Wrestling Against Myself (70 page)

“So you know it's over,” Carl said as he walked with Antonio through the corridors after lunch.

“You seem happy about it,” Tony said as he stopped along the concrete walk where he and his friend would separate and go different directions to their classes.

“Not happy about it. I hate to see you got hurt, but I think it's the best thing to happen. You wanted to believe the best in someone, you always do, but not everyone thinks like we do.”

“She seems so lost and scared.”

“Sounds like he,” Carl emphasized the male pronoun, “was mad and annoyed. Maybe the girl thing wasn't a joke, I'll give you that. Maybe that's how he felt, gave it a shot, and found out that wasn't who he was.”

“You really think a person would do something that extreme on a whim?”

“Freshmen do a lot of crazy and stupid things. You didn't do anything wrong, other than not taking my advice.”

“That I shouldn't have dated her?”
Carl grimaced. “In hindsight you have to admit it didn't turn out so great.”

“The heart wants what the heart wants,” Antonio said.

“You know there was more to the situation than what the heart wanted. A whole lot more. Fact is, you took a chance with someone who didn't even know themselves and you got hurt. Sorry to be blunt, but you have to come to terms with reality. Whether or not Courtney was real at the time or some warped kid playing with everyone's minds, we'll never know. But right now, that person is dead and a very angry, spiteful turd is with us. Just let it go, you did your best.”

“I'm trying to let go,” Tony said in surrender. “But it's hard.”

The bell rang to indicate students had a minute to get to class.

“Concentrate on school. Would hate for you to miss the season because of your grades.”

“Me too,” Tony said and then shuffled off to class. Though he was walking on his own and getting stronger every day, he still had lingering soreness that wouldn't go away. By the end of the day it was getting so bad that he was using the crutches at home, but he refused to use them at the school any more out of principle.

Though he wasn't able to do the workout the other wrestlers were doing, Tony looked forward to joining the team for conditioning. He was hoping to push himself a little farther that day, and hoped to convince the coach to let him do some upper body lifting. He got changed into his workout clothes in the locker room with the team, but was left behind when they jogged out to the track.

Tony watched as the group disappeared down the flight of stairs that led to the track. He wanted to be in their midst but knew he was already pushing himself by not being on crutches. Though Coach Walker needed to know his legs were worse than he let on, he decided to keep to himself and work through the pain.

“Tiny,” Coach Walker called out as he headed in his heavyweight's direction.

Antonio figured his coach had better awareness than he gave him credit for and his workout was going to be dialed back from the day before. “Yeah Coach.”

“Hold up,” he called out.

Tony was confused, but leaned against the chain link fence. He tried to look casual, as if he was hanging out and looking cool, but the truth was he was trying to take some weight off his legs.

“Tiny,” Coach Walker said in a hushed tone. “You're done for the day.”

“But Coach,” Antonio objected. “I can do a little something.”

“Listen to me, Tiny. You're done for the day,” Coach Walker said pointedly. “Go home.”

Tony didn't understand what was going on. “Am I in trouble or something?”

Coach Walker put his arm around the athlete. “Of course not, son. But listen to me, go to your car, check your cell phone for messages, and do what you have to do.”

Antonio stared blankly at his coach.

“Now!”

The urgency in the coach's voice told the senior this wasn't a joke. He was being excused from practice to check his phone. He couldn't imagine anything that important unless it was something horrible. His first thought was something happened to his mother. Perhaps an accident or she got sick.

Though his legs protested, Tony took off on as brisk a jog as he could. He took the first two stairs in one giant step, but knew not to try that twice. He made his way up the stairs as quickly as he dared and then made his way to his car. The school had a rule about bringing cell phones to class, so he always kept his in the center console right on top of his vehicle's registration.

Antonio couldn't sit in the driver's seat fast enough. As much as he wanted it not to be true, his legs were still injured. He flipped open the center console and grabbed his phone.

Five missed calls, all from the same number and two text messages.

Tony checked the text messages first. They were both from Mrs. Barnes as were the phone calls.

They both read. “Call me immediately.”

There was a sinking feeling in Tony's gut as he pushed the button to dial.

“Tiny, thank God,” Mrs. Barnes said frantically before the teen had a chance to say a word.

Tony could hear the desperation and fear in the woman's voice. “What's going on?”

“It's horrible, horrible.” Mrs. Barnes started to sob.

“What happened?” Tony could feel a shudder rip through his body and he wondered if he wanted to hear the news.

“It's Courtney. I was only gone for an hour. She was being so nasty and hateful that I had to get away from her and collect myself.”

“Did she run away?”

“I wish it was so trivial,” Mrs. Barnes said as she sniffled. “She downed a bottle of pills, maybe two.”

“What?!?” Tony sprang out of his seat and hit his head hard against the roof of the car.

“She tried to commit suicide.”

“You said tried,” Tony said with a glimmer of hope. “As in failed.”

“They're pumping her stomach. We don't know the totality of things yet. Tiny, we need you.”

Rage surged through the teen’s body. It was the only emotion he could connect to that would allow him to function. “Where are you?”

“We're at Morton Plant. In the emergency room.”

“I'm on my way.” His mind focused on the goal of getting to the hospital. If he allowed himself to think of anything else, he was afraid he would lose it and be of no use to anyone, especially himself.

“Thank you, Tiny.”

Tony tossed the phone onto the passenger seat and fired up the car. He didn't bother to wait for it to warm up; if it stalled on the way he figured he would push it to the hospital. He backed out of his spot and slammed the car into drive. He hit the accelerator, spun the tires and tore out of the parking lot.

The teenager took liberties following the rules of the road. Ignoring stop signs and going through red lights when it was clear. In no time at all he swung his car into the parking lot of Morton Plant hospital and found the closest parking spot he could to the emergency room.

Fueled by his rage and concern, Tony jumped out of his car and took off in a full sprint towards the entrance. He didn't care his legs would kill him later. He burst through the glass door making sure no one was on the other side, scanned the waiting room, and found Courtney's parents huddled in the corner.

Mr. Barnes was too busy holding his wife's hand and trying to console her to notice the hulking teen. He had drowned out the noise and activity was around him.

“I made it,” Tony huffed, not use to being out of breath. His legs were burning, but he was in no mood to sit down.

Mrs. Barnes looked up. “I was only gone a little while,” she said through the tears.

“It's not your fault,” Mr. Barnes consoled. “She might have tried this lunacy even if you were there and you'd only be beating yourself up for that.”

“How is she?” Tony interrupted, not wanting to be rude, but wanting answers,

“She's sleeping. We don't know what the end result is going to be, but she's stable,” Mr. Barnes said.

“She would want you here, Tiny,” Mrs. Barnes added.

Tony collapsed in a seat across from the couple. “From our last conversation, I don’t know about that.

I believe her final words to me were 'go to hell.'”

“Don't take it so hard, Tiny.” Mrs. Barnes placed her hand on the teenager's forearm. “She was lost and scared and confused, she didn't mean what she said.”

“Do you know what this is about?”

“She left a note,” Mr. Barnes said. “She is in a bad spot. She knows she isn't a boy, but she doesn't think the world would accept her as a girl. There is a lot of hatred and bigotry in the world and she was afraid she would be viewed as a freak. She wanted to apology to you. I figure once she gets through this she can tell you herself.”

“I would have stayed by her side, no matter what,” Tony said as he grabbed the arm of the chair, causing his knuckles to turn white. “I would have seen her to the very end.”

“I think that's what she is afraid of,” Mrs. Barnes said. “When you got hurt, it through her for a loop. I think part of her always suspected she would be ridiculed and possibly hurt if others found out about her. She never considered someone she cared about could get hurt too. When she saw you in the hospital, she was really upset, but seemed okay with it. But, when she came home from school the next day, it was as if her whole world collapsed.

“Why?” Tony said, trying to understand. “What happened at school?”

“You don't know?” Mr. Barnes said in surprise.

“No one told me anything except Courtney went to living as a boy.”

“Your friends blamed her for you being in the hospital, said it might cost you a scholarship and going to college.”

Just when Tony thought his anger was abating, it rose again. “Who told her that,” he seethed.

“We didn't get any names,” Mrs. Barnes said. “In fact, she didn't tell us someone said those things to her. But when she brought them up, it was obvious the ideas didn't come from within. No matter what we told her, she believed the lies. That's not even the worse of it.”

Mr. Barnes gave his wife a questioning look.

“We might as well. He has a right to know.”

“What is the
worst of it?” Tony asked.

Mr. Barnes dug into his pocket and pulled out a folded note. “We found this along with the note she left us. We didn't know it existed until today. Read it.”

Tony unfolded the note and tried to focus on the words. “Hey, freak,” he read out loud. “You stay together with Tiny and next time I'll make sure he dies.”

Mrs. Barnes could sense the teenager wanted to tear up the letter. “We need that for the police investigation.”

Tony snapped back to reality and handed the note to Courtney's father. “She should have known that once they got arrested they couldn't do anything to me.”

“The way we figure it, she got this after they were arrested and must have figured there were more people willing to cause you harm on her behalf.”

The teenager slumped in his seat as his mind raced. Who would leave such a note? It wasn't like Carl or anyone else at the lunch table to write such a letter. It bothered him that he could see them saying something to the girl's face, especially the part about his scholarship.