Worth the Risk (21 page)

He knew. She could tell by the look in his eyes. He’d guessed.

‘Maybe it’s not the same bug.’ Her protest was half-hearted and he gave her a grim smile.

‘I think you and I had better have a talk, don’t you?’

‘Not now, Sean.’ She tugged the keys out of the ignition and took another deep breath to try and control the nausea.

‘Yes, now.’ He jerked open the door and stood waiting while she gathered up her bag and coat and slid to the ground. Her legs gave way under her and she would have gone all the way if he hadn’t caught her.

‘Steady…’ He stiffened slightly and she reminded herself that she wasn’t allowed the luxury of leaning on this man any more. Pulling herself together, she walked towards the health centre with as much composure as she could muster. Once inside he caught her wrist and propelled her through to his room. She stood just inside the door, watching him warily.

‘You’re pregnant, aren’t you?’ His face was set and grim and her heart seemed to drop into her stomach.

‘Sean, I—’

‘When were you going to tell me?’

His expression was forbidding and she slipped a hand onto her abdomen in an instinctively protective gesture.

‘I don’t know. I…’

He was suddenly pale, his eyes cold and distant as if he were talking to a stranger. As if the love-making between them had never happened. ‘It’s the oldest trick in the book, isn’t it?’

She frowned, baffled. ‘Trick? What do you mean, trick?’

‘To get me to marry you.’ He strode over to the window, staring out across the fells.

She stared at his broad back, stunned. ‘You think I did it on purpose to get you to marry me?’

He shrugged, his expression challenging as he turned to look at her. ‘Well, didn’t you?’

‘No!’ Her blue eyes were wide, her expression horrified, as she shook her head. ‘No. Of course I didn’t.’

‘Why are you pregnant, then?’

She stared at him, bemused. ‘Sean, it was an accident…’

He smiled wryly and shrugged those wide shoulders. ‘You’re a GP, Ally. You know the facts of life. I remember asking you if you were protected.’

She coloured hotly and swallowed. ‘I was. I mean, it shouldn’t have happened. It was totally the wrong time of the month.’

‘Obviously.’ There was no missing the irony in his voice and tears pricked her eyes.

‘How can you possibly think I did it on purpose after everything you’ve said about not wanting children?’

‘I don’t know. Perhaps because you seemed determined to reform me.’ He gave a humourless laugh. ‘Get pregnant and then I’ll be forced to stick around and make a commitment.’

Ally shook her head, numb with disbelief. ‘I’m not forcing you to do anything—’

Sean’s eyes blazed with anger. ‘Aren’t you? You say you know how I feel about not having children, about letting them down. Well, if you know all that how come you’re standing there telling me you’re pregnant?’

‘It was an accident…’

He swore under his breath. ‘And pigs might fly.’

‘Oh, for goodness’ sake!’ She stared at him helplessly. ‘How can I prove it to you?’

He gave a short laugh and looked at her, his eyes bleak. ‘Well, that’s the beauty of this situation isn’t it? You can’t.’

‘If you trusted me…’

‘Why should I trust you?’

She swallowed hard. ‘Because I love you and I would never do anything to hurt you.’

His jaw tightened. ‘You just have.’

‘No.’ She shook her head slowly, trying to understand the way he was feeling, the reason he was reacting so violently. ‘You’re scared that I’ve trapped you into marriage—’

He made a dismissive gesture. ‘I’m not scared!’

‘Yes, you are.’ She stood her ground, resisting the temptation to back away when she met the full anger of his gaze. ‘You’re scared of commitment and that you’re going to have to marry me, but you’re not, Sean.’

He turned away from her so that she couldn’t see his expression. ‘You haven’t left me much choice, have you?’

‘Sean, I wouldn’t marry you if you were the last man on earth!’ The words spilled out and she blinked back the tears that threatened to follow. ‘I don’t want to marry someone who isn’t capable of giving love to me and my baby.’

He turned to face her, his expression grim. ‘Don’t you mean our baby?’

‘No.’ She choked on the word and shook her head. ‘I don’t mean our baby. It’s not our baby, Sean, because you don’t want it. It’s my baby, and mine alone.’

His jaw clenched. ‘You’re going to keep it, then?’

She stared at him in horror. ‘You’re not asking me to—?’

‘Dammit, no!’ He interrupted her roughly, leaning on the back of a chair and sucking the breath through his teeth. ‘No. Not that. But there are other options. It’s not as if it was planned. It’ll totally change your life.’

‘I know how much babies change your life. I’ve got Charlie, remember?’ She lifted her chin and held his gaze. ‘This is my baby and I’m going to love it with every bone in my body, so if you’re suggesting adoption you can forget that, too. I would never give my baby to anyone else.’

‘You don’t know that.’ His knuckles were white as he gripped the chair-back. ‘If the going gets tough you just might bail out…’

What was he talking about? ‘What do you mean, bail out? I can’t bail out. I’m its mother!’

His hard mouth twisted. ‘You wouldn’t be the first. Babies can be hard work. What if it cries a lot?’

Was he talking about his own mother? Was that what this was all about? How could she convince him? How could she ever get this man to trust anyone ever again? If she’d met his mother in the street she would have thumped her, along with the foster-parents who’d obviously done nothing to win a young boy’s trust.

‘You think I’d give it to someone else if it cried? If it was less than perfect? That’s not me, Sean.’ She stared at him, aghast, love and compassion for him swamping her own feelings of misery. ‘You really don’t know me at all, do you? I don’t need this baby shrinkwrapped with a guarantee attached. This baby can cry every night for ten years if it wants to. I’ll still love it and care for it.’

‘On your own…’ His voice was hoarse.

She shook her head. ‘No. Not on my own. I’ve got my parents and my brothers and Charlie.’ She met his gaze head on. ‘This baby will be surrounded by people who will love and protect him. You can be sure of that. He’ll have everything he needs.’

‘Except a father.’

She swallowed hard. ‘Yes.’

There was a long silence and she could hear his ragged breathing. ‘And if I did ask you to marry me?’

‘The answer would still be no, Sean.’ The strain of the encounter had stripped away the last of her energy, and she sagged slightly. ‘No, I wouldn’t marry you. You’d always accuse me of having blackmailed you, and I couldn’t live with that.’

And before she made a total fool of herself she turned on her heel and walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind her.

CHAPTER TEN

A
LLY
lay in her bed and stared up at the ceiling. She couldn’t sleep. All she could think about was Sean and what he’d said about the baby. Did he really think she’d consider having it adopted? Her blood boiled when she thought of Sean’s mother. What sort of a woman was she to have let her own flesh and blood go into foster-care? No wonder he was so afraid to love anyone. From the sound of it, he’d never had any constancy in his life. Apart from Will and Molly, of course, but maybe they’d come on the scene too late to influence his ability to trust anyone.

With an impatient sound she sat up in bed, scraping her blonde hair away from her face with slim fingers. She was never going to be able to sleep. Never. Reaching for her dressing-gown, she pulled it on and fastened it around her waist. If she wasn’t going to be able to sleep she may as well go and have a drink.

Padding into the kitchen, she flicked on the light and took a bottle of milk out of the fridge.

Just as she reached for a mug the phone rang.

One glance at the clock on the oven told her it was two in the morning. Who on earth was ringing at this time? She wasn’t on call.

‘Hello?’

It was Jack, his voice grim and serious as he got straight to the point. ‘Geoff Thompson is your patient, isn’t he?’

‘Geoff?’ Ally frowned and put the empty mug down on the table. ‘Well, yes, he is. Why?’

‘Because he was spotted walking into the Langdales this morning and hasn’t been seen since. His wife’s called the police and someone thinks they might have spotted him up by Stickle Tarn.’

‘Oh, no!’ Ally’s face paled and she bit her lip. ‘Well, don’t go anywhere without me, Jack.’

‘I was hoping you’d say that. Can you get your mum to stay with Charlie?’

Ally was already wriggling out of her dressing-gown. ‘No problem. She can be here in ten minutes.’

‘I’ve called out the team and the police have already called Howard, the SARDA co-ordinator.’

Ally knew that in this weather the skill of the dogs in tracking a missing person was crucial.

‘I’ll meet you at Dungeon Ghyll in twenty minutes.’

‘Fine. Sean can give you a lift.’

Ally swallowed. ‘Is he coming, too?’

‘Too right.’ Jack gave a short laugh. ‘He’s got skills we might need.’

She bowed to the inevitable and was ready and dressed in all her gear when a knock came fifteen minutes later.

Quickly she let her mother in and gave Sean, who was with her, a brief nod before making for his car.

He drove as quickly as was safe on the gritted roads, but already the snow was falling heavily, swirling into the headlights and reducing visibility.

‘I should have guessed.’ Ally stared into the darkness, her face strained. ‘I should have guessed he might do something like this.’

Sean cursed as the car slewed across the road, turning into the skid and regaining control with admirable skill.

‘Don’t be ridiculous. You’re not clairvoyant.’ His eyes were fixed on the road, his face a mask of concentration as he battled with the awful driving conditions.

‘But I suspected he was depressed.’ Ally sighed and fastened her blonde hair securely, before tugging a woolly hat over her head.

Sean frowned and slowed down as they approached a junction, even though there was no traffic on the roads.

‘Forget it, Ally. You’re not responsible.’

Ally stared at his hard profile. ‘He’ll die of hypothermia if we don’t get to him soon.’

Sean’s mouth tightened and he eased the car up a gear. ‘Well, then, let’s hope we do.’

He pulled in to the car park and yanked on the handbrake, his breathing unsteady as he stared straight ahead. ‘Ally, I want you to wait here.’

Ally glanced at him in surprise. ‘What do you mean?’

‘The weather’s filthy.’ Sean turned to look at her and she saw the lines of strain around his dark eyes. ‘I don’t want you out there on a night like this.’

Her heart stumbled. He must care about her—surely, he must—then her shoulders sagged slightly and she pulled herself together. Of course he didn’t. He’d made that clear enough already. He was just too much of an original male chauvinist to recognise that she was capable of being part of the rescue team.

‘He’s my patient, Sean,’ she said quietly. ‘I have to go.’

She reached for the doorhandle but his hand closed over hers, his fingers biting into her flesh.

‘Dammit, no, Ally!’ His voice was urgent and there was a flash of something that looked like panic in his eyes. ‘I’m asking you not to. It isn’t safe.’

Ally gave him a wry smile. ‘Wasn’t this where we came in?’

He stared at her for a moment and his mouth twisted. ‘I suppose it was.’

‘You admitted you were wrong last time.’

‘Only under duress—because you called me a chauvinist.’ He shook his head and sat back in his seat, his eyes bleak and strained. ‘I’ll never be comfortable with you roaming the mountains on your own.’

‘Because I’m a woman?’

His eyes held hers for a long moment and he shook his head. ‘No. Not just because of that.’

Her heart thumped. ‘Why, then?’

He opened his mouth and closed it again, rubbing his temples with long fingers. ‘Oh, hell! I don’t know. I don’t know what I think any more. I just know I can’t let you do it.’

‘Why not, Sean?’ Her voice was urgent and her eyes begged him to say it. To say that he didn’t want her to go because he cared about her. Loved her.

‘Dammit, Ally!’ He swallowed, emotions chasing each other across his hard, male features. Then he took a deep breath and his eyes searched hers. ‘You know how hard this is for me—’

The door of the car was wrenched open and Jack stood there.

‘Are you two going to sit in here gossiping all night or are you coming?’

Brilliant! Full marks for timing. Ally gritted her teeth and managed to smile at Jack—just.

‘We’re coming. What’s the plan?’ Tearing her eyes away from Sean, Ally swung her legs out of the car and shivered as the freezing air folded itself around her.

Jack gathered the whole team together for a final briefing and Ally tried to concentrate on what was being said and not on the fact that Sean was standing conspicuously close to her.

As they set off up the mountain she glanced at him questioningly. ‘Are you going to hold my hand all the way up in case I trip?’

He didn’t laugh, his features strained and taut. ‘If I could stop you going I would.’

‘I’ll be fine, Sean.’

‘Too right you will—’ his voice was a low growl ‘—because you’ll have me breathing down your neck.’

The thought warmed her insides and for a brief moment she allowed herself the luxury of pretending it was because he really cared. Gazing at those powerful shoulders, she felt her heart flip and a lump form in her throat. She loved him so much. For a brief moment her hand covered their baby. He saw the gesture, his eyes lifting to hers.

Then the moment passed and they were tramping up the mountain at a steady pace behind the rest of the mountain rescue team in search of Geoff Thompson, their torches cutting through the darkness and the swirling snow.

* * *

It was Red, Lucy’s search dog, that found Geoff nearly three hours later when they’d almost given up hope. Barking to indicate what she’d found, the dog stood stock still, waiting for the rest of the team to join her and her handler.