Wrestling Against Myself (67 page)

Tony sighed and rolled his eyes. “I don't know about the Courtney thing being a joke,” he said, trying hard not to show his frustration. “But I did get punched; it was nothing more than a love tap.”

“Tiny, he had us all fooled,” Carl said. “Even me. I thought he really believed he was a girl and I sympathized with his plight. I even felt sorry for the poor kid.”

“Up until we started dating.”

“You were blinded by your own goodness. Like I said, pure and simple Nightingale syndrome.”

“Whatever it was, at least it's over,” Tracy added.

“You seem pleased by the fact,” Tony said.

“It wasn't the ideal way for it to end,” Carl admitted. “But maybe there was some good that came out of you being attacked.”

Tiny glared at his friend. “Really?”

“Don't get me wrong” Carl continued. “I hate that those idiots jumped you and I don't condone it, not for one second. If you ask me, they deserve whatever the law can throw at them for what they did and I'm glad that you're alright. But I'm glad this put an end to that kid's joke. Aren't you glad you found out the truth before you got in too deep? Who knows how far he would have led you and to what end?”

“I don't think it was a joke,” Tony said as he pushed the salad away from him. He wasn't going to attempt to take another bite.

“That's because you want to see the best in everyone,” Tracy said. “I'm sorry you got hurt, and I don't mean those jerks jumping you. That kid shouldn't have toyed with your heart the way he did, and I think the rest of the school agrees. Look at him, alone at the front table again and I don't think he has a shot at making friends any more. He was starting to fit in as his alter-ego; the other girl's were starting to accept the Courtney persona as one of their own. As soon as he let out the truth, they felt betrayed, and rightly so.”

Tony looked to the front of the cafeteria. Courtney was back at the front table, by herself. It was odd to see her with slicked back hair and in jeans and a t-shirt. “She looks lonely.”

“He, Tiny,” Carl corrected. “He's a he, even by his own admission. Don't torture yourself like that. Let it go and get on with life.”

“Perhaps,” Antonio said in defeat. “I don't know what the truth is any more.”

“The truth is we got to get you back on your feet,” Carl said. “Homecoming is in three Fridays and then wrestling practice starts the Monday after. You're going to miss out on the conditioning stuff, that starts Monday, but you got a good excuse.”

“I can do some conditioning on my own starting Monday.”

“How? You can barely get around now.”

“I can run sprints in the pool and a lot of the swelling has gone down.”

“You still look like a big bruise,” Tracy said.

“Gee, thanks.”

“I didn't mean it like that,” Tracy said as she tenderly put her hand on Antonio's forearm. “I don't want to see you hurting yourself any further.”

“I won't. But things are getting better and I don't think I'll be hobbled much longer.”

“That's the Tiny we know,” Carl said with a smile. “One big ball of positive thinking.”

Tony couldn't believe he was up early on a Saturday. He met with the physical therapist on Friday and was so worn out that he immediately fell asleep in the easy chair when he got home. He thought that the pills his mom hid in his Gatorade might have been an additional cause for him to completely conk out in front of the television.

The teenager stood up while using the armchair to steady himself. It took a few seconds, but his legs steadied underneath him. He could feel the soreness in them, but it was a different kind of pain than being hurt. It was a good pain, the pain he often felt when he had a strenuous workout the day before. He took small steps without the aid of the crutches as he made his way to the kitchen. It was as if he were learning to walk again as he held his hand out towards the wall in case he lost his balance.

He made it all the way to the refrigerator and took the bottle of orange juice out. He still didn't have an appetite, but his mouth felt as if he ate a plateful of cotton balls. Since it looked as if there was little more than a glass of orange juice left, Tony drunk straight from the container even though it was one of his mother's pet peeves.

As Antonio was throwing the container into the trash, his cell phone rang. He pulled the phone from his pocket and noticed Courtney's number was calling him. For a moment he thought about letting the call go straight to voice mail.

“Hello,” Tony said after he accepted the call.

“Glad we finally had a chance to get in touch with you,” Mrs. Barnes said on the other end of the line.

“Oh, it's you.”

“Yes, it's me. Sorry it's not who you expected.”

“I didn't mean to come off that way,” Tony apologized.

“It's understandable. How are you doing?”

“Still in pain, but not as much as it has been, so I'm getting better.”

“Good to hear. Just terrible what those guys did to you.”

“Did to us,” Tony corrected.

“Us? There was someone else?” Mrs. Barnes asked in confusion. 

“There was another casualty of the attack, even though she wasn't there.”

“Yes there was,” Courtney's mother said as she caught on. “That's why I called. Have you eaten yet?”

“No. I just got up.”

“Good. We wanted to take you out to eat. There is something serious we need to discuss with you.”

“Who are we?”
“Me and my husband.”

“So she...” Tony let the words hang in the air.

“It's not good, Tiny. Can we come pick you up?”

“Sure, why not?” Tony gave the woman his address and then ended the conversation.

Tony barely had enough time to change clothes when the Barnes' car pulled into the driveway. Since he figured they didn't want to wait for him to get around, he reverted to using the crutches.

Mr. Barnes was behind the wheel and Mrs. Barnes was in the back seat. He figured it was so he would have the front seat to keep his legs stretched out. He got in without saying a word and enjoyed the rush of cold air from the air conditioning. 

“Glad you decided to come,” Mr. Barnes said as he backed out of the driveway.

“I make it a habit to not pass up free meals,” Tony said casually.

“We were afraid you might shut us out of your life,” Mrs. Barnes continued.

“You mean the way Courtney shut me out of hers.”

“I can tell you're hurt,” Mr. Barnes sympathized. “You have every right to be. But things aren't what they appear to be.”

“It appears that your son has been playing an elaborate joke on the school and had everyone fooled,” Tony said bitterly. “It appears I almost got killed because of a stupid prank.”

“Do you really believe that?” Mrs. Barnes asked as she placed her hand on Tony's shoulder.

Tony looked down at the bruises on his leg. “No,” he said softly. “I don't know what to believe.”

“Courtney is in a bad spot.”

“You called her Courtney. I thought she gave that up?”

“Not exactly.”

“I don't understand.”

“She's in a real bad place,” Mrs. Barnes said. “She's confused and frightened beyond measure.”

“But why?”

“Why what?” Mr. Barnes said.

“Why is she pushing me away? What did I do?”

“You didn't do anything wrong,” Mr. Barnes said. “She feels safer this way.”

“About not being a girl anymore?”

“She hadn't decided that,” Mrs. Barnes chimed in.

“What do you mean? The jeans, the t-shirts, the slicked back jeans.”

“That's what she is presenting to the world. That's not the real her? Notice how she didn't cut her hair, and she's still taking hormones.”

“It doesn't make sense.”

“She has to work through things, Tiny,” Mr. Barnes said. “We were concerned with how you were going to handle the situation.”

“You mean, you're wondering if I'm going to beat her up for being a
jerk.”

“No.” Mr. Barnes pulled into the parking lot of an International House of Pancakes. “You're not that type of person or we would have never allowed you to date our daughter. We heard what she pulled in school with hitting you and all. We apologize for that. There isn't any excuse for that kind of behavior but she's at the end of herself. It showed great restraint on your part not to retaliate, and we appreciate that. But right now, we're trying to do what's best for her and we're interested in your roll in this.”

“My roll. You mean whether or not I'm going to pursue her?”

“Kind of,” Mrs. Barnes said. “It's up to you. We wanted to know so we could adjust our own plans.”

“For now, Courtney wants space and I'm going to give it to her. I'm not going to pursue her or insist she behaves one way or another. I'm not going to be her enemy, I'm not going to torment her or treat her bad, and I'm not going to avoid her either. I'm at a loss, and don't think I can do anything to change the situation other than to be who I've always been. If she decides to come back to me, I will freely offer forgiveness and take it from there.”  

Tony's answer satisfied the parents and they dropped the conversation. It didn't seem appropriate to discuss the situation in a public place on a Saturday morning and they enjoyed a breakfast and talked about superficial topics such as the weather and the upcoming wrestling season.

It had been forever since the last whistle blew that ended the season. A season that found Tony one win shy of where he wanted to be, but being state runner-up wasn't a bad way to finish a season and the match was hard fought. He left everything on the mat, and someone bested him, there were worst things in the world to happen. Now a new season was upon him and he prepared hard so history would not repeat itself. Being attacked was a setback, but he wasn't going to use that as an excuse.

Antonio stood along the chain link fence just inside the track along with seventeen other teenagers. He looked them up and down and wondered how many would quit within the first two weeks. He figured he could count on the returners to stick out the season, but there always casualties early on. Too many freshmen assumed what they watched on television was real wrestling and when they found out differently, they gave up on the sport before learning what it was all about or if they were any good.

“We have enough to fill out a varsity squad if everyone's weight falls correctly,” Tony thought as he mentally placed each person in an according weight class.

The sun was beating down on the group and even before the coach got out there to tell them what they would be doing the teenagers were already building up a sweat. It was one of those Florida days where the air was thick and sticky, where people would complain about the humidity and stay inside a nice air conditioned home. It was the type of day Antonio preferred.

Tony looked to see if the coach was coming, but instead saw a familiar figure making her way across the back end of the football practice field. He wanted to go over and walk with Courtney, to tell her that things didn't have to be the way they turned out. She didn't even turn her head in his direction and seemed to go out of her way to avoid the wrestler at all cost.