault with him? At least Nina had been willing to listen to him, how the hell could he ever get to sort this out if Mel wouldn’t sit down and discuss it?

“I’ll come with you and the kids, where are we off to? Are we going to eat out like you did last time?”

“Tim, there’s no point in you dragging along, honestly, it’s only a practice and you’ll be bored silly. I shall be sitting talking to the other mums that I’ve got to know and you’ll just wish you hadn’t come. Do whatever it is you do on Saturdays and we’ll see you later. We’ll be back by five. I’ll cook something for us when I get back. See you later.”

With that she was gone, following James and Amy out to her car, without any attempt to kiss him goodbye. He stood in the kitchen for several minutes after they’d gone, trying to work out why it had all gone so wrong from the plan he had. He had intended, even wanted, to go with them, he’d told her all week that he was going to spend the weekend doing whatever they were doing and yet she’d pushed him to one side. He hadn’t stood a chance. What to do next was beyond him. He strolled out into the front garden as if expecting to find them still there, but only the scent of the roses was there to console him.

“Not going with them again today, Tim?” He looked up to see Nina standing six feet from him on her side of the fence.

“It would seem not, although I wanted to, Neen. She just refused to let me go with her. I can’t understand what’s happening in this house. I feel like I’m her lodger instead of her husband. Neen, you probably know her better than anyone, even better than me these days, I’m ashamed to say. What can I do? What’s going on? She’s bound to have said something to you about the way she feels, just like Ben and I talk about these things. Please Neen, tell me what she’s thinking. If you don’t help me there’s no one else I can turn to.”

“Tim, I was about to make myself a coffee. Come round and I’ll make us both one.”

They sat in Nina’s immaculate lounge, her on the settee and Tim in the armchair. They sipped at their coffee and made small talk about the hot weather.

“Nina, you know more about what’s going on in Mel’s head than you’re letting on, don’t you? Can’t you see that my only chance of getting this mess sorted out is if I know what she’s thinking?”

Oh no it isn’t, Nina thought! If you really knew what was going on in Mel’s head, and not just in her head, you’d probably kill her. She knew he needed help, but how could she help him when she was keeping a secret that would destroy their marriage completely if it got out. Thanks Mel, you’ve put me in a difficult position now for sure.

“Look Tim, you’re a super bloke, you’ve helped me a lot, and you’ve proved what a good friend you are to Ben. I will always be there for you, Tim, just as I know you will be for me if I need you, but I can’t tell you what’s going on in Mel’s head. I’m not sure I even know myself, but I do know that she’s in a mess right now. What you need to work out is, what can you do to sort her out... right? Tim, if I knew, I promise I’d tell you, but I think maybe this is one of those things Mel has to work out for herself. Be kind to her, don’t be afraid to tell her you love her, take care of all the little things that you know annoy her, but I don’t know if that will be enough. You see I don’t think you are the problem.”

“Nina, if I’m not the problem, who is.... it’s me she’s fed up with, it’s me she’s horrible to every time I get near her. She’s fine with the kids, there’s no one else it can be. It has to be me.”

If only that were true, Nina thought, I can’t tell him any more, I’ve said too much already. This poor man is desperate to make her happy and she’s got her head full of that Rat from work. She looked at Tim with pity, certain that he could see by her face that she was holding back on him. He looked so sad she wished she could do more for him, the situation was so unfair.

“Tell you what, Tim, I’m going to the garden centre to get a few things, why don’t you come with me and then if I buy something heavy you can carry it for me. What I really mean is it would be better than sitting around here being miserable until they come back this afternoon, wouldn’t it?”

“I’d like that, Neen, like you say I’ll go mad if I sit around here all day on my own. Give me five minutes to get changed and I’ll be with you, we can go in my van if you’ve got anything dirty to get.”

“No, but thanks,” she said, with a grin, “The Lexus will do just fine, and anyway I need to stop off at a couple of shops on route, you can help me choose a sun hat.”

He smiled at the thought of her riding in his van. “You’re right, we’ll go in style.”

Nina tried on twenty sun hats before she found one she liked. They laughed at a huge straw boater that would have looked good for punting on the river. In the end she settled for one that Tim chose, a pretty basic Nike cap, the sort a mechanic might wear. He told her she looked good in it and she believed him. After two hours of strolling around the garden centre on one of the hottest days of the year they were both exhausted. In the garden cafe they shared a plate of huge scones with jam and cream and a pot of tea. She looked at her watch. “Do you realize, Tim, it’s three o’clock, we’d better be getting back if you want to be there before Mel and the kids get back.”

“Actually, Neen ... I do, what I mean is, I want to be there when she gets back. Would you mind if we don’t say anything about being out all day together. I’ve really enjoyed today, if I’m honest, much more than I would have enjoyed being at James’s music practice, but in the present mood I don’t think it’s a good idea to let her know that, do you?”

“You’re right, Tim. We’ll say nothing to anyone. This has been our little treat, and I want you to know I’ve enjoyed it too, really enjoyed it. You are such a good friend, Tim; I understand now why Ben finds it so hard to stay in with me at night when he can be at the pub with you.”

She laughed happily and got up to leave. There was an awkward silence in the Lexus as they drove home. Their awareness of how much they’d enjoyed their time together shopping was intensified by the sharing of a secret. It made it difficult to know what else to say. As she pulled up on her drive she turned towards him, “Thanks, Tim, and remember, not a word, OK?”

“Our secret, Neen ...thanks a lot for today.”

The meal that Melanie cooked was nothing special, and despite what she’d said earlier the kids had eaten in McDonalds. Judging by the way she pushed her chicken around the plate he guessed she had as well. When it came right down to it he was really eating on his own, something that caused him enormous disappointment after her promising that they would eat together tonight. This was obviously one more attempt to put distance between them. He was less than half way through his meal when she pushed her plate away, her food barely touched. He couldn’t take any more.

“So, not only can you not bear to sleep with me anymore but now you can’t bear to eat with me either, is that it?”

“What are you going on about; I’m just not very hungry.”

“I can see that, but why, after you promised me we’d eat together tonight, why did you have to go and eat in bloody McDonalds?”

“Because, Tim, the kids were starving, that’s why, and are you telling me you haven’t eaten anything today?”

“What do you mean by that?” he replied, rather quicker than he should have.

“Oh, touched a nerve have I? ...What I meant was, I expect you’ve eaten something too, but clearly there’s something else I don’t know about.”

He was in a state of panic now. She could read him like a book and she would know instantly if he lied. He had to change the subject. “Mel, Why couldn’t you just have waited so we could all eat together, that’s all I was saying.”

She stood up from the table and carried her almost full plate to the kitchen. With his hunger now ruined, he too stood up and followed her, putting his plate next to hers on the kitchen side. He tried to take her in his arms. He needed to hold her, to express his feelings for her, to experience the feelings he knew she must have for him. Instead of putting her arms around him she stood statue like in the middle of the kitchen. His embrace was not reciprocated and after a minute or two he let her go. She sank from his arms and turned away without a word to head upstairs. He felt totally deserted, it was like she’d left him, yet she was still here. He could see her, touch her, talk to her, he just couldn’t reach her. He needed her to talk to him, to let him know she still cared. A moment later he stormed up the stairs after her into the bedroom, where they both stood looking at each other. That he was suffering was obvious.

“This can’t go on Mel; you’re hurting me like mad. I need to know what you’re thinking. Please will you talk to me?”

“I can’t Tim. No one can see what’s going on inside my head at the moment. I’m sorry, I told you weeks ago that I was in crisis but you didn’t believe me. Now you can see it, maybe you
will
believe me.”

“I never disbelieved, you Mel, I just didn’t understand. I still don’t understand, but I do want to help. Please don’t shut me out. I want to be a part of your life ... but lately I feel like you don’t care if I’m here or not.”

“Tim, people change. You think I’m still the same girl I was when we got married, but I’m not! We’ve both changed a lot since then. Maybe we are no longer as right for each other as we used to be. You must consider that as a possibility.”

“Tim’s eyes were filling up. She was trying to tell him it was over. He had never seriously considered that this was a possibility. Now it was happening and nothing he could say was likely to change her mind.