Without Knowing (When You Wake Book 1) (6 page)

Unfortunately, Seth was making daily trips to the pool, taking away my swim time entirely. It was enough to deal with the giant warning flares during our PT sessions, but now they were starting to interrupt my clarity time.

I couldn’t see much progress occurring at this rate. I managed to do a few extra workouts in my room, slightly modifying Seth’s new program. It was this or I would never sleep again.

With a surprisingly large tub in my oversize bathroom, I was still able to do basic water movements. I maneuvered the furniture in my room so I could practice walking without my crutches. I was down to one crutch, but it was still one too many for me.

Caleb and I avoided further talk of our sleepover. He kindly refrained from any discussion of my night terrors or embarrassing sweats. I forgot myself that night. I even regretted stopping him. Every time I looked at him, I wished I hadn’t.

It wasn’t until I saw Dr. Nyssa’s unsubtle ways of getting Caleb’s attention that snapped me back to reality. It was in the way she laughed with him and how she touched his arm when they talked. It was clear that I was only getting in the way.

Caleb joined me during a few of my daily walks around the yard after I stopped going to the pool. I used my strolls around the yard as my source of fresh air and a little added exercise, which I’m sure he picked up on. I pretty much avoided any real conversation during our walks, as they were awkward enough. Trying to be anything more than roommates was enough of a strain.

Just short of my six-week check-up, I asked Caleb to sit in on a physical therapy session. Dr. Nyssa took it as an invite for the whole class to participate.

“Should she be running that fast?” she spoke over my strides.

“Looks like Eva is doing well, Seth. Great job, my man.” Caleb tapped him on the shoulder.

“No need to praise me yet, Sir. We’ve got ourselves quite a bit of work ahead of us.” Seth smiled awkwardly.

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m back on my feet.” I ran on the treadmill. My legs moved effortlessly, but I was sure I’d fall if I kept at this pace.

“Eva, you’ve only been outta that boot for a short time. We’ve just brought you back to a new routine. Let’s just slow you down.” He was in a panic. He clicked the arrow pointing down on the treadmill until it was at a near halt.
Thank you.

“You look great up there!” Caleb beamed up at me.

“Thanks.” I smiled trying to hide the pain behind my water bottle.
Son of a…

“I was worried about you pushing yourself too hard too fast, but it looks like I was wrong. You’re running!” He was shocked.             

We continued through a few more of the machines, my body nearly breaking from exhaustion. I forced myself to continue, making it look easy. They were looking for weakness and I couldn’t allow that. I avoided contact with Seth to keep a clear head and prove my ability. He was going home today.

“Looks like we hired the right man for the job, just imagine what he can do with another few weeks.” Dr. Nyssa smiled as if she deserved a medal.

“I’ve already planned out a regime for the next few weeks based on the criteria Caroline gave me. As we see results, I’ll change the plan.” Seth grabbed a clipboard from the bench near the entrance.

Caroline.
Interesting.

“Hold the phone. No offense, Specialist, but what more is there to do?” I asked as kindly as I possibly could. I wanted Caleb on my side. I didn’t need another battle of the ballsiest.

“She’s right; I told her if she can manage on her own, we wouldn’t need you.” Caleb almost looked guilty.

“Sir, with all due respect, I don’t think she’s ready to handle this by herself. We’ve only just started. She’s not at 100% yet.”

“It’s been over a month. She’s improved, and from what I’ve seen, she manages the workouts without you.”
He has been paying attention.

“But, Sir…”

“It’s alright.” Caleb tapped his hand on Seth’s shoulder again. “You’ll be paid for the remainder of your contract, but Eva would like to continue on her own. I have to respect her wishes.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Seth’s fists balled.

“And your concerns have been noted.” Caleb was no longer smiling.

Seth pulled Caleb to where he thought they would be out of earshot. I wasn’t sure if Caleb’s eyes were shooting darts because Seth was still pushing the matter or because he actually physically pulled him away from the conversation.

“She has taken risks with her health. Since we’ve collaborated together, her situation has improved dramatically over the last two weeks,” he whispered.

“We’ve given her the right tools to handle this on her own. I trust…”

“She’s a child,” Seth’s voice got away from him. “It was only because we put the restraints on, did she step back and do things properly.”

An odd smile came across Caleb’s face. “Listen, you seem like a great guy so this is more as a favor and less as a warning; you are a treading on a very thin line. If I have to keep going, this will not end well,” he spoke with authority. I was impressed.

“I’m going to go rinse off and take a swim, if no one objects?” I waited for a response. It was a forced habit not to just leave. I couldn’t quite pinpoint where I learned it, I just knew it wasn’t something my parents taught me.

“There’s not much else to discuss here. I think I might join you, if you don’t mind, Eva?” Caleb walked away from the meeting that now included Dr. Nyssa.

“Sure.” I was pleasantly surprised. I could cry later.

“Seth, I appreciate what you’ve done. You’ve brought our Evie back. I will set up your dismissal paperwork later today.”

I ignored his use of the name Evie. It didn’t sit well with me, but I managed to rid the castle of another minion. This was a victory.

He chose my side, which said a lot considering the stone face he left on Dr. Nyssa. She and Seth were still whispering in the workout room when I came out of the shower room after a quick rinse and change into my new two-piece bathing suit, but they didn’t stay very long.

As much as I wanted to lay in the shower and breakdown, I couldn’t let anyone see how much my little test took out of me. The pool would help; I just needed to hold on until Seth was gone.

Caleb was already in the pool, armed with the water guns he kept locked up in the storage room. I must have been five or so since I’d last seen a water gun, and these weren’t just any ordinary water pistols. These were the automatic super soaker styled guns I’d never heard of before.

He kept me in the pool for hours swimming, splashing around, laughing, and just enjoying each other’s company. I couldn’t let my guard down after that display in the gym. It wasn’t as hard with as much fun as we were having.

“Thank you.” I smiled swimming alongside him.

“You don’t have to thank me.” He smiled.

“You held up your end. But I just want to make sure it had nothing to do with…”

He stopped swimming, the water still moving around us. “Hey, we made a deal. You did your part so I will do mine. Did you not think I would?”

“I guess we’ll see.” I splashed him and headed out of the pool.

After a brief shower, Caleb handled his business with Seth. I ate dinner alone in the company of Bernard. He was nearby if I wanted seconds, but I was still eating alone. Dr. Nyssa, Caleb, and Seth argued in one of the conference rooms at the end of the hall. I was sure he was going to stay, but to my surprise, Seth was to be gone by sun down.

“Eva, what would you say to a couple movies in the den tonight?” Caleb asked walking into the dining room.

“Sure, what kind of movies does everyone want to see?” I asked trying to find out who was joining us.

“Just us, Dr. Nyssa is saying her goodbyes to Seth,” he paused waiting for my reaction. “I’m sorry I missed dinner. I wanted to make sure everything was handled tonight.”

“Bernard set some food aside for you.” I sat in my usual chair, picking at my plate.

“Was dinner not good?” He stabbed a cold green bean off my plate using my hand and my fork and placed it into his mouth.

“It was fine, just not all that hungry.” I smiled as he over chewed and swallowed hard.

I was more concerned with whether Seth was still in the house than what was on my plate. I wouldn’t be okay until he left.

“Well, why don’t we get some snacks and head into the den and put on something funny…Relax a bit?” He knelt next to my chair.

“Sounds like a plan.” I smiled.

He slid his fingers along my stocking. “I’m used to a boot.”

“Me too, now I’ll have to find something else to beat you with.” I looked down at him.

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to be good from now on, won’t I?” He poked me in my side. I tugged on his ear sending him into a full on tickle fest.

I jumped out of my seat and ran around the table, laughing as I tried to dart away from him, but he was a speedy little devil. I was in his arms screaming with laughter.

“Seth just wanted to say his goodbyes, Eva,” Dr. Nyssa yelled over our laughter. Her eyes darkened as they watched us from the entrance of the dining room.

We caught our breath and walked towards the awkwardly angry couple holding bags.
How long did he think he was going to be here?
There were enough bags for a near permanent stay.

“Seth, it was a pleasure having you. We appreciate all your hard work.” Caleb shook his hand.

“Yes, and thank you for all of your help,” I added, enjoying my clear and happy thoughts too much to reach my hand out.

“Yes, Sir. I hope you’ll find use for me again.” Seth tipped his imaginary hat as he always did and left. Dr. Nyssa glared at us long enough for it to register her distaste and proceeded to follow Seth.

The poor woman pined for one and melted for the other. I’m not sure she knew how it worked,
you can only have one
. Moments like this made me wonder who was really in whose way.

“I’ll race you?” And Caleb was off towards the den before it registered he wasn’t actually asking.

Chapter 6

Water-Fall

I found my sleep adjusting well to Seth’s absence. The nightmares I blamed on Seth’s arrival disappeared instantly and the inability to wake myself had passed. My internal alarm clock was back to the odd hour of 5:30 for no particular reason, but I tossed and turned until 8:30 most mornings.

This morning turned into another slow roll off the couch and onto the den floor. I was alone again after falling asleep in Caleb’s strong arms. Last night, like the last several nights, became another dramatic moment between Caleb and Dr. Nyssa while I watched 90% of the first movie on my own.

I always offered to leave when he came back upset, but he insisted that we enjoy the rest of the night. He was in the mood to talk and started to rant about the movie when really he was talking about her.

I still wasn’t sure what was going on between them. They weren’t together and argued like they never were or maybe they just tried too long. I didn’t know, but I was finding myself in a gray area.

Regardless, I was waking up after not having sex with the guy to an empty couch, but I still felt like I was doing the walk of shame any time I left the den alone. Caleb was always gone before I woke up and he always used the excuse that he needed to finish up some work. He actually looked guilty when we fell asleep together, but he never tried anything, not since I stopped him during our first slumber party.

I did my best to keep my hands on my side of the couch, but I always ended up in his arms by the morning. If Dr. Nyssa and Caleb would just keep to their corners, I might lose all self-control and jump his bones. But my vulnerability was now in wanting to keep some dignity and enjoy the time I we shared together.

None of what Caleb and I was doing made much sense to me. It should, we were watching movies and talking about his relationship with Dr. Nyssa in the unhealthiest way - indirectly. He insisted that they were not together, but the jealously I felt when he left the room to argue with her, it was concerning that it bothered me so much.

I wanted to understand why it mattered that he was fighting with her when he could be laughing with me. I wanted to understand why he wasn’t there when I woke up. In the moments I ran into Dr. Nyssa, I wish I understood it all.

“Eva, sleep in the den again last night?” Dr. Nyssa asked as I exited the den doors.

“Yep.” I tried to dodge her with great difficulty.

“With Caleb?” she asked.

“Yep.” I climbed the stairs.

“You see how inappropriate that is, don’t you?” She babbled on like the preppy girl who wore the poodle dresses back in the fifties.

“Sure.” She followed me down the hall towards my room.

“And yet, you still do it,” she tried to sound disappointed.

“Yep.” I opened my door.

“Don’t you think if he really cared for you, he would actually have the decency to bring you up to his bedroom and screw you there?” Her wicked smile was a punch in the gut.

“Great.” We were watching movies. We didn’t get naked or touch each other’s naughty parts, even if that’s what I hoped for every night. But there was no need for me to be in his room, obviously.

“So you are sleeping with him?”

“Sleeping, yep.”

“Don’t play games with me. Don’t you have anything to say for yourself?”

“Nope.” I shut the door in her face.

I fell backwards on my bed half expecting her to follow me into my room. Thankfully, she got the hint just to leave, but because of her interruption, I felt like I was forgetting something. It was a feeling I’d been having on and off for over a month. It was hard to remember the something I forgot that I couldn’t remember until I remembered.

I laid in bed thinking about every possibility. The last few days became a sort of routine. We ate at a certain time; I went to the gym, the pool, for a walk around the grounds, sat in the gazebo. Everything was laid out nice and neat and yet every day I felt like I was forgetting to do something.

Even as I showered, I placed each product in line to see if I was forgetting to use one of them. Throughout the day, I paid extra close attention to see if I was missing a step. To no success, I stopped to think back on Dr. Nyssa’s banter in the hall during my undeserving walk of shame. 

Even her banters were becoming part of our routine. Her lack of effort was noticed as well as my lack of caring showed that we were growing tired of this game. Regardless, even our arguing wasn’t the thing I was missing. I don’t think anyone could miss that.

Downstairs was a rush of staff moving from room to room. Maids were cleaning every inch of every room, butlers were spouting out orders, and the rest of the staff carried trays towards the office areas.

“Oh yes, just the person I was looking for.” Dr. Nyssa stepped in my path between the elevator and kitchen.

“We just did this like twenty minutes ago, right? Or is this that nightmare where you have a twin sister who comes to live with us?”

Today, she seemed taller, or I felt smaller. The flow of her long thick blonde hair differed from my thin dark brown hair.

“You know what I can’t seem to understand about you, Eva?”

“Oh, please do tell, Caroline.” Yes, this is how we were playing this game.

“You insist on playing this innocence card and yet you’re stealing him from me,” she whispered.

Before I could find my footing and really understand what she was saying, Caleb called out from the end of the hall.

“And how are my favorite girls today?” Caleb walked down the hall dodging trays and people.

“Lovely.” I smiled sarcastically.

“And you, Dr. Nyssa?” he asked.

“Great.” She fluttered her eyes like an adolescent. Her tune was about to change.

“Well, I have decided that it was time this house had a celebration.” He smiled.

“What’s there to celebrate?” Caroline’s eyes widened.

“After a long few months, I think we should throw a little get together to celebrate Eva’s recovery.”

The stone cold look on her face nearly sent me to floor with laughter. I held in my amusement to address Caleb.

“Err, are you sure you want to do that? I mean, who would we even invite?” I asked.

“It would be us and the staff, of course. I know how private you like things. After all, they are your friends too. This will help to reacquaint you with everyone.” Caleb placed my hand in his.

I didn’t even think of having friends. Bernard was the only person in the staff I spoke to. Most of the others kept their distance; or rather, I kept my distance from them. I had no ill feelings towards them - I preferred the spotlight to be on someone else, but maybe this house was due for some fun.

“Sure, why not? A party it is!” I spoke with mellowed excitement.

“Fantastic. Tonight will be spectacular. Dress to impress, my dear.” Caleb’s lips on the back of my hand sent wonderful, yet frightening feelings through my body.

“Wait, tonight?” Caroline spoke.

“Yes, is there a problem?” Caleb asked.

“Well, that’s awfully short notice for the staff.” Caroline was stuffy and her attitude took center stage.

“They recommended we have the party tonight. They started preparations as soon as we ended our meeting this morning.”

“And what if some of us have plans tonight?” Caroline stood between us; I was on her left, Caleb on her right.

“I suppose you change them or simply don’t come,” he spoke seemingly without a care as to her attendance.

“Caleb!” she stomped her foot, the echo bounced in the halls. The staff stopped to watch the display momentarily.

“Care to take this somewhere else?” His eyebrow arched.

“No, I do not. We can speak here. After all, she is why we are arguing, again.”

“Do not make a fool of yourself. It’s not flattering,” he spoke calmly over her right shoulder.

“Excuse me, if there is an issue with this party, we don’t have to have one.” I held up one finger.

“Oh no, you will not play the victim, Eva.” Caleb slide between Caroline and me. Her finger managed to point around at me.

“I’m not trying to cause any problems here.” I looked around Caleb to see Caroline.

I took no pleasure in the argument. I didn’t like being referred to as a victim, nor did I care to witness just exactly how I weaved into their little spats.

“But you are and you know it!” her voice squeaked, her foot stomped again.

“I didn’t ask for the party, he offered one.” I held my hands up.

“And of course, you would allow people to fuss over you at the last minute. Make your friends feel obligated to buy your affection after you’ve so rudely ignored them.”

I stopped and looked around at the staring faces. They were so unfamiliar. I couldn’t repeat a single name. There wasn’t a mental picture of the wallets full of pictures of their kids. I couldn’t replay the stories of how they met their spouses. The anecdotes of where they grew up or why they moved here were misplaced. I knew none of them.

My cheeks burned red with embarrassment as the failed recollection left me empty handed in the face of my current battle. What was I doing here at all? It had been nearly three months and I had only learned one of their names in that time.

I was walking - just barely. I could write with my right hand again. And my goal to boot a member of the staff was a success, but I still couldn’t really remember a damn thing.

“You’re right. Have the party, but not on my account.” I stared down unable to look at anyone. “I’m not feeling very well. I think I’ll go lie down.”

I moved up the stairs, taking each step with care. It was at the top of the stairs that I was able to concentrate on the emptiness behind me. I hoped I wasn’t being followed. If I had been followed, they would know I wasn’t as strong as I managed in my final session with Seth.

The waves streaking through my vision made it difficult to walk straight down the long hallway with a little assistance from the walls. The static brewing in my chest wasn’t from the booby traps put in place to prevent my exit. 

I stood in front of my bedroom door, my hand clear of the knob. I glanced down the hall, still without witnesses. I knew I needed to remove myself from the public venue. As I burst through my door, the snow-covered trees filled my room. The something I had been forgetting suddenly filled my room.

I stood in my room surrounded by the cold forest. It was thirty seconds this time, a full thirty seconds from the start of the waves in the hall to room forest filled room. I still didn’t feel like I was somewhere remembering something like a memory. I still didn’t feel like I was sleeping and nothing was real like a dream. They pulled me when they wanted me, showed me what they wanted to show me

The door I’d just come through was now covered in vines, a large tree trunk growing behind it. The brisk air filled my lungs and with it the intensity of static to electrocution.

The feeling branched from my lungs, crawling through every vein and organ of my body. My knees weakening as the sensation exploded from my fingers, the pressure in my eyes building.

I grabbed my head shuffling backwards through my room, kicking snow onto my feet, soaking my socks. Then, the socks disappeared and the pain stopped

“Eva!” a familiar voice called.

“I’m here!” I opened my eyes. My dirty brown dress was damp from the falling snow.

“Evalynn!” Another deeper voice called.

Each voice echoed in opposite directions with no one in sight. I attempted to control my steps, my voice, but once again, I was merely a guest pulled into this world.

I was back on the same covered path just like before, when I woke up in the clinic. Things were a little familiar and even though I was still lost, I knew now that someone was searching for me.

“Eva!” the familiar male voice grew closer.

The feelings of hope fluttered in my stomach at the sound of his voice. I was drawn to that man calling for me. He was the person I wanted to find me.

I felt the days of cold wearing on my body.
How long had I been out here?

“Evalynn, there you are?!” My relief sank.

Before I could understand the acid burning a hole in my chest, I was running fast and far. . His hard steps chased behind me through the large maze of trees, splashing through the tiny creeks and over leaves and branches.

"Evalynn! I don't think you know what you're doing," his booming voice echoed in the forest.

My loss of breath made it difficult to respond. My tears froze in midair as the feelings of life and death consumed me.

"Evalynn! If you stop now, I will be lenient," and for I moment, my legs hesitated at his offer.

 My choice was made for me as I was forced to stop by the edge of a very long drop. I struggled to keep my balance when a tug of my dress pulled me from teetering along the line of death. Falling back into his arms, I was relieved.

"Evalynn." I cringed knowing he caught up to me.

"Please," I panted struggling out of his grasp.