Young Annabelle (16 page)

I’d become a big slut, sleeping
with anything that would have me!

I shook my head at the exaggeration.

No! Not
everything
that would have me, but probably –
definitely – give James the green light to do his thing!

Beep! Beep!

I paused on the sidewalk to grab my
phone.

New Message from: TIGER

James!
I was instantly excited at the sight of
his name, even though I’d only left him twenty minutes
ago.

I opened his message with a huge smile
plastered across my face.

You are sucked in! Totally in
deep!
I thought as his
message popped up.

From: TIGER

I wish u let me take u home…

I texted him back:

And I wish u wouldn’t text while driving to
baseball practice!

James’ phone had rung while we were kissing.
By that time, things had cooled off a little but were still going
at a nice pace. He grudgingly got off me and checked the caller ID
before answering.

“Yeah?” he answered curtly.

I heard a muffled voice from the other
end.

“Oh, yeah, shit. Okay. See you in ten,” he
said to the phone then hung up.

I rose up on my elbows and stared at him as
he put his phone back on his side table.

“What happened?” I asked.

He let out a long sigh and turned to me.
“Baseball practice was rescheduled for noon.”

“I thought it was canceled?”

“It was. Sort of. The assistant coach told
everyone to be available around noon just in case it was
rescheduled,” he explained, giving me a quick peck on the lips
before grabbing his uniform shirt off the floor and pulling it back
on.

“Okay,” I replied, getting off the bed.

Damn!
I thought, disappointed, as his beautiful body was
sheathed again.

“I’ll drop you off at home,” he said as I
reached to pick my backpack off the ground.

“No, that’s okay, I want to walk. Get some
fresh air, you know.” I slid my bag over my shoulders as I
explained.

I stretched my arms out and took a deep
breath while he locked the front door. It felt like I’d been cooped
up inside a musty, sweaty cave for God knows how long, but my phone
said we’d been up there for less than two hours.

Beep! Beep!

I checked the new message as I continued down
the sidewalk.

From: TIGER

Baby u care about my safety, I’m touched

Miss u, can’t wait to see u again!

He misses me!!
I gushed mentally. My heart
swelled with joy. He missed me and couldn’t wait to see me again.
With an exclamation point! What did that mean? Did that mean next
time would be even more exciting than the first time?

Shit!
His expectations of where we were going had jumped
big time! I knew one thing for sure: as long as I was still in this
body, with all its jiggly bits, there was no way anything was
escalating, including his excitement. Even if he missed me and
couldn’t wait to see me.

New high!
I thought happily, planning to remember
his words the next time he decided to piss me off by acting like
the asshole version of himself.

From: Me

Thats sweet. Have a good practice

I pressed send and tucked my phone back into
my bag. I didn’t want to see any more messages from him today. It
was enough. My body and mind couldn’t take anymore of him.

Okay, I was lying, my body wouldn’t mind
taking a little more of him but that wasn’t the point. I needed to
maintain some ground control when it came to him. I had to show him
– and myself – that there were limits where he was concerned.

Even if I really,
really
didn’t want to.

*****

I walked to Subway and grabbed a 6-inch
whole-wheat turkey sub, no sauce, heavy on the lettuce.

This is healthy,
I told myself as I bit into my
sandwich.

It was around 1:30 pm when I went back home.
Not because I wanted to, but because I had nothing to do and I
didn’t want to spend any more money. I had to save every penny for
when I could finally move out.

I unlocked the front door and walked inside.
As I pulled off my shoes, I heard the familiar sound of excited
footsteps rumble up the basement stairs.

“Annabelle? You’re home?” Mom called as she
ran up the stairs.

“Yes,” I answered brusquely. I was still
pissed at her for the stunt she pulled this morning and had no
intention of letting her off easy.

“How was your morning?” she asked
breathlessly as she walked over to me.

“It was fine,” I replied suspiciously.

“That’s good.” She was trying her best to be
nonchalant. I wasn’t buying it. Her hands were shaking subtly next
to her thigh.

“Alright, well I’m going to my room,” I
announced as I took a step towards the stairs.

“Wait!” Mom blurted out.

I turned to face her. “Yes?”

“I understand that this morning I may have
gone a little too far with the scale thing,” she conceded. “From
now on your weigh-in time is yours, privately. Indefinitely.” She
actually looked a little sorry.

“Thank you.” I took another step towards the
stairs.

“Wait!”

I turned around again. “What is it now, Mom?
Is there something you want?” I asked, beginning to feel a bit
irritated. I really wanted to go upstairs, change into my home
clothes, relax on my own bed, and imagine new scenes on my
ceiling.

“Do your old mom a favor and tell her what
you ate for lunch? Pretty please?”

I let out a long breath and answered as
calmly as I could. “I had Subway. A 6-inch whole-wheat turkey sub.
No sauce. Lots of lettuce.”

She nodded happily, clapping her hands.
“Excellent choice, I’m so proud of you!”

“Anything else you’d like to know before I go
upstairs?” I asked hesitantly.

“Actually, yes.” Mom looked at me warily,
like I was a wild animal about to escape. “How many calories have
you burned ’til now?” she asked cautiously.

I felt a small touch of anger stir in my
throat, itching to yell at her, to give her a piece of my mind
about this stupid daily calorie burn I was forced to complete or
else feel the wrath of her disappointment. I was practically an
adult and did not need to prove myself by how many calories I could
burn a day. But my comfortable and very private room was within my
grasp; all I had to do to get there was answer this one question. I
glanced down at my calorie-burn watch and grinned widely.

“Six hundred and fifty calories,” I told her,
trying not to burst out laughing.

Her mouth dropped in astonishment. I had
never burned that many calories this fast. She leaned forward and
grabbed my arm, checking my watch for herself.

“Six hundred and fifty calories, wow. Good
for you, Annabelle. How’d you do it?” She was eager to know how so
I could repeat it every day.

I headed for the stairs as I told her how.
“Just spent the day experiencing the neighborhood. Every inch of
it.” I ran up the stairs and into my room before she could question
me further.

That’s if the neighborhood was James!

I shamelessly burst out laughing. I shook my
head at myself and changed my clothes. I left my phone in my bag
even though I was heavily tempted to check if James had sent me
anything. But I didn’t touch my bag. Instead I turned on my radio,
settling on a popular channel playing R&B. I lay down on my bed
and folded my arms behind my head, gazing up at the ceiling and
flying to another world as the music filled the room.

*****

I was on my bed, about to go to sleep. It was
almost midnight.

I’d stayed in my room checking my Facebook
and email, and doing some searches of diet and fat girl blogs.
Those were interesting. I finally emerged when I was called for
dinner. I entered the dining room on edge about how everything was
going to turn out considering the last time all of us were together
I had screamed at everyone for being unfair.

Charles and Katherine were sitting side by
side, I sat across from them without saying a word. Dad came
marching up the stairs, saying hello to everyone as if this morning
hadn’t happened.

Denial. They’re all in total
denial.

I stared at each of them in turn, watching
them go about their business as usual. I couldn’t believe it; I’d
practically called out my brother and sister this morning for not
treating me right and they were acting like all was well in the
world.

All was definitely
not
well.

I was still deeply offended by their
treatment. I was their older sister, someone they were supposed to
respect and look up to, yet it’d been anything but that for the
last couple of years.

I blamed one person for this. Okay, maybe two
people.

Firstly, Mom, for pushing the image of me as
a failure down their throats every chance she could. Even if, in
her twisted brain, she meant well.

Secondly, myself. I understood that to gain
respect you had to earn it; what had I done to show my younger
siblings that I was someone they could look up to? All I’d been
doing these last couple of years was taking Mom’s below-the-belt
hits about my image. I’d done nothing to show them that I was a
strong person regardless of Mom’s opinion. I’d only showed them how
good at self-pitying I was.

Things needed to change. I needed a new game
plan. But that was easier said than done. It would take time for me
to one draw up. So I stayed silent during dinner, serving a
reasonable amount of food on to my plate – salad, rice, and chicken
– eating it as I listened to the conversation going on around
me.

Today had been one of the strangest days I’d
ever experienced. I had gone from low to high and now I didn’t know
what I was…medium? The high I felt coming home from James’ house
didn’t waiver in the slightest. Even though I wasn’t with him now,
I knew my phone might be filled with missed messages from him
asking where I was and what I was doing. Earlier today I’d decided
that I wouldn’t check my phone for the rest of the day. All I had
to do was wait until midnight to follow through with the promise
I’d made myself. I knew once I could check my phone, I’d savor each
missed message, reading it multiple times and allowing that happy
bubble inside of me to grow to a size my body, mind, and soul had
yet to experience.

I stared at my alarm clock for the last ten
minutes, watching each minute pass slowly. The day was almost over
and my hand was itching to grab my phone from my bag to see if he’d
sent me anything. I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling,
trying to distract myself from the clock as each minute seemed to
pass slower than the last. I was beginning to feel irritated.

Calm down,
I told myself. I needed to relax. If I
continued to stay excited like this, even after I’d turned in, I
wouldn’t be able to fall asleep. I closed my eyes and breathed in
deeply, slowly releasing it. I repeated this process several times.
Finally giving in to my impatience, I turned to my right and
checked the time. 12:02am.

“Yes,” I whispered victoriously as I got off
the bed and reached for my backpack. I pulled out my phone and
tapped it on. I stared down at the empty screen in shock.

No messages!

It felt as if someone kicked me in the
stomach.

I tapped on my inbox to see if I’d missed any
accidentally. Sometimes the phone didn’t recognize a new message.
My last message was the one James had sent while I was walking
home. I slouched back onto my bed, extremely disappointed.

What happened?

Friday September
7
^th
2012

There should have been a disclaimer flashing
high above his head when I first met him, then maybe I wouldn’t
have gotten myself into such a state.

Attention unassuming females! Attention
unassuming females!

Beware! Assholes disguised as cute guys that
have no problems with the word ‘No’! That is, until you leave the
scene of the crime and then they never call you again.

Beware!

I blinked a few times from shock.

How the hell did I make
it
to the
kitchen?
The last thing
I remembered, I was on my bed gazing up at the ceiling, trying to
imagine a new scene that would make me feel better. I’d come up
with nothing.

All of a sudden I was in the kitchen with my
back to school clothes on.

“That’s a nice shirt you’re wearing,
Annabelle. Green really suits you, especially forest green,” Mom
complimented as she sipped her morning coffee.

Green!
I felt that familiar ache resurface in the
pit of my stomach. The one that had been getting worse as each day
of the past two weeks went by. It was the result of one thing: my
phone and no new messages from anyone except Jenna.

There was nothing from him.

I felt like a live-action teen magazine
article about pressure and how
not
to handle certain situations.

It was Friday. Two weeks had gone by and
there was still nothing from him. As if our morning together never
happened.

Was it because I didn’t want to
take off my shirt?
I
pondered for the hundredth time. I shook my head, that didn’t make
sense.

Or did it? Was I just too stupid to read the
universal signs of the average teenage guy?

Even if he was upset, he really shouldn’t
have been. We hadn’t even known each other for that long and it
wasn’t as if I was going to have sex with him so early on in our
(non)relationship.