Your Heart to Keep: Holly and Jax (19 page)

Chapter Thirty Two

Holly

Sitting near the water with the sounds of nature had been beautiful. I was having such a good day. I wondered where we were headed as I sat pressed into Jax again, this time concentrating on things other than his body. Namely, my vision and what a successful corneal transplant could offer me. My whole world would open up. Literally.

Maybe I needed to take the risk again. Perhaps now I was ready. The sensation of being hurtled through the countryside with the cold whip of the wind on my face was invigorating. The fresh air enlivened me. This was living. Had I not been doing that thus far? Merely existing?

Suddenly I wanted to do more and experience more. To hear and sense the world around me didn’t seem enough anymore. I was tired of the limitations put upon me by my blindness.

As we soared down the open road, Jax opened the throttle and I held on for dear life, feeling more vibrant than I ever had; I cheered out loud letting the wind carry my voice away, my decision made.

Jax turned his head for an instant at my squeals, one hand resting on the top of mine and squeezing before he returned it to the handle bars.

I never wanted the day to end. I was buzzing with adrenalin; a sense of freedom that was so new to me. This man in front of me was giving me that and I was forever grateful.

After a bit we must have hit a windy road because I could feel the twists and turns of the bike, trying to lean into it with Jax.

The air on my face had cooled even more bringing shivers so I clutched my body even tighter to him in order to warm up a bit.

When we eventually stopped it felt like we’d been on a fairground ride and I was thankful for the reprieve to gain my equilibrium again.

Sounds around me came to life. Cars. People. Chatter. I guessed we were in another town but I had no idea which direction we were facing or where we were.

I really had to use the bathroom though so when I felt Jax climb off the bike, I let him know.

“Is there a bathroom around here?”

“There is one where we’re going. Here let’s get you off the bike first.”

Removing my helmet by myself this time I handed it over so he would take it then waited for his big strong arms to encase my hips.

“Where are we anyway?”

“Evergreen.”

“I’ve heard of it but again, I’ve never been.”

“It’s even smaller than Golden but just as pretty. I thought you might be ready to have some lunch. I for one, am starving.”

“Me too but I really, really need to use the bathroom.”

Jax chuckled, lifting me off, taking my hand and leading the way. “You really enjoyed that ride, didn’t you?” He asked, happiness coating his voice.

“I did. It was the best thing I’ve ever done.”

This time he laughed fully, my body coming alive at the sound of its rawness and depth. “You continue to surprise me, Holly Jenkins.”

“As do you, Jaxon Reynolds.”

“There’s plenty more where that came from.”

“I don’t doubt that for a second.” I was sure he was full of surprises I was yet to discover. I had merely skimmed the surface of the multi-faceted individual who I was adamant, didn’t let many people in. I hoped he would open up to me more because the little piece of himself that he was showing, was making me crave more.

“This is the Wildflower Café. I’ve only been here once a while ago but if I remember correctly, they have the best chicken burritos ever.”

“OMG! I love burritos!” I had no idea why, but I did. Another mystery. Chloe? Probably.

“Well then, you’re in for a treat.”

Entering the café we were met with similar sounds to the ones in Golden.

“There’s a bathroom at the back. Let’s get you taken care of first and then we can order.”

He led the way until we stopped. “Are you going to be okay? When I told you to leave your cane at home, I wasn’t thinking about bathroom stops. Do you need me to come in with you?”
Was that a hint of humor in his voice? “Ahh, no! I got it. It’s fine.” There was no way he was going into the ladies room with me. I wasn’t that needy.

Feeling my way through the door, I continued to fumble around for the stall, using what little vision I had to determine where I needed to go.

Today for some reason, I was frustrated with my disability. I didn’t usually feel that way. I guess because my routine was rigid most of the time and now I was out of my comfort zone. I didn’t like the thought of being dependent on Jax and secretly I wondered if he considered me a burden.

Dismissing that thought, knowing that if he didn’t want me to be here with him, he wouldn’t have asked me, I went about my business, washing my hands and then exiting into the small hallway to find him still waiting. “You good?”

“I am. Let’s get one of those burritos you were telling me about.”

We ordered another coffee while we waited for our lunch. I decided to ask the question that had been on my mind since we left home.

“Why do you call me, angel?”

He huffed a little and then took his time answering me. “Because in certain light you look like an angel with your pale skin. You have a glow around you.” He cleared his throat before continuing. “Before I met you, I was so angry at the girl that had Chloe’s heart. I hated you. Or I thought it was hate. But that first moment I saw you standing in your lounge room, innocent-like with those incredible eyes, I knew it wasn’t hate. It just took me a while to admit it.”
“So, you really did loathe me when you found out about the transplant? Before you met me?”

I guessed as much but to hear him say it, confirmed what I’d feared.

“Yes but the more time I’ve spent with you the more I realize how strong and focused you are. You don’t care what people think of you and you take your blindness in stride. I like that. You get on with things, regardless.”
“I don’t know how to be any other way. I don’t want people’s pity. I just want to live as normal a life as possible. Today you’ve shown me that it’s possible. It’s also made me understand that I need to be able to see if I’m going to achieve all the other things I want to do. I’ve decided I’m going to start organizing the corneal transplant. I’m not sure what the wait times are but I do know that it’s a lot less than for a major organ.”

I’m guessing we were sitting at a table and not a booth because Jax was able to scoot out of his chair and take me in a hug, placing a strong kiss on my forehead.

“That’s fucking awesome!” His laughter pulsed through me.
“You sure you’re okay with it?”
“Yeah, I’m starting to see the benefits.”
I could have cried at hearing that. He was beginning to change his views because spending time with me had let him see how much it could improve someone’s life. That was all I asked.

I was grinning from ear to ear.

“You seem to be smiling a lot today.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever grinned so much. Hearing you say that you’re starting to see the benefits has just topped off an already, wonderful day. There’s nothing that could beat that.”
“Are you sure about that?” His voice had taken on a different tone.

The hand that was bringing my coffee to my mouth shook and I had to place my cup back on the table to stop from spilling it.

All that came out of my mouth was, “What do you see in me?” I still didn’t know.

“I see someone incredibly brave who has fought the odds and won. I see a tall, sexy ass woman who can shoot me down just with her eyes.”

His fingers came to the top of my hand. “More than that though. You’re pure. Innocent. Everything I’m not. You seem to shine your light on my dark. It feels like
I’m
beginning to see again.”

My heart leapt in my chest. What was he saying exactly? “Wow! No one has ever said such nice things about me. That’s a lot to live up to.”

“Just keep being you and you won’t have to live up to anything.”

Someone appeared at our table with the burritos, halting any more conversation. The smell was divine.

“Dig in,” offered Jax.

I did and it was delicious.

“Sooo good,” I moaned, feeling the hole in my stomach slowly fill. “We have to come back here!”

Jax sounded out a rumble, low and quiet but audible to me. “Keep making that sound, Angel and we’re going to have another episode like the one at Golden.”

Just the thought of that hot scene in the café, nailed against the wall, had me shifting in my chair, need delicious and raw, stirring between my legs. Would that be such a bad thing? God, no. I was a horny virgin, wishing more than anything that this foul mouthed, Harley rider with his hot tongue ring would do more than kiss me. He unearthed a desire in me that had always remained hidden as if it was just waiting for the right person to beckon it.

“I want you to touch me.” I whispered it so softly I didn’t expect him to catch it but as I was learning, when it came to talk about sex or anything relating to it, Jax had hearing almost as good as mine.

He was siphoning his breath in and then letting it out hard. In. Out. In. Out.

“Say that again!”

I wasn’t sure what he was going to do when I repeated the words. He obviously had no problem with showing affection in public so for all I knew, we were going to end up in some compromising position right there on the table.

Leaning in towards him so no one could hear, I mumbled, “I want you to touch me.” Those words had never left my mouth before and they felt foreign now.

“Fuck. Hurry up and finish your burrito. I mean it, Holly. Hurry the fuck up!”

Shit. Was he pissed? He sounded angry. I could hear him desperately chewing and gulping down his coffee.

Not knowing what I was feeling, I ate a little more vigorously and finished my own coffee. I’d barely set the cup down on the table before he had my arm and was lifting me up. “On my bike. Now!”

“Did I say something wrong?”

“Angel, you shouldn’t talk like that to me unless you mean it. I’m taking you home.”

“Home, already? But I’m not ready to go home, yet.”
“Not your home. Mine.”

Oh my! I see. That shut me up. There was too much innuendo in those four words. They spoke volumes. I could read between the lines. He’d been controlling himself all day and was about to lose it. I had given him the invitation he needed to deliver what he had promised with his hungry kisses and touches.

Nerves started knotting in my belly. My V card was going to be handed out today. I was going to give it to someone who I couldn’t stay away from. He was in me. In Chloe’s heart. I’d never planned on this happening. It just had. His presence floored me. All the time. Every time. His touch delivered a powerful punch that had me hungry for more. The sounds he made from deep in the back of his throat when we kissed were like the oxygen that stoked the embers, setting me alight. The electricity between us, wild and alive took me to a place that was all sensation. Consuming me until I could think of nothing else as was the case when we walked to the bike without uttering a word. Jax’s sexual tension was rolling off him. I was practically thrown on the bike, helmet squashed onto my head and we were rocketing out of that carpark so fast, my mind was still back at the café.

I decided to be good and not tempt the tiger on the way back. He was ready to go in for the kill and if I was going to be his prey I at least wanted to make it back to his house before being ravaged.

My mind was awash with thoughts. Was I ready for this? Would it change me? Would it alter whatever was between Jax and myself? Was it lust or something more?

I’d never had a guy want me like this, blindness and all. I still couldn’t wrap my head around it. This heart that I now carried had brought us together and was making me feel things that I wouldn’t have felt normally. The earlier thought of whether or not it was Chloe’s feelings or mine, scared me. How would I ever know if it was me leading this crazy race or not? Surely I had some say over whom my heart fell for.

The ride back seemed to take no time at all. I was wondering if it had given Jax any time to cool off. I was given my answer when as forcefully I had been put on the bike, I was taken off.

My stomach was doing somersaults and my mouth was parched. My windblown lips had all but cracked, leaving me needing a tall, cool glass of water.

Linking his fingers with my gloveless ones, (they were stuffed into my jacket pocket) I dazedly walked with him through a door and into his lair.

No sooner were we inside than I was pushed up against a wall, flattened by the solid lines of Jax’s body. Both his sizeable hands pushed my hair back from my face as he tilted my head up slightly. “So, Holly Jenkins. Are you ready to fly to the stars with me?”

What? This beast of a man who screamed dirty rotten scoundrel, was offering me poetry? Just who was he? Hard on the outside. Soft on the inside.

I could only mutter something indecipherable at the question.

“I want you so fucking much, angel. I’m holding myself back from all I want to do and everywhere I want to have you because I know you’re new to this, so it’s all you now. Tell me what you want.”