Young Annabelle (2 page)

My hunger pains always got the better of me,
especially at night when everyone went to sleep. Maybe that was why
I’d only managed to lose ten pounds so far. The disappointment my
parents felt about my slow weight loss roamed freely in our
household and was a topic we all discussed regularly.

My mother yearned to take me shopping for new
smaller-sized clothing, but I’d been wearing the same size ten
since the beginning of the school year. Unfortunately for her, the
weight I’d managed to lose wasn’t enough to strip my wardrobe clean
and refill with single-digit sizes. I needed to lose another ten
pounds to do that.

I wasn’t fat, but I wasn’t small either. At
5’7” and weighing 165 pounds, I carried most of the weight around
my belly and thighs. Aside from these two unfortunate places, there
was one other place where the weight gathered – my boobs.

But the excess in that area wasn’t as much of
a problem as the other areas, especially after my neck lost some
flab and gained definition. My boobs became a more noticeable,
desirable, part of my body instead of one giant blob with a head on
top. Once that happened, a certain level of confidence took over
inside of me and I began to wear tighter tops to school – always
covered before leaving the house to avoid Mom shaking her head in
disbelief, of course. 

Mom’s silent looks spoke volumes when I dared
to wear something slightly tighter than usual. I knew she thought
larger girls should stick with clothes that didn’t cling to their
bodies; nobody wanted to see all that skin wiggle back and
forth.

But my skin didn’t jiggle like crazy. I just
had a larger than average belly in front, some love handles that
tipped over the edge of my skinny jeans (which she didn’t approve
of either but I’d fought her on them and won). But all of that, in
her eyes and now my dad’s, placed me in the same category as girls
who were extremely obese. They tried to make me believe I was the
same as a 250-pound girl in an effort to scare me into losing the
weight faster. Big girls shouldn’t wear tight tops or skinny
jeans.

If you want to wear the clothes
teenagers wear then you'd better lose the weight first. Do you want
to look ridiculous? Do you want everyone to laugh at you? Nobody
wants to see that!

In their eyes, the issue was simple: if you
ever became fat you’d better make sure you lost the weight just as
fast. Exercise more, eat half as much, and take responsibility for
your actions. Continuing to embarrass yourself in public was
inexcusable and an insult to the entire family. It was all so
simple.

Well, it wasn’t simple and as much as I
wanted to lose all the weight, to make them happy and get them off
my back once and for all, I couldn’t. I was hungry all the
time.

I grabbed my backpack and swung it around to
hang on my front. I unzipped a hidden compartment in the bottom,
pulling out a small plastic bag full of pretzels and chips.

Aside from telling my parents how many
calories I burned every day, I also had to tell them my weight each
morning before breakfast. Today, I was forced to eat less breakfast
because I failed to gain or lose any weight. They weren’t happy
with my numbers and decided that ‘Anna Banana’ could only have half
a bowl of flax seed-and-twigs cereal with a quarter cup of skim
milk.

The milk made her eyes
practically bulge!
I
smiled to myself as I remembered Mom’s face when I began pouring
the milk.

I was starving.

Fifteen minutes into the trek to school, I
felt I was a safe enough distance from my house that I could
finally pull out my emergency stash.

I need fuel!

My mouth was salivating before the first
chip-pretzel combination emerged from the baggie. As it hit my
tongue, my teeth crunched the salty goodness – it felt like a
thousand fireworks ignited inside me. It wasn’t healthy, nourishing
food, but it hit the spot. I felt the salt rush in my bloodstream,
sending a buzz through my entire body. The horrible mood my parents
inflicted on me earlier slowly disappeared as each morsel of
goodness made its way down to my belly.

What could I say? I liked to eat. But I
clearly understood something early on: I was nowhere near the same
league as 250-pound girls who also liked to eat. Those girls’
hunger was definitely not the same as mine. I simply didn’t get the
crap my parents were spewing out.

And I probably never would.

Soon, it wouldn’t matter what they
thought.

 
I was a senior at Royal
Heights High School. In eight months I’d be
 
graduating
 
and moving out. Technically I could move on April
3
^rd
, when I
turned eighteen, but I thought I would give my parents this one
last thing before I evaporated from their lives completely. They
won’t even know I’ve left until they come home to my empty room. My
younger siblings, Charles and Katherine, thirteen and eleven
respectively, were also being kept in the dark about my plans. They
had big mouths and were child versions of my parents – who loved
and adored them – they shared the ‘fat is bad’
mentality.

Not much longer.

My walk was coming to end; the mountainous
school was within sight.

Last Friday, Jenna had made some crazy
promises that I hoped she would forget by the time today came. I
didn’t need that crap; if anything exploded today, she’d ruin
everything.

I arrived to school fifteen minutes earlier
than usual; there was no one around. I stopped in front of the long
set of concrete stairs that led up to the front entrance. I stared
up to the landing at the top and noticed a guy sitting alone.

Well look
who came to talk!

I skipped the first two steps and ran the
rest of the way up. I had to slow down halfway. Perhaps trying to
run the entire way was a bit too ambitious for my physical state. I
never understood why the city decided to build a school on top of a
hill. There were stairs everywhere and, despite my unfortunate
heaviness, my legs were strong from going up and down multiple
times during the day. My legs were fine; it was controlling my
breathing that I had a problem with.

I crossed the last step and hit the flat
concrete patio. Sitting on the edge of the planter by the door was
supposed to be ‘my man’. Lately he’d been more like a stranger than
a ‘boyfriend’. The odd thing was, he was waiting for
me.
Fifteen minutes early. After so
much time, he decided he finally wanted to talk.  

“
Fireball,” he said, grinning down at me as
I approached. That grin again! He thought he could use
the grin
and I’d come running back like
the girl I was last summer!

Dare to believe!

“James,” I replied, emotionless.

His grin quickly evaporated. His mouth turned
into a scowl as he grabbed his backpack and gracefully pushed
himself off the ledge on to the concrete patio.

“Where’s my morning kiss, Fireball?” James
demanded, taking long strides and coming to a stop right in front
of me.

I stood still. This guy wasn’t going to get
anything of value from me.

How about NO!

Suddenly, his arms wrapped around my waist
and I was lifted off the ground. His warm, sweet lips crashed down
onto mine and we were back in our secret little world that we’d
been playing in since August.

August 1
^st
, 2012 – 6 weeks earlier

“ANNABELLE!” Mom screamed from the kitchen as
I opened the front door to leave.

“What?” I yelled, turning to face the
kitchen.

Mom came running out with a purple lunch box
that I remembered using when I was eight.

UGH! Great…

“You forgot your lunch, sweetie,” she told me
breathlessly.

Sweetie?

Fighting the urge to laugh, I ducked my head
down and pulled my dark blue backpack around to my front and opened
it; Mom pushed the lunch box in. I zipped up my bag and swung it
back onto my back.

“Yeah okay, thanks Mom,” I muttered, glancing
at the ground to hide my disappointment. I didn’t forget my lunch,
but I’d hoped Mom would have so I could have bought food from one
of the stands at work.

“Don’t forget to eat the snacks I packed
during each of your fifteen-minute breaks, okay? We have to follow
the plan properly, just like the nutritionist said, or else we’re
not going to get those amazing results,” she pressed
annoyingly.

I took a moment to suppress my volatile
emotions. My mother and her ‘
amazing results
’
fixation always put me in a horrible mood.

“No worries, snacks during mini breaks got
it,” I assured as I took a step passed the doorframe.

“And the meal,” she continued, “you have to
eat all of it, or else your body will go into shock from being so
hungry–”

“Mom! I got it,” I interrupted. Her ramblings
were getting repetitive; God she was annoying. I quickly slammed
the door shut before she snapped at me for being rude.

“Annabelle!” I heard her yell through the
door as I dashed to the wooden gate that led to our backyard and
grabbed my green and black bike from behind it.

I always rode my bike to work. It wasn’t
because my parents didn’t want to drive me; it was the feeling I’d
get while I soared down the hills on the path to work. It felt as
if I was flying. Now, if only that feeling could become an
actuality and I could be like E.T. and fly away on my bike to a
place where I felt safe and at home. I wanted to go to a place
where I wouldn’t be reminded every second of every day that I
needed to lose weight. A place where I had people who supported me
instead of ganging up on me all the time.

“Yo, Anna!” I heard the familiar voice call
out my name.

I pushed down on my brakes and dropped my
feet from the pedals, stopping the bike completely.

I gazed at the bottom of the hill I was about
to soar down and saw Jenna waving her arm next to the bike docks at
Royal Heights Country Club. We both worked there; I spent my days
outside in the blazing heat, manning the lemonade stand next to the
golf course, and she worked in air-conditioned bliss doing
administration work at the reception desk. When we applied for
positions here we’d hoped to get placed together, working at one of
the stands they had outside.

That didn’t happen.

We were split up immediately. Not
surprisingly, they put her on front desk reception because Jenna
was beautiful and had a great body from swimming competitively all
her life. I, on the other hand, was decent looking (totally cute
according to Jenna) but my body was not slim, so they stuck me
outside at the lemonade stand where I squeezed lemons all day,
making thirst-quenching lemonade for rich people.

Speaking of rich people, I’d
better get down there quick before I’m late!

I pedaled forward and, as I hit the curve
where I’d fly down, a shiny black SUV rolled beside me. I stalled
for a few seconds to let it go down the hill first. I liked space
when I was on my hill.

When I flew, I did it alone and that meant no
cars trailing beside me, ruining the one moment I looked forward to
each time I went to work. The SUV took its chance and went rolling
down the hill, cautious and slow. As soon as it rounded the corner,
stopping in front of the valet stand, I glanced quickly behind me
for any incoming cars. No cars. Check. I pedaled forward and
gravity did the rest. I sped down the hill at speeds that would
have made even a fearless person scream. I didn’t scream. I
hollered in ecstasy as I released my handlebars and held out my
arms to dance against the wind as I soared.

Fly!

If I could have, I’d have closed my eyes
too.

“Hold your brakes!” Jenna screamed as I came
charging at her. I shook my head and laughed as I hollered again,
this time louder.

“Damn it! Anna, brakes!” she pleaded as she
dove out of the way.

I depressed my brakes a fraction and the bike
slowed down a little. My feet found the pedals and I resumed
control of the bike for the last few feet to the bike dock.

“Relax!” I teased Jenna as I came to a
complete stop in front of an empty spot at the dock.

Jenna walked around the dock as I got off my
bike.

“You almost crushed me!” She fake cried as I
bent down to lock up my bike.

“Almost,” I grinned. “But you’re still here,
safe and sound.”

I straightened and shoved the key into my
backpack’s front pocket. Her face had turned ugly as she scowled
angrily at me, but it only lasted for two seconds before a wide
grin broke out of her steel frown.

“Bitch,” she muttered, linking her arm
through mine and pulling me towards the employee entrance of the
club.

“Scaredy cat,” I retorted.

Her shoulder bumped against mine, making me
stumble.

“Hey!” I laughed as she continued to drag me.
“I see you’re resorting to physical violence now,” I said,
attempting to get my footing in order.

“Just keeping you in line, buddy.” She gave
me a knowing grin and laughed.

We rounded the corner, passing the valet
stand. The employee entrance was tucked around the corner to the
member entrance but, surprisingly, the bike dock was out front. Who
else besides employees would ride a bike to a country club?

My eyes widened when I noticed the black SUV
idling by the employee entrance. Usually that kind of car either
utilized the valet or they were dropping off someone at the front
entrance.

“What do you think that’s all about?” Jenna
asked quietly. She, too, was perplexed at the sight of the
expensive car back here.